October 2008 - Three keys to happiness

Men are that they might have joy, but that joy is often elusive. As we struggle with personal failings, hurt caused by others, and general disappointments in life, it is easy to become downcast, and possibly even depressed. Any one of those things can be a legitimate reason for sadness, but this can become a trap if we look for changes in our situation to bring about happiness. In reality, happiness is more of an attitude, and a choice, that will wax and wane a bit with the ups and downs of life but generally persist.

We need to choose happiness now. If we are waiting for it to come along with a higher-paying job, a slimmer body, or temple marriage, we are not only short-changing our current lives but also setting our selves up for frustration and anger later when we receive our desires and are still left vaguely dissatisfied.

Having the emotional resilience to find joy and peace regardless of circumstances will allow you to weather the storms that will come. Here are three ways to increase your present happiness.

Gratitude

You may remember Pollyanna playing the “Glad Game”, where she looked for reasons to be glad about things that would ordinarily be upsetting. Really, she was exercising gratitude, even if it seems cheesy when the solution to getting a crutch instead of a doll is to be glad you don’t need the crutch.

Counting our blessings reminds us that we have blessings. We always do have blessings. No matter what problems or obstacles we face, there are also gifts in place to help us through. Focusing on those gifts reminds us of the love our Heavenly Father feels for us, our eternal potential, and that eventually things will work out. In addition, with an eye to blessings we are able to recognize the good times that happen, and the small graces that can cheer us in the bad times.

To increase your gratitude, you might wish to try keeping a gratitude journal, where each day you review the things that went well. Do not forget the obvious things, like having a roof overhead or the full enjoyment of all five senses. Some blessings are so common that we easily take them for granted, but there is always someone who does not have it.

You can also sometimes have prayers where you only express gratitude, without asking for anything in return, or having a fast of gratitude. Expressing your gratitude to others, either for blessings from God or for things that they have done, may strengthen your feelings.

In addition, if you find you have a hard time spotting the blessings in your life, you can pray for a more grateful heart, and for help in appreciating what you have.

Service

In the same way that gratitude reminds you that there are already good things in your life, service reminds you that there are good things about you. Not only does giving service remind you that you matter, it makes you matter more by the good that you do. Service brings with it the joy of accomplishment, and the warmth of the Spirit confirming that what you have done is good. Finally, it means that at least sometimes you are focusing on others instead of yourself. (Self-absorption never was happiness.)

Fortunately, there are always plenty of ways to serve, starting with the most basic church assignments like home and visiting teaching. I recently visited a sister with whom I had almost nothing in common. Our interests, family backgrounds, and stages in life (including ages), were completely different, and this sometimes made things a little awkward. Our visits tended to be shorter than some my visits with others. However, I could see it meant something to her that there was always someone who knew whether or not she made it to church, and would recognize her and speak to her there. You may not always become great friends, but having an additional person who cares hurts no one.

You probably also have a church calling that provides you with ways to serve. We used to talk about magnifying callings, and then people backed away from that usage because you can’t really make the calling bigger. However, a magnifying glass does not change the size of anything—it merely allows you to focus on the object, so you can have a better look and a better understanding. If you will focus on your calling, and what good can be done with it, and what you can bring to it, and whom you can serve by it, it sanctifies your work, and touches you at a higher level than merely doing your duty.

Beyond that, there are always opportunities to serve, whether it is a regular commitment with an organization (you can try searching at http://www.volunteermatch.org/), one-time service projects organized by the ward, or just keeping your eyes out for those who could use a boost. Sometimes it will be best to keep the service anonymous, and sometimes it will be helpful to let the recipient know that you specifically care, but all service should help you feel useful, and important, and grateful for the opportunity. It should increase joy.

Repentance

Ultimately, it is not possible to do wrong and feel right. Our sins cause guilt, and the weaknesses within us that allow the sin can also cause suffering and frustration. We do not need to despair, because through the Atonement we know that we can be made clean, and the scriptures tell us that our weaknesses can become strengths.

Still, it is easy to procrastinate our repentance. Perhaps we do not truly wish to give up the behavior yet, or we are afraid that we cannot, so we wait. However, ignoring the voice that tells you to repent makes you unable to listen to other needed messages. You may also be reluctant to pray so you can avoid the subject. This cuts you off from comfort and guidance, and makes it easier to slide into inactivity and other sin.

If you recognize sin in your life, pray for forgiveness. If you know something is wrong, but do not feel it in your heart yet, pray for that. If you have wronged someone, and confession and restitution is necessary, do that. If you don’t think you can resolve to forsake the sin, and need help in overcoming the weakness, pray for strength.

If you struggle with this process, the bishop can help, and some sins specifically require counsel with him. I have known people who have avoided that, abstaining from the sacrament and other activities, but avoiding confession. Your bishop might have you temporarily refrain from taking the sacrament, but he will also work with you towards forgiveness, setting goals and checking progress. Punishing yourself will not result in sanctification, only the same pain and stagnation that would come with not trying to repent at all. After all, forgiveness for us does not come from our own suffering, but through the Savior, and the Atonement. You should expect that sometimes you will need help.

Gratitude, service, and repentance are not the only factors to your happiness. You can find pleasure and joy in many ways, including the cultivation of friendships, the development of talents, and even in taking personal time for you. However, these three should be accessible to anyone at any time. They are also so fundamental that, without them, other efforts may be futile.