Things that bother me but are not the key issue

This is my third post on what I think of as the Mormon hedge fund. I know President Nelson would not love that term, but the hedge fund of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints does not really sound that much better. 

My key issue is the good being left undone, and I will write about that. This week is about the secrecy.

Let me be clear, though, that I don't think any church leaders are living luxuriously because of it. There is no greed at fault.

That matters to me, but it also matters to me that they have divided the investment funds across multiple hedge funds and through shell companies, apparently for the express purpose of concealment.

The kindest explanations I have heard for the secrecy (speculation from others; not official statements) are concerns that if members knew about the surplus that they would not feel like they needed to pay tithing, or that members would try and guide their own investments by following the church's portfolio, which could have unfortunate results.

I doubt the latter was ever officially considered, but it has some merit. I can totally see some members deciding that if a stock is good enough for the church, it is good enough for them, and then if they lost money on that they could have a crisis of faith. That is also quite possible, because the real secret to success in the stock market is having deep enough pockets that you can ride out any market downturns. It is very easy to make money when you already have it.

I was amused by the conscientious mentions in the articles that there was nothing like Starbucks or Coca-Cola in the portfolio. I remember it being a big deal when I was a teenager that the corporation of the church had Coca-Cola shares, even though cola is not specifically forbidden, and lots of faithful members drink it. (But also, lots of faithful members will judge you for drinking it, then and now.)

The tithing concern I get more, except that I have heard so many times, "The Lord doesn't need you to pay tithing; you need to pay it for you!" or something to that effect. And I believe it. Paying tithing blesses the person who pays it. I know about the fund, I hate it, and I still pay it. I think many people would keep paying it. It does not show much faith to think that they wouldn't.

Again, I don't know if that is a factor in the thinking, but it does feel like the choices are being made with less faith and more fear, or at least shame or embarrassment.

Not letting President Packer see the books when he asked? That indicates at least some understanding that it is not good.

I noticed a few things that surprised me as I was investigating. For instance, in the April conference they always read an audit report, and it confirms that everything has been done according to church policies and goals. I had never noticed before the line that "The Church follows the practices taught to its members of living within a budget, avoiding debt, and saving against a time of need."

That started in 2014, with the 2013 annual report. It wasn't there for 2012. Was that when the money started piling up? Perhaps as things recovered from the 2008 collapse? Did they look and think, this is starting to be too much money? I don't know.

I also see now that they stopped giving the statistical report (numbers of members, baptisms, church units, etc.) after 2017. It's not a secret because you can find that information on the church web site, but I am curious about the thinking now.

So here are some numbers, just for fun.

I don't object to having some reserve. I saw one estimate that the annual operating expenses for the church are $6 billion. Let's say that a two-year reserve is reasonable, so that leaves you with $88 billion to spend.

Divided between 16,565,036 members, that would be $5312 each. Obviously, that would include a lot of people who don't go anymore, and is probably not the most efficient way of doing good anyway. If you divided the $88 billion among the 30940 wards and branches, they would each have $2.85 million, which could be an amazing amount for helping the members or the local area, based on their needs. 

I am still not saying that's the best way of doing anything, but here are some other numbers, based on articles from the church newsroom.

https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/church-cash-commodities-donation-covid-19-april-2020

The church donated $5.5 million to COVID-19 relief. That is .0055 percent of the full $100 billion.

Since 1985, the church has given $2.2 billion in aid through its humanitarian arm. That is 2.2 percent over 35 years.

I know we can do better than that. I believe that we must do better than that.

More on that and the possible role of fear next time.

Finding out

Okay, last week I wrote about my history as a faithful tithe payer who was generous with offerings.

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2020/05/talking-about-money.html

I have still tried to give when I could, but over the past four years I have been making a lot less money, if I was making any at all. With the paid care-giving now (and it is less every two weeks than what I was making in one week in 2008), I did not start getting those pay checks until January.

I did make $50 in December, wrapping gifts for a family friend. I got paid just after the story broke: over $100 billion in multiple hedge funds and shell companies.

I paid my $5.00, but it felt gross: part sick and part shame. I have never felt that way about tithing before.

I have been wanting to write a letter to the Church since then, getting out all of my feelings. I have not done so in a timely matter. What I am starting to realize is how much is there, and how much processing it is taking. There was last week's post but there were two journal sessions before that, and this post is not going to finish it. (I think there will be two more.)

A letter will still happen. By the time I get there I will know exactly what I want and need to say. I see now that this preparation cannot guarantee that the letter will be short and to the point. For one thing, there will be multiple points.

Here are two points that are important...

One: I know that no one in church leadership is living high on the hog because of this. It is not a matter of personal enrichment. That does matter to me, even though there are still plenty of other problems.

Two: I still believe in the importance of tithing. I know I have been blessed for paying it. Having a regular paycheck again, I am still paying it, and paying based on the gross. I know I could pay ten percent of my income to many good causes, but this is still my church. It would not feel right for me to withhold my ten percent.

It is still very disappointing now, knowing that my contributions will be locked away in a hedge fund, doing no earthly good. Therefore, I cannot foresee a time when there will be any other contributions to anything else -- neither fast offerings nor temples nor missionary work -- even though all of those things have meaning for me. I can't justify giving them any more. Even if they start spending the money and distributing it, that is a huge backlog.

They will still get my vote for breaking up what they have, apparently in about three weeks.

Talking about money

I am going to do something very gauche now, and write candidly - with specific amounts - about money.

Yes, that is very taboo, but that is the kind of thing that allows inequality to continue. Your boss not wanting you and your coworkers to discuss salary may be to keep people who could reasonably earn more from knowing it, but it doesn't have to be that way at church.

Before my 2008 job loss I felt like I was doing pretty well financially. I had sort of noticed the cost of living going up, though I may have been in some denial about it. Anyway, I was grossing $800 a week, and I paid tithing on the gross: $80 per week.

See, that's something you are not usually supposed to come right out and say. When I first started having a pay check from which taxes were withheld, that felt right, so that's what I did. At times I would think that if I paid on the net income, it would then follow that I would pay tithing on any tax refund I received. I never switched to paying on the net, but I usually made a contribution from my refund too.

I have a tendency toward generosity anyway, being a soft touch for many things. It always worked out. Even when things have been terrible, I have still found ways to give, sometimes possibly more than was prudent but that still felt right.

We also talk about the importance of a generous fast offering, without getting specific about that.

I understand why we are reluctant to talk, but it can have value. I have heard good arguments for paying on net income. While it hasn't changed what feels right to me, I am glad to understand that my way is not the only way. Someone who pays on the net and has it working for them might feel bad if I say I pay on the gross, especially if I proclaim it the only right way, which I do not have the authority to do.

There is a lot of room for individual judgment in living the commandments. We go to tithing settlement, and the bishop only asks if you pay a full tithing. He doesn't ask whether that is net or gross, or eye the slip to multiply by ten and see if that is likely to match your income. That's a good thing.

(There may be some bishops who do, or who ask you more than the "yes" or "no" questions, but they are probably overreaching and may be abusing power, even with good intentions.)

Similarly, if we compare fast offering amounts, and I pay much more than you, you might feel bad. This could be ridiculous, especially if I make much more money than you, or have fewer expenses, or a variety of other reasons.

At the same time, there is sometimes relief in knowing how someone else does it. That shouldn't then become an undue influence, and it can, so I have some trepidation as I write this.

Anyway, at some point between the ages of 18 and 36, my fast offerings went from $5 to $10 and $20 and $40, until by 2008 I was paying a $140 fast offering, monthly, where my monthly tithing was $320. I sometimes contributed to other things like missionary or temple funds too, but that's what I was giving, and it felt right.

Seriously, it felt like I needed to. It felt like I needed to see what I was capable of giving, and what faith I was capable of showing. I felt like I was being given a challenge and answering it.

That was between me and God. I don't recommend those amounts for anyone else. I can recommend trying to find what is a good amount for you, but that is highly individual, and it should be.

In September of 2008, I went to Australia and New Zealand for a month. My bosses lied to me outright about many things, so that when I came back I not only had no job but was ineligible for unemployment. That's the second time I had a crooked boss work things out that way, but the world economy didn't crash the first time. It was rough.

I then received a lot of help from church funds. I had been helped once before in college, and members paid most of my mission costs (I think it cost $350 per month at the time, and I had enough saved up to pay $50 per month). I have gotten help with a few things since during these past four years of unemployment, though not as much as you might think. (I have some stories there, but I don't know if I will tell them.)

I have learned a few lessons along the way. Being a good person and paying your tithing does not prevent financial hardship, but it does bless you. It would have been really easy for me to not be able to afford college, a mission, trips we have taken, and even some medical bills, but things worked out.

Things have often been precarious while I have been caring for my mother, but we still have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and food on our table. That is composed of many miracles and blessings.

I have learned that sometimes you are the giver and sometimes you need to receive. Frankly, I still have a hard time with that one. I learned it mentally, but I am not quite there on not minding emotionally. It is pride, but not only pride, and I know a lot people who read this will get it completely. Especially now when the Church is really doubling down on self-reliance, it is easy to feel like a failure when you need help. I still ultimately know that I have worked hard and done many good things.

I am writing all of this now because of something that I have been trying to write since December, when the story broke about the Church's $100 billion dollar investment fund.

That's a long time to stall, but I feel now like I needed to get out my story of tithes and offerings first. I have been such a true believer. I have thought deeply about these things, and had faith increased. Some things have changed and some haven't, but the things that have changed have been a source of grief.

I hope now that I am ready to express myself on that.

Love in the time of COVID-19

Wednesday on the main blog I made a comparison to people reacting badly to government requests circa WWI and people reacting badly to COVID-19.

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2020/03/dont-be-like-that.html

I wanted to do a post about good reactions today.

I don't think it would be valuable to give health tips. There is a lot of good information out there, though there is also a lot of bad information too. I saw a very nice graphic today about how you can get rid of Coronavirus by frequent gargling at the start of the disease. (You can't.)

I also remembered doing a post a little over ten years ago that is kind of relevant:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2009/03/november-2008-in-case-of-pandemic.html

That is not terrible information, though there was a certain optimism there about the possibility of being financially secure and well-rested. The financial collapse that had just happened there mattered, and many other unhelpful (sometimes orange) things have happened.

So I think the only really useful thing I can say is be kind.

There may be some room for compassion toward people who only watch Fox News and do not have good information. Maybe sharing helpful articles is good in that case. There may be room for compassion toward people who defiantly risk spreading disease because they think it proves something, or people who panic hoard, or people who try and fail at profiteering. If you feel anger instead, though, that is totally okay.

However, there is a lot of room for compassion on those who will be cut off socially, and may be relying on screen time more, with those specific shortcomings. There is room for compassion on those who will be trying to work from home with the added stress of managing children, or people who will take serious income losses from this. There is room for compassion toward health care workers and elderly people and people who are at a greater risk of infection and death.

So first, really try not to spread the disease. It is better not to get sick, but some will get sick and reducing that number allows better care for them.

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/coronavirus-italy-hospitals-doctor-lockdown-quarantine-intensive-care-a9401186.html

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2020/03/10/814091024/you-have-a-fever-and-a-dry-cough-now-what

More people staying well also means more people being able to wash and sanitize and keep up nutrition. Sure, get the things that you need, but don't hoard. You need other people to be well, so they can ring up your purchases and pick up your garbage and take care of you if you do get sick and you need them to not infect your grandparents. We need to be fighting the disease, not each other.

(Also understandable, a mix of compassion and irritation on teams and Rose Court princesses and drama students who just think their things shouldn't be canceled. They will gain perspective eventually.)

If you can help financially, there will be people needing it. Maybe a concert was canceled, but you can buy a T-shirt or vinyl. Maybe you can pay for someone's groceries. Meals on Wheels and food banks will be contributing a lot; maybe you can help with that. Not everyone will be able to give their tenants a free month of rent, but that could help a lot.

https://www.newscentermaine.com/article/news/health/coronavirus/south-portland-landlord-challenges-others-to-offer-financial-relief-due-to-coronavirus-concerns/97-bac48d89-43df-434a-93a6-4734445206dd?

Sadly, often the best people have the least money, but there are still ways to help for those stressed and lonely. A question about sanitizing mail worries me that this is not the time for cheerful notes, but there is still Skype and e-mail and phone calls and Snapchat. If technology means that we can carry germs all over the world in a few hours, it also means that we can remember each other and connect without spreading germs.

(Remember to sanitize your phone.)

Personally, I am going to be struggling. As my mother's dementia has gotten worse, I need more time physically away from her, and this is going to make it hard. It also makes having phone calls that aren't taking time away from her or irritating her hard. I worry about that, but I believe in the possibility of solutions. I believe in kindness.

I also believe in the power of prayer. It is not just that things can happen that are not done by us, but also that prayer can focus us, so that we get better ideas and are better at executing them. Start there and see what happens.

This is not going to be easy, but people can either make things better or worse.

Make it better.

Humility and the divine

This post was also inspired by a news article:

https://www.psypost.org/2019/10/new-psychology-study-identifies-hypo-egoic-nonentitlement-as-a-central-feature-of-humility-54657

I loved this one.

I believe I have written in the past about how humility does not mean putting oneself down or being afraid to acknowledge anything good about oneself. I take my cue from Ezra Taft Benson's defining pride as "enmity between God and man", and figure that the secret is loving more. Then it is okay to like what is good about you, knowing that it is not a reason to look down on others.

(Frankly, when you are allowed to like yourself and enjoy good things about you, I think having good feelings toward others can be easier.)

Obviously I was thrilled to find a study that backs me up. It was less thrilling but still kind of interesting to find a term for that specific aspect of humility, hypo-egoic nonentitlement: "they do not think that they are entitled to be treated special as a person because of their accomplishments or positive characteristics."

That was all very interesting, and I recommend the article, but what really got my attention was the list of other non-egoic phenomena: flow, mindfulness, awe, and mystical experiences.

My growing political philosophy - which I am not ready to write extensively about yet - focuses on the destructiveness of competition, if you will, where even many people who claim to be progressive and eschew bigotry still fall easily into racist and sexist behavior because there is such a draw to putting others down. That might fall under egoic (or even hyper-egoic) entitlement. It worries me greatly, but it is something that I have tended to think about more in terms of economics, politics, and social relations.

What struck me here was the personal. There is a definite logic to seeing that a narcissistic person might not be awe-struck that often; what could be greater than themselves? It also goes some way toward explaining the reduced chances of mystical experiences.

Those are things I value anyway, and I have a growing appreciation for mindfulness. Maybe it was "flow" that struck me most.

I associate flow with creativity, but I have felt it at times while doing tasks that were not necessarily creative. There is a sense of things coming together, and inter-relatedness. Connection.

I have known many people who were amazingly creative and amazingly kind, and have thought perhaps that one of the rewards of creativity was that they found a satisfaction that did not require domination or superiority toward anyone else. Perhaps it was actually reversed, where they could be creative because they could embrace equality and egalitarianism already. That would be something that could make us free.

Some of these gifts may come without a lot of intent. I can't imagine mindfulness not taking work, but that might be just be me. There are still a lot of forces leading toward ego and entitlement, even if it merely starts defensively. It may take more work now than it used to.

Mainly I just wanted to share that there is a better path, and reading about it gave me a glimpse of perfection and beauty (which might relate to the awe-inspiring and the mystical). I am grateful for that. I am grateful for the intangible beauty that you can touch if you will just reach out.

Preparing Together - Your neighbors and you

I recently attended a presentation about community emergency preparation and I invited all my neighbors.

Sadly, the person behind Prepare Out Loud has left the Red Cross and started his own company, Tipping Point Resilience:

https://www.tippingpointresilience.com/

That is probably for the best, but I had been waiting for about a year for a Beaverton or Aloha event where I could invite neighbors. Fortunately, NW Oregon Public Health Awareness has come up with their own program, Preparing Together:

https://www.co.washington.or.us/HHS/News/preparing-together.cfm

The logic in this is obvious. Most disasters have the potential to create large-scale health problems through issues with water sanitation or exposure to the elements. Washington County presenter Cynthia Valdivia presented at our local library.

She told us that she is the only person for Washington County, and the only Spanish-speaking presenter for the state of Oregon. There are coverage issues, and so they have helpfully made the presentation and a kit available through the library system. I currently have one checked out:

363.34 PRE Preparing Together [kit]: a discussion guide to help you, your family, neighbors and community prepare for disaster

It is an impressive kit, with the presentation and handouts available on a CD, as well as laminated copies of the presentation, other resources, and prepaid envelopes for sending in the evaluation sheets. It would be very easy - though intimidating - to give a presentation to friends or neighbors.

That could be worthwhile, because none of the neighbors came. That's really what I want to write about, but not like it sounds.

I saw the presentation was coming and thought 'This is my chance', so I made a flyer with the information and printed 13 copies for every house on the block but ours and the one where they are doing Air BnB or something. I knew it was unlikely that everyone would be home, so I took some tape so that I could leave a flyer on the door, and then my mother and I went door to door.

Most of the people we talked to had at least some interest, but were not sure if they could come. That is not surprising at all. Maybe if I do a presentation on the block some would come. Having food might help.

We talked to people at seven houses, but we saw new children and grandchildren and found out about health issues, and talked about water storage options. We have had three visits with neighbors since then. (All of which have involved a little food, actually, so that might be something.)

Building relationships takes time. Establishing trust and comfort needs time. Learning who has which skills and vulnerabilities does not only take time but is helped by that trust.

It would have been an amazing experience to walk into the library community room and find a bunch of familiar faces, but that not happening doesn't make it a waste. If people remember that preparedness is a thing, and that we are part of a community, that is good. If it reminds them that was have a library and it has events, that is a good thing.

And even something as simple as talking to a few neighbors here and there and maintaining contact can also be a very good thing.

Seeking the truth

About a month ago I saw two articles in the newspaper (which I saved because I knew I would eventually get to writing about them).

They would have both caught my attention anyway, but seeing them just four pages apart made a stronger impression.

False claims blur line between mass shootings, 2020 politics
by Will Weissert and Amanda Seitz of the Associated Press

https://www.apnews.com/bd653f4eb5ed4f34b6c936221c35a3e5

I saw both in The Oregonian, which changed this title to "False claims blue 2020 lines".

The article largely focused on false claims about the Odessa shooter who killed seven people, claiming that he had a Beto O'Rourke sticker on his vehicle and initially that he was a Democrat Socialist, followed by claims that he was a registered Democrat, all three of which are false.

The article focused on how quickly rumors like these spread, and how attempts to correct the false information don't gain the same traction.

The false claims fit into a framework that might warrant further exploration later, but for today's topic we are just going to go to the other article.

Why does so much news seem negative? Human attention may be to blame
by Amina Khan of the Los Angeles Times

https://www.latimes.com/science/story/2019-09-05/why-people-respond-to-negative-news

This title was also changed, which may be something to think about when deciding if you are comfortable reading only headlines.

This article reports on a study from the University of Michigan that recruited 1156 people in 17 countries. The study's lead author was Stuart Soroka. I mention that because accepting information at face value is risky, as demonstrated by the first article. Even a compelling sample size with a clear trend can have variables and other factors, and the article gets into that.

For me, if a study sounds suspect to me, I will usually try and look at the source and methodology and sample size. Doing so often reinforces my skepticism. The problem is that if the conclusion sounds logical to me, I probably won't look it up. (Later I may wonder and have a hard time finding it, which is why I try and at least note sources now.)

Being more accepting of that which confirms your biases is nothing new; you can find lots of studies on that. However, if we are primed for the negative - which appears to be true - and false claims spread quickly - deliberately by a few and then enthusiastically by many - we get into a situation where it is easy to have a worldview that is both negative and wrong.

I am just finishing up a book on crime that talks about the misperceptions about the frequency, types, and targets of crimes versus the reality. Esther Madriz says this:

"Living with these images confuses the imagined with the real and creates a society in which most people live according to the imagined."

We cannot do that. If we believe that truth is the most precious gem, we can't go along believing falsehoods that encourage our biases about who is bad and good and smart and stupid.

So dig deeper, read more, ask questions often. Always stay close to the Spirit, remembering that the fruits of doing so are peace and love, not gloating and smugness.

It matters now and it is going to matter more.