This will just be a short one, but I was reminded of it last night as a friend and I were talking about workplace temperature.
In general, I tend to feel warm easily, so I enjoy air conditioning. However, one winter they were having a really hard time getting the building temperature up, to where not only was I keeping my coat on at my desk, but I wanted to keep my gloves on too, though they were not great for typing.
It was around that time that I first read of a study indicating that a cold temperature can exacerbate feelings of isolation and loneliness. That article spoke specifically to workplace temperature, in that if you want your workers to feel connected to each other raising the temperature a few degrees can be helpful.
That seemed counter-intuitive. I knew that conventional wisdom referred to tempers boiling over in hot weather, so I would expect raising the thermostat to lead to fights. At the same time, I know that in some of my loneliest moments I have felt cold, and it wasn't just figurative.
Of course, temperature has a full continuum, so cold, cool, warm, and hot can all be different, and have different reactions, that may also vary based on the individual person.
However, the tip for this week is that sometimes you can help your mind out via your body.
In my household, most of the members run warm, but there is one who runs cold. We try not to make the house too cold, but one thing that is more helpful than raising the thermostat is throwing a couple of blankets in the dryer for a few minutes and then wrapping her up in them, generally accompanied by a cup of cocoa.
This makes her happier than you might expect. There is the individual attention - it means more to have me get the blankets and cocoa for her than it would for her to get them herself - but the temperature boost is also there.
That is probably something you can do for yourself. If you are having a lonely moment, and it is a regular thing, obviously it is work looking into whether you need more support or to repair some relationship. There can also be value in simply wrapping yourself in a comforter, taking a warm bath, or doing some other activity that takes into account your mind and body connection.
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Sunday, February 21, 2016
Talking about pornography
I have been noticing lately that all conversations regarding pornography tend to focus on addiction.
Addiction is certainly something that can happen, but it doesn't always happen. There are people who watch it sometimes, and sometimes don't, with no withdrawal symptoms.
This is important because if we focus on addiction as an absolute, and the only way in which viewing happens, since it is false it makes us unreliable, when we may be saying other things that are not only true but vital. For people to be able to trust what we say, we need to speak honestly, and that means not just that we don't intentionally lie but that we speak with some understanding, or at least with some awareness of what we don't understand.
It can also be valuable for us to understand how addiction works, and that it tends to fill in gaps and areas of misery. If we remember that, we can work at creating rich fulfilling lives where any addiction has less likelihood of taking hold. That is one way in which talking about pornography is similar to talking about drugs.
They are also similar in that there are valid reasons for not viewing pornography beyond addiction, and those points may be even more important.
If we believe sex is something that should be an enjoyable part of a healthy marriage, and and special within that marriage, then it is easy to see that porn would not be the best way of honoring that. It is not surprising then that pornography would often be degrading in its representations of sex. Because of that, viewing it can easily be demoralizing, and not helpful for keeping a good spirit. That has nothing to do with addiction.
If you use those images for arousal, as a counterfeit it is not surprising that the milder images will lose their effectiveness, and harder, more degrading comment will be needed for the same feeling. That is when addiction becomes a threat, but a commitment to the Spirit and a commitment to chastity were reason enough to turn back before.
That earlier premise, that sex should be an enjoyable part of a healthy marriage, seems so obvious but can become a stumbling block. If we get weird about sex, where members feel guilty enjoying it or thinking about it, or working to make the sex in a marriage more enjoyable, some people will find pornography easier, but it will be less rewarding.
If we get caught up in gender roles, where a husband cannot view his wife as a full person, or pay attention to her needs, or where either person in a relationship tries to shame the other, then pornography can seem easier, and is still less rewarding.
The worst part is that so many of the things we get wrong seem to be due to fear, where we are so afraid of straying off the path that we put up extra rules, that are far harsher - and stupider - than the existing commandments. Then things that are bad ideas turn into horrifying things.
That means that people outside of the church who might understand our points about why something is a bad idea think we are ridiculous, which is not great for missionary work. It also means that people inside of the church can have a harder time seeking help. And it can mean that the teenager you were trying to teach finds examples that prove you wrong, and doesn't believe you anymore, losing the good points that you had made.
Addiction is certainly something that can happen, but it doesn't always happen. There are people who watch it sometimes, and sometimes don't, with no withdrawal symptoms.
This is important because if we focus on addiction as an absolute, and the only way in which viewing happens, since it is false it makes us unreliable, when we may be saying other things that are not only true but vital. For people to be able to trust what we say, we need to speak honestly, and that means not just that we don't intentionally lie but that we speak with some understanding, or at least with some awareness of what we don't understand.
It can also be valuable for us to understand how addiction works, and that it tends to fill in gaps and areas of misery. If we remember that, we can work at creating rich fulfilling lives where any addiction has less likelihood of taking hold. That is one way in which talking about pornography is similar to talking about drugs.
They are also similar in that there are valid reasons for not viewing pornography beyond addiction, and those points may be even more important.
If we believe sex is something that should be an enjoyable part of a healthy marriage, and and special within that marriage, then it is easy to see that porn would not be the best way of honoring that. It is not surprising then that pornography would often be degrading in its representations of sex. Because of that, viewing it can easily be demoralizing, and not helpful for keeping a good spirit. That has nothing to do with addiction.
If you use those images for arousal, as a counterfeit it is not surprising that the milder images will lose their effectiveness, and harder, more degrading comment will be needed for the same feeling. That is when addiction becomes a threat, but a commitment to the Spirit and a commitment to chastity were reason enough to turn back before.
That earlier premise, that sex should be an enjoyable part of a healthy marriage, seems so obvious but can become a stumbling block. If we get weird about sex, where members feel guilty enjoying it or thinking about it, or working to make the sex in a marriage more enjoyable, some people will find pornography easier, but it will be less rewarding.
If we get caught up in gender roles, where a husband cannot view his wife as a full person, or pay attention to her needs, or where either person in a relationship tries to shame the other, then pornography can seem easier, and is still less rewarding.
The worst part is that so many of the things we get wrong seem to be due to fear, where we are so afraid of straying off the path that we put up extra rules, that are far harsher - and stupider - than the existing commandments. Then things that are bad ideas turn into horrifying things.
That means that people outside of the church who might understand our points about why something is a bad idea think we are ridiculous, which is not great for missionary work. It also means that people inside of the church can have a harder time seeking help. And it can mean that the teenager you were trying to teach finds examples that prove you wrong, and doesn't believe you anymore, losing the good points that you had made.
Sunday, February 14, 2016
When to send e-mail
I am going to be sending out various messages soon calling for action, and was thinking about when to send them.
When I was sending out the newsletters, I always tried to send them out between Tuesday and Thursday. My reasoning was that Monday has people catching up on things, and Friday has them trying to get everything caught up, and so the newsletter had a better chance of being read between then.
The obvious flaw with that reasoning is that if we did a good job of getting caught up on Friday, Monday shouldn't be so bad. People shouldn't be sending a lot of business mail over the weekend (though it's weird how often they do). I would also plan on sending the newsletter out around 2 in the afternoon - after lunch, but before people would be getting ready to leave for the day.
I am delighted to find that the internet backs me up:
http://www.wordstream.com/blog/ws/2014/09/04/best-time-to-send-email-campaign
Of course, if everyone uses the same reasoning, the glut of newsletters may cause a panicked delete, so it can backfire.
There were some things I was not expecting:
https://customer.io/blog/timing-week-day-email-sending-schedule.html
I had no idea people hated Tuesdays. You may think that it's Mondays that you hate, but really, you still have a weekend boost going into Monday, and it lifts you up. By Tuesday that is gone, but it's still the right time to send e-mail.
Tomorrow is President's Day, so many people should have a sizable boost this this Tuesday, but this week it might be better to send on Wednesday, or maybe even wait until next week.
(I am probably just going to go with Wednesday.)
When I was sending out the newsletters, I always tried to send them out between Tuesday and Thursday. My reasoning was that Monday has people catching up on things, and Friday has them trying to get everything caught up, and so the newsletter had a better chance of being read between then.
The obvious flaw with that reasoning is that if we did a good job of getting caught up on Friday, Monday shouldn't be so bad. People shouldn't be sending a lot of business mail over the weekend (though it's weird how often they do). I would also plan on sending the newsletter out around 2 in the afternoon - after lunch, but before people would be getting ready to leave for the day.
I am delighted to find that the internet backs me up:
http://www.wordstream.com/blog/ws/2014/09/04/best-time-to-send-email-campaign
Of course, if everyone uses the same reasoning, the glut of newsletters may cause a panicked delete, so it can backfire.
There were some things I was not expecting:
https://customer.io/blog/timing-week-day-email-sending-schedule.html
I had no idea people hated Tuesdays. You may think that it's Mondays that you hate, but really, you still have a weekend boost going into Monday, and it lifts you up. By Tuesday that is gone, but it's still the right time to send e-mail.
Tomorrow is President's Day, so many people should have a sizable boost this this Tuesday, but this week it might be better to send on Wednesday, or maybe even wait until next week.
(I am probably just going to go with Wednesday.)
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Cleaning your bathroom fan
I am linking to a brief instructional video this week:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48xP1xcR0yA
It's not just that this is good information, but I came across it in reading about a recent house fire in Canby.
Our family does not have a lost of the risk factors for fire. We don't smoke, we don't burn candles, and we don't overload electrical outlets. Our chimney is clean, though we don't really use the fireplace anyway, but if we did, we would have a clean chimney. On the Fourth of July I try and keep an eye out for flying fireworks, and we still don't have a cedar shake roof, so what we do have is not as flammable as it could be.
That eliminates a lot of risk, but there are still always things that can happen.The bathroom fan is one I had not even thought of.
I thought of it a lot more because a source of great anxiety to the family was the dog. The fire department was able to arrive in time and get the dog out, but even thinking about the possibility made me anxious.
Fan fires usually are noticed in time. People usually don't have the fans running unless they are in the bathroom, and that greatly improves the odds of resolving it quickly. That is great, but there will still be some damage and repairs to work with. If periodic cleaning can take away one more worry, that's worth something.
There are other videos and web pages with instructions, including more complex procedures like oiling the motor shaft:
http://buildipedia.com/at-home/bathroom/maintenance-tips-bathroom-exhaust-fans
For now, just think about doing it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48xP1xcR0yA
It's not just that this is good information, but I came across it in reading about a recent house fire in Canby.
Our family does not have a lost of the risk factors for fire. We don't smoke, we don't burn candles, and we don't overload electrical outlets. Our chimney is clean, though we don't really use the fireplace anyway, but if we did, we would have a clean chimney. On the Fourth of July I try and keep an eye out for flying fireworks, and we still don't have a cedar shake roof, so what we do have is not as flammable as it could be.
That eliminates a lot of risk, but there are still always things that can happen.The bathroom fan is one I had not even thought of.
I thought of it a lot more because a source of great anxiety to the family was the dog. The fire department was able to arrive in time and get the dog out, but even thinking about the possibility made me anxious.
Fan fires usually are noticed in time. People usually don't have the fans running unless they are in the bathroom, and that greatly improves the odds of resolving it quickly. That is great, but there will still be some damage and repairs to work with. If periodic cleaning can take away one more worry, that's worth something.
There are other videos and web pages with instructions, including more complex procedures like oiling the motor shaft:
http://buildipedia.com/at-home/bathroom/maintenance-tips-bathroom-exhaust-fans
For now, just think about doing it.
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