As singles hoping to not stay single, attraction is a perilous topic. Many of us feel insecure about our own powers of attraction, and perhaps resentful that such a superficial thing should matter. It does matter, though, so it is reasonable to examine it. Let’s keep two things in mind.
First of all, attractiveness is not binary, with the attraction switch being either on or off. Much of it comes down to overall presentation rather than a simple breakdown of features. That is why we are preparing to be more attractive, rather than just wishing we could be attractive at all.
Also important, remember to keep perspective. Not only is physical appearance merely one factor in attraction, but some changes can be costly, or require time. If you find an area where a change could be helpful, but is not immediately possible, just keep it in mind for the future, and focus on other areas. Maybe you will know what to ask for when your birthday rolls around.
The three most immediately noticeable things that we will cover are skin, hair, and clothes. Hair is tricky, because experimenting can be dangerous, and failed experiments can take a long time to grow out. A good hair stylist can make recommendations for what is most flattering, but that can be expensive as well. For now, it may just be worthwhile taking what you have and arranging it differently. Do you look better with a side or middle part? George Clooney can comb his hair straight forward, but that does not work for everyone. Loosely flowing hair can soften sharp features, where having the hair tightly pulled back will make them look more severe. That tight bun can work for someone with more delicate features.
You are looking for what works best for you, and it will not necessarily match anyone else. That is one key rule right there--you are learning to be attractive as you, not as anyone else. The same applies to clothes. It has been said that fashion is following others, but style is finding what works for your body and your personality combined.
Experimenting with clothes is a lot safer than it is with hair. You can try on the clothes that you already own or try on clothes at a store without spending a dime. The point is to make note of what looks best on you. In determining this, there will be three basic areas to look at: color, pattern/texture, and cuts.
Your best colors will primarily depend on your complexion and hair color, but the rest will be largely a matter of body size and shape. Different textures (and this can be both a matter of the type of fabric and weave, or whether there is a print on the fabric) can either slim you down or bulk you up. For the cut, it is a little more complicated because there are so many points of impact, but basically you are looking at seams and lines.
Let's start with the neckline. Common shapes are V, round, and square, and they will look better or worse depending on the shape of your face. A high collar or no color will have an impact based on your face and neck. See which looks better.
Going down from the neckline, you have the waistline. Having it fall right on the waist works for some body types, but either skimming past the hips, or going further up for an empire waistline, is better for others. A shorter or longer hemline can make you look taller or shorter, and wider or slimmer. If you have flabby upper arms, 1/4-length sleeves (falling halfway above the elbow) will probably not be as flattering as 1/2 or 3/4 sleeves (elbow or mid-forearm, respectively), but then you might find that full-length sleeves make your arms, and you, look shorter.
Besides just the length, also pay attention to the seam of the sleeves. Curving inward, towards the neck, will widen you, whereas going outward, falling on the arm, narrows you. Accessories can create other lines and boundaries, like a necklace creating a V-neck, or earrings framing a face, as well as showing that you took an extra moment.
Ultimately, what you are doing is becoming aware of the visual effects you can produce, and which ones you should produce. By taking the time to stop and look in the mirror (rather than avoiding looking because Ugh!) and to notice things (Hey, I look better in blue than yellow) becomes an empowering thing.
Men may feel like they have less choices here than women. That is partly true, but really, all of your clothes have seams and lines too, and colors, and those will affect how you look, and where the tie falls adds one more length issues. Since it is common to only have one suit for Sunday, instead of several skirts and dresses, that is all the more reason to select a suit carefully and then to get it tailored. Work with the clerk to select compatible shirts and socks. After doing so, you have taken most of the work out of getting ready for church, because it's already been done.
Both men and women should pay attention to how the clothes feel, because it will be hard to exude confidence if you are not comfortable.
Even though we have left high school behind, we may still be prone to acne flare-ups, which does not help anyone feel more attractive. Besides the various remedies, you may be surprised to know that one of the best things that you can do for your skin is regular exercise. The increased circulation, stress relief, hormonal influence, and even the perspiration all play a part in keeping your skin clean, healthy, and glowing, with a tendency towards anti-aging as well.
While we are talking about working up a sweat, which is very good for you, we should also mention washing it off. No matter how good you may look, unpleasant odor can eradicate the positive impression with devastating speed. You need to wash yourself regularly, and if you wash your body, but not your hair, or not your clothes, or you don't brush your teeth--any of those things can be a problem. Sadly, you may be immune to the problem, and other people will usually not feel comfortable mentioning it, so you may need to ask. We have five senses, and only thinking about our effect on one is not enough.
Exercise helps other areas besides the skin. We will not get into exercise for weight loss, because there is a lot to weight loss, including a minefield relationship with attractiveness that is just too much for a single newsletter. However, in general exercise has a positive effect on attractiveness. Exercise relieves stress and improves mood, which should make you more fun to talk to, and give you a better smile. Exercise improves sleep, providing increased energy to complement that improved mood. Exercise also stimulates and regulates production of various hormones, which play an important part in attraction.
These issues bring us beyond basic appearance, and yet the physical appearance is still affected. Think of being attracted to a smile, or a pair of eyes. Is the smile attractive merely because of the shape of the mouth and teeth, or because it conveys happiness and good humor? Do the eyes hold your attention because of the kindness in their expression? There are physical manifestations of emotional and spiritual matters. It would not be true to say that physical attraction does not matter, but it would also be completely untrue to say that it matters to the exclusion of all else.
Attraction gets the attention, but building a successful relationship requires compatibility in values and viewpoints and mutual kindness and respect. Therefore, some part of attraction does need to include having an attractive personality, but also having reasonable expectations. If we want someone who is kind, but we are not kind, we are likely to be disappointed (or to disappoint them). Ultimately, it is not fair to expect someone to be much better than us.
That also means that we should be as good as them. For example, clothing can be worn in a way that is immodest, and some people will find this attractive. Righteous men tend to feel uncomfortable around it though, so it becomes a turnoff. If you want a respectful, moral man, skimpy clothing is not the way to his heart, and it does not make him a snob, or hard-hearted or anything like when he is not attracted. There is no reason for it to work.
Similarly, many women like to see that a man has a good job. It can indicate intelligence, a focus on goals, hard work, or persistence— good traits for all aspects of life. Only the most shallow of females would not be disappointed to learn that while the high income is there, it is accompanied by apathy, ego, or materialism over spirituality. Two very shallow people might get on smashingly, but we should want more.
Awareness again becomes an important factor. As well as being aware of what makes us more attractive, we need to be aware of what attracts us, and whether it is good, or needs changing. A preference for curly hair or pale skin is probably neutral, but if you find yourself perpetually attracted to the bad boy or the ice queen, you have probably picked up some bad patterns that you will need to resolve before you can move forward.
The good thing is that despite apparent superficiality, working on your own attractiveness can improve your self-worth. By taking that action, you remind yourself that you are worth caring about, worth money and time invested, and that you have potential. And that can lead to confidence, which many people find attractive.
For girls only:
For the first time ever I am sending a separate version based on gender, to have a word about your bras. Many of you have already gotten the message that it is common, and bad, for women to wear the wrong bra size. This is not just a matter of attractiveness, but also one of health. Improper support can lead to pain, posture issues that can also affect breathing, and it hampers exercise. Actually, not getting proper support during exercise can become an aggravated issue over time as ligaments break down. Getting the right fit is a worthwhile investment. After all, having them migrate down to the waist is not good for anyone.
Many department stores have certified fit specialists who will help you find the correct size, but you can find information for self-measurement at http://www.herroom.com/bra-fitting-advice,901,30.html. Since Oprah is strongly associated with this issue, we will link to her site as well: http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Bra-Fitting-Tips
Since proper sizing is so important, and it needs to be exact, why three sets of hooks? Those are there because the stretchy fabric eventually gets stretched out, and as the band gets stretched out, moving to the inner hooks extends the life of the bra. Start with the outermost just fitting, then move inward, maintaining a snug, supportive fit.
Just think about it.
