Fighting homogeneity

That seemed like the right word to choose.

My thoughts lately have a lot to do with my friend Jen. We got to know each other as visiting teaching companions. On the surface, we don't have a lot in common, in terms of our backgrounds or our current situations, but we are interested in a lot of the same things, and we have great conversations punctuated by "Yes!" and "Thank you!" a lot.

She was telling me recently about a comment in Sunday school that made her very uncomfortable. It took her a while to adjust to it, but eventually she felt like she had to say something, and she did, going back to it and explaining why it bothered her. Many other people indicated similar feelings after she spoke up.

Without being too specific, the original comment was one that indicated a feeling of superiority over people not in our church. It was looking specifically at the youth, and there are some great young people in the church, and they certainly may look better than what you see represented on the news, but there's a dangerous thought pattern there if you start comparing.

The other dangerous thought pattern, though, that nearly won, was assuming that silence meant agreement. Many people were uncomfortable and disagreed, but no one initially said anything. You can have a room full of people thinking they are the only one, if no one speaks up.

I know people who want to disagree with everything too, and they can be really obnoxious. Because of that, it may not feel great being the one to dissent. However, your voice can strengthen and comfort someone else.

Using your voice can strengthen yourself. Lying takes a toll, but leaving true things unsaid can take a similar toll. If you never assert yourself, especially on things that are personally important to you, you will probably find that you don't like yourself very much.

The other possibility is that you will find, if things that bother you are constantly happening at church, and you do not speak up about them, that you are not happy at church, and you may stop going. If it was just a social group, that would be reasonable, but it is the Gospel, and living up to your beliefs affects your ability to maintain your beliefs, and receive the blessings you have been promised by them, so attending church is vital.

When you've been in the Church all of your life, you forget how hard it can be adapting. I have never had to give up coffee or social drinking or adjust my way of life so that there is a place for tithing in my budget. There is no hardship there. That doesn't mean it wouldn't be a hardship for someone else.

Those are things that matter, and as new members get accustomed to them they will be blessed, but they don't need judgment during the adjustment period.

In addition, there are so many things that don't matter. They are things that are common, but not essential to the Gospel. There are people for whom being Republican is a strong tenet of their faith. Never mind that every election they remind us that the Church does not endorse a party or candidates, and that we are supposed to study the issues, and that there are prominent members in both parties, that gets stuck in their head. I had someone snub me after finding out I was a Democrat. She spoke to me again after I gave a good lesson, so I hope that was a teaching moment for her, but it happens.

A few years ago, there were probably more sideways looks at women who had jobs. Yes, the parents being there for the children is important, but we've been gradually moving away from it being common for people to be able to afford that, and there is probably more understanding. And it's not exactly unrelated to the Gospel because of how we feel about families, so it would be easy for someone to feel justified in judging, but it would still be wrong and unhelpful.

No one should feel like they don't belong, but it happens. If those people stop going, it will happen more. More new members will fall away, because they don't fit in and eventually they notice it. It could be very comfortable for everyone who is left, because then everyone is alike, but that's not something we were ever commanded to be. We were commanded to be united, and to not have contention, but that never meant being clones.

It might sound like the point of this is for active members to be more careful about judgment, and more accepting of differences. That's a good point, but that's not what I'm saying.

What I am saying is that if you question whether you fit in, stick it out. If someone says something that you know is wrong, say it. If someone says something that you think is wrong, but you are not confident, ask. You need to be doing that with love too, but mainly it just needs to be done. The key word is charity, not conformity. Once we all love each other, we won't need to be the same, and we will find many ways in which we are not so different.