I'm going to start with a story where I got reprimanded. These stories combined may make it look like I was the most rebellious, worst missionary ever, and that was not the case, but they are usually the things that come to mind, and hopefully there ends up being a point.
It was Christmas of 1993 in Modesto. One of my companion's mothers had sent a bunch of dolls that we could give out, and as we were figuring out who would be the recipients, we started thinking about everyone in the area. Some people would not really want dolls, but we wanted to do something, and some things would be good anonymous and as we were working all of this out, it ended up resulting in a lot of baking, assembling, and sneaking up to doors and dropping off.
There was a total rush with doing it, and we felt great. I think we made a lot of people happy. We were over our regular services hours for that week, and we were under our normal study hours. That ended up being necessary for getting everything done.
Our district leader expressed some displeasure with that, and we explained why, but we were clearly not repentant enough, so at the next district meeting he had another elder direct the spiritual thought at us. It was passive aggressive and blatant, and we were ticked.
That doesn't make the elders bad either. I think he was frustrated that we were not conceding that we were wrong to not have completed the full study hours. We were mad because it felt like he was denigrating something beautiful and important, but also because he did not seem to grasp that we this was the first week we had ever not completed our study hours, and it would be the last week that we didn't. It was a one-time thing.
As a full-time missionary you have a pretty structured schedule, and that's a good thing. There are various things that are helpful, and rewarding, and missionary work is all you are doing, which is an amazing opportunity, but it can be hard to stay balanced.
For example, with the weekly service hours, (I believe it was four), serving is a good thing. Love is important for the work, and service helps with that. Also, sometimes there are opportunities to find people to teach through it. With the soup kitchen that we helped at, we were not likely to find anyone to teach there, but it felt good, it helped the community, and I learned a lot. So that time was valuable, but spending more time there would not have been an effective use of mission time. We had other things to do.
A big part of the lesson is the focus on goal-setting, because a lot how you use your time comes from the goals you set and planning to make those goals. At one point there was a push to increase the number of contacts, because that can lead to more potential investigators. We tried many different ways of finding new people, and none of them were very effective, because it turned out that we pretty much knew everyone.
Much like the language study, it was okay to try different things. You don't always get it right the first time. Also, it's usually not that you get it right and then you don't have to think about it again. The situation will change, and the methods you use have to change again.
Our goals were always correct - to help bring people to Christ. Towards the end of my mission, that mean getting members reading The Book of Mormon together, instead of working towards baptisms, but it was really the same overall purpose.
Now I still have that purpose, but I also have a job and responsibilities that were not there when I was a full-time missionary. Still, a lot of the principles are the same. You plan. You pray. You readjust when things aren't working. It requires some flexibility and humility, but that's as it should be.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Preach My Gospel Chapter 7: Learn the Language
Despite having avoided even thinking about going on a mission up until about nine months before leaving, once I accepted that, I was sure I would speak a language.
Language has always been my thing. At that point, I had studied French, Spanish, and Italian, and knew bits of Norwegian and German. None of that prepared me for Lao.
It was just so different as a language. There were no cognates that were easier to remember, so everything sounded so different. The spelling was consistent, but the alphabet was much longer, and there were tones. The grammar is simpler, but that was about it.
I remember practicing in the Missionary Training Center and thinking how much better I could do in one of the languages I already knew, and realizing that was the point. I needed to be humble, and not lean in my own understanding, but it was hard. Also, working with refugees in the States, there was never that immersion that you get when you actually go to a foreign country. Yes, there were areas where you could feel like you were really in Laos, but we never were.
It wasn't just that learning the language was harder, though it was, but I found that my usual ways did not work. Sometimes I would get lax in my studying, just because everything felt so ineffective. That didn't solve anything though. What ended up working for me was writing words out with repetition. I know, that sounds very much like something you would have little children do. In my case, I think the reason it helped was that it engaged the kinetic, because the visual and auditory alone were not doing it.
What is really important with that, however, is that it required trying a lot of things that did not work before I found the thing that did work. That's a discouraging process, but you have to have faith that there will be something that does work, and be willing to try different things.
Faith is also important for remembering that it is not just you there. You are doing something important, and there is help available.
It was getting close to Stake Conference in Modesto, and Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, an apostle, was coming. My companion was relatively new, and worried about translating, and I was worried about it too, but I knew it would fall on me. We fasted together, breaking our fast just before conference.
I know I spoke smoothly and clearly and rapidly, keeping up with the talks for most of the conference, and only stumbling towards the end. I remember that because the story that I stumbled on is the only one that I had any recollection of when it was done. It all passed through me, and I could not say that I used any of my own power in doing that. I did know that my prayer had been answered.
Learning another language allows you to connect with more people, and it helps you understand your first language better. If you haven't already done so, it's not too late. Maybe you think you are already past being a missionary, but you don't know what work lies ahead, and how possible it will be to increase the good you can do for your brothers and sisters. Writing this, I realize that it is time to learn more.
Language has always been my thing. At that point, I had studied French, Spanish, and Italian, and knew bits of Norwegian and German. None of that prepared me for Lao.
It was just so different as a language. There were no cognates that were easier to remember, so everything sounded so different. The spelling was consistent, but the alphabet was much longer, and there were tones. The grammar is simpler, but that was about it.
I remember practicing in the Missionary Training Center and thinking how much better I could do in one of the languages I already knew, and realizing that was the point. I needed to be humble, and not lean in my own understanding, but it was hard. Also, working with refugees in the States, there was never that immersion that you get when you actually go to a foreign country. Yes, there were areas where you could feel like you were really in Laos, but we never were.
It wasn't just that learning the language was harder, though it was, but I found that my usual ways did not work. Sometimes I would get lax in my studying, just because everything felt so ineffective. That didn't solve anything though. What ended up working for me was writing words out with repetition. I know, that sounds very much like something you would have little children do. In my case, I think the reason it helped was that it engaged the kinetic, because the visual and auditory alone were not doing it.
What is really important with that, however, is that it required trying a lot of things that did not work before I found the thing that did work. That's a discouraging process, but you have to have faith that there will be something that does work, and be willing to try different things.
Faith is also important for remembering that it is not just you there. You are doing something important, and there is help available.
It was getting close to Stake Conference in Modesto, and Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, an apostle, was coming. My companion was relatively new, and worried about translating, and I was worried about it too, but I knew it would fall on me. We fasted together, breaking our fast just before conference.
I know I spoke smoothly and clearly and rapidly, keeping up with the talks for most of the conference, and only stumbling towards the end. I remember that because the story that I stumbled on is the only one that I had any recollection of when it was done. It all passed through me, and I could not say that I used any of my own power in doing that. I did know that my prayer had been answered.
Learning another language allows you to connect with more people, and it helps you understand your first language better. If you haven't already done so, it's not too late. Maybe you think you are already past being a missionary, but you don't know what work lies ahead, and how possible it will be to increase the good you can do for your brothers and sisters. Writing this, I realize that it is time to learn more.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Preach My Gospel Chapter 6: Christlike Attributes
When I saw the chapter title, my first thought was meekness, because I had a story about that. That was not one of the virtues that they covered, but I guess for the purposes of the story, it is kind of a combination of humility and love. I didn't get it exactly right.
I had mentioned earlier that is was possible for the Spirit to be there and for some people not to feel it, and to be closed off to it. I had this happen once with a companion. She was angry about something I did, and so though we taught a family, and it was great for that family, it was not great for her, and she was lashing out at me any time we were not with other people.
I did not originally know what I had done. When it came out, it was that she had kind of interrupted something I was getting to saying. My trainer had done the exact same thing to me, and at the time I think I had been embarrassed, but it hurt my companion deeply, which was probably related to some other things she had going on that I did not know about.
She did various passive aggressive and less passive things, and I tried some things that did not work, and finally I told her that if this didn't stop I was going to have to contact the mission president because we could not work this way. We had a big difficult discussion, and I basically accepted the blame and apologized, and we went forward.
I really had to put my pride aside, and I could tell it was necessary. I needed to create a safe place for her, and I somehow managed. That is the good side of it.
The bad side is that I really did not do a good job of it. I was left with a lot of hurt feelings, because she had really been vilifying me, and while I had my flaws, I did not deserve that. Swallowing that left me really upset, and I wanted to talk about that, and yet I felt like I couldn't.
I'll tell you another story. At one point I was working with two other missionaries, and we were having a hard time getting any teaching done due to people being reluctant to set up appointments in advance. I thought it made sense to make phone calls before we left, because same day appointments seemed to be working better. My companions decided that it was important to leave the apartment on time. If I remember correctly, they tried making some pointed comments about obedience, and then they agreed they would just stand outside the apartment door while I did my thing, I guess to be good examples to me, or to shame me.
We all wanted to do the right thing, but I felt like if we were working, but still in the apartment, it counted, and they did not. If we had talked about it, they could have expressed why it felt so important to leave the apartment on time, and I could have expressed my concerns about us basically spinning our wheels, and perhaps we could have found something mutually satisfactory. Instead, I felt like they were jerks, and judged unfairly. We were not as effective as we could have been, and part of that was being less united.
(I am afraid I am not making missionaries sound that good. We try, but we are human, and usually young.)
So, I worked with the missionary I had offended and then reconciled with for a while, and we were doing well, and then I got transferred back to Fresno. My companion then was the second one trained by the sister who came into the field just before me. Both of her trainees loved her, and felt like they must be exactly like her, and my style was very different. This one had a very hard time accepting me, and it wore me down. I hit a pretty black spell, and then suddenly I got my other sister back.
Maybe the unresolved issues had contributed to the black spell I was in. Honestly, I don't know why it is so easy to feel worthless. I did not know then how common it was, though I am pretty aware of that now.
Anyway, she really helped me. She was there for me, she worked with me, and helped me crawl out of that black hole. Maybe she had to hold some things back for me. The point is, we took turns helping each other, and we were better for it.
It was with her that we switched our focus to working with members, which I know was the right thing for that time, and which possibly I could not have done with any of the others.
Humility is not easy. Love sometimes is and sometimes isn't. I just know that we are fragile beings, and everyone is carrying around hurts and insecurities that you can't see. I also know that we can help each other. We need each other.
I had mentioned earlier that is was possible for the Spirit to be there and for some people not to feel it, and to be closed off to it. I had this happen once with a companion. She was angry about something I did, and so though we taught a family, and it was great for that family, it was not great for her, and she was lashing out at me any time we were not with other people.
I did not originally know what I had done. When it came out, it was that she had kind of interrupted something I was getting to saying. My trainer had done the exact same thing to me, and at the time I think I had been embarrassed, but it hurt my companion deeply, which was probably related to some other things she had going on that I did not know about.
She did various passive aggressive and less passive things, and I tried some things that did not work, and finally I told her that if this didn't stop I was going to have to contact the mission president because we could not work this way. We had a big difficult discussion, and I basically accepted the blame and apologized, and we went forward.
I really had to put my pride aside, and I could tell it was necessary. I needed to create a safe place for her, and I somehow managed. That is the good side of it.
The bad side is that I really did not do a good job of it. I was left with a lot of hurt feelings, because she had really been vilifying me, and while I had my flaws, I did not deserve that. Swallowing that left me really upset, and I wanted to talk about that, and yet I felt like I couldn't.
I'll tell you another story. At one point I was working with two other missionaries, and we were having a hard time getting any teaching done due to people being reluctant to set up appointments in advance. I thought it made sense to make phone calls before we left, because same day appointments seemed to be working better. My companions decided that it was important to leave the apartment on time. If I remember correctly, they tried making some pointed comments about obedience, and then they agreed they would just stand outside the apartment door while I did my thing, I guess to be good examples to me, or to shame me.
We all wanted to do the right thing, but I felt like if we were working, but still in the apartment, it counted, and they did not. If we had talked about it, they could have expressed why it felt so important to leave the apartment on time, and I could have expressed my concerns about us basically spinning our wheels, and perhaps we could have found something mutually satisfactory. Instead, I felt like they were jerks, and judged unfairly. We were not as effective as we could have been, and part of that was being less united.
(I am afraid I am not making missionaries sound that good. We try, but we are human, and usually young.)
So, I worked with the missionary I had offended and then reconciled with for a while, and we were doing well, and then I got transferred back to Fresno. My companion then was the second one trained by the sister who came into the field just before me. Both of her trainees loved her, and felt like they must be exactly like her, and my style was very different. This one had a very hard time accepting me, and it wore me down. I hit a pretty black spell, and then suddenly I got my other sister back.
Maybe the unresolved issues had contributed to the black spell I was in. Honestly, I don't know why it is so easy to feel worthless. I did not know then how common it was, though I am pretty aware of that now.
Anyway, she really helped me. She was there for me, she worked with me, and helped me crawl out of that black hole. Maybe she had to hold some things back for me. The point is, we took turns helping each other, and we were better for it.
It was with her that we switched our focus to working with members, which I know was the right thing for that time, and which possibly I could not have done with any of the others.
Humility is not easy. Love sometimes is and sometimes isn't. I just know that we are fragile beings, and everyone is carrying around hurts and insecurities that you can't see. I also know that we can help each other. We need each other.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Preach My Gospel Chapter 5: Book of Mormon
Building on last week, I wanted to write a little bit more about how the Book of Mormon was important for us.
It has a lot to do with the Spirit of course, because it brings the Spirit, and helps you learn. We had one investigator in Modesto who studied for a year without really progressing, and then he started reading the Book of Mormon, and things changed. We were teaching three kids together, and it wasn't going anywhere, but we got one to start reading, and she kept at it. Maybe that's why it became our focus.
You see, the problem in the San Joaquin Valley is that the first missionaries who started working with the Lao people, well, I don't know. They definitely had not been trained to speak Laotian, so there was a language barrier. I have heard stories about people getting baptized and giving a list to the branch president of furniture that they needed, so it is possible that the welfare program was abused. I wasn't there back then. I just know that when I did get there, it was like everyone was a member but nobody went.
That is a bit of an exaggeration. There were a lot of people who were not members, but there were a lot who were, and yet we probably only had about ten percent of the members in the branch actually attending.
There was the issue that they had made covenants that they weren't keeping, and how much they understood or had thought about their baptismal covenants was questionable, but still, they were missing out on that. In addition, it made it hard to teach others. If the Mormons are sitting in the card-playing circle smoking and drinking, it is hard to tell others that they should give that up and join.
So, for the last few months of my mission, Sister Metcalfe and I focused on working with members, both the ones who were going and the ones who were not going, and a lot of that was reading the Book of Mormon with them and encouraging them to read it as a family.
The thing is, getting people to church can be hard. A lot of them don't have cars, and you can try arranging rides, but sometimes we would do that and then the person would not be home when their ride came by anyway. There was a lot of room for things to go wrong there.
Getting them to read just felt right. And there were issues with that too. Often there were literacy issues, where maybe not everyone in the family read, or there were language issues, where the parents kind of understood English and the kids kind of understood Lao, but the generations were truly speaking different languages, but this was increasing their fluency in whichever language they ended up using.
Mainly it was something where we knew that they could keep it going after we were gone. Maybe they wouldn't, but they could, and we knew it would help them. We had a lot of good experiences doing that.
You know, it was before social networking. I did have addresses and I wrote some letters, and I got some back. There was one family I especially tried to keep in touch with, and then they moved and there wasn't a forwarding address. But in my mind I still see their faces, and I still feel how my heart felt when we were reading together. I know it's important. There are a lot of reasons why it's important, but I remember it for bringing families together, and rekindling testimonies, and bringing the Spirit.
It has a lot to do with the Spirit of course, because it brings the Spirit, and helps you learn. We had one investigator in Modesto who studied for a year without really progressing, and then he started reading the Book of Mormon, and things changed. We were teaching three kids together, and it wasn't going anywhere, but we got one to start reading, and she kept at it. Maybe that's why it became our focus.
You see, the problem in the San Joaquin Valley is that the first missionaries who started working with the Lao people, well, I don't know. They definitely had not been trained to speak Laotian, so there was a language barrier. I have heard stories about people getting baptized and giving a list to the branch president of furniture that they needed, so it is possible that the welfare program was abused. I wasn't there back then. I just know that when I did get there, it was like everyone was a member but nobody went.
That is a bit of an exaggeration. There were a lot of people who were not members, but there were a lot who were, and yet we probably only had about ten percent of the members in the branch actually attending.
There was the issue that they had made covenants that they weren't keeping, and how much they understood or had thought about their baptismal covenants was questionable, but still, they were missing out on that. In addition, it made it hard to teach others. If the Mormons are sitting in the card-playing circle smoking and drinking, it is hard to tell others that they should give that up and join.
So, for the last few months of my mission, Sister Metcalfe and I focused on working with members, both the ones who were going and the ones who were not going, and a lot of that was reading the Book of Mormon with them and encouraging them to read it as a family.
The thing is, getting people to church can be hard. A lot of them don't have cars, and you can try arranging rides, but sometimes we would do that and then the person would not be home when their ride came by anyway. There was a lot of room for things to go wrong there.
Getting them to read just felt right. And there were issues with that too. Often there were literacy issues, where maybe not everyone in the family read, or there were language issues, where the parents kind of understood English and the kids kind of understood Lao, but the generations were truly speaking different languages, but this was increasing their fluency in whichever language they ended up using.
Mainly it was something where we knew that they could keep it going after we were gone. Maybe they wouldn't, but they could, and we knew it would help them. We had a lot of good experiences doing that.
You know, it was before social networking. I did have addresses and I wrote some letters, and I got some back. There was one family I especially tried to keep in touch with, and then they moved and there wasn't a forwarding address. But in my mind I still see their faces, and I still feel how my heart felt when we were reading together. I know it's important. There are a lot of reasons why it's important, but I remember it for bringing families together, and rekindling testimonies, and bringing the Spirit.
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