Homosexuality again

Do you remember the Oregon Citizens Alliance? I really used to hate them. That's not saying that I love them now, but a specific point of frustration was that they stirred things up.

If you are not familiar, they ran a series of ballot measures, and they were campaigning against special rights for gays. You could look at it as freedom from discrimination is not really a special right, or even if you decided that it would be a special right that really any protections at the time were quite limited (this was the late '80s/early '90s). Their literature focused on how teachers would be recruiting and students would be experimenting if the laws were not passed.

I don't remember them passing anything, and I don't remember ever feeling like their measures were likely to pass. I just remember that I felt like they were stirring up hate. They would say ugly things, and people would react, and yeah, things felt more hateful.

Looking back now, maybe the hate was already there, but dormant, and that's worth considering. It is also possible that in some ways they actually led to more tolerance by being so nasty and ridiculous. It does feel like people are better about accepting each other now than before, at least, a lot of people are. That's kind of why I say "used to" - because now I see where there could be value in the discussion, even if it was started in an obnoxious way by hateful people.

This is kind of a continuation of the Duck Dynasty post, from two weeks ago. The discussion is happening. The marriage equality discussion brings up other discussions, and I realize the discussions can be uncomfortable, but that's all the more reason to have them. People who believe in traditional marriage may feel threatened on a visceral level, but if you examine that, and discover that it is not a threat to your marriage, that would actually feel better.  If you object, what do you object to? What are you afraid of? What are the possible outcomes? What do you think the law should allow? Do you know what the law currently allows?

I know I am a broken record on a few things, and that includes not being afraid to think and loving others, but seriously, those both really work out. So, I want to make a point here that I think can be valuable, and I want to start with Chirlane McCray.

Her husband, Bill de Blasio, was recently elected mayor of New York, which drew some attention on their family, sometimes about them being biracial, and sometimes about her identifying as a lesbian before she met him. Now she hates labels, and I think she's right.

Here's something else I remember from the early '90s - it was fairly common to marginalize bisexuals. It was kind of joking, but it was common to say they were fooling themselves, or that they were just slutty. Also, and even into this century, for it to be common for gay men to look down on lesbians. Again, that seem to be an area where progress has been made.


I have read in a few different places that most people have some attraction to their own gender, but not so much that it overrides the opposite sex attraction. I can't find any good documentation on it, and honestly, I don't see it in me, but I'm willing to believe it's possible. I think there is a lot we don't understand about attraction, and a lot that we don't understand about love.


We also know that attraction should not be the sole basis for a relationship. We can be desperately attracted to people who are bad for us.

I am wandering here, but I am trying to tie together some related concerns. I know that there are people who are homosexual and hide it for various reasons. Sometimes they even hide it from themselves. It also seems possible that there might be people who initially identify as homosexual and then find themselves experiencing hetero-attraction and try and fight that, because it has been a part of their identity, and it might feel disloyal. I have concerns over people being afraid of what they feel. If there are lines drawn where you have to be one thing or the other, that one is good and one is bad, and it is us against them, that adds fears that no one should have to worry about.

And that is a very human thing to do; I am seeing that more and more all of the time. It's destructive, and teenagers do it a lot, and it's immature of them, but if the adults do it too, how can we judge them.

So that is one concern, but it leads into the other. We know that teens who identify as homosexual are at a higher risk for suicide and depression and self-harm. They are at risk for being alienated. That brings us back to poor relationship choices. If a young person has been afraid to talk to anyone about how they feel, that leaves them vulnerable to predatory people.

Children who don't feel loved or supported are vulnerable in a way that children who have always been accepted and valued are not. This could lead to them being attracted to people who are much older, or abusive, and that isn't necessarily a gender thing at this point. There are a lot of unhealthy heterosexual relationships.

The point is that we teach children that they deserve to have a romantic relationship with someone who cares about them and treats them well by caring about them and treating them well in their non-romantic relationships. The romantic relationships they observe matter too, but if you hammer into someone that there is something seriously wrong with what and who they are, seeing other people have good relationships may only be a painful reminder of what they can't have.

Based on that, can there be any other way to treat someone than with love and respect and acceptance? And yes, I say that thinking about gay teens, but also straight teens, and young children, and adults - there is no other appropriate way.

Related post: http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-we-need-to-love.html