Preparing to love yourself

This is kind of a continuation of last week, but kind of different.

One thing I didn't get to, though I had thought about it, was that homophobia correlates highly with repressed homosexuality. The science is very clear. I suppose it's possible to have the one without the other, but they trend together. Not long ago a friend and I were joking about how perhaps the best response to people making negative comments about homosexuals would be to say "I'm sorry you're struggling with that." Given the opportunity, I may use that.

On a more serious note, it made me think of various people who fight so hard against any legal rights, and then get caught in airports or bars. Some of them may just be horrible hypocrites, and it's easy to write them off that way, but then I wonder if anyone is trying to hate themselves into Heaven, and that makes me sad.

(And yes, I do wonder if that's what Fred Phelps is trying to do. It wouldn't make him not despicable, but it's still really sad.)

I think about it more because of my troubled teens though. With self-harm and eating disorders and suicide attempts, that is very literal physical abuse, but it starts with verbal and mental abuse, as they tell themselves that they are ugly and worthless and nobody wants them and they deserve the pain. They don't deserve to feel good.

If they try and give up the self-harm and relapse, they pile on even more about the disappointment and failure, but what I also see with the eating disorders is an attempt to flog themselves into perfection and worth.

One very valid reason that it does not work is that it is a moving target, and accurate perception is lost, so what they see is not what they are, and what they want is not healthy or safe. The other thing that I have really seen, though, is that they need to quit hating themselves. All of them.

I used to think that weight loss would fix everything for me, and I could never manage it, but it's too much pressure when everything that you want depends on it. If they could like themselves, and forgive themselves for having a bad day, they actually could heal. If they knew how to like themselves, though, they probably wouldn't have gotten there in the first place.

The rules are pretty much the same. You need to develop talents, and have enjoyment of things, serve others, and try to live well. Also though, you have to be willing to be okay with yourself. It becomes this rule that you are bad and must know that you are bad, or it will all fall apart. That's actually what tears you apart. It doesn't make sense, but I see it everywhere.

So, I guess the first thing to ask yourself, regardless of what other life goals you have, or where you are, is whether or not you like yourself. Do you find yourself good? If not, I'm sorry. I wish I could give you a hug. Let me just put a little wedge in there, and plant a seed, that you are not the horrible creature that you think you are. You have flaws, as do we all, and they are understandable, and relatable.

The flaws can be worked on, and that's important, but your worth is already there. You are valuable now, exactly as you are, and your added value will come not from your outer beauty or from the evaluation of other people, but the kindness that you perform. And anyone can be kind.