Happy Easter

Yesterday I was in the temple, and I kept thinking about my mother. That was something we used to do together, and can't do together now.

Referencing the travel blog, I also had a lot of thoughts of her in Disneyland. We only went there together twice in adulthood, but they were significant trips and not something we will do again in this life.

I suppose the next time I will have those thoughts will be the next time I go to Italy and see my cousins,

Grief is real, and it can come with any losses. I will spend some time with my mother. She will probably be cheerful and friendly, and she will quite likely talk about her young children. She may say she is waiting for her father. 

That won't devastate me, but there are times when I feel how much I miss her and the relationship we had when she knew me. It's not really that her personality has changed -- she is very much still her -- but she has lost her connections to those who are still here.

I am very grateful for my faith in the eternal nature of our lives, and resurrection and restoration. 

It does not remove the pangs that strike me now.

There is a dual nature to our lives here. There are things before that we don't remember, and faith in things to come, but there is also in very bold letters "NOW", with all of its accompanying pains and pleasures.

It can work this way.

Somehow, we need to feel the pain and the fear and doubts, and still remember the faith and the trust, and not let it lessen our love.