Rediscovering a goal

I have been participating in a study for caregivers.

The current phase reviews good health practices. None of that information is specific to caregivers, but are things that should be good for anyone. However, when you get focused so much on someone else, it is easy to forgive yourself.

Some scheduling problems caused me to miss the first week, so during the second week I had not had advance notice that we were supposed to be coming up with some longer and shorter term fitness goals, but as we were talking about it I suddenly remembered the triathlon:

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/01/10-year-plan-update-triathlon.html

The shocking thing was how completely I had forgotten it.

I made goals when I was forty to make sure that I would feel good about the past decade when I turned fifty. They were not all fitness-related, but doing a triathlon at 50 wasn't just about working on something during my 40s, but entering my 50s as an active and vibrant person. I was pretty stoked about it, and giving myself plenty of time guaranteed that it would be possible with steady progress.

Then things just started getting harder. Money was getting tighter, even before I was laid off. Mom's memory started getting worse. Before I started working from home I remember trying to leave notes and do prep work to make her day smoother, but it was a relief to be telecommuting and know that she would not be alone. Now, I question where I could stay on top of a telecommuting job even if I could find one.

I was aware of growing stress and tiredness and financial concerns and time concerns, but I hadn't realized that I had forgotten something that had been so important. It probably happened gradually, and then was just gone.

That was a curious realization, but then it became very important that it was back, because it is still not out of reach. I have four years. I can get to where I can do a triathlon in four years.

There are supposed to be shorter-term goals too. One year - when things were starting to go bad - my sisters and I had wanted to do the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving. We did not sign up, and the way that particular Thanksgiving went it was just as well that we didn't, but that is my short term goal for now, with even shorter term goals for covering increasing distances in between.

Looking back at what I wrote back when the goal was new, I see that I was feeling good about it, and deriving enjoyment and improved health from it even in those early stages. I am sure that as I start again, it will benefit me in that way.

Beyond that, it feels good to have gotten something back, even if it was something I had not realized I'd lost. There are a lot of good things about being selfless and sacrificing - I know why it is called for - but there are good things about holding onto pieces of yourself too.


Especially the pieces that are good for you.