Misery

Last Sunday I made a bold claim.

In talking about how Jesus was so consistently kind and caring of others that it is ridiculous to claim religious justification for trying to dominate other people -- and I could spend a lot more time on that, but I already have in other posts -- I said that I only saw misery in rejecting that caring.

That may have been a slight overstatement; some people really seem to be enjoying themselves.

This is my acknowledgement that on the path of dominator culture, it is possible to get some satisfaction.

I believe my point still stands for three reasons.

1. As it can be very hard to succeed at dominator culture, there are going to be a lot of people failing. While they may be pretty consistent in blaming others, I am sure there is still an emotional toll to the failures. 

I have periodically pointed to Ask Aubrey, who collects examples of misogyny:

https://www.instagram.com/ask_aubry/ 

I see so many posts from men who are complaining about women only caring about money or looks or only wanting "high-value" men, so they are miserable because women are so shallow, or stupid, or hypocritical.

It seems a lot more common now, but I remember at least twenty years ago guys in the singles ward complaining about how being "nice" wasn't good enough, except that they also weren't that nice. You seem angry and resentful all the time, and even your hair is fascist! (And this was years before the started talking about the "fashy".)

I never said that because I didn't think it would be well-received. Maybe I should have.

We all know men who aren't that handsome or that rich or various other factors -- they are not "alphas" -- but they are in rewarding relationships that are helped their acknowledgement of their wives and girlfriends being full human beings that they appreciate as individuals.

If you are in the mindset where this is settling, okay, maybe it doesn't sound good to you, but what you are doing instead does not look appealing. 

If you are going to be single, it's easier if you like yourself. Ironically, liking yourself may also make it easier to find a partner, though it is no guarantee. 

Regardless, buying into some toxic version of masculinity where you can only be alone and hating women for not fixing you sounds pretty miserable to me.

2. Even when you are "succeeding" at dominator culture, while there may be moments of satisfaction it seems lacking.

Elon Musk seems pretty miserable, getting his feelings hurt and requiring lots of drugs. The president may enjoy the cruelty, but does it bring him joy?

Even Joni Ernst strolling through a graveyard resenting that people aren't cheering her comfort with mass die-offs... she doesn't exactly seem happy. 

So when we might refer to someone as a miserable human being -- not because of their general mood, but because of how intensely we dislike them -- even if they do not perceive themselves to be suffering in the moment, it's not what I think of as happiness.

3. They can't take it with them.

For all of Senator Ernst's flaws (and I don't see her as a particularly truthful person), she is correct; we will all die.

Maybe they don't actually have any faith at all, because they should expect that they would suffer for the suffering that they have caused. 

If their satisfaction comes from being able to inflict damage on others, they are going to lose that.

I do think there is some misery now, but I believe more is coming.

I would not change places with them. 

My life definitely has things that are hard, but I ultimately can live with myself, I have good relationships, and those are things that I can take with me. 

I am on Medicaid, so I may die sooner than is necessary, but I would still rather be me than any of these miserable beings.