Preparing for death, part 4

While my main point was originally about organizing, planning and getting things in writing - which was just parts 1 and 2 - it feels necessary to give some comfort with that. That seems to be giving us parts 3 through 5.

Reconciling oneself with mortality is an age-old question that makes for a lot of depressing literature, so this is not unreasonable.

There are different levels on which you can be concerned about death. I am assuming most of my readers will also be Mormon, so there should be some agreements on the basics of life after death. We die, our spirits go to the Spirit World, where we can continue to learn and grow. Eventually there is Resurrection and Judgement, but we believe that there are eternal families and eternal progression, and while we all sin, repenting will help us become clean through the Atonement. Also, before that there is the Millennium, where things that didn't work out in our lives can be fixed.

That makes the plan really good, covering everything that you need. The first obstacle could be a lack of faith in that plan, either in its overall reality or that it could actually work out for you or someone you care about. The answer to that is to pray for confirmation.

I can give some help here. I will tell you that our Heavenly Father's plan is real, that Christ did come and fulfilled the requirements of the Atonement. It is a beautiful plan, and the more you look at it the more you see that God is good and loving and can be trusted.

You may feel confirmation as you read that. We can help each other by sharing what we know. Asking through prayer, and getting personal confirmation, is still very important. We need to dig deeper and allow our own light to grow.

Initially my thought for being spiritually comfortable with death was that you should maintain a temple recommend. Our temple attendance teaches us how to be ready for after death, but also the interview process allows us to reflect on how we are doing, and where we can improve.

So maintaining a temple recommend is not a bad answer, but it can be too glib, if that digging deeper doesn't happen.

I just read an article about a state senator who swore at a protester, but the more interesting part happened with a different senator in his reaction. There is a bill in question to extend health care to poor Tennesseans, and those voting against it are all getting subsidized healthcare through the government, but they don't want to extend it to others.

Speaker Ron Ramsey was asked how he could be a Christian and not support the bill (which involves being both hard-hearted and hypocritical).

"I told them my religion is between and me and God, and not them," he said. "And Christ has saved me and I feel like I'm going to heaven, so don't ever, ever question whether I'm a good Christian or not because I'm against this bill."

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/state/tennessee-gop-senator-gives-obscene-response-to-protester

Regardless of the parameters of this specific bill, any question about your compassion and your religion is one to take seriously. There are religions where doctrinally salvation is considered a one-time thing, and that is not what we believe, but even so, the response to being saved should be love for others and a desire to serve them, and not pride.

So my answer to preparing for death here is yes, keep your temple recommend current, go to the temple, but it needs to go deeper than that. Going deeper will involve prayer, scripture study, and pondering, and when you are doing that, specific things will strike you as you need them.

A good starting point is Matthew 25:34-46. Are we feeding the hungry? Clothing the naked? Visiting those in prison? That doesn't just mean paying fast offerings and humanitarian relief offerings. Do we know when people are hurting? Do we help them? Do we judge them?

Charity comes up in the scriptures over and over again, as the most needful and most important thing. If we are not feeling love for others, including outside of the church, that's a good place to start. Section 121 of the Doctrine and Covenants is a very good section, but let's look at just this part from verse 45:

"Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and ... then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God"

It occurs to me that there may be another area where death is scary, and that is its lack of finality, because thinking about eternity can be uncomfortable for mortal minds. This can be another area to pray for comfort, but I think also having some assurance that time and space can be filled with good things is valuable. That will relate to next week's topic.

Preparing for death, part 3

I was starting to think that maybe I should write something about conference or Easter, but this actually does correspond with Easter.

What I was alluding to last week, for the hard part of the planning, is that there is often a natural reluctance to think about bad things happening. Unfortunately, such thinking is necessary for planning to take place.

The harsh thing to do would be to just say "Get over it!" Parents with young children have died. Breadwinners have died. These things happen. I will try to be a little more gentle than that.

On any given day, the odds of you dying are low. It is very likely that you will be able to live long enough to see your children settled, or your parents settled, because sometimes we do support them. If you continue having pets, at some point you will outlive some, and other family may provide for them.

But you might not. And the other horrible thing to contemplate is that your survivors may not all be wise, caring, and selfless, but could possibly end up arguing over assets left behind, responsibilities not tended to, or even fairly trivial objects that have emotional significance for them.

That doesn't mean that they are bad people, so it is not necessarily predictable. Financial issues are stressful, and the loss of loved ones is stressful. That can cause temporary changes that leave big rifts. The death of one uncle for me meant that I didn't meet another uncle until about fifteen years after, and never met the other one.

(My family is not the best examples.)

So, because you love and care about the people and animals in your life, you need to think about your death.

Here is the good news; we have faith that death is not the end. Death means the end of your financial worries, and health worries. It means the chance to catch up with people you have missed. We do believe it still means work, but of a different kind - it could be a nice change of pace.

There might be pain of missing those you have left behind, even if it is temporary, and they can miss you, but that's why you look ahead, to reduce that pain. You make sure that when your troubles end, that the only trouble that is added to them is a grief that will be cured by the Resurrection.

Preparing for death, part 2

I feel a little inadequate here, because I am writing about things that I am noting my need to do, but have not actually done. Part of the organization that I wrote about last week will be organizing important papers. Some of that is for me, but also there should be an easy reference for when I am dead.

I have thought about creating a folder for emergency purposes anyway in case there is a need for a quick evacuation. If there is an item that can be quickly grabbed that has the insurance information, with both contact numbers and policy numbers, that can be helpful when we are leaving due to a landslide threat. If it is a fire, you are not supposed to grab anything, so then maybe it is a good idea to have a safe deposit box. Then, you start thinking about all the different ways that things can go wrong and how to provide for every possible contingency, it gets overwhelming, and you do nothing.

My starting point is just going to be a sheet of paper with the basic mortgage and insurance information. Then it occurred to me that the account numbers and contact information for the various utilities could be good. We grab them off of statements, but we have misplaced statements before, and it would have been nice having an easy place to look it up.

At that point, it is still a single sheet of paper, and then letting people know where it is. That doesn't mean that more things wouldn't be helpful, but keeping things simple helps. Start with a few basics and then build on it.

I could make a case that I am being irresponsible, but I am going to spell out the reasons why I am comfortable with that, because it can start some discussion. The main things that will be important in the case of my death are the house and my life insurance. My life insurance policy is through work, and my sister works for the company. They will know if I am dead.

The house still has a sizable mortgage on it. It's not underwater or anything like that, but I have a good twenty years on it, because I did not buy it particularly young. The point of that (with a little extra justification because of self-consciousness) is that there is mortgage insurance with a clear beneficiary as to who gets the house. Having a will in place could strengthen that, but on one level my wishes have been stated.

I have no children, but there are pets. Normally I would say it is very important to establish for their support and guardianship. I have not done that because there are four adults living in this house, and I am assuming that in the case of my death, the other three would step up. If we all die at once, without the pets, then there would be an issue.

If my assets were more complicated, I would be in more of a hurry. I am getting royalties now. It's a small amount, but I'm hoping it will grow. That is something to think about. So, it's on the list of things to do, and there are a lot of resources out there.

This started focusing on the potential obstacle of getting intimidated by complexity or having a lot of work to do, but there is one other potential obstacle that we will get into next week.

Preparing for death, part 1

That should be nice and attention grabbing, right?

Having committed to multiple parts, I might get into spiritual preparation and bucket lists and things like that, but I am starting with the far more mundane, and that is along the lines of organization.

Having finally finished one project that I had spent a long time on, my next phase is going to be going through and doing some organization. I have drawers and files and folders of papers that I might not actually need anymore. Some of them could still be necessary, but that I can't easily think of which ones, and since I know they are in with a bunch of papers that won't be necessary, there are some potential issues there.

That's okay. I am going to break the project down into easy phases. I expect to live long after it is done. I would like it if I find some improved ways of filing new things after that, so it does not need to be repeated, but really, I have no thought that death is imminent.

Here's the thing: usually you don't think death is imminent unless your health is really bad, in which case your energy levels for this sort of task may not be great.

It is a really common thing for parents and grandparents to die, and leave behind houses full of memories, and then the task falls upon their descendants, possibly with time constraints on emptying the living space. I was thinking that I would rather not do that.

There need to be reasonable limits too. You will have possessions that you may not need, but like having, and you don't have to get rid of that just because someday someone will have to clean it out. However, if there are things that you don't really care about much, well, it might be good to let it go.

There is an advantage here for people who move around more, because that can force the issue. I like living in a place where I have roots; I don't think moving is fun at all. Without the motivation of having to pack and unpack everything into boxes, it just needs to come from me.

This is the way I am going to do it, but there can be other right ways.

On my organizational spreadsheet, one tab is going to be for this project, and I am going to write down the different small areas that I will go through. When I say "small areas", I mean that an area is a drawer, not a dresser. I don't want to be so intimidated that I keep putting things off. Organizing everything is a huge task, but going through one basket isn't so bad. It will take months, but there will be no nervous breakdowns doing it.

Yes, this will benefit the person who cleans up after me someday, but I expect there to be some benefits now too, like a better environment and greater appreciation of what I have. Maybe there will be things that benefit others as I give them away. I have already kind of learned not to buy things impulsively, but that can be reinforced.

And sometimes there are things where it just feels good to let go.

Sabbath shift

It recently came to me that I wasn't going to write on Sundays anymore.

By writing I meant the novels and screenplays that I do in hopes of making money. Although that goal kind of makes them "work", it had not felt like it because they're not really a big money-maker ($17 total so far!). Also, writing is very restorative for me. There are moments of frustration and getting stuck, but usually it is an activity where I come away feeling better. Because of that, the feeling that I should leave it for the other six days was surprising.

Upon further reflection it makes sense. I am following a much more ambitious writing schedule now with increased efforts to sell something. I have gotten good at working writing into normal work days and days off, where I am writing more frequently than I used to. That is something that makes a rest more necessary, where I can step back, get my head out of it, and then go back refreshed.

The change had been felt before, both in my realizing that I needed to put my reading on hold to not detract from the writing, and in the way that my creative week did not involve any drawing or really much other than writing. There are other things that are important to me that I don't have time for, but Sunday can be that time.

It doesn't change everything. Journal writing still happens on whatever day I need it, which includes Sunday but some weeks ends up being almost every day. I wondered if it would mean stopping the Provident Living blog, which has been a lot more random lately. That doesn't seem to be a reason to quit. That could totally change in the future. There was a time when working on the novel on Sunday felt right. It is important to be aware of the changes in our lives, and whether spiritual adjustments are needed.

There was a moment of thinking that was less time for what I needed, but then it was excitement. This is where I will find the time to organize my family history. I can read those Italian issues of the Liahona that I have saved for working on my Italian, and my ability to discuss spiritual things in Italian. I can read and draw. We are on the late schedule, so if I want to take time for a facial and exfoliation, or a deep conditioning treatment on my hair (these things are needed), I can do that.

I'm sure I won't do all of those things every week, but having some time for those things that help my life, and give me a break, is exciting, and it makes Sunday more special, the way it is intended to be.

Kitchen and Fire Tips

I haven't done any straight emergency preparedness for a while, but we just got a new stove, and among our papers there was a handout.

Recipe for safer cooking

The pamphlet comes from the Association of Home Appliance Manufacturers, the National Association of State Fire Marshals, and the National Safety Council.

Even though everything seems really obvious, sometimes reminders are good, so here are the tips, with comments:

To Prevent A Cooking Fire In Your Kitchen - 

Keep an eye on your cooking and stay in the kitchen. Unattended cooking is the #1 cause of cooking fire. (I have seen a cooking fire start this way, and she hadn't even gotten very far away or for very long. It blazed up really suddenly.)

Wear short or close-fitting sleeves. Loose clothing can catch fire.

Watch children closely. When old enough, teach children to cook safely.

Clean cooking surfaces to prevent food and grease build-up. (Unattended cooking is a great way to have pots boil over, and lead to that flammable build-up.)

Keep curtains, towels, and pot holders away from hot surfaces and store solvents and flammable cleaners away from heat sources. Never keep gasoline in the house.

Turn pan handles inward to prevent food spills.

To Put Out A Cooking Fire In Your Kitchen - 

Call the fire department immediately. In many cases, dialing 911 will give you Emergency Services. (Personally I would say extinguish the fire immediately, but I have never had a large one that could not be easily addressed. If you are going to need help,  yes, the sooner you call the better.)

Slide a pan lid over flames to smother a grease or oil fire, then turn off the heat and leave the lid in place until the pan cools. Never carry the pan outside. (I have seen someone try to remove the flaming pan. That is a great way to catch other things on fire. Don't do that.)

Extinguish other food fires with baking soda. Never use water or floor on cooking fires. (Really important, and probably not intuitive. It is worth thinking about how much baking soda you have. A small container that is mostly empty might not help much.)

Keep the over door shut and turn off the heat to smother an oven or broiler fire.

Keep a fire extinguisher in the kitchen. Make sure you have the right type and training.

Keep a working smoke detector in your home and test it monthly.

(Ultimately, it is much better to prevent the fire than to put it out. It's good to know both, but try and say in the first half of the tips.)

Changing plans

I have recently been working to establish myself as a writer.

That is an important project for me, but it has not been my only project. I also have a long list of books I want to read, some of which were related to other projects (like this year's garden), I have a bass guitar that I don't spend nearly enough time playing, and there are a lot of things that I want to draw as well.

I took of a week from work so that I could spend some time focusing on these things, and it did not go as planned. That was partly because there was illness running amok through the household, but also because the novel that I am currently writing has been taking much longer than expected. Some projects go more quickly, but this one doesn't.

I did still make good writing progress, but not much progress anywhere else. That may have been my first hint that I was going to need to change plans. A bigger hint came shortly after that, with the impression that I needed to put my reading on hold. I am still finishing the two books that I had checked out, which seems to be okay, but then I can't check out anymore.

There was a pang. It's not only that I enjoy reading, though I do, but there are all of these things that I want to learn and know more about, and there was a feeling of being cut off from that.

However, it is not horrible. I believe it is only temporary, until I finish up these three projects which are kind of pivotal. That does help.

Also, I have often felt a pull to read a certain book at a certain time that has worked out well, where the book would combine with other information or add context, and just be what I needed for that time. If my reading guidance has been reliable so far, then continuing to trust it makes sense now.

In addition, it feels like confirmation that my writing is important, and will pay off eventually. It already has in non-monetary ways, and if that's all that ever happens it is still valuable, but there is the chance for more, and that feels more possible.

Finally, I do feel reassured that there will be time for other things. There will be time for more reading, drawing, and music in the future, but there are some things that can't wait, and I need to focus on those.