Before the month is over the Supreme Court is going to look at gay marriage again. They may not uphold it now, but it is only a matter of time. More states are coming around, and the arguments against it are very weak. The opposing lawyers can't make a good legal argument about it being a sin, and otherwise you are just getting bad Strom Thurmond jokes. It's going to happen.
This post is for those who believe that same sex marriage is wrong for religious reasons, and I am not going to try and talk anyone out of that, and I am not going to try to convince anyone who supports gay marriage that it's a sin. Either one would be a poor use of time.
However, I do believe there are a lot of people who have their heart in the right place, or are close to doing so, but maybe there head is a little off, and maybe we can get somewhere together, and if we can get there now, there doesn't need to be any hand wringing or teeth gnashing when the wedding march starts in.
One thing that struck me was seeing a post that it wasn't just one right, it was 1138. At first I thought that meant they were fighting for other things, but in that context, actually there are 1138 benefits, rights, and protections provided on the basis of marriage under federal law. I never knew that. I never thought about that, but the people who don't get to marry know. Do they value it more than us? Do we promote that to straight couples who don't feel the need to get married? Do we support couples who are thinking about divorce? Can we value marriage as much when it is easily available as when it is withheld?
Some people get offended when gay couples want to adopt. Are we providing homes for all of the children who need them?
Maybe it helps to look at it as a matter of priorities. There are a lot of problems in the world; is the best use of your time preventing the couple that has been together for twelve years, and had a commitment ceremony, or maybe even went to Canada, from getting a marriage license for their own state and country? Really nothing else more valuable? Because it is a losing battle, that hurts people and makes them resent (and misunderstand) Christian values, without really improving society.
I was discussing this with a friend, and one of the points she made was that we don't seem to really be able to hate the sin and love the sinner; maybe that was too sophisticated for us. So I was thinking about that, and why we even have that phrase. It's not in the Bible.
Well, according to the internet, it's from a letter of Saint Augustine, who is not a great source of doctrine. Even so, what he actually wrote was to go forth with love of mankind and hatred of sin. Now, to me that does not sound like an injunction to literally hate sin, but just that we should avoid doing it. And if he did mean that literally, fine, again, he is not a source of doctrine.
The commandment to have charity for everyone, however, is in the Bible, and in the Book of Mormon, and comes up several times, and the first commandments are always about loving. It is necessary for us to love sinners, and also clear that we are all sinners, and should be clear that having sin and righteousness measuring contests is another bad use of time. We inculcate love, not hate, and if we are focusing too much on how other people might be sinning, we are probably not doing a great job of loving them.
Now, if you do not attend the wedding of your gay coworker or send a gift, there might be some hurt feelings, but it is something they will survive. It is a bigger problem for youth. I can't get away lately from how hard it is being young even when you have the odds in your favor. So many of these self-harming suicidal teens are homosexual or bisexual, and they live in fear of being beaten or getting kicked out. Actually, I guess the Church is working with a shelter for homeless teens in Salt Lake City, because that's a problem there.
I realize it can be a disturbing thing to think that your child might end up is same sex relationships, but is that worse than them running away, and getting involved in prostitution? Is that worse than them killing themselves? Is it worse than them building a secret life, where they never tell you anything, and they shut down their own feelings, and have depression and feelings of alienation that they can't work on because they can't even express them?
With people, the answer is always love and acceptance first, and then you look at harm, but simply being gay does not lead to harm. It's not contagious. If people become more accepting, you might have less people hiding it, but again, it's better to have things out in the open.
The other thing that might be worth mentioning is that I know there are some concerns that if marriage equality is upheld, it could lead to lawsuits against churches that do not accept it. That is a real possibility. I can think of at least one person who would try and bring that suit, but I also trust in the law that the case would fail. The same freedom of religion that means that we do not get to impose our will on others means that they do not get to impose their will on us, and both of those are equally good things.
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