Preparing to kick the habit

Well, that makes it sound a little more dramatic than where we are actually going.

The phrase "kicking the habit" may derive from the violent tremors that rock the body of someone going through heroin withdrawal, which is physically traumatic. I have no tips for this, but I suspect it is better done in a facility with people with medical knowledge around.

The reason I used the phrase is that I have noticed how strongly rooted thinking patterns can be. I'm not sure that it's entirely accurate to say that thoughts are addictive, but they are certainly habit-forming.

This seems especially damaging with negative thoughts. People will try and improve in various ways, but the inner voice that calls them stupid, ugly, and worthless is always at the background, and jumping forward with any little opening.

If you can make bad habits, though, it stands to reason that you can also create good habits. This first led me to think of the work of Émile Coué, who worked with optimistic auto-suggestion: "Every day, in every way, I'm getting better and better."

That sounds like a crock, of course, but it got me looking into it a little more. His work was to help patients heal better from medical issues, making them feel like their medicine was better, and working at giving their physical health a psychological boost, which may have worked temporarily, at least.

For psychological improvement, I think it is too vague and too broad. I did do better in this way, but I completely failed in this, therefore "every way" is false, and I was actually worse yesterday than two days ago, and so on, until there is no benefit. I'm not sure doing positive affirmations in the mirror is helpful.

However, I do think that interrupting negative thoughts with affirming reminders can be helpful. These should be simple and true statements. I suspect it helps if they are rooted in goals. So, talking with one girl who struggles with an eating disorder, one thing she really wants is to be able to help her sister, for whom she feels a lot of gratitude. Being available to her sister means that she needs to be healthy, not in the hospital, and not being devoured with thoughts about weight gain, which is something she actually needs.

So, when those dark thoughts come, maybe she should be saying things like "I want a strong body", "I want a strong mind", "I want to be there for my sister". At some point it might be good to say things like "This is a healthy weight" or "My weight does not define me", but those are a little hard to commit to now.

We all have weaknesses, but I believe we all have strengths too, and we can accomplish the things that we need to. If we consciously choose our priorities, and figure out the basic components of those things (possibly in a long journal writing session), we can come up with a few key statements the reaffirm our priorities, and our worth, and bring them out when we need them.

It is so tempting to wallow in despair; there is a certain safety and comfort to it. Growing, and healing, is much more frightening. It is only fair that in removing the old source of destructive comfort, that you add a new type of comfort, and that it be one that is conducive to healing.

A lot of people like to turn to hymns or memorized scriptures when dark thoughts come, and that is valuable too. This would just be something more personalized.

I am a child of God.
I have helped people.
I want to help more people.
I need to be strong. That means I must take care of myself.

What do you want? What do you need? They go together more than you think, and maybe they are also what you deserve, if you can see it.