I am running very late today, but also, I had to discard what I was writing, again, because the time does not seem to be right. Instead I want to share something simple that I have been thinking of.
Recently there was a discussion going on with someone who has struggled with depression, and she had found it very hard to get support for it at church, because there seems to be a feeling that we shouldn't be sad. We know that God has a plan for us, we are trying to do what's right, so shouldn't we be joyful?
In addition, in the regular blog I was writing about how some early experiences taught me that I should hide my feelings and vulnerabilities, but that led to me suppressing them, and that was not helpful either. There were some emotional wounds that cut deeper and injured more simply because I was trying to hide from them.
Of course we want people to be happy, and if we will do things to increase their happiness, at least refraining from being hurtful, that is good. If we instead focus on our discomfort, or try to cause guilt over the unhappiness, or invalidate the person's unhappiness, we are a part of the problem.
It seems worthwhile to examine these words relating to the baptismal covenant from Mosiah 18:
8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;
9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—
We are asked to mourn with those who mourn. Yes, we can try and comfort them too, but sometimes they will be sad. We can take comfort in the sorrow not being permanent, but while it is there it is real, and it must be faced.
There is nothing contradictory about that.
Sunday, December 28, 2014
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Vonda
I bore my testimony this month. I don't do that often. I have a testimony, but I am usually not strongly motivated to get up there. This time I was.
As we get into the end of the year, it is common for me that the dead come more to mind. Perhaps it is because holidays are a time of remembrance, or that the life of the year is coming to a close, but often those who are gone will feel very present to me.
This year, starting about mid-November I think, I have not been able to stop thinking about Vonda. I felt like I needed to share my story there. I didn't know why I felt that, but not knowing why anything was a big part of the original story.
In my previous ward, part of my calling was creating the Relief Society newsletter, and part of that was the monthly birthdays of the sisters in the ward. When I first obtained the list and was going over it, I noticed about five women who were marked as letter contact only or phone contact only.
Well, this was going to be a letter, so it was legitimate contact, and an opportunity for contact. I felt like I should send the newsletter to everyone who had specified letter contact.
To not be too weird, I sent a note explaining what I was going to be doing that with the first newsletter, and then it pretty much just went into maintenance mode. If it was their birthday month (because I was tracking birthdays) I enclosed the letter in a birthday card, and I did use some Christmas cards in December, but it wasn't really a great effort.
When they changed our records to the current ward, that calling was ending, and I didn't know if the new person would keep it up. I thought I should send another note so there wasn't this abrupt ending. I sent a note to each of them explaining, and I included my contact information, because that seemed right to do. Having never heard back from anyone, it was unlikely that this was necessary, but again, it felt right.
I knew nothing about most of the names. One I knew was Laotian, and I felt a connection there, and one was Vonda. I had never met her, but I went to school with one of her sons, and I liked him. He was a really nice guy. I was happy to see that name, and it mattered to me that she was on that list.
A few weeks after sending the final notes, my phone rang, and it was a voice I didn't recognize on the other end. It was one of Vonda's sons (a different one) telling me that she had died. He told me that she had enjoyed the letters, and thought of me as a friend she never saw. I thanked him for letting me know, and expressed condolences, and then after hanging up I just fell apart.
I can't even fully tell you what the emotions were. I think there was grief and a sense of loss there, because under other circumstances maybe we could have been friends who saw each other. There were other things there too, including a sense of amazement at all the potential misses. If I hadn't sent that last note, or if I hadn't put a phone number in it, or if I hadn't sent the letters at all.
My first tendency would be to tell you that I never once knew what I was doing, but really it's more that I never knew why. There are probably still nuances that I miss on that. Mainly it reminded me that what I did mattered. It was not obvious that it mattered, but it did.
So I did not know why it was important to bear my testimony, but I did it, and several people have told me that it touched them. Maybe it was important for them. It feels important to write this post now, and I had something totally different that I was going to write for Christmas, but here it is, because it feels right.
We do not always know what matters or why, but I do believe in inspiration. I believe in the power of the Holy Ghost to tell us the things we couldn't know on our own, even if it may be only the bare basics necessary for what we need to do.
And most fervently if all, I believe that people matter. Our relationships matter, and how we treat them matters, because they matter. I matter. And you do too.
As we get into the end of the year, it is common for me that the dead come more to mind. Perhaps it is because holidays are a time of remembrance, or that the life of the year is coming to a close, but often those who are gone will feel very present to me.
This year, starting about mid-November I think, I have not been able to stop thinking about Vonda. I felt like I needed to share my story there. I didn't know why I felt that, but not knowing why anything was a big part of the original story.
In my previous ward, part of my calling was creating the Relief Society newsletter, and part of that was the monthly birthdays of the sisters in the ward. When I first obtained the list and was going over it, I noticed about five women who were marked as letter contact only or phone contact only.
Well, this was going to be a letter, so it was legitimate contact, and an opportunity for contact. I felt like I should send the newsletter to everyone who had specified letter contact.
To not be too weird, I sent a note explaining what I was going to be doing that with the first newsletter, and then it pretty much just went into maintenance mode. If it was their birthday month (because I was tracking birthdays) I enclosed the letter in a birthday card, and I did use some Christmas cards in December, but it wasn't really a great effort.
When they changed our records to the current ward, that calling was ending, and I didn't know if the new person would keep it up. I thought I should send another note so there wasn't this abrupt ending. I sent a note to each of them explaining, and I included my contact information, because that seemed right to do. Having never heard back from anyone, it was unlikely that this was necessary, but again, it felt right.
I knew nothing about most of the names. One I knew was Laotian, and I felt a connection there, and one was Vonda. I had never met her, but I went to school with one of her sons, and I liked him. He was a really nice guy. I was happy to see that name, and it mattered to me that she was on that list.
A few weeks after sending the final notes, my phone rang, and it was a voice I didn't recognize on the other end. It was one of Vonda's sons (a different one) telling me that she had died. He told me that she had enjoyed the letters, and thought of me as a friend she never saw. I thanked him for letting me know, and expressed condolences, and then after hanging up I just fell apart.
I can't even fully tell you what the emotions were. I think there was grief and a sense of loss there, because under other circumstances maybe we could have been friends who saw each other. There were other things there too, including a sense of amazement at all the potential misses. If I hadn't sent that last note, or if I hadn't put a phone number in it, or if I hadn't sent the letters at all.
My first tendency would be to tell you that I never once knew what I was doing, but really it's more that I never knew why. There are probably still nuances that I miss on that. Mainly it reminded me that what I did mattered. It was not obvious that it mattered, but it did.
So I did not know why it was important to bear my testimony, but I did it, and several people have told me that it touched them. Maybe it was important for them. It feels important to write this post now, and I had something totally different that I was going to write for Christmas, but here it is, because it feels right.
We do not always know what matters or why, but I do believe in inspiration. I believe in the power of the Holy Ghost to tell us the things we couldn't know on our own, even if it may be only the bare basics necessary for what we need to do.
And most fervently if all, I believe that people matter. Our relationships matter, and how we treat them matters, because they matter. I matter. And you do too.
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Less stressed Christmas
I worry that some will find this post impractical. I admit that our family is non-traditional. The fact that we have no children in even the extended family is different and it gives us more flexibility. That being said, we have changed what we have done so much, and it has always been fine.
Our family consists of seven adults among three households. There was a time when everyone gave everyone a present. As adults who don't need a lot of things, it got to where it didn't feel very useful. We switched to drawing names, where everyone only bought for one person. After a few years of that, we switched to getting together for a dinner where everyone brought a wrapped ornament and we took turns picking or stealing. Later the ornaments were changed to gift cards, and sometimes we just get together giving nothing at all.
At the same time, part of the unhappiness with the gift-giving had to do specifically with one household, and it's the one we see less, so the rest of us have had some years where we have drawn names to give a stocking, or small gifts, and this year the five of us are each giving each other a small gift.
I know traditions are an important part of the holidays, and giving should be the key to the Christmas spirit, but I see too many people weighed down. When I do my toy drive shopping, it is a lot of fun because I am picking things that look cool, and only spending what I think I can afford. When parents are buying for their children and trying to make things perfect, it is fun when they feel like they have succeeded, but there can be a lot of stress getting to that point.
It's not that their love for their children is not a wonderful thing, and that is a more rewarding relationship than I have with the unseen recipients of the toy drive, but there are expectations in place where the giving becomes work, and there is a burden associated with the blessing.
What I am trying to suggest is that it is okay to re-examine, and change strategies. Traditions can bring comfort, but change can bring invigoration. So if one year you decide that the family gift is a trip away, or to take a trip to the toy store and give everyone a budget to pick their own, or to only make gifts - and every single one of those ideas is something that would sound great to some and horrible to others - go for it.
If you feel like you are enduring Christmas instead of enjoying it, that's not the fault of Christ. He does give us labors, but he also makes them bearable and sets us free. So there must be some solution, in accordance with his spirit, that will do that as well.
None of the changes we have made to our gift-giving have ever ruined Christmas. If ruining Christmas seems possible, that is the biggest indicator that a change is necessary.
Our family consists of seven adults among three households. There was a time when everyone gave everyone a present. As adults who don't need a lot of things, it got to where it didn't feel very useful. We switched to drawing names, where everyone only bought for one person. After a few years of that, we switched to getting together for a dinner where everyone brought a wrapped ornament and we took turns picking or stealing. Later the ornaments were changed to gift cards, and sometimes we just get together giving nothing at all.
At the same time, part of the unhappiness with the gift-giving had to do specifically with one household, and it's the one we see less, so the rest of us have had some years where we have drawn names to give a stocking, or small gifts, and this year the five of us are each giving each other a small gift.
I know traditions are an important part of the holidays, and giving should be the key to the Christmas spirit, but I see too many people weighed down. When I do my toy drive shopping, it is a lot of fun because I am picking things that look cool, and only spending what I think I can afford. When parents are buying for their children and trying to make things perfect, it is fun when they feel like they have succeeded, but there can be a lot of stress getting to that point.
It's not that their love for their children is not a wonderful thing, and that is a more rewarding relationship than I have with the unseen recipients of the toy drive, but there are expectations in place where the giving becomes work, and there is a burden associated with the blessing.
What I am trying to suggest is that it is okay to re-examine, and change strategies. Traditions can bring comfort, but change can bring invigoration. So if one year you decide that the family gift is a trip away, or to take a trip to the toy store and give everyone a budget to pick their own, or to only make gifts - and every single one of those ideas is something that would sound great to some and horrible to others - go for it.
If you feel like you are enduring Christmas instead of enjoying it, that's not the fault of Christ. He does give us labors, but he also makes them bearable and sets us free. So there must be some solution, in accordance with his spirit, that will do that as well.
None of the changes we have made to our gift-giving have ever ruined Christmas. If ruining Christmas seems possible, that is the biggest indicator that a change is necessary.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
Less stressed Thanksgiving
I have written a little before about some of my holiday cooking practices, though it focused more on using the leftovers:
http://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2012/12/using-holiday-leftovers.html
One of my favorite things about the holiday cooking is that it has gradually become easier, but this was the first year that I realized how much of that credit goes to the upside down turkey.
It is mentioned in the leftovers post, but I cook the turkey upside down. The principle behind this is that gravity pulls the juices downward as the bird cooks. This would be wasted on the rib cage, but is great when the juices are all working their way through the breast meat. This is the bulk of your meat, and the part that dries out most easily.
One of the worst parts about the night before Thanksgiving was mixing the stuffing and then inserting it into the raw (usually still with at least some ice, no matter how carefully you had followed the defrosting instructions) bird. I liked my homemade stuffing, but generally only Mom and I would eat it.
When I considered dropping this step, I was trying to figure out what purpose the stuffing served, and as far as I could tell the purpose was to preserve some of those draining juices. This was not necessary; we had that covered. Having to go back and baste the bird was also a hassle, and I found it unnecessary. I remove the gizzards, neck, and the plastic thing holding the legs together, put the turkey (along with the neck) in a foil lined roasting pan, wrap that foil around the bird, and stick it in the oven. When it should be getting close to done I start taking its temperature, but that's it, and it comes out great.
I thought putting the bird upside down was only solving the issue of dry, white meat that no one really wanted, but really, it was making my life easier in other ways.
The other thing that was valuable was starting this process of deciding what was important and what wasn't, versus what was labor-intensive and what wasn't. The homemade inserted stuffing was a lot of work without much reward, so it could go. A Jello salad had traditionally been on the table every year, but there was so much other food that no one really ate it. Although it wasn't a lot of work to make, it could go. We can have that with other meals, when there aren't so many other options.
It can go back the other way too. For a long time the mashed potatoes had been made from the potato pearls that we would get at the cannery. These were easy and delicious. One year Maria wanted to try garlic-mashed potatoes, and everyone really liked those. Potatoes are more work now, because now they involve boiling, mashing, mixing in, and baking, but it is something that is wanted. (Also, we have started making them with shallots now instead of garlic.)
Traditions can be beautiful things, but they can also be burdens. Consciously choosing what to keep and what to discard can then be very liberating. There's nothing wrong with starting a new tradition.
http://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2012/12/using-holiday-leftovers.html
One of my favorite things about the holiday cooking is that it has gradually become easier, but this was the first year that I realized how much of that credit goes to the upside down turkey.
It is mentioned in the leftovers post, but I cook the turkey upside down. The principle behind this is that gravity pulls the juices downward as the bird cooks. This would be wasted on the rib cage, but is great when the juices are all working their way through the breast meat. This is the bulk of your meat, and the part that dries out most easily.
One of the worst parts about the night before Thanksgiving was mixing the stuffing and then inserting it into the raw (usually still with at least some ice, no matter how carefully you had followed the defrosting instructions) bird. I liked my homemade stuffing, but generally only Mom and I would eat it.
When I considered dropping this step, I was trying to figure out what purpose the stuffing served, and as far as I could tell the purpose was to preserve some of those draining juices. This was not necessary; we had that covered. Having to go back and baste the bird was also a hassle, and I found it unnecessary. I remove the gizzards, neck, and the plastic thing holding the legs together, put the turkey (along with the neck) in a foil lined roasting pan, wrap that foil around the bird, and stick it in the oven. When it should be getting close to done I start taking its temperature, but that's it, and it comes out great.
I thought putting the bird upside down was only solving the issue of dry, white meat that no one really wanted, but really, it was making my life easier in other ways.
The other thing that was valuable was starting this process of deciding what was important and what wasn't, versus what was labor-intensive and what wasn't. The homemade inserted stuffing was a lot of work without much reward, so it could go. A Jello salad had traditionally been on the table every year, but there was so much other food that no one really ate it. Although it wasn't a lot of work to make, it could go. We can have that with other meals, when there aren't so many other options.
It can go back the other way too. For a long time the mashed potatoes had been made from the potato pearls that we would get at the cannery. These were easy and delicious. One year Maria wanted to try garlic-mashed potatoes, and everyone really liked those. Potatoes are more work now, because now they involve boiling, mashing, mixing in, and baking, but it is something that is wanted. (Also, we have started making them with shallots now instead of garlic.)
Traditions can be beautiful things, but they can also be burdens. Consciously choosing what to keep and what to discard can then be very liberating. There's nothing wrong with starting a new tradition.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
November Garden Report
Short version: I did nothing!
Slightly longer version: I thought about doing some things, then none of them happened.
Most of the plants are gone and have been uprooted. There were still strawberry plants and marigolds, and I thought about transplanting them, but did not.
Part of that is because I have not decided whether or not to renew the plot. It almost doesn't matter with the strawberries, because I have decided that I don't want them in the ground again.
I read something about how strawberries are the worst berries to pick, and have been nicknamed the devil's berries. I didn't know about the nickname, or how passionate some people were about it, but I knew about picking them. There is no comfortable position, you get cramped and dirty, and there are always stickers and things, and the berries are more in the dirt. They were somehow also the ones that needed the most workers back when I was doing that. (Probably just a coincidence.)
So even if I renew the community garden plot, I will change something with the berries. Whether I just put them in an urn, or use rain gutters, or hanging baskets, I have not decided yet. However, this is not a great time of year to transplant them. If I suddenly need to do it in January that won't be great either (March would probably be best), but I will have to wait and see.
The marigolds are a different story. They are annuals. Technically they should die out. They have been remarkably strong though. We are starting to get some frost, and this may be what finally sends them to rest, but their resilience has been a pleasant surprise.
I also thought of putting in a cover crop - commonly referred to as green manure - to improve the soil. It sounds like alfalfa is pretty common, though I was getting a lot of volunteer clover, so that would probably grow well. Without knowing if I am going to be using the space, it didn't seem like a good idea. Still, it's an intriguing idea. I hope to experiment with it next year. If there is one thing that growing does, it's make you believe and look forward to future years.
I promise that nothing will happen in December, and probably not in January. Instead, I will be gaining knowledge, to help me better decide what I want to do. I have four books that I want to read:
All New Square Foot Gardening, by Mel Bartholomew
Grocery Gardening, by Jean Ann Van Krevelen, Amanda Thomsen, and Robin Ripley
Founding Gardeners, by Andrea Wulf
Botany for Gardeners, by Brian Capon
Technically the first two are the really practical ones, but taking in the less practical knowledge can be very inspiring.
Slightly longer version: I thought about doing some things, then none of them happened.
Most of the plants are gone and have been uprooted. There were still strawberry plants and marigolds, and I thought about transplanting them, but did not.
Part of that is because I have not decided whether or not to renew the plot. It almost doesn't matter with the strawberries, because I have decided that I don't want them in the ground again.
I read something about how strawberries are the worst berries to pick, and have been nicknamed the devil's berries. I didn't know about the nickname, or how passionate some people were about it, but I knew about picking them. There is no comfortable position, you get cramped and dirty, and there are always stickers and things, and the berries are more in the dirt. They were somehow also the ones that needed the most workers back when I was doing that. (Probably just a coincidence.)
So even if I renew the community garden plot, I will change something with the berries. Whether I just put them in an urn, or use rain gutters, or hanging baskets, I have not decided yet. However, this is not a great time of year to transplant them. If I suddenly need to do it in January that won't be great either (March would probably be best), but I will have to wait and see.
The marigolds are a different story. They are annuals. Technically they should die out. They have been remarkably strong though. We are starting to get some frost, and this may be what finally sends them to rest, but their resilience has been a pleasant surprise.
I also thought of putting in a cover crop - commonly referred to as green manure - to improve the soil. It sounds like alfalfa is pretty common, though I was getting a lot of volunteer clover, so that would probably grow well. Without knowing if I am going to be using the space, it didn't seem like a good idea. Still, it's an intriguing idea. I hope to experiment with it next year. If there is one thing that growing does, it's make you believe and look forward to future years.
I promise that nothing will happen in December, and probably not in January. Instead, I will be gaining knowledge, to help me better decide what I want to do. I have four books that I want to read:
All New Square Foot Gardening, by Mel Bartholomew
Grocery Gardening, by Jean Ann Van Krevelen, Amanda Thomsen, and Robin Ripley
Founding Gardeners, by Andrea Wulf
Botany for Gardeners, by Brian Capon
Technically the first two are the really practical ones, but taking in the less practical knowledge can be very inspiring.
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Reasons I might renew my community garden plot
There are points in favor of the community garden plot as well.
One is that again, it is not expensive, especially when you include the use of the water.
Another is that while I can use my yard, then that involves things like rototilling and fencing parts off from the pets, and things like that. One thing I have considered is maybe putting sections of blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries in the backyard, maybe a plum tree in the front yard, but keeping the patch for regular vegetables. I feel I need more knowledge before I can decide, so that level of planning is on hold for right now, though I will need to decide before the end of January.
And of course the other reason that I might renew is people, even though that was the primary reason I might not.
A lot of people I knew took garden patches, and I thought at times that I would see them there, and that would be kind of cool. It turned out that usually we were there at different times, and the examples of the people who really annoyed me were people I had prior knowledge of.
At the same time, there were a lot of interactions with strangers that I wasn't expecting, and they were primarily positive.
People are attracted to growing space. As I worked, people would walk by and they would look and ask questions. Children would want to help.
There is an older woman who walks in the area a lot. She doesn't speak English, so we smile and greet each other, but all we can really say is "Hi". While the garden was going on, sometimes I could also show her a squash or something. I believe she was impressed.
So there are real community aspects to a community garden, and that may be something I want to continue to participate in. If I don't, someone else will, and I hope it will be good for them too. I still need to figure it out.
One is that again, it is not expensive, especially when you include the use of the water.
Another is that while I can use my yard, then that involves things like rototilling and fencing parts off from the pets, and things like that. One thing I have considered is maybe putting sections of blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries in the backyard, maybe a plum tree in the front yard, but keeping the patch for regular vegetables. I feel I need more knowledge before I can decide, so that level of planning is on hold for right now, though I will need to decide before the end of January.
And of course the other reason that I might renew is people, even though that was the primary reason I might not.
A lot of people I knew took garden patches, and I thought at times that I would see them there, and that would be kind of cool. It turned out that usually we were there at different times, and the examples of the people who really annoyed me were people I had prior knowledge of.
At the same time, there were a lot of interactions with strangers that I wasn't expecting, and they were primarily positive.
People are attracted to growing space. As I worked, people would walk by and they would look and ask questions. Children would want to help.
There is an older woman who walks in the area a lot. She doesn't speak English, so we smile and greet each other, but all we can really say is "Hi". While the garden was going on, sometimes I could also show her a squash or something. I believe she was impressed.
So there are real community aspects to a community garden, and that may be something I want to continue to participate in. If I don't, someone else will, and I hope it will be good for them too. I still need to figure it out.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
Reasons I might not renew my community garden plot
This is not saying that I won't renew, but if I don't, these are the reasons why. Basically, if you are thinking that getting a community garden plot, these would be the arguments against it.
One reason would be money, but that is not a huge reason. The $35 that I would pay for the space includes water, and that is pretty reasonable. Still, I do have the use of my own yard for free.
For many people a reasonable question is convenience. That is less of an issue for me, as I can walk there very easily and have had periods where I was there daily. If you will need to drive to your plot, or even if it's a longer walk, you should be realistic about not just whether you can get there on a regular basis, but if you will.
Mainly, though, if I don't renew it will be because of people.
I have not found litter near my garden very often. While some people do ridiculous things with the combination lock, like having it face inward, or only changing one number so that someone trying to crack the combination would be able to do so very easily, I have never been unable to get in or seen signs of someone who did not have a plot getting in, so it does seem to work out. There have been two things that have really irritated me.
One was one person trimming my tomatoes without asking. No, our plots were not adjacent, and they were not overgrown to the point where they would be encroaching on anyone else's plants. She was just trying to be helpful, and I found it to be a huge violation of personal space. This is a learning experience for me, and I may do some things wrong, but that is my prerogative. Also, there can be reasonable differences of opinion on how to do some things. I told her not to do it again, quite firmly. If I ever caught her doing so again, I was going to report her, but it did not appear to come up. Still, that was a souring experience.
There are other ways in which people are inconsiderate. My plot was really only close to one water spot, which had two faucets. I had gotten into a habit of using the same one, so every time I watered I would connect to that tap, water, and then disconnect. Then someone in another plot started leaving a large hose attached to that tap.
That did irritate me, but okay, there is another one there, and I can be flexible. Then the same people started leaving a hose attached to the other tap as well. Again, these are the only taps that are anywhere near my plot. Every time I went to water, I had to decide whether to undo one of theirs (and these were big hoses where that was kind of a chore) or to move one of theirs to use it for watering my own, or how to work that out. It's just rude. Actually, the time the one knob came off in my hand was while I was trying to remove a hose that someone had left attached.
Perhaps I am overly irritable; I can't rule that out. But basically if I decide not to do the community garden next year, it will be because of how annoying and inconsiderate people can be. If these people sound annoying to you as well, then it is something to think about.
One reason would be money, but that is not a huge reason. The $35 that I would pay for the space includes water, and that is pretty reasonable. Still, I do have the use of my own yard for free.
For many people a reasonable question is convenience. That is less of an issue for me, as I can walk there very easily and have had periods where I was there daily. If you will need to drive to your plot, or even if it's a longer walk, you should be realistic about not just whether you can get there on a regular basis, but if you will.
Mainly, though, if I don't renew it will be because of people.
I have not found litter near my garden very often. While some people do ridiculous things with the combination lock, like having it face inward, or only changing one number so that someone trying to crack the combination would be able to do so very easily, I have never been unable to get in or seen signs of someone who did not have a plot getting in, so it does seem to work out. There have been two things that have really irritated me.
One was one person trimming my tomatoes without asking. No, our plots were not adjacent, and they were not overgrown to the point where they would be encroaching on anyone else's plants. She was just trying to be helpful, and I found it to be a huge violation of personal space. This is a learning experience for me, and I may do some things wrong, but that is my prerogative. Also, there can be reasonable differences of opinion on how to do some things. I told her not to do it again, quite firmly. If I ever caught her doing so again, I was going to report her, but it did not appear to come up. Still, that was a souring experience.
There are other ways in which people are inconsiderate. My plot was really only close to one water spot, which had two faucets. I had gotten into a habit of using the same one, so every time I watered I would connect to that tap, water, and then disconnect. Then someone in another plot started leaving a large hose attached to that tap.
That did irritate me, but okay, there is another one there, and I can be flexible. Then the same people started leaving a hose attached to the other tap as well. Again, these are the only taps that are anywhere near my plot. Every time I went to water, I had to decide whether to undo one of theirs (and these were big hoses where that was kind of a chore) or to move one of theirs to use it for watering my own, or how to work that out. It's just rude. Actually, the time the one knob came off in my hand was while I was trying to remove a hose that someone had left attached.
Perhaps I am overly irritable; I can't rule that out. But basically if I decide not to do the community garden next year, it will be because of how annoying and inconsiderate people can be. If these people sound annoying to you as well, then it is something to think about.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Drawing Time
Right now I am working very hard on establishing myself as a professional writer, and I am also reading a lot, because there are a lot of things I want to know.
Reading and writing are both things I enjoy, but there are times when it gets fatiguing. I am on vacation this week. I have not yet had a vacation where writing was a real option when traveling, though it could still happen. I have had many vacations where I have taken along multiple books, and made progress there. However, this week I am doing neither.Instead I am going to take along some paper and pencils and do some sketching.
When I decided to start drawing, one thing that I felt instinctively is that there was a different kind of energy to it, and that it was a good thing in my life. Lately that has been reinforced.
Part of that has come from recently finishing Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards. The introduction to the fourth edition spends a fair amount of time going over the left and brain right functions, and how while it is easy for the left brain to dominate there are valuable things that we get from the right brain. The book focuses on how to bring the right side to the forefront, and that is a valuable thing.
The other part came from an article I read recently:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/13/coloring-for-stress_n_5975832.html
It turns out that coloring helps the right and left hemispheres work well, because it combines the logical activity of filling in spaces with the creative activity of choosing colors. Also, it is relaxing.
So, I think I am making good vacation choices here. There are a lot of activities that children are instinctively drawn to that adults give up, and that's a mistake.
Have a good week!
Reading and writing are both things I enjoy, but there are times when it gets fatiguing. I am on vacation this week. I have not yet had a vacation where writing was a real option when traveling, though it could still happen. I have had many vacations where I have taken along multiple books, and made progress there. However, this week I am doing neither.Instead I am going to take along some paper and pencils and do some sketching.
When I decided to start drawing, one thing that I felt instinctively is that there was a different kind of energy to it, and that it was a good thing in my life. Lately that has been reinforced.
Part of that has come from recently finishing Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards. The introduction to the fourth edition spends a fair amount of time going over the left and brain right functions, and how while it is easy for the left brain to dominate there are valuable things that we get from the right brain. The book focuses on how to bring the right side to the forefront, and that is a valuable thing.
The other part came from an article I read recently:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/13/coloring-for-stress_n_5975832.html
It turns out that coloring helps the right and left hemispheres work well, because it combines the logical activity of filling in spaces with the creative activity of choosing colors. Also, it is relaxing.
So, I think I am making good vacation choices here. There are a lot of activities that children are instinctively drawn to that adults give up, and that's a mistake.
Have a good week!
Sunday, November 2, 2014
The worst meeting ever
It has been a few years now, but I was once in a really horrible welfare meeting. I had a different meeting that could have been difficult recently, and I may find that I have a lot more meetings in my future, so this seems like a good time to review.
There was more than one thing that made it horrible, and only some of those were in my control. Let me give some background.
It happened while I was in the singles' ward, which is important for the initial concern.
There was a sheet that they had going around Relief Society that reminded the sisters that if they needed a blessing that the proper order would be to ask family members, or their home teachers, or if that didn't work they could ask the Elders' Quorum President, and there were slips with his phone number.
I understood why they were doing this. It was really common for people to want the attention of the Bishop, and he always had a long line outside of his door. That note could be a good reminder that there are many people who can help you, not just one.
Another potential issue might be sisters asking the brethren that were especially nice or cute for blessings. That probably does happen sometimes, and does seem kind of inappropriate.
Anyway, I understood the reason for the note. I still didn't totally approve, because that chain consisted of primarily missing links for many of the sisters, including my family.
We do not have any relatives we can ask for blessings. There aren't that many members in the family, and of those only a few are active, all of whom are female. We have also generally speaking not had home teachers who did their job. We have had a few great ones, but more often than not, no one was coming, and so even if we would have known whom to ask, it wouldn't have been comfortable.
We have generally found it hard to ask for blessings anyway. Not really growing up with an active father probably played a part. We do know other people who have also found it hard to ask, but they have had similar backgrounds. Maybe it can be easy to ask, but for us, it never was. Having a relationship where you trust the person helped. Also if it was someone who felt a little fatherly, that could be nice.
That leads directly to the last issue with the stated options: the Elders' Quorum president was judgmental and pompous, and there was just no way I was ever going to ask him for a blessing.
I didn't need one at that time, but one of my sisters did. She was getting sick and had a lot of things she needed to do, and she felt like she needed that help. Our choices, based on that paper, were pretty unsatisfactory. She ended up asking one of the counselors in the bishopric, and he told her no, that there were other people she should ask.
I was furious on behalf of my sister, but also I was appalled. I didn't love the policy in the first place, but I really thought it was there to encourage people at the asking stage, and not that they would actually refuse a request.
So, I wanted to talk about that, but I wanted to talk about it in general terms, without casting too much blame. Again, I understood the policy, but I thought there needed to be more empathy in its execution.
The problem was that trying to talk about it generally kept everyone from getting the point. Without any names, they just reiterated the policy. Getting a little more specific about what happened, the pompous guy assumed that the "no" was because of a worthiness issue. Finally I said it was a counselor, and then he realized it was him, but then it all became about the specific circumstance, not about that there was an overall problem, which I still felt was true.
That would have been bad enough, but I was also coming down with a cold, and so my voice was starting to give out, and that meeting just sucked. I remember going home and unfriending several of the people there on Facebook, because I didn't want them seeing anything I might choose to post about that meeting.
That part was actually okay. There is a tendency to feel that you need to accept people on social media if you know them and they send a request, but there is no obligation. I don't regret any of those deletions.
I also still think that raising the issue was okay, but what I did wrong was bringing it into the meeting when I couldn't name names. I should have gone straight to the bishop with that one. It wasn't that I felt like I was slandering the counselor; but I didn't want to embarrass him or make an example of him. I didn't really want to identify my sister either. I had thought the story had enough general application that the specifics didn't matter, but I was wrong there. So some things need to go to the meeting leader before, and let him decide how to address them.
It is one reason that I remember the importance of home and visiting teaching so strongly. I often worry about whether we do enough for the sisters we visit, but a few times we have had people call us because they needed someone to talk to, and at those times I know we did something right. That's not what I am thinking at the time, because they have a need and I am focusing on that, but later I remember that there is some trust, that they do know that we care.
And we still have no priesthood holders in the family, and we don't get home taught very often, so in some ways things haven't changed very much. It's nice that we're independent, but it's nice to have people looking out for you too.
There was more than one thing that made it horrible, and only some of those were in my control. Let me give some background.
It happened while I was in the singles' ward, which is important for the initial concern.
There was a sheet that they had going around Relief Society that reminded the sisters that if they needed a blessing that the proper order would be to ask family members, or their home teachers, or if that didn't work they could ask the Elders' Quorum President, and there were slips with his phone number.
I understood why they were doing this. It was really common for people to want the attention of the Bishop, and he always had a long line outside of his door. That note could be a good reminder that there are many people who can help you, not just one.
Another potential issue might be sisters asking the brethren that were especially nice or cute for blessings. That probably does happen sometimes, and does seem kind of inappropriate.
Anyway, I understood the reason for the note. I still didn't totally approve, because that chain consisted of primarily missing links for many of the sisters, including my family.
We do not have any relatives we can ask for blessings. There aren't that many members in the family, and of those only a few are active, all of whom are female. We have also generally speaking not had home teachers who did their job. We have had a few great ones, but more often than not, no one was coming, and so even if we would have known whom to ask, it wouldn't have been comfortable.
We have generally found it hard to ask for blessings anyway. Not really growing up with an active father probably played a part. We do know other people who have also found it hard to ask, but they have had similar backgrounds. Maybe it can be easy to ask, but for us, it never was. Having a relationship where you trust the person helped. Also if it was someone who felt a little fatherly, that could be nice.
That leads directly to the last issue with the stated options: the Elders' Quorum president was judgmental and pompous, and there was just no way I was ever going to ask him for a blessing.
I didn't need one at that time, but one of my sisters did. She was getting sick and had a lot of things she needed to do, and she felt like she needed that help. Our choices, based on that paper, were pretty unsatisfactory. She ended up asking one of the counselors in the bishopric, and he told her no, that there were other people she should ask.
I was furious on behalf of my sister, but also I was appalled. I didn't love the policy in the first place, but I really thought it was there to encourage people at the asking stage, and not that they would actually refuse a request.
So, I wanted to talk about that, but I wanted to talk about it in general terms, without casting too much blame. Again, I understood the policy, but I thought there needed to be more empathy in its execution.
The problem was that trying to talk about it generally kept everyone from getting the point. Without any names, they just reiterated the policy. Getting a little more specific about what happened, the pompous guy assumed that the "no" was because of a worthiness issue. Finally I said it was a counselor, and then he realized it was him, but then it all became about the specific circumstance, not about that there was an overall problem, which I still felt was true.
That would have been bad enough, but I was also coming down with a cold, and so my voice was starting to give out, and that meeting just sucked. I remember going home and unfriending several of the people there on Facebook, because I didn't want them seeing anything I might choose to post about that meeting.
That part was actually okay. There is a tendency to feel that you need to accept people on social media if you know them and they send a request, but there is no obligation. I don't regret any of those deletions.
I also still think that raising the issue was okay, but what I did wrong was bringing it into the meeting when I couldn't name names. I should have gone straight to the bishop with that one. It wasn't that I felt like I was slandering the counselor; but I didn't want to embarrass him or make an example of him. I didn't really want to identify my sister either. I had thought the story had enough general application that the specifics didn't matter, but I was wrong there. So some things need to go to the meeting leader before, and let him decide how to address them.
It is one reason that I remember the importance of home and visiting teaching so strongly. I often worry about whether we do enough for the sisters we visit, but a few times we have had people call us because they needed someone to talk to, and at those times I know we did something right. That's not what I am thinking at the time, because they have a need and I am focusing on that, but later I remember that there is some trust, that they do know that we care.
And we still have no priesthood holders in the family, and we don't get home taught very often, so in some ways things haven't changed very much. It's nice that we're independent, but it's nice to have people looking out for you too.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
October Garden Report
Maintenance has gotten easier. I haven't needed to water much this month at all. The garden isn't exactly still going strong, but it is still going.
I recently picked squash and zucchini, and made bread with them. I picked some peas and beans too.
I am having a hard time deciding if I should pick the lettuce. It's not very big, but it's been holding at this size for a few days now. It may not get any bigger.
The tomatoes will ripen. I was guiding the branches on one of the plants, and one hard green tomato fell off. I thought it was too green for putting it on the counter to work, but it did. If that one can ripen, all of these can. I still have it in mind that it is superior for them to ripen on the vine, but every day that I leave them out there is one more day that they can fall and be eaten by slugs. I thought I would gather everything at the first sign of frost, but I think it will happen before that.
The last few zucchini may not ripen, and that's okay. If they do I will use them, and if they don't, it's still part of this thing that inspires me, in that the plants will keep going for as long as they can.
With the tomatoes, everyone has a lot of tomatoes still green or ripening, but the strawberries are still putting out new fruits. I thought they were done, but I picked two strawberries two days ago that were ripe! In October! It's not like you can make jam from it, but it's still kind of cool, this drive to produce and to choose life.
Also, I had no idea how long-lasting marigolds were.
So that's where I'm at now. I am deciding when to pick what is left, based on the progress that I'm observing.
I also need to make decisions about next year. Do I want to keep the plot? If I do, do I want to grow the same things?
That sounds like I don't need to decide right away, but there are winterizing things I can do, and if I am going to do them, we are getting into the right time.
Therefore, there will be a November garden report. It will be partially a post mortem, but it will still have an eye to the future.
Sunday, October 19, 2014
Okay, now you're just looking for a reason to be offended
I just have one more post based on thoughts from conference for now.
I have mentioned before that I am in this online group for left-leaning members, and that I kind of hate it, so I don't look at it much. If anything interesting comes up, my sister will usually ask me if I have seen it, and that is why I stay in.
The first thing she mentioned for conference was how upset people were by Elder Christofferson's talk about takers and the 47%.
I didn't remember the talk being about that. For one thing, I am really sensitive to the 47% thing (see http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/10/100-wrong-about-47.html for more on that), so I think it would have stood out if he had said that. I remembered the focus as being on how you need to repent to take advantage of the Atonement, and that keeps agency as a part of the process of forgiveness. That was what stuck out to me.
I decided the example of the really lazy man was pretty ludicrous, though, and maybe that was where they felt he was making it more about the temporal. It still seemed like an overreaction, but I had not read their actual comments. Maybe the comments had looked worse to my sister, who had not actually listened to the talk.
But I still saw the comments about Elder Scott's talk.
I feel like it would be inappropriate to copy the main person's comments here, though I have them handy, so I totally could. I am also concerned that by only summarizing the complaint, it will be open to misinterpretation, and sound worse, or maybe I have misconstrued it. So, I will probably do a kind of a mix.
First of all, the talk did admit that life can be hard. Here is one quote from Elder Scott:
"We live in trying times. I need not list all of the sources of evil in the world. It is not necessary to describe all of the possible challenges and heartaches that are a part of mortality. Each of us is intimately aware of our own struggles with temptation, pain, and sadness."
However, he does not focus so much on that but on the various tools we have to help with that. The complaint was centered on his comment on prayer. Again, from Elder Scott:
"The first tool is prayer. Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences.
Because He respects your agency, Father in Heaven will never force you to pray to Him. But as you exercise that agency and include Him in every aspect of your daily life, your heart will begin to fill with peace, buoyant peace. That peace will focus an eternal light on your struggles. It will help you to manage those challenges from an eternal perspective.
Parents, help safeguard your children by arming them morning and night with the power of family prayer. Children are bombarded every day with the evils of lust, greed, pride, and a host of other sinful behaviors. Protect your children from daily worldly influences by fortifying them with the powerful blessings that result from family prayer. Family prayer should be a nonnegotiable priority in your daily life."
The negative comment that started a long discussion, and to be fair it was not all agreement, took this as looking at the world as full of evil people, plus Satan and his minions, ready to pounce on you, and she was bothered by that because she likes to think of the world as beautiful. If we are going to love our neighbors, isn't it counterproductive to view them as evil? Why is he being a fear-monger?
And I know there is a whole talk that was given, and I have only referenced three paragraphs, but seriously, he never said to fear non-members. The church has some anti-bullying information out there, because LDS kids bully too. Maybe you are praying for protection from the people at church, or from depression, or for help in dealing with all of the personal things that make life difficult that everyone has. It's not saying that life isn't beautiful because it's hard; a lot of the beauty comes through the hard parts!
I think at this point, she was projecting. Now, I absolutely know it is possible, especially living in Utah or Idaho, that there might be a lot of people talking about the wickedness of everyone outside of the church, and that would be frustrating, but don't inject things into the talks that aren't there! For one thing, if you are listening for what other people need to hear, you will not hear what you need to hear. There could have been something that would comfort you in there.
It's interesting because we have friends who have told us that 91% of conference is because of what people do in Utah, and I think we are moving away from that. Various speakers spoke in their native languages, and that was exciting. We are a worldwide church, and the Gospel has value for every citizen of the globe.
This is something else that has become clear to me though. The conservatism that is associated with the Church in the States is not worldwide. I suspect part of the reason for those who feel that Republican is the only way to be is because of the political climate that the GOP has been working very hard to build, which associates their cause with righteousness and which is based on lots of lies. So, that's something worth thinking about.
And for someone who is very satisfied with both their political and religious affiliation, a message that repentance is necessary, when they have not thought of themselves as needing to repent, can be very valuable, if they will hear it. A reminder for daily prayer, which can, if the prayer is sincere, soften the heart, and become a conduit for personal revelation, can be very useful.
The question really becomes what are you looking for? Because you will find it.
http://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2009/05/may-2009-on-not-being-offended.html
I have mentioned before that I am in this online group for left-leaning members, and that I kind of hate it, so I don't look at it much. If anything interesting comes up, my sister will usually ask me if I have seen it, and that is why I stay in.
The first thing she mentioned for conference was how upset people were by Elder Christofferson's talk about takers and the 47%.
I didn't remember the talk being about that. For one thing, I am really sensitive to the 47% thing (see http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/10/100-wrong-about-47.html for more on that), so I think it would have stood out if he had said that. I remembered the focus as being on how you need to repent to take advantage of the Atonement, and that keeps agency as a part of the process of forgiveness. That was what stuck out to me.
I decided the example of the really lazy man was pretty ludicrous, though, and maybe that was where they felt he was making it more about the temporal. It still seemed like an overreaction, but I had not read their actual comments. Maybe the comments had looked worse to my sister, who had not actually listened to the talk.
But I still saw the comments about Elder Scott's talk.
I feel like it would be inappropriate to copy the main person's comments here, though I have them handy, so I totally could. I am also concerned that by only summarizing the complaint, it will be open to misinterpretation, and sound worse, or maybe I have misconstrued it. So, I will probably do a kind of a mix.
First of all, the talk did admit that life can be hard. Here is one quote from Elder Scott:
"We live in trying times. I need not list all of the sources of evil in the world. It is not necessary to describe all of the possible challenges and heartaches that are a part of mortality. Each of us is intimately aware of our own struggles with temptation, pain, and sadness."
However, he does not focus so much on that but on the various tools we have to help with that. The complaint was centered on his comment on prayer. Again, from Elder Scott:
"The first tool is prayer. Choose to converse with your Father in Heaven often. Make time every day to share your thoughts and feelings with Him. Tell Him everything that concerns you. He is interested in the most important as well as the most mundane facets of your life. Share with Him your full range of feelings and experiences.
Because He respects your agency, Father in Heaven will never force you to pray to Him. But as you exercise that agency and include Him in every aspect of your daily life, your heart will begin to fill with peace, buoyant peace. That peace will focus an eternal light on your struggles. It will help you to manage those challenges from an eternal perspective.
Parents, help safeguard your children by arming them morning and night with the power of family prayer. Children are bombarded every day with the evils of lust, greed, pride, and a host of other sinful behaviors. Protect your children from daily worldly influences by fortifying them with the powerful blessings that result from family prayer. Family prayer should be a nonnegotiable priority in your daily life."
The negative comment that started a long discussion, and to be fair it was not all agreement, took this as looking at the world as full of evil people, plus Satan and his minions, ready to pounce on you, and she was bothered by that because she likes to think of the world as beautiful. If we are going to love our neighbors, isn't it counterproductive to view them as evil? Why is he being a fear-monger?
And I know there is a whole talk that was given, and I have only referenced three paragraphs, but seriously, he never said to fear non-members. The church has some anti-bullying information out there, because LDS kids bully too. Maybe you are praying for protection from the people at church, or from depression, or for help in dealing with all of the personal things that make life difficult that everyone has. It's not saying that life isn't beautiful because it's hard; a lot of the beauty comes through the hard parts!
I think at this point, she was projecting. Now, I absolutely know it is possible, especially living in Utah or Idaho, that there might be a lot of people talking about the wickedness of everyone outside of the church, and that would be frustrating, but don't inject things into the talks that aren't there! For one thing, if you are listening for what other people need to hear, you will not hear what you need to hear. There could have been something that would comfort you in there.
It's interesting because we have friends who have told us that 91% of conference is because of what people do in Utah, and I think we are moving away from that. Various speakers spoke in their native languages, and that was exciting. We are a worldwide church, and the Gospel has value for every citizen of the globe.
This is something else that has become clear to me though. The conservatism that is associated with the Church in the States is not worldwide. I suspect part of the reason for those who feel that Republican is the only way to be is because of the political climate that the GOP has been working very hard to build, which associates their cause with righteousness and which is based on lots of lies. So, that's something worth thinking about.
And for someone who is very satisfied with both their political and religious affiliation, a message that repentance is necessary, when they have not thought of themselves as needing to repent, can be very valuable, if they will hear it. A reminder for daily prayer, which can, if the prayer is sincere, soften the heart, and become a conduit for personal revelation, can be very useful.
The question really becomes what are you looking for? Because you will find it.
http://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2009/05/may-2009-on-not-being-offended.html
Sunday, October 12, 2014
Faithening Strength
I wrote last week's post with one session of conference remaining, and there was something coming that would touch me deeply.
Elder David F. Evans gave the invocation, and expressed gratitude for the opportunity to have our strength faithened. He quickly realized what he said and corrected it, but I was amazed by how natural the first way sounded, and believed that there was something profound there.
My first thought was of Matthew 13:33:
"The kingdom of heaven is like unto leaven, which a woman took, and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened."
Perhaps faith was something that could start in a small part of your strength and grow until it it was a very faithful strength. That sounds powerful, and we use analogies of seeds and plants growing for faith all of the time.
We have a general feeling that our faith should be strong, and an idea of how to go about making that happen. It is less common to think about how our strength should be full of faith, and how to make that happen.
I believe that a lot of time could be spent on this simple phrase, and there would be insights and inspiration. These words are in no way definitive, but here are some thoughts that I had on faithening our strength.
1. We can increase our appreciation and gratitude for our physical strength and abilities.
There is so much that is amazing about the human body, with the interactions of nerves and muscles and brain function that goes into even the simplest things like walking, grasping, or lifting. Even with your body set up to work correctly it needs nourishment, which means sunlight and chlorophyll and photosynthesis and digestion. Along with these basic functions come pleasures like taste and hearing the sound of crunching.
There is so much to appreciate, as individual components and as parts of systems, but they can easily be taken for granted. Devoting some time to noticing how all has been provided could indeed make your strength more faithful.
2. We can increase our appreciation and gratitude for the steps that led to our current level of spiritual strength.
In many ways, my family's spiritual history begins with a broken projector. The elders needed it repaired, and came to my grandfather's electronics shop where an uncle invited them back. My parents did listen, and did get baptized. Because of that I was born in the church.
Going forward there was that time a speaker said you should read the scriptures daily, and it resonated with me and I started, and the things I learned there. There have been the times when things were whispered to me, and felt, and ways in which others served me and I served them. There was the time when the Spirit practically shouted at me to serve a mission, and I listened, and what happened right after that and for the next few years after that. There is a process, full of many building blocks, that led to my present state of activity, and there were many beings who helped. That is worth remembering, because there was faith that led to that strength.
3. We can apply faith to our strengths and talents.
What have we accomplished already in the service of God? What things might we be intended to accomplish?
One thing that disturbs me a lot is that fear of pride has caused many people to discount their own abilities. That leads to unhappiness as we feel inadequate, and less, but we can nonetheless all do many things and it does not benefit the world to hold back because we think we can't be enough.
As we examine the past, for times we have helped others, even if it was simply by listening them, then we can build on that and move forward and do more.
This is only an ego problem if you use this as evidence of your own superiority. If instead you acknowledge the large debt you have to God for your abilities, and acknowledge that all others have their own gifts, and that we need the gifts of all to achieve the most good, then you will not be proud, you will be humble. Your strength will be faithful.
In my life right now I am trying to pursue dreams that I have wanted for a long time. It is very easy to doubt. It is very hard to believe that what I want is possible or deserved.
But I have a patriarchal blessing, with promises in it. That includes references to the talents that I am trying to build on now. I have faith that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy, and knows what will make me happy. So if I feel pulled down one path, and there is confirmation, even without fully knowing where the path will lead I can feel confident setting out on it, that my strength will be enough, or that I will be shored up when my strength lacks.
I can have faithened strength.
Elder David F. Evans gave the invocation, and expressed gratitude for the opportunity to have our strength faithened. He quickly realized what he said and corrected it, but I was amazed by how natural the first way sounded, and believed that there was something profound there.
My first thought was of Matthew 13:33:
"The kingdom of heaven is like unto leaven, which a woman took, and hid in three measures of meal, till the whole was leavened."
Perhaps faith was something that could start in a small part of your strength and grow until it it was a very faithful strength. That sounds powerful, and we use analogies of seeds and plants growing for faith all of the time.
We have a general feeling that our faith should be strong, and an idea of how to go about making that happen. It is less common to think about how our strength should be full of faith, and how to make that happen.
I believe that a lot of time could be spent on this simple phrase, and there would be insights and inspiration. These words are in no way definitive, but here are some thoughts that I had on faithening our strength.
1. We can increase our appreciation and gratitude for our physical strength and abilities.
There is so much that is amazing about the human body, with the interactions of nerves and muscles and brain function that goes into even the simplest things like walking, grasping, or lifting. Even with your body set up to work correctly it needs nourishment, which means sunlight and chlorophyll and photosynthesis and digestion. Along with these basic functions come pleasures like taste and hearing the sound of crunching.
There is so much to appreciate, as individual components and as parts of systems, but they can easily be taken for granted. Devoting some time to noticing how all has been provided could indeed make your strength more faithful.
2. We can increase our appreciation and gratitude for the steps that led to our current level of spiritual strength.
In many ways, my family's spiritual history begins with a broken projector. The elders needed it repaired, and came to my grandfather's electronics shop where an uncle invited them back. My parents did listen, and did get baptized. Because of that I was born in the church.
Going forward there was that time a speaker said you should read the scriptures daily, and it resonated with me and I started, and the things I learned there. There have been the times when things were whispered to me, and felt, and ways in which others served me and I served them. There was the time when the Spirit practically shouted at me to serve a mission, and I listened, and what happened right after that and for the next few years after that. There is a process, full of many building blocks, that led to my present state of activity, and there were many beings who helped. That is worth remembering, because there was faith that led to that strength.
3. We can apply faith to our strengths and talents.
What have we accomplished already in the service of God? What things might we be intended to accomplish?
One thing that disturbs me a lot is that fear of pride has caused many people to discount their own abilities. That leads to unhappiness as we feel inadequate, and less, but we can nonetheless all do many things and it does not benefit the world to hold back because we think we can't be enough.
As we examine the past, for times we have helped others, even if it was simply by listening them, then we can build on that and move forward and do more.
This is only an ego problem if you use this as evidence of your own superiority. If instead you acknowledge the large debt you have to God for your abilities, and acknowledge that all others have their own gifts, and that we need the gifts of all to achieve the most good, then you will not be proud, you will be humble. Your strength will be faithful.
In my life right now I am trying to pursue dreams that I have wanted for a long time. It is very easy to doubt. It is very hard to believe that what I want is possible or deserved.
But I have a patriarchal blessing, with promises in it. That includes references to the talents that I am trying to build on now. I have faith that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy, and knows what will make me happy. So if I feel pulled down one path, and there is confirmation, even without fully knowing where the path will lead I can feel confident setting out on it, that my strength will be enough, or that I will be shored up when my strength lacks.
I can have faithened strength.
Sunday, October 5, 2014
Taking the sacrament
It is General Conference weekend. Twice a year in my church we have two days of talks from our leaders, and they will later be printed in a magazine, but also available on line.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/?cid=HP14GC&lang=eng
Since there is already so much to listen to and think about out there, I don't want to add very much.
I usually get more out of reading than listening, and as I write this there is still one session left, so my impressions could change. Knowing that, I say that the dominant theme of this conference has been the emphasis on taking the sacrament.
At first I was surprised, but it is striking me as more and more perfect.
One thought I had with the last conference is that no matter how much you might want some things said, so that some people will hear them, that doesn't work. If the person is not ready to hear it, they won't. If you are ready to hear something, and you are listening, you will hear it, even if it is not said.
I think about that because the thing that worries me most about church members is the growing hard-heartedness. Yes, it is more to the point to worry about myself, but I do see things that worry me in other people, and that is one.
"And because iniquity shall abound the love of many shall wax cold." Matthew 24:12
It's easy to read descriptions of the Last Days and think that they apply to people outside of the church, but that would be pretty short-sighted.
So I think about that, and about people who know the truth, but they get so busy judging the lives of others that they forget to love them, and foolish virgins and sheep and goats, and I worry, but the sacrament is the best remedy for that.
It is a time to reflect on ourselves. How am I doing? How could I be better?
It is a time to feel humility and seek forgiveness.
It is a time to listen for the messages we need to hear.
It is a time of heart softening, and we can have it every week.
Having church leaders called of God is a wonderful thing, but even if we are not acting as leaders at a given moment, we are still called. It is important to regular take time to hear Him calling.
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/?cid=HP14GC&lang=eng
Since there is already so much to listen to and think about out there, I don't want to add very much.
I usually get more out of reading than listening, and as I write this there is still one session left, so my impressions could change. Knowing that, I say that the dominant theme of this conference has been the emphasis on taking the sacrament.
At first I was surprised, but it is striking me as more and more perfect.
One thought I had with the last conference is that no matter how much you might want some things said, so that some people will hear them, that doesn't work. If the person is not ready to hear it, they won't. If you are ready to hear something, and you are listening, you will hear it, even if it is not said.
I think about that because the thing that worries me most about church members is the growing hard-heartedness. Yes, it is more to the point to worry about myself, but I do see things that worry me in other people, and that is one.
"And because iniquity shall abound the love of many shall wax cold." Matthew 24:12
It's easy to read descriptions of the Last Days and think that they apply to people outside of the church, but that would be pretty short-sighted.
So I think about that, and about people who know the truth, but they get so busy judging the lives of others that they forget to love them, and foolish virgins and sheep and goats, and I worry, but the sacrament is the best remedy for that.
It is a time to reflect on ourselves. How am I doing? How could I be better?
It is a time to feel humility and seek forgiveness.
It is a time to listen for the messages we need to hear.
It is a time of heart softening, and we can have it every week.
Having church leaders called of God is a wonderful thing, but even if we are not acting as leaders at a given moment, we are still called. It is important to regular take time to hear Him calling.
Sunday, September 28, 2014
September Garden Report
Autumn has fallen upon us and the garden is starting to wind down.
The strawberries are alive, but not really producing. The green beans may still produce some, but I am not counting on it.
One of the tomato plants is done, but two others continue to bear fruit. However, ripening happens slowly, and the first frost that we get will kill them all, so I now need to keep an eye on the weather forecasts. The first time it looks like we will dip below freezing, I will pick everything left and see what sitting on the counter can do for them.
However, the second planting of peas and the lettuce seeds are growing. That frost could still ruin everything, but I continue to hope.
I am still getting some new zucchini and crookneck squash, but they are not getting as big. I am not sure how much longer they will last. The pumpkins would have actually thrived under cooler conditions if they had grown, but that leads me to one of the big questions of this whole gardening experiment - why didn't they grow? I am starting to think that they simply mutated.
I guess the idea was planted when talking with one friend about gardening, and worrying about nutrient sharing and competition, and she mentioned in passing that the only risk was squash cross-breeding.
At the time it didn't seem important, but yes, there are many different kinds of squash, some of which are quite similar to each other. I would not automatically be suspicious that the crooknecks are thriving and that I never got a single pumpkin fruit, but there are a few things that make me wonder...
1. One of the crookneck vines is extending from the area where I planted the pumpkin seeds. Things can get mixed up a little, but it is pretty far away from where I put the crookneck seeds.
2. Some of the crooknecks are suspiciously orange, instead of the regular pale yellow. Are they really mutated crumpkins?
3. One of the other garden patches has some squash that are dark green and elongated at one end, but yellow and narrow at the other. Crookini?
My zucchini have remained intact, but they started as plants, and had time to get established while the crookneck and pumpkin seeds were just sprouting.
Really, the most suspicious thing is that yet another garden patch has some thriving crooknecks in the space that they planted watermelons. Are crooknecks like the Borg? You have been squashimilated?
Fortunately, they are pretty flexible for cooking. We have sauteed them with onions, cooked them au gratin with zucchini, and baked them with sausage. I think I will be trying squash breads and cookies soon.
Sunday, September 21, 2014
Preparing to have a mission
I know, in the church that means something else. However, we also have our own definition of calling, where most of the world uses it more in the way Newport does, as something you feel drawn to as a life purpose, and a sense of mission goes along with that.
The final section of So Good They Can't Ignore You is Rule #4 Think Small, Act Big (Or, the Importance of Mission). It starts with a chapter called "The Meaningful Life of Pardis Sabeti".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pardis_Sabeti
I still recommend reading the book, but if not, Sabeti's Wikipedia entry is still pretty impressive. What she does with her work is impressive, but there is also impressive field and charity work, and she plays in a band and in a volleyball league. It is a good life, and she does a lot of good in the world.
It is also a life that demonstrates the previous rules coming together. She did not automatically know what field she would work in, but worked at it, developing her skills and becoming very good at what she could do. She has skills that people are willing to pay for, and it gives her some control, both for the projects she sets up and for giving her the time for a personal life. As she goes down that path, she finds more things she can do.
For me the most intriguing part of this sentence was a reference to "the adjacent possible". The idea is that at the edges of what we know, there are new discoveries for which the base is already in place. Once those discoveries happen, they become the base for more knowledge and innovation, but at any given moment there are some things that are available.
The description made me want to know more, which is why I am now reading Where Good Ideas Come From by Steven Johnson. (For what it's worth, I also recently finished Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin because I wanted to know more about deliberate practice.)
I believe Newport mentioned Crick and Watson's discovery of the double helix formation as an example of a breakthrough that other people were working on simultaneously, and Johnson covers many more such examples, but there were two things that I got from Johnson's book that relate to Sabeti.
One of the common characteristics of people who make large discoveries or innovations is that they have hobbies, or they have studied other things. Working out the double helix required tools from biochemistry, mathematics, genetics, information theory, and a sculpture metaphor. And, perhaps because it is so impossible for one person to know everything, it is important to have contact with different sorts of people in different fields.
From that way of thinking, it is not just that part of a good career is that it gives you a chance to play volleyball against the other departments, or play in a band and spend time with musicians and music fans, but that it makes you better able to do well in your job.
I know many members whose jobs have been influenced in some ways by their time spent in the mission field, if for no other reason than that they have picked up a new language. I have also heard stories of older couples going on service missions where they use knowledge acquired in their career to serve others.
Even without a formal mission in the mix, life can be like this. We learn, we connect to people, we learn more, and there is a circle where knowledge leads to knowledge, connection leads to connection, and we not only make our own lives better but the lives of other people. That is something worth working for.
The final section of So Good They Can't Ignore You is Rule #4 Think Small, Act Big (Or, the Importance of Mission). It starts with a chapter called "The Meaningful Life of Pardis Sabeti".
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pardis_Sabeti
I still recommend reading the book, but if not, Sabeti's Wikipedia entry is still pretty impressive. What she does with her work is impressive, but there is also impressive field and charity work, and she plays in a band and in a volleyball league. It is a good life, and she does a lot of good in the world.
It is also a life that demonstrates the previous rules coming together. She did not automatically know what field she would work in, but worked at it, developing her skills and becoming very good at what she could do. She has skills that people are willing to pay for, and it gives her some control, both for the projects she sets up and for giving her the time for a personal life. As she goes down that path, she finds more things she can do.
For me the most intriguing part of this sentence was a reference to "the adjacent possible". The idea is that at the edges of what we know, there are new discoveries for which the base is already in place. Once those discoveries happen, they become the base for more knowledge and innovation, but at any given moment there are some things that are available.
The description made me want to know more, which is why I am now reading Where Good Ideas Come From by Steven Johnson. (For what it's worth, I also recently finished Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin because I wanted to know more about deliberate practice.)
I believe Newport mentioned Crick and Watson's discovery of the double helix formation as an example of a breakthrough that other people were working on simultaneously, and Johnson covers many more such examples, but there were two things that I got from Johnson's book that relate to Sabeti.
One of the common characteristics of people who make large discoveries or innovations is that they have hobbies, or they have studied other things. Working out the double helix required tools from biochemistry, mathematics, genetics, information theory, and a sculpture metaphor. And, perhaps because it is so impossible for one person to know everything, it is important to have contact with different sorts of people in different fields.
From that way of thinking, it is not just that part of a good career is that it gives you a chance to play volleyball against the other departments, or play in a band and spend time with musicians and music fans, but that it makes you better able to do well in your job.
I know many members whose jobs have been influenced in some ways by their time spent in the mission field, if for no other reason than that they have picked up a new language. I have also heard stories of older couples going on service missions where they use knowledge acquired in their career to serve others.
Even without a formal mission in the mix, life can be like this. We learn, we connect to people, we learn more, and there is a circle where knowledge leads to knowledge, connection leads to connection, and we not only make our own lives better but the lives of other people. That is something worth working for.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
Preparing to exert career control
We are now at Rule 3: Turn down a promotion (the importance of control)
Newport used to opposite examples to demonstrate this principle. One example had written up a list in her early 20's of things she wanted to do. They included making her way across each continent without normal power, like maybe unicycle for one, and dog team for Antarctica, learning to eat fire, and surviving in the wilderness for a month without supplies. She dropped out of school to do this, but then found her job prospects did not really support her goals.
The other started out with a very basic entry level code testing job, but she became very good at it, learning ways to debug and automate and consistently rising in terms of her level of ability and responsibility. She then was able to request various things that they would not normally give, like Fridays off, or a three-month leave. If the first person had followed that kind of a path, she would have been more likely to be able to follow her interests.
One point of this is that you have to be able to offer something that people will pay for. Someone who has traveled the world by unconventional means may be interesting to talk to, but it doesn't automatically make them a good employee. Even if you look for ways to monetize it, by writing a book or creating a reality show, there are no guaranteed sales.
The most detailed example was about Red Fire Farm: http://www.redfirefarm.com/
As a teenager Ryan tried various things for making money, including some very typical ones. One of those ended up being selling wild berries that he picked. That led to selling extra produce from his parents' garden, then taking over the garden, expanding the garden, and renting land to grow more. By the time he was ready to purchase his own land, he had acquired career capital that he could put to work. It started as a way to simply make cash, but it became a career.
One thing worth noting is that the first few rounds wouldn't have required much of a financial investment. If the berries hadn't sold, he could have moved on to something else easily. As he succeeded, there was a gradual progression to bigger things. At various points the risk would increase, but there had been a commensurate increase in knowledge and experience before each expansion. He is now doing what he wants in the way he wants, but it started small.
As the proprietor of a family business, he has control, but also has responsibility for his own financial well-being, which is going to affect decisions. When you work for an employer, you may have less risk, but also a trade off with less freedom, and that requires other decisions. That's where turning down promotions may come in.
I have a friend who works at a large chip manufacturer, and is not on the typical career path where he should be seeking higher advancement. He is looked down on for that, but he knows that the normal route will seriously compromise family time, and mental health, and evaluating what his family needs are financially and emotionally, has made his choice. That takes some strength, but it also takes clearheaded analysis.
This section of the book had many examples of people who did turn down promotions or walk away. When you are valuable to your employer, they may want to nail you down more. They will probably not want you to be gone for three months or to work four days a week. If that's what makes the situation workable for you, that may work, as long as you have something to offer them that is worth the concession.
For the woman who did take the three-month leave, part of it was that in preparation for it she trained her team to function without her. She wanted to know that they could do it, it would be a relief to her company to know that while she was valuable she was not irreplaceable, and it was probably good for the individual team members to expand their abilities.
Exerting career control is a two-part process. One is knowing what you have of value, so that you have something to offer and to barter with. In addition, you also need to know what you value, so that you can decide the worth of various options. Combining those things can help you build a desirable career.
Newport used to opposite examples to demonstrate this principle. One example had written up a list in her early 20's of things she wanted to do. They included making her way across each continent without normal power, like maybe unicycle for one, and dog team for Antarctica, learning to eat fire, and surviving in the wilderness for a month without supplies. She dropped out of school to do this, but then found her job prospects did not really support her goals.
The other started out with a very basic entry level code testing job, but she became very good at it, learning ways to debug and automate and consistently rising in terms of her level of ability and responsibility. She then was able to request various things that they would not normally give, like Fridays off, or a three-month leave. If the first person had followed that kind of a path, she would have been more likely to be able to follow her interests.
One point of this is that you have to be able to offer something that people will pay for. Someone who has traveled the world by unconventional means may be interesting to talk to, but it doesn't automatically make them a good employee. Even if you look for ways to monetize it, by writing a book or creating a reality show, there are no guaranteed sales.
The most detailed example was about Red Fire Farm: http://www.redfirefarm.com/
As a teenager Ryan tried various things for making money, including some very typical ones. One of those ended up being selling wild berries that he picked. That led to selling extra produce from his parents' garden, then taking over the garden, expanding the garden, and renting land to grow more. By the time he was ready to purchase his own land, he had acquired career capital that he could put to work. It started as a way to simply make cash, but it became a career.
One thing worth noting is that the first few rounds wouldn't have required much of a financial investment. If the berries hadn't sold, he could have moved on to something else easily. As he succeeded, there was a gradual progression to bigger things. At various points the risk would increase, but there had been a commensurate increase in knowledge and experience before each expansion. He is now doing what he wants in the way he wants, but it started small.
As the proprietor of a family business, he has control, but also has responsibility for his own financial well-being, which is going to affect decisions. When you work for an employer, you may have less risk, but also a trade off with less freedom, and that requires other decisions. That's where turning down promotions may come in.
I have a friend who works at a large chip manufacturer, and is not on the typical career path where he should be seeking higher advancement. He is looked down on for that, but he knows that the normal route will seriously compromise family time, and mental health, and evaluating what his family needs are financially and emotionally, has made his choice. That takes some strength, but it also takes clearheaded analysis.
This section of the book had many examples of people who did turn down promotions or walk away. When you are valuable to your employer, they may want to nail you down more. They will probably not want you to be gone for three months or to work four days a week. If that's what makes the situation workable for you, that may work, as long as you have something to offer them that is worth the concession.
For the woman who did take the three-month leave, part of it was that in preparation for it she trained her team to function without her. She wanted to know that they could do it, it would be a relief to her company to know that while she was valuable she was not irreplaceable, and it was probably good for the individual team members to expand their abilities.
Exerting career control is a two-part process. One is knowing what you have of value, so that you have something to offer and to barter with. In addition, you also need to know what you value, so that you can decide the worth of various options. Combining those things can help you build a desirable career.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Preparing to get good
After realizing that it was not possible to capture the entire book So Good They Can't Ignore You in a single post, I started thinking that perhaps I should do additional posts, with one going over each rule.
I still think that if people are interested they should read the book, and I can also confirm that there are copies of the book in Washington County libraries, but I suspect that spending more time writing about it will be valuable for me.
The overall cycle is that as you become very good at your job, having skills that are valuable, you can take more control, which allows you to not only improve your job conditions but also to control the direction your work takes, allowing it to become more of a mission, thus making this a job you are passionate about.
Building skill is the most basic step, but part of that is also deciding where to focus. There may be jobs where you should leave instead of try to become better. Newport gives three possible scenarios for that:
1. The job presents few opportunities to distinguish yourself by developing relevant skills that are rare and valuable.
2. The job focuses on something you think is useless or perhaps even actively bad for the world.
3. The job forces you to work with people you really dislike.
Many of the people who would benefit from this book are those just starting out, but it can also be useful for those who are already working but dissatisfied with their situations. In that case, the first step may need to be to examine why it is not satisfying. If the reasons fit into the three situations above, it may be better to move on than to try and fix.
(I will say that I have noticed that a lot of stories -- not from the book; just that I have heard -- about people who changed jobs and been happy, or were miserable about their jobs on their deathbeds seem to involve the advertising industry.)
If you are ready to stay and build, then Newport talks about the "craftsman mindset" and gives examples of those who have followed it well, along with five habits.
1. Decide what Capital Market You're In
Newport divides these into "auction" and "winner take all", which basically means whether there are several types of skills and niches to fill, or basically one necessary type of skill. He uses one person working in venture capital and one working as a television writer for examples.
2. Identify Your Capital Type
The venture capitalist had some experience and knowledge about energy that made him valuable for firms focusing in clean energy, and making that connection helped him in focusing his search and making choices. The writer just needed to keep producing better scripts.
3. Define "Good"
This could mean having a script good enough to land an agent or being able to quickly assess whether a company with a new energy saving device will be successful. Having identified your capital type, knowing what makes it valuable should give you an idea of the level of skill that is needed.
4. Stretch and Destroy
This is where the deliberate practice comes in. We have all heard about the 10000 hour rule for becoming an expert at something, but it looks like how you practice is more important than for how long.
Neil Charness did a study of chess players, and of many tracked over 10000 hours, some became grand masters and some stayed intermediate. The grand masters had spent half of their time on serious study of the game - reading books, working with teachers, and identifying weaknesses. The players who were still intermediate had spent only about 1000 hours on this, spending more of their time on tournament play.
Deliberate practice is not always enjoyable, because you are constantly finding the weak spots, and the areas where you are not very good, and attacking them. At the same time, you end up eliminating those weak spots.
5. Be Patient
The point in the previous habit is that thousands of hours don't automatically give you valuable career capital, but it does not mean that you won't still need thousands of hours. For the two main examples, it took them two and five years of deliberate practice to get where they wanted after deciding what they could do and how to get there.
Of course, those years would have passed anyway, whether they had been working toward a goal or not.
I still think that if people are interested they should read the book, and I can also confirm that there are copies of the book in Washington County libraries, but I suspect that spending more time writing about it will be valuable for me.
The overall cycle is that as you become very good at your job, having skills that are valuable, you can take more control, which allows you to not only improve your job conditions but also to control the direction your work takes, allowing it to become more of a mission, thus making this a job you are passionate about.
Building skill is the most basic step, but part of that is also deciding where to focus. There may be jobs where you should leave instead of try to become better. Newport gives three possible scenarios for that:
1. The job presents few opportunities to distinguish yourself by developing relevant skills that are rare and valuable.
2. The job focuses on something you think is useless or perhaps even actively bad for the world.
3. The job forces you to work with people you really dislike.
Many of the people who would benefit from this book are those just starting out, but it can also be useful for those who are already working but dissatisfied with their situations. In that case, the first step may need to be to examine why it is not satisfying. If the reasons fit into the three situations above, it may be better to move on than to try and fix.
(I will say that I have noticed that a lot of stories -- not from the book; just that I have heard -- about people who changed jobs and been happy, or were miserable about their jobs on their deathbeds seem to involve the advertising industry.)
If you are ready to stay and build, then Newport talks about the "craftsman mindset" and gives examples of those who have followed it well, along with five habits.
1. Decide what Capital Market You're In
Newport divides these into "auction" and "winner take all", which basically means whether there are several types of skills and niches to fill, or basically one necessary type of skill. He uses one person working in venture capital and one working as a television writer for examples.
2. Identify Your Capital Type
The venture capitalist had some experience and knowledge about energy that made him valuable for firms focusing in clean energy, and making that connection helped him in focusing his search and making choices. The writer just needed to keep producing better scripts.
3. Define "Good"
This could mean having a script good enough to land an agent or being able to quickly assess whether a company with a new energy saving device will be successful. Having identified your capital type, knowing what makes it valuable should give you an idea of the level of skill that is needed.
4. Stretch and Destroy
This is where the deliberate practice comes in. We have all heard about the 10000 hour rule for becoming an expert at something, but it looks like how you practice is more important than for how long.
Neil Charness did a study of chess players, and of many tracked over 10000 hours, some became grand masters and some stayed intermediate. The grand masters had spent half of their time on serious study of the game - reading books, working with teachers, and identifying weaknesses. The players who were still intermediate had spent only about 1000 hours on this, spending more of their time on tournament play.
Deliberate practice is not always enjoyable, because you are constantly finding the weak spots, and the areas where you are not very good, and attacking them. At the same time, you end up eliminating those weak spots.
5. Be Patient
The point in the previous habit is that thousands of hours don't automatically give you valuable career capital, but it does not mean that you won't still need thousands of hours. For the two main examples, it took them two and five years of deliberate practice to get where they wanted after deciding what they could do and how to get there.
Of course, those years would have passed anyway, whether they had been working toward a goal or not.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Preparing to have a good career
I don't think I've ever done a book report for this blog before, but I found some things that are helpful in one book, and with the costs of education rising, and wages not really doing the same, the advice may be more valuable than ever.
The book is So Good They Can't Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love by Cal Newport.
The book came about as Newport was finishing his education and applying for jobs. There was reason to believe he might not be able to get a good job offer, and especially not in an area where he would like to live, so he needed to consider alternatives. He started questioning how people end up loving their jobs.
Newport breaks the book into four sections, or rules.
Rule #1: Don't Follow Your Passion
Rule #2: Be So Good They Can't Ignore You (Or, the Importance of Skill)
Rule #3: Turn Down a Promotion (Or, the Importance of Control)
Rule #4: Think Small, Act Big (Or, the Importance of Mission)
Many people will tell you to follow your passion, and the money will follow. Steve Jobs has advised this, but not only are their many people who have found it not to be true, it is not how Jobs himself became successful, and wealthy.
Jobs dropped out of college and bummed around for a while, and then he saw an opportunity to make some quick money that incorporated the skills of Steve Wozniak, who was very passionate about technology. Finding a need in the market, they worked on filling that, and Jobs ended up being really good at finding technological needs and filling them.
Technically, the part of his life before, when he was studying Eastern mysticism, sleeping on floors and scrounging for meals, and traveling to India, would more accurately reflect his passions, but he got tired of being poor. Once he succeeded in business, that gave him the option to do things that he really wanted to do.
One way of looking at this is that you should have passions in your life, but maybe not the job part of your life, but many people find that they are passionate about their work. Newport cited three needs that, on being fulfilled, led people to love their work:
Autonomy
Competence
Relatedness
These relate directly to the other rules. Feeling that you are good at your job is a good feeling, but it also increases your chance for autonomy, which makes it possible to do other things to improve your job satisfaction. Using that autonomy to make projects you care about happen is satisfying, but also indicates that you see a higher purpose in your work, which adds to satisfaction that way.
Initially what I found most significant in the book is that there is not a rush to nail down your purpose and follow it right away. In fact, it takes time to discover what your passion will be. Through many interviews, people were found who thought of their work as a job, a career, or a calling, but the biggest common denominator of those who thought of their work as a calling is that they had been at it longer. It took time to know what was going on and to gain an appreciation of it.
The parts that I found most interesting were under the second rule, regarding the "Craftsman" mentality, and using "deliberate practice" to become better. Which parts will resonate most will probably depend on where you are in your work, but there is a lot of good information, and simply getting a different vantage point from what is commonly said is helpful.
I cannot go over everything in the book here. If the ideas sound helpful, you should read it. I do feel I need to add that for Rule #3, you would not automatically turn down any promotion. It is more about not being afraid to turn down a promotion that is wrong for you. This advice could rid the world of many poor middle managers.
The book is So Good They Can't Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love by Cal Newport.
The book came about as Newport was finishing his education and applying for jobs. There was reason to believe he might not be able to get a good job offer, and especially not in an area where he would like to live, so he needed to consider alternatives. He started questioning how people end up loving their jobs.
Newport breaks the book into four sections, or rules.
Rule #1: Don't Follow Your Passion
Rule #2: Be So Good They Can't Ignore You (Or, the Importance of Skill)
Rule #3: Turn Down a Promotion (Or, the Importance of Control)
Rule #4: Think Small, Act Big (Or, the Importance of Mission)
Many people will tell you to follow your passion, and the money will follow. Steve Jobs has advised this, but not only are their many people who have found it not to be true, it is not how Jobs himself became successful, and wealthy.
Jobs dropped out of college and bummed around for a while, and then he saw an opportunity to make some quick money that incorporated the skills of Steve Wozniak, who was very passionate about technology. Finding a need in the market, they worked on filling that, and Jobs ended up being really good at finding technological needs and filling them.
Technically, the part of his life before, when he was studying Eastern mysticism, sleeping on floors and scrounging for meals, and traveling to India, would more accurately reflect his passions, but he got tired of being poor. Once he succeeded in business, that gave him the option to do things that he really wanted to do.
One way of looking at this is that you should have passions in your life, but maybe not the job part of your life, but many people find that they are passionate about their work. Newport cited three needs that, on being fulfilled, led people to love their work:
Autonomy
Competence
Relatedness
These relate directly to the other rules. Feeling that you are good at your job is a good feeling, but it also increases your chance for autonomy, which makes it possible to do other things to improve your job satisfaction. Using that autonomy to make projects you care about happen is satisfying, but also indicates that you see a higher purpose in your work, which adds to satisfaction that way.
Initially what I found most significant in the book is that there is not a rush to nail down your purpose and follow it right away. In fact, it takes time to discover what your passion will be. Through many interviews, people were found who thought of their work as a job, a career, or a calling, but the biggest common denominator of those who thought of their work as a calling is that they had been at it longer. It took time to know what was going on and to gain an appreciation of it.
The parts that I found most interesting were under the second rule, regarding the "Craftsman" mentality, and using "deliberate practice" to become better. Which parts will resonate most will probably depend on where you are in your work, but there is a lot of good information, and simply getting a different vantage point from what is commonly said is helpful.
I cannot go over everything in the book here. If the ideas sound helpful, you should read it. I do feel I need to add that for Rule #3, you would not automatically turn down any promotion. It is more about not being afraid to turn down a promotion that is wrong for you. This advice could rid the world of many poor middle managers.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
On not being deceived
I have written about this topic before. It was actually the last newsletter I did for the singles ward:
http://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2010/12/december-2010-preparing-to-not-be.html
Almost four years later, the topic might be ready for revisiting anyway, but it also came up last week, and I do have some things to say.
I usually avoid commenting on other people's political posts, because nothing good tends to come of it, but last week I did. Maybe it was because my sister had commented too, and I wanted to back her up.
Neither of us were appreciated really, which was expected. We were foolish for believing news from the Washington Post instead of a book that goes over a long conspiracy involving the Illuminati and the New World Order, and it was sad that we were so ill-informed.
I thought about just leaving it, because we weren't going to get anywhere, but I realized that the real reason that I commented in the first place was that she always sounds so unhappy. Everything is about our stupid and evil government, especially the president, and while the ignorance and the racism do bother me, the problem was that she always sounds so unhappy.
This is not to say that people who are blissfully ignorant and racist aren't a problem, but there may not be a lot you can do there. Here, I felt like maybe there was an opportunity to help, and so I had to try. And it didn't work, but I still had to try.
At some point I would like to be able to offer some tips on getting trustworthy news. There has been a real decline in the media, which I won't deny, and that is a problem, but it is not the main problem here.
As we enter more disturbing times, it becomes ever more important to be led by the Spirit. That will help us to know truth, it will makes us happier, and it will lead us to greater charity.
I thought of so many scriptures while this exchange was going on, including Matthew 24:26:
"Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not."
And yes, if we are leaning toward the idea that there is just a small group of us who knows what's what, and most people are fooled, that leaves a great vulnerability for deception, so that does matter.
That's really not what it came down to though.
1 Corinthians 13
1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
And Galatians 5
22. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23. Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
And I thought about sheep and goats and foolish virgins.
What we need most in these days is charity, and many voices in this world are doing everything they can to sow division, where instead of feeling love for your fellow man you feel contempt. That is spreading.
That does work against your salvation, but it also makes you miserable. (That's not a coincidence.)
There are painful things about loving people, but there's a lot of joy too. If we turn that off, condemning people because of their skin color, or because they vote liberal, or because we assume that if they are poor they must be lazy, then we are damaging our charity, and you have to shut the Spirit down to do that, because the Spirit will be telling you to love.
There is a natural progression to things. We have faith, even if only a seed, and because of that faith we can have hope. That eases the burden of our worries, and gives us a better view of all of humanity, and that combines together to increase our love. As we act on that, and see how it makes everything better, our faith increases. This is a beautiful and joyful cycle.
It can be sent backwards too. Don't do that. You don't have to agree with people to love them. You don't have to think people are perfect to love them. (Actually, trying it that way will fail spectacularly.)
My love is not perfect, but it is deepening, and that may be the only thing that will keep me going as the world keeps going downhill.
Don't let go.
Related post:
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/11/normal-0-foxis-mainstream-media-iwas.html
http://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2010/12/december-2010-preparing-to-not-be.html
Almost four years later, the topic might be ready for revisiting anyway, but it also came up last week, and I do have some things to say.
I usually avoid commenting on other people's political posts, because nothing good tends to come of it, but last week I did. Maybe it was because my sister had commented too, and I wanted to back her up.
Neither of us were appreciated really, which was expected. We were foolish for believing news from the Washington Post instead of a book that goes over a long conspiracy involving the Illuminati and the New World Order, and it was sad that we were so ill-informed.
I thought about just leaving it, because we weren't going to get anywhere, but I realized that the real reason that I commented in the first place was that she always sounds so unhappy. Everything is about our stupid and evil government, especially the president, and while the ignorance and the racism do bother me, the problem was that she always sounds so unhappy.
This is not to say that people who are blissfully ignorant and racist aren't a problem, but there may not be a lot you can do there. Here, I felt like maybe there was an opportunity to help, and so I had to try. And it didn't work, but I still had to try.
At some point I would like to be able to offer some tips on getting trustworthy news. There has been a real decline in the media, which I won't deny, and that is a problem, but it is not the main problem here.
As we enter more disturbing times, it becomes ever more important to be led by the Spirit. That will help us to know truth, it will makes us happier, and it will lead us to greater charity.
I thought of so many scriptures while this exchange was going on, including Matthew 24:26:
"Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not."
And yes, if we are leaning toward the idea that there is just a small group of us who knows what's what, and most people are fooled, that leaves a great vulnerability for deception, so that does matter.
That's really not what it came down to though.
1 Corinthians 13
1. Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.
2. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.
3. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.
And Galatians 5
22. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23. Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
And I thought about sheep and goats and foolish virgins.
What we need most in these days is charity, and many voices in this world are doing everything they can to sow division, where instead of feeling love for your fellow man you feel contempt. That is spreading.
That does work against your salvation, but it also makes you miserable. (That's not a coincidence.)
There are painful things about loving people, but there's a lot of joy too. If we turn that off, condemning people because of their skin color, or because they vote liberal, or because we assume that if they are poor they must be lazy, then we are damaging our charity, and you have to shut the Spirit down to do that, because the Spirit will be telling you to love.
There is a natural progression to things. We have faith, even if only a seed, and because of that faith we can have hope. That eases the burden of our worries, and gives us a better view of all of humanity, and that combines together to increase our love. As we act on that, and see how it makes everything better, our faith increases. This is a beautiful and joyful cycle.
It can be sent backwards too. Don't do that. You don't have to agree with people to love them. You don't have to think people are perfect to love them. (Actually, trying it that way will fail spectacularly.)
My love is not perfect, but it is deepening, and that may be the only thing that will keep me going as the world keeps going downhill.
Don't let go.
Related post:
http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/11/normal-0-foxis-mainstream-media-iwas.html
Sunday, August 17, 2014
August Garden Report
Frustration and despair are factors, but there is also satisfaction and hope.
The main source of frustration is the powdery mildew mentioned last month. Despite clearing out many leaves, it has spread. I can see why some people have given up on squash, but I am not ready to do that.
The other thing that makes me very sad is that I think I have to accept that I am not getting any pumpkins. For a while I could think that mine were just running late, but it kind of looks like I have had only male blossoms, and they are finding no females to pollinate. I did look into the possibility of playing bee, which is way more complex than you might think, because the pollen ferments after two hours and overhead watering can wash it away, but still, I would have to see at least one good female blossom to do it, and I'm not seeing one. I really wanted pumpkins.
However, I have now not only eaten things fresh from the garden, but I have cooked with ingredients from the garden. In the past there has been this salad that I would make with pea pods, orange bell peppers, lemon juice, olive oil, and almonds. I didn't have bell peppers, but I had the peas and I ended up tossing them with chicken for something a little heartier, and it worked out.
Also, many years ago in the Intel cafe they served up a gratin of cherry tomatoes and zucchini. Their gratin was perfectly arranged and layered, which mine was not, but nonetheless I made a zucchini tomato gratin with zucchini and tomatoes I grew myself, and my mother said it was better than how she remembered her mother cooking it. That was pretty cool.
(Mom's father was a great gardener, which was helpful not just for their large, not particularly rich family, but he was also always taking vegetables to the nuns. I would like to get a good enough harvest to be generous with it.)
So there are these ups and downs. I have had to let go of three of my six zucchini plants already. The mildew hastened their demise, but they were going to go in a month or so anyway, I am sure. I am getting more tomatoes than it looked like I would at one time. Also, there is hope that the next round of peas and the lettuce will start popping up soon. And things can be late; the beans suddenly came to life after doing nothing for weeks.
Also, when I went Friday night to water, it had looked like the zucchini was about done, but suddenly there was one really large one, and two that are growing. I hadn't seen any new crookneck squash, but there are a couple forming now. Tomorrow night I will trim more powdery leaves and hope for the best.
I can guarantee that I will not delay spraying the milk next time, and I feel like maybe I want to add a lot of lime to the soil. That's one thing that is probably worth noting - this season is not over, but I am thinking a lot about next year. Gardening is good for that.
Tomato Zucchini Gratin - my style
Lightly coat a casserole dish in olive oil.
Slice up zucchini and tomatoes. I sliced them separately, and then while I had the slices together but not piled on top of each other, I salted and peppered them. I then put them into the casserole dish, did more salt and pepper and drizzled with olive oil, and then tossed them. The initial salt and pepper was partly to keep the zucchini slices from drying out, but also I wanted a good distribution of the flavorings, all of which are very basic.
Top with bread crumbs and shredded mozzarella. (Every other recipe I have seen calls for Parmesan, which texture-wise makes perfect sense for mixing with bread crumbs, but I prefer mozzarella. I also always substitute provolone for Swiss.)
Bake at 400 degrees for twenty minutes.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Detecting Carbon Monoxide
About two weeks ago my sisters and I were pulling out of the driveway and Mom came rushing out.
We could not understand what she was saying, so I got out of the car and went back in the house and found that our carbon monoxide detector was going off.
I knew that there was probably not a real leak, but there was no way we could leave Mom to figure it out. I had been going to a meeting, and my sisters were taking ice cream to a friend. Given the melt factor, and that they were driving and were going to drop me off, the situation became mine.
The first thing I did was press the Test/Reset button. This did not help. I opened some doors and windows nearby, which is a reasonable thing to do. Less reasonable was trying to search the internet for some alternative to calling 9-1-1. I mean, there probably wasn't really a leak; how could I justify calling emergency services? But there are no alternatives, that is really what you are supposed to do.
Fortunately, they are used to it. The dispatcher did ask if I thought there was a real leak, and I said no, which may only mean that they don't use the sirens, but a crew was going to be there shortly.
Getting my mother out of the house was easy, and my younger sisters were gone, but my older sister suddenly showed up, and we have animals. I told my sister what was going on, leashed up the dogs and had Mom take them in the back yard with her. That only left the cat. I got her carrier, but she had hidden herself under the bed. In a real emergency, she would have been a goner. I concentrated on hoping that it wasn't a real leak.
Yes, we did get a full firetruck with at least four firemen. I know I was stressed out because several people on hearing this story have asked me if they were cute, and I have no idea. I'm sorry, I just had other things on my mind. Nonetheless, they did a very good job.
You have to call 9-1-1, because they are the people who can arrive quickly, take accurate measurements, and then if people do need medical assistance or rescue, they're already there. Perhaps if necessary they would have helped me get the cat.
They checked the room as a whole, then right next to the possible leak sources, the water heater and the furnace (both natural gas). That meant it was just a fault in the detector, but they said at least we had one.
They did let me know that they have detectors with digital readouts, which may say that it is a power issue or device fault, or show a high reading of carbon monoxide, so you have a better idea. This time we went digital.
I must say, I was amazed by how exhausting it was. It didn't take that long, and there wasn't a lot of physical exertion. It was all just worry about the people and animals who were my responsibility, and the missed meeting, and what if we were going to have to replace an expensive appliance. Oddly, the pilot light on the water heater went out Monday morning, and it was the thermal couple and we did have to replace it, so the false alarm was only temporary, but again, no one has been poisoned. Take your victories where you get them.
I know carbon monoxide leaks are rare, but if one happens, I want to know about it. It's worth having the mechanism in place. If your device starts going off, these are the instructions that came with the new device.
1. Operate test/reset button.
2. Call your emergency services (fire department or 9-1-1).
3. Immediately move to fresh air - outdoors or by an open door/window. Do a head count to check that all persons are accounted for. Do not re-enter the premises or move away from the open door or window until emergency services responders have arrived, the premises have been aired out, and your alarm remains in normal condition.
Step 4 is for what to do if after going through steps 1-3, the situation repeats within 24 hours, and that's when you are looking at doing equipment inspections, so it's a bit more involved. I will just say "Do not taunt the carbon monoxide detector."
We could not understand what she was saying, so I got out of the car and went back in the house and found that our carbon monoxide detector was going off.
I knew that there was probably not a real leak, but there was no way we could leave Mom to figure it out. I had been going to a meeting, and my sisters were taking ice cream to a friend. Given the melt factor, and that they were driving and were going to drop me off, the situation became mine.
The first thing I did was press the Test/Reset button. This did not help. I opened some doors and windows nearby, which is a reasonable thing to do. Less reasonable was trying to search the internet for some alternative to calling 9-1-1. I mean, there probably wasn't really a leak; how could I justify calling emergency services? But there are no alternatives, that is really what you are supposed to do.
Fortunately, they are used to it. The dispatcher did ask if I thought there was a real leak, and I said no, which may only mean that they don't use the sirens, but a crew was going to be there shortly.
Getting my mother out of the house was easy, and my younger sisters were gone, but my older sister suddenly showed up, and we have animals. I told my sister what was going on, leashed up the dogs and had Mom take them in the back yard with her. That only left the cat. I got her carrier, but she had hidden herself under the bed. In a real emergency, she would have been a goner. I concentrated on hoping that it wasn't a real leak.
Yes, we did get a full firetruck with at least four firemen. I know I was stressed out because several people on hearing this story have asked me if they were cute, and I have no idea. I'm sorry, I just had other things on my mind. Nonetheless, they did a very good job.
You have to call 9-1-1, because they are the people who can arrive quickly, take accurate measurements, and then if people do need medical assistance or rescue, they're already there. Perhaps if necessary they would have helped me get the cat.
They checked the room as a whole, then right next to the possible leak sources, the water heater and the furnace (both natural gas). That meant it was just a fault in the detector, but they said at least we had one.
They did let me know that they have detectors with digital readouts, which may say that it is a power issue or device fault, or show a high reading of carbon monoxide, so you have a better idea. This time we went digital.
I must say, I was amazed by how exhausting it was. It didn't take that long, and there wasn't a lot of physical exertion. It was all just worry about the people and animals who were my responsibility, and the missed meeting, and what if we were going to have to replace an expensive appliance. Oddly, the pilot light on the water heater went out Monday morning, and it was the thermal couple and we did have to replace it, so the false alarm was only temporary, but again, no one has been poisoned. Take your victories where you get them.
I know carbon monoxide leaks are rare, but if one happens, I want to know about it. It's worth having the mechanism in place. If your device starts going off, these are the instructions that came with the new device.
1. Operate test/reset button.
2. Call your emergency services (fire department or 9-1-1).
3. Immediately move to fresh air - outdoors or by an open door/window. Do a head count to check that all persons are accounted for. Do not re-enter the premises or move away from the open door or window until emergency services responders have arrived, the premises have been aired out, and your alarm remains in normal condition.
Step 4 is for what to do if after going through steps 1-3, the situation repeats within 24 hours, and that's when you are looking at doing equipment inspections, so it's a bit more involved. I will just say "Do not taunt the carbon monoxide detector."
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Birthdays and aging
A friend just had a birthday and started a discussion about it. That discussion was more about gifts, and I may write about that some day, but this will be more about experiences.
For many years birthdays were frustrating because there would be a feeling of something that I would want, but I either couldn't quite figure it out, or I was too busy to make it happen. Things started changing around 40.
I wanted to do something cool for 39; that's the last good age right? I wanted to do something special for 29 too, though I don't think it really happened. Sometimes I would go out, or sometime people would arrange dinner in a restaurant with lots of people.
Those dinners are the most common solution, and we have arranged them for people ourselves, but you get trapped by whomever you sit by, and often the main social group leaves out some people you love and includes some people you can't stand, and sometimes gets other people who don't do well together seated next to each other. There is one year I still feel bad about for one friend. Based on how well she knew the others, she should have been next to me, and instead she was next to someone who really looked down on her.
40 was different because I decided that I had been meaning for a long time to get back to Playa Del Carmen, and I was just going to go for it. I planned to be there on my birthday, and I ended up going the week after, but it was enough. I decided something and made it happen, despite pneumonia the month before that used up all my sick time.
There were other things that happened at 40. One was that I set goals in three areas for things I wanted to do at 50. They were long range goals, so that I would need to be working at them over the course of the next decade, but basically they are that at 50 I will have been on all of the six main continents and go to Antarctica, I will do a triathlon, and I will make a movie.
Other things started happening too, with music and with the associations that I started to make, where a lot has been changing and going on, and that led to other things, though it has been gradual.
I got the idea that for 41 I wanted to have a karaoke party, and I wasn't sure whether to invite school friends or work friends or church friends, and I ended up inviting everyone from Twitter, and it felt like the right thing to do, and there were lessons in it, but I did not understand why until after.
For 42 it didn't feel right to plan anything, so I joined a friend's plan, who has the same birthday. I realized that I had people I wanted to see, but it didn't have to be for my birthday, and I started trying to make more of a point of staying in touch with the people I care about and enjoy spending time with. That has happened via email, cards, phone calls, and visits, but that is still something that is expanding. Just a couple of weeks ago I got an idea for what I think will commemorate my 43rd birthday.
Ultimately, the last few birthdays have been satisfying, and I think that is because life has been satisfying. It is still often hard and hectic, but it is also very good. Maybe it was the goals that I set at 40.
I would like to say that it was the start of living more deliberately, but that would not adequately express how much things come to me and they surprise me but I follow them. Maybe it is more accurate to say that I am living consciously. I am aware of the needs of the moment, and I respond to those, but there is also a bigger picture. There has been more creativity, and more acceptance, and more peace.
The timeline is not playing out like I thought it would at 40. I would have expected to be experimenting with filming techniques, and to have visited South America by now, and to be more fit.
Instead I have written some things that were good learning experiences, and started drawing, which will have its own impact on my cinematography. I have been to Italy and am planning another trip to Italy, even though Europe was one of the continents I already had down. And, while I am still exercising fairly regularly, and getting better about whole grains and vegetables, not only because I have started a garden, I am still not appreciably better at running, cycling, or swimming. Also, I have no idea how it fits in, but I have a bass guitar now.
Right now I am nearing the end of a project of reading and writing exercises that has been very long. I am at times frustrated that I am not moving more quickly, but I have learned so much already. When I am writing there are some answers that I know that even a few months ago, I would not have been able to say that. As soon as I finish it there will be other projects, but they are leading me to be the person I need to be, and I will be able to do what I need to do. I could not have predicted the trajectory, because other things needed to happen first, but there is a logical order.
That's why life is good. There is learning and there is growth. I am tired a lot, but never bored. I am often off-balance, and trying to do things that I am not at all good at, but that keeps me feeling young. My body is not young, but my mind is.
So my birthdays have been about relationships and experiences, but that's what my life has been about too, and it's working out.
For many years birthdays were frustrating because there would be a feeling of something that I would want, but I either couldn't quite figure it out, or I was too busy to make it happen. Things started changing around 40.
I wanted to do something cool for 39; that's the last good age right? I wanted to do something special for 29 too, though I don't think it really happened. Sometimes I would go out, or sometime people would arrange dinner in a restaurant with lots of people.
Those dinners are the most common solution, and we have arranged them for people ourselves, but you get trapped by whomever you sit by, and often the main social group leaves out some people you love and includes some people you can't stand, and sometimes gets other people who don't do well together seated next to each other. There is one year I still feel bad about for one friend. Based on how well she knew the others, she should have been next to me, and instead she was next to someone who really looked down on her.
40 was different because I decided that I had been meaning for a long time to get back to Playa Del Carmen, and I was just going to go for it. I planned to be there on my birthday, and I ended up going the week after, but it was enough. I decided something and made it happen, despite pneumonia the month before that used up all my sick time.
There were other things that happened at 40. One was that I set goals in three areas for things I wanted to do at 50. They were long range goals, so that I would need to be working at them over the course of the next decade, but basically they are that at 50 I will have been on all of the six main continents and go to Antarctica, I will do a triathlon, and I will make a movie.
Other things started happening too, with music and with the associations that I started to make, where a lot has been changing and going on, and that led to other things, though it has been gradual.
I got the idea that for 41 I wanted to have a karaoke party, and I wasn't sure whether to invite school friends or work friends or church friends, and I ended up inviting everyone from Twitter, and it felt like the right thing to do, and there were lessons in it, but I did not understand why until after.
For 42 it didn't feel right to plan anything, so I joined a friend's plan, who has the same birthday. I realized that I had people I wanted to see, but it didn't have to be for my birthday, and I started trying to make more of a point of staying in touch with the people I care about and enjoy spending time with. That has happened via email, cards, phone calls, and visits, but that is still something that is expanding. Just a couple of weeks ago I got an idea for what I think will commemorate my 43rd birthday.
Ultimately, the last few birthdays have been satisfying, and I think that is because life has been satisfying. It is still often hard and hectic, but it is also very good. Maybe it was the goals that I set at 40.
I would like to say that it was the start of living more deliberately, but that would not adequately express how much things come to me and they surprise me but I follow them. Maybe it is more accurate to say that I am living consciously. I am aware of the needs of the moment, and I respond to those, but there is also a bigger picture. There has been more creativity, and more acceptance, and more peace.
The timeline is not playing out like I thought it would at 40. I would have expected to be experimenting with filming techniques, and to have visited South America by now, and to be more fit.
Instead I have written some things that were good learning experiences, and started drawing, which will have its own impact on my cinematography. I have been to Italy and am planning another trip to Italy, even though Europe was one of the continents I already had down. And, while I am still exercising fairly regularly, and getting better about whole grains and vegetables, not only because I have started a garden, I am still not appreciably better at running, cycling, or swimming. Also, I have no idea how it fits in, but I have a bass guitar now.
Right now I am nearing the end of a project of reading and writing exercises that has been very long. I am at times frustrated that I am not moving more quickly, but I have learned so much already. When I am writing there are some answers that I know that even a few months ago, I would not have been able to say that. As soon as I finish it there will be other projects, but they are leading me to be the person I need to be, and I will be able to do what I need to do. I could not have predicted the trajectory, because other things needed to happen first, but there is a logical order.
That's why life is good. There is learning and there is growth. I am tired a lot, but never bored. I am often off-balance, and trying to do things that I am not at all good at, but that keeps me feeling young. My body is not young, but my mind is.
So my birthdays have been about relationships and experiences, but that's what my life has been about too, and it's working out.
Sunday, July 27, 2014
July Garden Report - Procrastination and powdery mildew
Yesterday I worked very hard in the garden. I had to.
There were two problems. One was that I had a lot of weeds. Without having done careful measurements, it seems like I should not go more than two weeks without weeding. Let a few things come up unexpectedly though, and I do. There were a lot of weeds and they needed to be rooted out.
That is backbreaking work. Bending over to pull at them is physically hard, but getting down in the dirt is hard in a different way, and there is really no getting around that. I have thought maybe the answer is to pull a weed every time I am over there, but I want to get the roots, and it is easier to do that with some sort of tool, even if that is just a small spade. Since I am currently not gardening on my own land, I don't store tools there, but need to bring them. Also, it is helpful for me that most of my trips there are not lengthy. So for now, having times when I go to weed seems to be correct.
That was dirty and sweaty and physically straining, but I got it done before breakfast and that would have been a pretty good deal if not for the other problem. I also had powdery mildew.
If the weeding was worse because it was overdue, being on the ball with other things would have been even more important here. There have been three things I have been planning on doing and putting off. One is planting the new lettuce seeds and the rest of the pea seeds. For the peas it said late July, so I was not feeling too worried there, and with the lettuce I just wanted to be a bit past the summer solstice.
Those aren't really late, but I wanted to do another application of plant food before I planted them, and I have been meaning to do that for about a month. It is more of a thing that you can do than that you have to do, but I am starting to think that the tomatoes are showing some signs of needing more nourishment, and maybe if I had gotten to that earlier they would look perkier.
The other thing I wanted to do was to spray the plants with milk. This is a purely preventive thing, to hold off powdery mildew. Much like blossom end rot, powdery mildew is something that we can get in this area and that we treat with calcium. Instead of crushed egg shells, you spray a mixture of milk and water. I did not have a spray bottle, and I had been meaning to get one but just hadn't. Suddenly, there were white spots on my leaves everywhere. It is particularly an issue for squash. Crookneck, zucchini, and pumpkins may be only three of my plants, but they are all the most prolific. It was everywhere.
Still like blossom end rot, powdery mildew is not necessarily fatal. You can still eat the plants, but they may not taste as good, and if you are gardening and not getting vegetables that taste good, why are you doing it? Also, I blame myself.
Also, it would be a bad idea to apply more plant food now because that will make the powdery mildew stronger, and holding back the feeding holds back the additional planting. This makes me blame myself even more.
Therefore I was not done with the garden after weeding. I went shopping because I needed to anyway, but I could not find a spray bottle. My sisters got one on their errands. I was quite tired already, but it needed to be done. I also could not find the small trimmers, so I went with scissors.
I mixed up a solution that was 2/3 milk and 1/3 water and loaded it in the spray bottle. Taking it and the scissors to the garden, I began trimming the infected leaves. It took a look time.
It was like the weeding with additional bending, stooping, sweating, and the crookneck squash leaves are a bit prickly. There was more to do than with the weeding. The sign that they talk about is white powdery residue on the leaves, but I think I saw green powdery residue on the stems, and you can't uproot the stems and still have your plants. After lots and lots of trimming, I sprayed.
I don't know if that will help. The spray is for prevention, not cure. However, I feel like it won't hurt. Getting rid of the diseased leaves is what you are supposed to do, and that will allow more sunlight at the stems anyway. The next days are supposed to be pretty warm and dry, so that may help. I am going to do a second application of the milk spray tomorrow night.
I don't know how it will come out. I would like to see my plants flourishing, but again, this should not kill them. If nothing else, I have learned how to do some things, along with a better understanding of why to do them, and when.
This was supposed to be a learning year.
There were two problems. One was that I had a lot of weeds. Without having done careful measurements, it seems like I should not go more than two weeks without weeding. Let a few things come up unexpectedly though, and I do. There were a lot of weeds and they needed to be rooted out.
That is backbreaking work. Bending over to pull at them is physically hard, but getting down in the dirt is hard in a different way, and there is really no getting around that. I have thought maybe the answer is to pull a weed every time I am over there, but I want to get the roots, and it is easier to do that with some sort of tool, even if that is just a small spade. Since I am currently not gardening on my own land, I don't store tools there, but need to bring them. Also, it is helpful for me that most of my trips there are not lengthy. So for now, having times when I go to weed seems to be correct.
That was dirty and sweaty and physically straining, but I got it done before breakfast and that would have been a pretty good deal if not for the other problem. I also had powdery mildew.
If the weeding was worse because it was overdue, being on the ball with other things would have been even more important here. There have been three things I have been planning on doing and putting off. One is planting the new lettuce seeds and the rest of the pea seeds. For the peas it said late July, so I was not feeling too worried there, and with the lettuce I just wanted to be a bit past the summer solstice.
Those aren't really late, but I wanted to do another application of plant food before I planted them, and I have been meaning to do that for about a month. It is more of a thing that you can do than that you have to do, but I am starting to think that the tomatoes are showing some signs of needing more nourishment, and maybe if I had gotten to that earlier they would look perkier.
The other thing I wanted to do was to spray the plants with milk. This is a purely preventive thing, to hold off powdery mildew. Much like blossom end rot, powdery mildew is something that we can get in this area and that we treat with calcium. Instead of crushed egg shells, you spray a mixture of milk and water. I did not have a spray bottle, and I had been meaning to get one but just hadn't. Suddenly, there were white spots on my leaves everywhere. It is particularly an issue for squash. Crookneck, zucchini, and pumpkins may be only three of my plants, but they are all the most prolific. It was everywhere.
Still like blossom end rot, powdery mildew is not necessarily fatal. You can still eat the plants, but they may not taste as good, and if you are gardening and not getting vegetables that taste good, why are you doing it? Also, I blame myself.
Also, it would be a bad idea to apply more plant food now because that will make the powdery mildew stronger, and holding back the feeding holds back the additional planting. This makes me blame myself even more.
Therefore I was not done with the garden after weeding. I went shopping because I needed to anyway, but I could not find a spray bottle. My sisters got one on their errands. I was quite tired already, but it needed to be done. I also could not find the small trimmers, so I went with scissors.
I mixed up a solution that was 2/3 milk and 1/3 water and loaded it in the spray bottle. Taking it and the scissors to the garden, I began trimming the infected leaves. It took a look time.
It was like the weeding with additional bending, stooping, sweating, and the crookneck squash leaves are a bit prickly. There was more to do than with the weeding. The sign that they talk about is white powdery residue on the leaves, but I think I saw green powdery residue on the stems, and you can't uproot the stems and still have your plants. After lots and lots of trimming, I sprayed.
I don't know if that will help. The spray is for prevention, not cure. However, I feel like it won't hurt. Getting rid of the diseased leaves is what you are supposed to do, and that will allow more sunlight at the stems anyway. The next days are supposed to be pretty warm and dry, so that may help. I am going to do a second application of the milk spray tomorrow night.
I don't know how it will come out. I would like to see my plants flourishing, but again, this should not kill them. If nothing else, I have learned how to do some things, along with a better understanding of why to do them, and when.
This was supposed to be a learning year.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Preparing your storage
This past week has been more obviously end times than some. Both the shooting down of the Malaysian Airlines jet and the bombing in Gaza seem like things that could lead to conflicts involving multiple countries, and the stream of refugees fleeing Central America reminds us how bad living conditions can get, and how badly people can react.
If some of you are thinking more about food storage and evacuation plans, that is completely reasonable. There are many previous posts on preparedness topics, but there can be new things to say too. My thoughts today come from a conversation with a friend about people she knew and some of the things she stored. She was pretty clear that these were good people, but these are bad ideas.
The one man, along with more traditional items, stored coffee, alcohol, and cigarettes. His reasoning was that these would be good items to barter, because people with addictions could be desperate for it, and then he could get what he wanted from them. There are several problems with this reasoning.
I admit that I would just not feel right buying them in the first place, but the really fun part is that eventually he would have to rotate them, and since he couldn't just use these items up he would have to find something to do with them. If that seems impractical, it might also be worth remembering that over a prolonged period of deprivation people would get over their addictions, so the window of opportunity for using them might be small.
Now, there are people who like alcohol without being addicted to it, and and people who made it through the caffeine and the nicotine withdrawal might still want it again, those habits being very powerful, but it feels wrong to exploit that. Accepting other people's needs is good, and accepting that if they do not believe in the Word of Wisdom they are not going to follow it is good and reasonable. However, facilitating their use of items that we believe is harmful is questionable at best, and specifically planning on exploiting it seems really wrong. Plus, back to the practical side, what makes you so sure they will have anything useful?
One thing I frequently notice about provident living is that it seems to bless in multiple ways. Yes, we have some preparation for a famine, or a snow storm that keeps us from the store, but also it allows us to wait until things are on sale, and we have more flexibility with what we can cook; maybe you suddenly get a craving for something you didn't shop for last week, but the ingredients are still there. It works on multiple levels. I don't think that works for the contraband storage.
The other persons unusual stockpile was of guns and ammunition. That was not for barter purposes, but it was planned with other people in mind because she felt that she would need to defend her food storage from other people who didn't have it.
I'm sure there are a lot of people who will find this very sensible, but I'm pretty sure we are supposed to share. We are commanded over and over again to love our neighbors and told that without charity we are nothing. Food storage is a counsel that is valuable, but I know it doesn't preempt charity. Loving your neighbor is going to look more like feeding your neighbors than shooting them.
Does that mean there won't be enough? Maybe, but there are promises involved in laying down your life for your friend that are not associated with shooting your friend. We have also read about manna, and meal and oil that never ran out, and multitudes being fed with a few loaves and fishes. Isn't part of knowing the Gospel that we can feel more faith than fear.
I do worry about a case where my life or the lives of those I care about are in danger. Guns have never felt like the answer though. I have kind of decided that I will throw knives if it comes up, because we have a lot of knives, but I suspect I am not really committed to that, because I never practice. I do hit really hard, so there's that.
Ultimately, I don't know what will happen, but I believe in inspiration. I know warnings can come. I know we can be helped. I know that a lot of the problems that society has come from us fracturing apart instead of pulling together, and I don't want to contribute to that.
Having food storage is good. Being willing to share it is better. And maybe sharing that knowledge, and inspiring those around you to get in their own food storage, and share things we know with them, is best of all.
If some of you are thinking more about food storage and evacuation plans, that is completely reasonable. There are many previous posts on preparedness topics, but there can be new things to say too. My thoughts today come from a conversation with a friend about people she knew and some of the things she stored. She was pretty clear that these were good people, but these are bad ideas.
The one man, along with more traditional items, stored coffee, alcohol, and cigarettes. His reasoning was that these would be good items to barter, because people with addictions could be desperate for it, and then he could get what he wanted from them. There are several problems with this reasoning.
I admit that I would just not feel right buying them in the first place, but the really fun part is that eventually he would have to rotate them, and since he couldn't just use these items up he would have to find something to do with them. If that seems impractical, it might also be worth remembering that over a prolonged period of deprivation people would get over their addictions, so the window of opportunity for using them might be small.
Now, there are people who like alcohol without being addicted to it, and and people who made it through the caffeine and the nicotine withdrawal might still want it again, those habits being very powerful, but it feels wrong to exploit that. Accepting other people's needs is good, and accepting that if they do not believe in the Word of Wisdom they are not going to follow it is good and reasonable. However, facilitating their use of items that we believe is harmful is questionable at best, and specifically planning on exploiting it seems really wrong. Plus, back to the practical side, what makes you so sure they will have anything useful?
One thing I frequently notice about provident living is that it seems to bless in multiple ways. Yes, we have some preparation for a famine, or a snow storm that keeps us from the store, but also it allows us to wait until things are on sale, and we have more flexibility with what we can cook; maybe you suddenly get a craving for something you didn't shop for last week, but the ingredients are still there. It works on multiple levels. I don't think that works for the contraband storage.
The other persons unusual stockpile was of guns and ammunition. That was not for barter purposes, but it was planned with other people in mind because she felt that she would need to defend her food storage from other people who didn't have it.
I'm sure there are a lot of people who will find this very sensible, but I'm pretty sure we are supposed to share. We are commanded over and over again to love our neighbors and told that without charity we are nothing. Food storage is a counsel that is valuable, but I know it doesn't preempt charity. Loving your neighbor is going to look more like feeding your neighbors than shooting them.
Does that mean there won't be enough? Maybe, but there are promises involved in laying down your life for your friend that are not associated with shooting your friend. We have also read about manna, and meal and oil that never ran out, and multitudes being fed with a few loaves and fishes. Isn't part of knowing the Gospel that we can feel more faith than fear.
I do worry about a case where my life or the lives of those I care about are in danger. Guns have never felt like the answer though. I have kind of decided that I will throw knives if it comes up, because we have a lot of knives, but I suspect I am not really committed to that, because I never practice. I do hit really hard, so there's that.
Ultimately, I don't know what will happen, but I believe in inspiration. I know warnings can come. I know we can be helped. I know that a lot of the problems that society has come from us fracturing apart instead of pulling together, and I don't want to contribute to that.
Having food storage is good. Being willing to share it is better. And maybe sharing that knowledge, and inspiring those around you to get in their own food storage, and share things we know with them, is best of all.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Everybody talks
I nearly didn't write up my talk last week. Writing about preparing the talk got me thinking.
Part of it was what I wrote about not going on and on about trying to avoid the talk, and some of it was a conversation I had with another friend, but I am not sure that we fully realize how valuable it is. After all, I often tune out of talks, or something really irritates me and I write a whole post on it, like that Mother's Day one.
Let me get back to that first talk I gave on repentance. I was a week away from leaving on my mission, and it was my mission farewell, something that we don't really do anymore.
We controlled the program. In that case it meant that my mother and I spoke, and my sisters and the other young women sang "Have You Seen His Image In Your Countenance", and one of their fathers sang "Oh That I Were An Angel", and I believe I chose the hymns, which were "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" and "Called To Serve". We might have chosen the prayers too. The next week I spoke in the singles ward, and my older sister sang a song, but it was on a smaller scale.
At the time we did not think anything of it. I wanted people to feel the spirit and be missionary-minded, so that's how I was making those decisions, and every member of the family who was going to church at the time was involved. Those who were not active or members still came, and part of it for me was really hoping they would feel something.
There was nothing wrong with that, but my understanding is that there was the potential, and it did happen, that some people would get carried away, and make it too much about the missionary, and I suppose even if everyone was fairly grounded, in a year when a lot of missionaries went out that would be a lot of singing of "Called to Serve", which, incidentally, they will be singing a lot while they are in the Missionary Training Center.
When they started moving away from big farewells and big returns, I thought of it as something to reign in excess, that was perhaps natural for people who were really proud of their children. Putting it together with another change made me think a little differently though.
Once upon a time when a new couple would move into the ward the husband and wife would usually speak on the same day. The end result of that was that the wife would usually talk about their background and how they met and what children they had, and then the husband would give a talk with some doctrine and spirituality.
That doesn't happen anymore. In one way it is quite practical because you don't have a bench full of unattended children, but even better, clearly no one is up there just to do an introduction while the other person gives the real talk. We all give real talks.
So let's think about that. That means we believe everyone has something to say. Everyone has a right to a testimony that they can bear. Everyone gets responsibilities in the church that provide lessons and growth. We have adult Sunday School because we believe that we need to keep studying and learning the scriptures.
In a church with a preacher speaking every week, he is going to have a lot of influence on how that congregation feels and thinks. We pull from each other.
We do hear from the Bishop sometimes. He bears his testimony every three months, and we may hear from him every fifth Sunday, or it may be someone else. We may hear from him in ward conference, or if one speaker runs short, but he does not control the message, and in a few years it will be a different bishop anyway.
Yes, someone will ask you to speak and give you a topic, but consider testimony meeting where anyone can get up, and we do that once a month! In some respects that seems crazy, and we have all heard testimonies that weren't really testimonies so much as someone wanting to brag or complain or something, but great things happen to.
That may be the things that makes it most obvious that we are not a cult. There is no charismatic leader molding our thoughts - we all share what we have. At our best times we nourish and inspire each other, and if we do not always succeed at that, there is always that possibility as we become more humble, more pure, and more full of the Spirit.
I have been irritated lately with how a lot of conservative leaders are focusing on how important it is for good women to be quiet ones, and how so many minorities are being shouted down by purported progressives in the interest of not rocking the boat. That would be more frustrating, except it is put in some context by seeing that when you really get down to it those groups don't have a high opinion of white men either; that really they look down on humanity in general.
There are reasons to look down on humanity - I see them all the time - but that is not what we do. We believe in the potential for good as well, and we are constantly encouraged to share and uplift and teach. I won't try and avoid that, or make a joke of it. It is something good.
Part of it was what I wrote about not going on and on about trying to avoid the talk, and some of it was a conversation I had with another friend, but I am not sure that we fully realize how valuable it is. After all, I often tune out of talks, or something really irritates me and I write a whole post on it, like that Mother's Day one.
Let me get back to that first talk I gave on repentance. I was a week away from leaving on my mission, and it was my mission farewell, something that we don't really do anymore.
We controlled the program. In that case it meant that my mother and I spoke, and my sisters and the other young women sang "Have You Seen His Image In Your Countenance", and one of their fathers sang "Oh That I Were An Angel", and I believe I chose the hymns, which were "I'll Go Where You Want Me To Go" and "Called To Serve". We might have chosen the prayers too. The next week I spoke in the singles ward, and my older sister sang a song, but it was on a smaller scale.
At the time we did not think anything of it. I wanted people to feel the spirit and be missionary-minded, so that's how I was making those decisions, and every member of the family who was going to church at the time was involved. Those who were not active or members still came, and part of it for me was really hoping they would feel something.
There was nothing wrong with that, but my understanding is that there was the potential, and it did happen, that some people would get carried away, and make it too much about the missionary, and I suppose even if everyone was fairly grounded, in a year when a lot of missionaries went out that would be a lot of singing of "Called to Serve", which, incidentally, they will be singing a lot while they are in the Missionary Training Center.
When they started moving away from big farewells and big returns, I thought of it as something to reign in excess, that was perhaps natural for people who were really proud of their children. Putting it together with another change made me think a little differently though.
Once upon a time when a new couple would move into the ward the husband and wife would usually speak on the same day. The end result of that was that the wife would usually talk about their background and how they met and what children they had, and then the husband would give a talk with some doctrine and spirituality.
That doesn't happen anymore. In one way it is quite practical because you don't have a bench full of unattended children, but even better, clearly no one is up there just to do an introduction while the other person gives the real talk. We all give real talks.
So let's think about that. That means we believe everyone has something to say. Everyone has a right to a testimony that they can bear. Everyone gets responsibilities in the church that provide lessons and growth. We have adult Sunday School because we believe that we need to keep studying and learning the scriptures.
In a church with a preacher speaking every week, he is going to have a lot of influence on how that congregation feels and thinks. We pull from each other.
We do hear from the Bishop sometimes. He bears his testimony every three months, and we may hear from him every fifth Sunday, or it may be someone else. We may hear from him in ward conference, or if one speaker runs short, but he does not control the message, and in a few years it will be a different bishop anyway.
Yes, someone will ask you to speak and give you a topic, but consider testimony meeting where anyone can get up, and we do that once a month! In some respects that seems crazy, and we have all heard testimonies that weren't really testimonies so much as someone wanting to brag or complain or something, but great things happen to.
That may be the things that makes it most obvious that we are not a cult. There is no charismatic leader molding our thoughts - we all share what we have. At our best times we nourish and inspire each other, and if we do not always succeed at that, there is always that possibility as we become more humble, more pure, and more full of the Spirit.
I have been irritated lately with how a lot of conservative leaders are focusing on how important it is for good women to be quiet ones, and how so many minorities are being shouted down by purported progressives in the interest of not rocking the boat. That would be more frustrating, except it is put in some context by seeing that when you really get down to it those groups don't have a high opinion of white men either; that really they look down on humanity in general.
There are reasons to look down on humanity - I see them all the time - but that is not what we do. We believe in the potential for good as well, and we are constantly encouraged to share and uplift and teach. I won't try and avoid that, or make a joke of it. It is something good.
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