Fighting White Supremacy: Elder care

Although I have been thinking about many other topics, it is hard to think about anything but the heat today.

For those not aware, I live in the Portland Oregon Metro region. Right now we are experiencing record heat. The predicted highs for today and tomorrow are 114 and 115, followed by another week in the 90s.

This area is not built for it. The houses are not built for that kind of heat, the local wildlife is not built for it, and the growing homeless population should not have to deal with it. 

I have been thinking about all of that: global warming, the high cost of housing, and economic inequality. I could write about all of those things, and how they relate to white supremacy, but there is this memory that keeps coming back to me.

It was a pretty warm day (though not like today) and I was caring for my mother. She wanted to go "home" -- no longer recognizing home -- and I could not distract her or soothe her. She got really mad, and I eventually had to let her go out the door and just follow her. She was mad at me and was hoping we would encounter a police officer so she could report me, but I just kept following. 

I was worried as she was getting closer to one busy corner, but she started to tire then, and lose her confidence that where she was going was just a little bit further ahead. I let her lean on me for a while. At that point, I was not going to be able to get her back to the house, so we crossed and I went to where I knew we could find a bench, then called my sister to come get us.

Other times when she was insistent on going home, I would take her for a walk "home", hoping it would placate her. One of those times she slipped in gravel. She wasn't hurt, but I had a hard time getting her back up.

As grateful as I am for air conditioning and foods in the fridge that we don't have to cook and clean water to drink, the flash of gratitude that keeps washing over me is gratitude that Mom is safe. She is in a facility with lots of people that she can talk to (which became what she needed; it wasn't always) and with ventilation and with security systems in place where she will not be able to slip out and get lost in this heat.

Another local man with dementia has been missing for over a month now. It seems most likely that he is dead. That may be better to think about than imagining him still wandering in this heat, but it is hard to take comfort in that.

My mother's memory care facility has been great for her, but the only reason she can be there is because when we were trying to get me paid for staying here and watching her, that involved getting her onto Medicaid. 

That process took at least three tries. The first time, I remember the person discouraging me. She implied there wasn't a point, because usually once seniors are eligible for that care, they are always trying to run away and need to be put in a home. Again, that process was absolutely integral to being able to have her in a home, but that was not indicated. I just remember feeling really pessimistic.

The next time, I was sent confusing, awful paperwork that I eventually realized had no instructions for sending it back. When I called to ask about that I was told the application had expired, even though I had not been told there was an expiration date, or when it was.

Eventually, a friend got Aging Services to call me, and the person from Aging Services helped me restart the process. Between her experience and my knowledge from the times I'd been burned before, this time we made it.

I feel fortunate, but it was a fortune that involved going into foreclosure twice, losing all of my savings and retirement, and worsening my debt. 

We were still able to keep her safe. We know many people who are caring for relatives and have to leave them unsupervised at times because of job responsibilities. Sometimes that ends in tragedy, but sometimes it is just successfully navigating a nightmare. That requires dedication, but there is also an element of luck that is beyond your control.

I had thought I might write today about how things that are done to try and run out the homeless in turn make life harder for the elderly, and the disabled, and pregnant women and everyone, really.

All of the things we do to look down on one group affect other groups. That includes making navigation harder for seniors whose minds are intact, but who may still be slower and less agile.

In talking about elder care now, the discussion often focuses on doing things to make in-home care more feasible. That is a real need, but sometimes facilities are necessary too. 

Sometimes there needs to be another person in the home. It is helpful if doing that will not result in the home being lost to the bank. People are more important to things, but if choosing the person means losing everything else, that is a hard bargain to make.

Remember that with white supremacy, everything that we do to reinforce the existing structure will hit the marginalized harder. That multiplies with multiple marginalizations.

At some point the key to overcoming white supremacy is going to have to be that we want everyone doing well, and we that want it more than we want the possibility of becoming individually very rich.

Perhaps it will help to remember that the possibility is slim.

Fighting White Supremacy: The meaning of Juneteenth for the white person

That title is a reference to a speech given by Frederick Douglass on July 5th, 1852.

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/aia/part4/4h2927t.html

I think it is a good reminder of the history leading up to the Civil War, but we need to think about the history after it. That includes slave owners sending slaves to Texas to try and preserve ownership, the need of military force in Texas to stop the thoroughly illegal but still continuing slavery, and continued murder and brute force after that.

https://forward.com/opinion/471597/juneteenth-what-really-happened/

Then you have the rise of the KKK, false arrests of the newly freed to make them slaves that way, Jim Crow codes to codify inequality, redlining, white flight, the War on Drugs, Lee Atwater's skill with dog whistles, police brutality and continual -- even at this very moment -- voter suppression.

White people have historically clung to slavery and racism.

That made me a little cynical about the declaration of a new national holiday, except that it makes Opal Lee so happy:

https://variety.com/2021/politics/features/activist-opal-lee-juneteenth-holiday-1234998507/

Symbols can matter, especially as reminders. Our country has a new reminder of its racist past. What are we going to do with it?

(Yes, I know it happened yesterday, but if you didn't commemorate it, it's okay if you do some of these things on other days.)

I have thought about this before, and thought that perhaps the best thing white people could do on Juneteenth was some sort of educational events, but we should also be giving Black people the day off. It's not their job to teach us. I mean, they are teaching us, all the time, but we can take some responsibility for that.

It's certainly not a time to pat ourselves on the back.

Juneteenth might be a good time to watch something educational: thoughts I had for Juneteenth watching included a special on the Tulsa Race Massacre, the "Minty" episode of Underground, or One Night in Miami.

The documentary Slavery By Another Name would also be a very relevant choice:

https://www.pbs.org/tpt/slavery-by-another-name/home/

One precaution to keep in mind is that it is easy to focus on Black pain, reducing Black people to the suffering of slavery. Black joy is important too.

Juneteenth can be used to support Black businesses. A great way to celebrate could be ordering from a Black-owned restaurant:

https://iloveblackfood.com/pdx-directory/

Direct giving is also often a life saver for the recipients. There have been a few Twitter threads with suggestions.

There should be some time for introspection; what have you done to acknowledge your white privilege and look beyond it?

Vote.org suggested taking a moment on Juneteenth to check that your voter registration is still active. That has a practical application, but also is a real reminder of constant efforts to disenfranchise Black voters.

Perhaps this is a good time to consider the Black people in your life. Might they need you to back them up at work? If they needed your support, would they have reason to feel comfortable asking you? Maybe it makes sense to send Juneteeth cards or notes or small gifts. Just don't do it in a way that puts obligation on them.

Possibly I should specify African-American, as we do have Black people (especially immigrants) whose families were not brought here via slavery. I am afraid, though, that they will face many of the same prejudices, and perhaps even more after a generation as they become more assimilated. White supremacy hurts everyone, but there is a logic to focusing specifically on the legacy of slavery for this day.

I know, it's a lot of "coulds" and "maybes", but this is personal. Where you are will have to dictate where you go next.

As always, I do believe that guidance is possible; you can find the most important area for improvement and the most practical path forward for you. I would like to suggest one other possibility, inspired by a conversation with a friend.

We were talking about racism in the church, and she told me about remembering in the 80s when people would pray for the fall of the Iron Curtain all of the time, so that missionaries could go there.

We can go to most countries now, but we aren't bringing our best if we are not engaging with the harmful legacy of racism in our church, and racism and slavery in our country.

So perhaps the best practice you can add to your life is praying for an end to racism. Whether that prayer ends up being more about rooting it out from your own heart and subconscious, or for the toppling of racist structures, making it a regular part of prayer means that you are remembering it, and keeping your heart open to inspiration. 

When you do that, there is always something to do next. Even when it is hard, that is beautiful.

Fighting White Supremacy: Prisoner advocacy

I am getting to this subject now specifically because there is an event this week that some of you may find helpful.

Virtual Event: Protect Prison Mail
Thursday, June 17th, 11AM / 2PM PDT

Registration: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/4416221360531/WN_JUJ3dTEdQN2VaRIx6IRzXA

You may already know that policing functions as a tool of white supremacy, targeting communities of color with increased surveillance and increased violence, and that decisions on prosecution and sentences sought are strongly influenced by race. If you are not aware of that, a good starting point would be reading The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander.

What may be less obvious -- but is completely logical -- is that the system is full of opportunities for more privileged people to exploit the imprisoned for wealth. This webinar focuses on a program to restrict mail access while charging prisoners and those who care about them a lot of money.

Another important thing to know is that the program will be especially harmful to prisoners with disabilities. That should be something to care about anyway, but especially concerning when you know that about 38% of prisoners in the US have a disability of some kind.

There is something interesting to think about there. The percentage of  the US population with a disability is more like 1 in 5, so why does that double once you go inside prison? Does that correlate with any other uneven population distribution in prisons?

I became aware of the webinar through Just Detention International, a human rights group that is focused on ending sexual assault in prison.

https://justdetention.org/ 

Their web site has survivor stories and articles, so would be a perfectly reasonable place to start for learning more on this issue. 

Another organization I like is the Equal Justice Initiative:

https://eji.org/

Their work is featured in Bryan Stevenson's book, and the movie based on it, Just Mercy (both recommended). There is a part in the book where Stevenson is talking to the church congregation of one of his clients. Many of them were at the same event when the crime happened, along with the client. They knew he didn't do it, and yet it didn't matter. 

It is one thing to know that this country's policing and penal system is racist; it is another to understand the effect that has even on those who aren't incarcerated. They try so hard to be careful and safe and above reproach, and then see that it is not enough.

We need to be aware of the cost.

Although injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere, it does make sense to be aware of local issues. One to consider is to going back and re-examining unconstitutional non-unanimous jury verdicts:

https://www.opb.org/article/2021/05/18/oregon-attorney-general-ellen-rosenblum-non-unanimous-juries-scotus-rulings/ 

You can watch a short video about this at https://fb.watch/66g_bePRuT/.

It is easy to take a conviction as reason to look down on someone and not worry about their rights. The advantage of that is that it goes along with faith in the system. The more we learn that this faith is misplaced, the more important it is to take actions.

There is a lot of room to contribute. 

One last note: I have specifically not mentioned prison abolition. That is its own complicated topic, and would often be considered with restorative justice, also complicated.

I think restorative justice has potential, but many advocates for it end up still falling into regular hierarchies of power where redeeming the victimizer becomes more important than aiding the victim. It doesn't have to be that way, but it's something to watch out for. 

Those concerns take nothing away from the organizations and causes mentioned in this post. They also do not have to rule out collaboration between groups who have overlapping goals, even when those goals are not a total match.

Find your way to make a difference.

Fighting white supremacy: Examining your own homophobia

While this may seem like an expansion off of the main topic, white supremacy is closely linked with other forms of bigotry. They all tend to work well together. 

Sometimes looking at this can go under "intersectionality", a term coined by Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw. It is also sometimes referred to as "kyriarchy" -- versus "patriarchy" -- a term coined by Elisabeth Schüssler Fiorenza. One of my favorite models is "dominator culture", as explored by Riane Eisler. They are all different ways of perceiving and understanding how we relate to each other. They are not in competition, so this is just a bonus note if you want to dig deeper. One key, though, is that they are all looking at systems of interactions and structure, rather than merely focusing on personal choice.

Therefore, when we talk about structural racism, and people are reluctant to find or admit any personal racism and face discomfort with that, well, you may find similar issues with examining sexism or ableism or homophobia.

There is also a chance that if you are a church member -- especially of long standing -- that there will be an extent to which getting past homophobia feels scary and wrong.

Personally, I see many members who seem to be more homophobic than the doctrine. That is worse than unfortunate, but I can also see how it makes sense.

Official Declaration 2, in which the priesthood was extended to all men, including Black men, is dated September 30th, 1978. The Essays -- where there started being things like admissions that the original ban was racism all along -- did not happen until 2013. 

It took 35 years. Even in 1976 there were talks that condemned going against the doctrines of the church, which I am sure included that, because Civil Rights was part of all of that scary, modern turmoil.

It is progress that it is now admitted that sexual orientation that is not strictly heterosexual is not a perversion and sin on its own. It is also the current level of progress, and may well be insufficient. 

I am not sure when that shift occurred, but The Family: A Proclamation to the World is from 1995 and was cited in association with church support of California Proposition 8 in 2008, so we are nowhere near 35 years out. 

I understand frustration with that, and I share it. There is a long way to go, but I stay in the church because that feels right to me. I stay even understanding that we are ensconced in patriarchy, kyriarchy, and dominator culture, even though there is plenty of scripture contradicting those things. I stay knowing that there are ways in which early members were able to do more good by being in the 19th century by being traditionally sexist and racist, though it does seem like we should be able to accelerate things at least a little now.

My point is that I get it if you have mixed feelings. I believe there is still a way forward. I understand that there are people who feel that they need to leave church behind; that is a personal decision and that is yours. Even if you do that, you may find you still have some homophobia to deal with; it has been such a big part of the structure. It is not a personal criticism that there might still be work to do.

For example, recently someone was assumed to be my partner, and was very offended. (Clarification: we are both straight.)

I believe the offense was caused by an assumption of insult; this thought means that we are unfeminine and ugly. Insult was absolutely not what was intended. Besides, we could be ugly and unfeminine while still being straight; being straight doesn't make us hot. 

Sadly, taking offense perpetuates the idea that there is something wrong and demeaning about being gay. I can't believe that anymore, and I don't want to believe it, therefore, I cannot take that personally. 

In fairness, a lot of the perceived insult is directly related to the perception that women need to be attractive and available for men. Then, getting into the conventions for what is considered attractive and not... There is a whole pile of sexism in that. Guess what? Homophobia is also strongly related to sexism, especially with the implied contrast to masculinity.

Possibly the first step to eradicating your personal homophobia is doing the work to be okay with yourself, and with other people. It may take trying to figure out what your gender means to you, and how you engage with gender. How do you engage with your sexuality?

One of the wonderful things about LGBTQIA+ is that it incorporates so many different ways of feeling and being. Some people are asexual and aromantic. It would be easy for them to feel out of place in this world, which is often so focused on sex and romance. However, there is knowledge out there that you are not the only one. There can be community. 

That community doesn't happen automatically. There are people against every one of those letters; sometimes that includes people who fit at least one of the letters. There are people who hate the plus, but sometimes that seems like the most beautiful part of it to me.

Today is the first Sunday in Pride Month. This can be a great time to think about all of these things, and then to take a step forward.

I have sort of an attitude about changing the frames for your profile photo, because it is an easy thing to do, and so could easily be meaningless. Today I acknowledge that for some people it could be really courageous to do that. If you have some fear of being judged, but also a desire to support other people, changing the frame can be meaningful.

Perhaps it would be good to think about some of the people you know, and your relationships to them. Do they know you support them? Perhaps you could reach out. 

There may be Pride events you can attend. I have seen complaints about how corporate and policed Pride gets, and it is certainly not a requirement to go, but maybe a good first step for you would be cheering at a parade.

Maybe there is a movie you can watch. Here are some links to programming:

https://www.tvinsider.com/1000858/pride-month-2021-tv-schedule-movies-shows/

http://www.pbs.org/specials/lgbt-pride-month/ 

https://deadline.com/2021/06/pride-month-programming-how-networks-are-marking-lgbtq-celebrations-in-june-1234766888/

I mention the criticisms of Pride and the photo frames, because I have this terrible awareness that everything can be criticized, probably including many of those advertised programs. In fact, there are quite possibly gay people who get sick of having their guilty straight friends check on them in June.

That is just a reason to set your expectations appropriately. Your first steps are not going to fix homophobia, inside or outside. They should expand your mind and heart, however, and that is worth something. Be considerate of people, and willing to listen, always. 

For example, I am really comfortable with using the word "queer" as an umbrella term, which is largely a matter of my generation, I think. Some younger people find it derogatory, but people my age, not so much. I still use the word, but not exclusively, and if I am talking with someone who doesn't like it I will immediately stop. That is not so hard. It does take some de-centering.

Therefore, when you are figuring out where you are personally, that is personal, and it is also personal how you decide to proceed. As that involves others, then it becomes not exclusively personal, so you extend consideration. 

That is the kind and right, and that's why you are doing it.

That is within reach. 

Happy Pride Month!