Talking about money

I am going to do something very gauche now, and write candidly - with specific amounts - about money.

Yes, that is very taboo, but that is the kind of thing that allows inequality to continue. Your boss not wanting you and your coworkers to discuss salary may be to keep people who could reasonably earn more from knowing it, but it doesn't have to be that way at church.

Before my 2008 job loss I felt like I was doing pretty well financially. I had sort of noticed the cost of living going up, though I may have been in some denial about it. Anyway, I was grossing $800 a week, and I paid tithing on the gross: $80 per week.

See, that's something you are not usually supposed to come right out and say. When I first started having a pay check from which taxes were withheld, that felt right, so that's what I did. At times I would think that if I paid on the net income, it would then follow that I would pay tithing on any tax refund I received. I never switched to paying on the net, but I usually made a contribution from my refund too.

I have a tendency toward generosity anyway, being a soft touch for many things. It always worked out. Even when things have been terrible, I have still found ways to give, sometimes possibly more than was prudent but that still felt right.

We also talk about the importance of a generous fast offering, without getting specific about that.

I understand why we are reluctant to talk, but it can have value. I have heard good arguments for paying on net income. While it hasn't changed what feels right to me, I am glad to understand that my way is not the only way. Someone who pays on the net and has it working for them might feel bad if I say I pay on the gross, especially if I proclaim it the only right way, which I do not have the authority to do.

There is a lot of room for individual judgment in living the commandments. We go to tithing settlement, and the bishop only asks if you pay a full tithing. He doesn't ask whether that is net or gross, or eye the slip to multiply by ten and see if that is likely to match your income. That's a good thing.

(There may be some bishops who do, or who ask you more than the "yes" or "no" questions, but they are probably overreaching and may be abusing power, even with good intentions.)

Similarly, if we compare fast offering amounts, and I pay much more than you, you might feel bad. This could be ridiculous, especially if I make much more money than you, or have fewer expenses, or a variety of other reasons.

At the same time, there is sometimes relief in knowing how someone else does it. That shouldn't then become an undue influence, and it can, so I have some trepidation as I write this.

Anyway, at some point between the ages of 18 and 36, my fast offerings went from $5 to $10 and $20 and $40, until by 2008 I was paying a $140 fast offering, monthly, where my monthly tithing was $320. I sometimes contributed to other things like missionary or temple funds too, but that's what I was giving, and it felt right.

Seriously, it felt like I needed to. It felt like I needed to see what I was capable of giving, and what faith I was capable of showing. I felt like I was being given a challenge and answering it.

That was between me and God. I don't recommend those amounts for anyone else. I can recommend trying to find what is a good amount for you, but that is highly individual, and it should be.

In September of 2008, I went to Australia and New Zealand for a month. My bosses lied to me outright about many things, so that when I came back I not only had no job but was ineligible for unemployment. That's the second time I had a crooked boss work things out that way, but the world economy didn't crash the first time. It was rough.

I then received a lot of help from church funds. I had been helped once before in college, and members paid most of my mission costs (I think it cost $350 per month at the time, and I had enough saved up to pay $50 per month). I have gotten help with a few things since during these past four years of unemployment, though not as much as you might think. (I have some stories there, but I don't know if I will tell them.)

I have learned a few lessons along the way. Being a good person and paying your tithing does not prevent financial hardship, but it does bless you. It would have been really easy for me to not be able to afford college, a mission, trips we have taken, and even some medical bills, but things worked out.

Things have often been precarious while I have been caring for my mother, but we still have a roof over our heads, clothes on our back, and food on our table. That is composed of many miracles and blessings.

I have learned that sometimes you are the giver and sometimes you need to receive. Frankly, I still have a hard time with that one. I learned it mentally, but I am not quite there on not minding emotionally. It is pride, but not only pride, and I know a lot people who read this will get it completely. Especially now when the Church is really doubling down on self-reliance, it is easy to feel like a failure when you need help. I still ultimately know that I have worked hard and done many good things.

I am writing all of this now because of something that I have been trying to write since December, when the story broke about the Church's $100 billion dollar investment fund.

That's a long time to stall, but I feel now like I needed to get out my story of tithes and offerings first. I have been such a true believer. I have thought deeply about these things, and had faith increased. Some things have changed and some haven't, but the things that have changed have been a source of grief.

I hope now that I am ready to express myself on that.