Chapter 5 of To Be an Anchor in the Storm (by Susan Brewster M.S.S.W.) had principles of good communication, but chapter 6 - To Act as an Anchor When She Comes to You - had another list. I want to go over that to finish with the book.
Principles for Being of Help
1. Believe her
2. Take her abuse seriously
3. Remain neutral, don't take sides
4. Respect her decisions; don't judge her
5. Honor her feelings
6. Don't give advice
7. Control yourself; not her
8. Show her your reality
9. Try to empathize with her while maintaining your objectivity
10. Be a good model; fulfill your own needs
11. Let her know how you can and cannot help
12. Suggest ways of helping her which don't have strings attached
This chapter has longer sections under the different headings so there may be more room for elucidation here, but I don't intend to tell the book.
Part of why I wanted to list the principles out is that there are similar guiding principles to those for communications. There may be a desire to swoop in and fix the problems. There can be a strong desire to tell her what is what because you are so sure of her delusions. Those things that can feel so right and so much easier end up being harmful. Helping someone requires respecting their perspectives and choices, even when you see - completely objectively - that they are wrong.
Remember, this book is about helping women in abusive relationships; that means she already has someone to berate her and dictate her choices. However, in addition to being more gentle and respectful with her, you are also kinder with yourself.
Look at principles 10 and 11; your needs matter too. Even with 8, you are honest about your own situation so you can let all the pride and strain go, simply accepting what you have and changing it if you need to.
Among many things that annoy me when I read philosophy, the biggest is how works focused on state-building (think Utopia or The Republic) can't handle individuality, as if all order will crumble if people like different things. There is room for our individual wants and needs, and we can uphold those while also respecting the wants and needs of others. That is how we help each others and ourselves.
It seems worthwhile to mention the centrality of agency in our Heavenly Father's plan. It wouldn't work without a Savior, but that happens through love, and not by force. If we take Christ as our example, that's how it has to be.
Sunday, September 22, 2019
Sunday, September 15, 2019
Principles of Good Communication
Today's post refers to Susan Brewster's book, To Be An Anchor in the Storm: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women.
In Chapter 5: To Act as an Anchor Before She Asks For Help, Brewster gives a list of eight principles, starting on page 112:
Principles of Good Communication
1. Use open body language
2. Be honest with her and yourself
3. Open ears, shut mouth
4. Ask her to clarify what you don't understand
5. Be a mirror
6. Speak only for yourself
7. Share your "secrets" with her
8. Ask open-ended questions
Obviously there was information under each principle.
It could certainly be worthwhile to read the book, but also I know that many of these principles will sound familiar, whether from missionary training or active listening practice in parenting classes. I think I remember learning about "I statements" (part of speaking only for yourself) in health class in 10th grade. I definitely saw a reference to open body language on The Big Bang Theory.
So, it may not be that helpful to go over the different principles.
What sticks out most clearly to me is that it takes humility. You can't assume that you have the answers, or even that it is your job to solve the problem. You can be a listening ear and someone who cares. For someone in an abusive relationship, there very well may be other needs than listening, but for everyone - even people in good relationships - there are probably ways in which it would be very helpful to have someone listen, and let them get these feelings out.
Humility will not cause you to do all of these things automatically, but asking for clarification, listening, speaking only for yourself instead of invoking "everybody"... those are all things that pride will make harder.
Pride can especially make it hard to share your own vulnerabilities and insecurities, but it can be necessary to help others. It can also be necessary for our own growth. It is possible to start trying to change with one particular person in mind, but then find that you are transformed, and that your relationships with other people are transformed.
There is a lot of good that can happen.
The biggest change may be that your conversations consist of more listening, less thinking about what to say next. That can be a great thing.
And, there are limitations too.
In the case of an abusive relationship, Brewster stresses both that you may decide that you cannot fill the anchor role - which can be valid - and also that there may be situations that call for professional psychiatric help. For example, maybe you can help someone decide that she is ready to leave, but to get at why she ended up in that situation in the first place might take counseling.
Realizing that you can't do what someone needs does not mean that you can't be any help to them. Maybe you can help them find a counselor. Maybe you can just affirm that their needs are valid. There are a lot of different ways that things can turn out.
Recently we were studying 1 Corinthians, and it was the first time that I noticed that the chapter on charity comes right after the one on spiritual gifts. Your gifts are only as useful as your desire to help; without that they can even be destructive. With love there can be many qualities and abilities available for help.
I don't want to give a false impression that this is easy, but there should also be hope that it is possible. If the starting place is listening, that's not so bad.
In Chapter 5: To Act as an Anchor Before She Asks For Help, Brewster gives a list of eight principles, starting on page 112:
Principles of Good Communication
1. Use open body language
2. Be honest with her and yourself
3. Open ears, shut mouth
4. Ask her to clarify what you don't understand
5. Be a mirror
6. Speak only for yourself
7. Share your "secrets" with her
8. Ask open-ended questions
Obviously there was information under each principle.
It could certainly be worthwhile to read the book, but also I know that many of these principles will sound familiar, whether from missionary training or active listening practice in parenting classes. I think I remember learning about "I statements" (part of speaking only for yourself) in health class in 10th grade. I definitely saw a reference to open body language on The Big Bang Theory.
So, it may not be that helpful to go over the different principles.
What sticks out most clearly to me is that it takes humility. You can't assume that you have the answers, or even that it is your job to solve the problem. You can be a listening ear and someone who cares. For someone in an abusive relationship, there very well may be other needs than listening, but for everyone - even people in good relationships - there are probably ways in which it would be very helpful to have someone listen, and let them get these feelings out.
Humility will not cause you to do all of these things automatically, but asking for clarification, listening, speaking only for yourself instead of invoking "everybody"... those are all things that pride will make harder.
Pride can especially make it hard to share your own vulnerabilities and insecurities, but it can be necessary to help others. It can also be necessary for our own growth. It is possible to start trying to change with one particular person in mind, but then find that you are transformed, and that your relationships with other people are transformed.
There is a lot of good that can happen.
The biggest change may be that your conversations consist of more listening, less thinking about what to say next. That can be a great thing.
And, there are limitations too.
In the case of an abusive relationship, Brewster stresses both that you may decide that you cannot fill the anchor role - which can be valid - and also that there may be situations that call for professional psychiatric help. For example, maybe you can help someone decide that she is ready to leave, but to get at why she ended up in that situation in the first place might take counseling.
Realizing that you can't do what someone needs does not mean that you can't be any help to them. Maybe you can help them find a counselor. Maybe you can just affirm that their needs are valid. There are a lot of different ways that things can turn out.
Recently we were studying 1 Corinthians, and it was the first time that I noticed that the chapter on charity comes right after the one on spiritual gifts. Your gifts are only as useful as your desire to help; without that they can even be destructive. With love there can be many qualities and abilities available for help.
I don't want to give a false impression that this is easy, but there should also be hope that it is possible. If the starting place is listening, that's not so bad.
Sunday, September 1, 2019
Reasons we don't listen
Building on last week, there are a few examples of conversations we try and avoid or prevent. This is to our detriment.
One of the other books read recently was Healing Through the Dark Emotions: the Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair by Miriam Greenspan.
I did not particularly like it, though I agree with many of her basic points. The part that struck me the hardest was an account of her parents and other Holocaust survivors not being able to talk about their experiences. This does not mean not being able to find the words or open their mouths, but their experiences being rejected.
One example was a man who talked about having to lie in his own feces. The psychiatrist who was listening said he had an anal fixation.
One result of Nazis spreading over Europe was that a lot of psychiatrists - many Jewish but not exclusively - came to the United States, and there were many Freudians. That we got them all at a time when people with war trauma and genocide trauma were also coming, and when society was trying to push women who has experienced greater freedom and independence back into tiny boxes... well that was pretty unfortunate, and those effects carried on for years.
(That's not really the point of this post; it just bugs me.)
So, one thing that might prevent us from listening is thinking we know more than the person about their own experience. A developing field of academics that still has a lot to learn could lead to that. Sometimes something is so far out of our experience that we can't grasp it, but that doesn't mean no one has had the experience. It is also common that differing levels of privilege could give one an unacknowledged sense of authority, where interpreting and deciding feels like a right, though it isn't.
It is not even impossible that you actually will know more. Caring for my mother who has dementia, she says things that are wrong a lot. Trying to shut her down and correct her is not helpful. Listening still can be. It may be that behind the false thing is a true thing; it may just be that she needs reassurance. You may be an expert on a relevant topic, but you are still not an expert on that person and their experience.
It is really just better to listen.
Now for a much less high-brow example: soap character Thomas from The Bold and the Beautiful recently fell off a cliff. When it was uncertain whether he would live or even wake up, his father Ridge kept fearing the worst while Ridge's wife Brooke was telling him he couldn't think like that.
We give a lot of credit to positive thinking, but a lot of the books that promote it are pretty hokey, and a lot of the people who swear by it are pretty grumpy. Wouldn't you be if you kept swearing that success was in your hands but you never actually got a firm grasp on it?
In fact, in life terrible things frequently happen - not always for a clear cause and quite often unfair (though Thomas deserved to go off that cliff!) - and refusing to acknowledge the thing you fear most is not a magic incantation that prevents it from happening.
If you go over the actual feared circumstances, there are usually possible solutions. Maybe they are not the ideal, but they are still things that can be done. It can be empowering to have a plan.
Recently I wrote out several negative emotions, but the longest list was fear. Putting them out there I realized that some of the fears were needless. Some things that I was afraid of have moved on to things I am sad about; I could not stop them from happening, but I have survived them. Some fears will be good to think about more, because preparation may be possible. All of that is only possible by facing fear; shutting it down also shuts down comfort and reassurance.
Often we may shut down someone due to our own discomfort.
I hope that the earlier part of this post has resolved one concern: that of not knowing what to say. Allowing them to talk is more important than what you say, and I think we are going to have a couple of posts on listening skills to help with that.
I also hope that a link can be seen, that as you become more comfortable facing your own issues, you will be better able to listen to others. That discomfort may come from a personal insecurity, but it is probably an insecurity that you don't need.
But the final point I want to make on that is that if you can see the feelings of other people as valid, you should be able to see your own feelings as valid too. This means that you may not feel like you can handle being the person who listens in this case, and that's okay.
If that's the way it needs to go, stick with kindness and honesty. Don't try downplaying their fears and concerns, sending a message that they are unimportant. Even when you cannot help, you can avoid causing further harm.
That has value too.
One of the other books read recently was Healing Through the Dark Emotions: the Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair by Miriam Greenspan.
I did not particularly like it, though I agree with many of her basic points. The part that struck me the hardest was an account of her parents and other Holocaust survivors not being able to talk about their experiences. This does not mean not being able to find the words or open their mouths, but their experiences being rejected.
One example was a man who talked about having to lie in his own feces. The psychiatrist who was listening said he had an anal fixation.
One result of Nazis spreading over Europe was that a lot of psychiatrists - many Jewish but not exclusively - came to the United States, and there were many Freudians. That we got them all at a time when people with war trauma and genocide trauma were also coming, and when society was trying to push women who has experienced greater freedom and independence back into tiny boxes... well that was pretty unfortunate, and those effects carried on for years.
(That's not really the point of this post; it just bugs me.)
So, one thing that might prevent us from listening is thinking we know more than the person about their own experience. A developing field of academics that still has a lot to learn could lead to that. Sometimes something is so far out of our experience that we can't grasp it, but that doesn't mean no one has had the experience. It is also common that differing levels of privilege could give one an unacknowledged sense of authority, where interpreting and deciding feels like a right, though it isn't.
It is not even impossible that you actually will know more. Caring for my mother who has dementia, she says things that are wrong a lot. Trying to shut her down and correct her is not helpful. Listening still can be. It may be that behind the false thing is a true thing; it may just be that she needs reassurance. You may be an expert on a relevant topic, but you are still not an expert on that person and their experience.
It is really just better to listen.
Now for a much less high-brow example: soap character Thomas from The Bold and the Beautiful recently fell off a cliff. When it was uncertain whether he would live or even wake up, his father Ridge kept fearing the worst while Ridge's wife Brooke was telling him he couldn't think like that.
We give a lot of credit to positive thinking, but a lot of the books that promote it are pretty hokey, and a lot of the people who swear by it are pretty grumpy. Wouldn't you be if you kept swearing that success was in your hands but you never actually got a firm grasp on it?
In fact, in life terrible things frequently happen - not always for a clear cause and quite often unfair (though Thomas deserved to go off that cliff!) - and refusing to acknowledge the thing you fear most is not a magic incantation that prevents it from happening.
If you go over the actual feared circumstances, there are usually possible solutions. Maybe they are not the ideal, but they are still things that can be done. It can be empowering to have a plan.
- If Thomas dies, we will raise his son.
- If this doctor can't help him, we will bring in a specialist.
- If he has paralysis, we will modify the house to make it accessible, and we will support him.
Recently I wrote out several negative emotions, but the longest list was fear. Putting them out there I realized that some of the fears were needless. Some things that I was afraid of have moved on to things I am sad about; I could not stop them from happening, but I have survived them. Some fears will be good to think about more, because preparation may be possible. All of that is only possible by facing fear; shutting it down also shuts down comfort and reassurance.
Often we may shut down someone due to our own discomfort.
I hope that the earlier part of this post has resolved one concern: that of not knowing what to say. Allowing them to talk is more important than what you say, and I think we are going to have a couple of posts on listening skills to help with that.
I also hope that a link can be seen, that as you become more comfortable facing your own issues, you will be better able to listen to others. That discomfort may come from a personal insecurity, but it is probably an insecurity that you don't need.
But the final point I want to make on that is that if you can see the feelings of other people as valid, you should be able to see your own feelings as valid too. This means that you may not feel like you can handle being the person who listens in this case, and that's okay.
If that's the way it needs to go, stick with kindness and honesty. Don't try downplaying their fears and concerns, sending a message that they are unimportant. Even when you cannot help, you can avoid causing further harm.
That has value too.
Sunday, August 25, 2019
Healing by listening
On the main blog I regularly mention different reading lists I am working through. I have several going on now.
One of them is focused on death and grief and healing, which are obviously not all the same thing, but they do relate to each other. There is another on gendered violence and sexism. Those two lists collided recently. I guess it started with On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's exploration of end of life issues.
You are probably familiar with the five stages of grief, which has been greatly oversimplified, at least from what is in that book. It is not so much about a linear progression, but that there are common reactions to terminal illness, and they need to be resolved to get to acceptance for a peaceful end of life.
Kübler-Ross had medical students listen to a series of interviews with patients and sometimes their families. The most interesting thing to me was how often a patient or a doctor would think that the interview would have to be short, and then the interview would significantly exceed the projected time. The patients frequently felt better than expected, and wanted to keep talking. I thought it showed a real hunger to be heard.
Some people could not deal with their own death because they had unresolved grief from earlier events and were still stuck there in the past. One man thought his wife looked down on him because of his not being a high earner. Her own words indicated that too, until it was mirrored back to her and she got protective about him, lauding his honesty and kindness. Whatever time they had left, it could be better because of a new perspective they had both been given.
Not long after finishing On Death and Dying, I read To Be an Anchor in the Storm: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women by Susan Brewster. (That was from the gendered violence reading.)
Brewster uses the anchor analogy because it is important that the anchor doesn't chase or try to steer the ship. The anchor is solid, and maintains a line of connection, but the person being abused needs to be in control of her own actions. The abuser has undermined confidence in her ability to choose and succeed, and the well-intentioned rescuer is recreating that dynamic. While that might succeed in getting her away temporarily, she will often go back, whereas when she can make the decision and the plan herself, then she can have the ability to make a lasting change.
It is natural to want to solve a problem that has been set before you, but if the need is being heard and you start talking, you are not solving. It is also common to try downplaying and minimizing things. We may think we are doing it to comfort the person, but it might be more a way of relieving one's own discomfort.
I had this post at twice the length and was still going, so I realize this needs to be multiple posts. The first point, then, is that we can help each other by listening to each other. Simple enough, seemingly, but often failing. The next post will be about listening better.
One of them is focused on death and grief and healing, which are obviously not all the same thing, but they do relate to each other. There is another on gendered violence and sexism. Those two lists collided recently. I guess it started with On Death and Dying, Elizabeth Kübler-Ross's exploration of end of life issues.
You are probably familiar with the five stages of grief, which has been greatly oversimplified, at least from what is in that book. It is not so much about a linear progression, but that there are common reactions to terminal illness, and they need to be resolved to get to acceptance for a peaceful end of life.
Kübler-Ross had medical students listen to a series of interviews with patients and sometimes their families. The most interesting thing to me was how often a patient or a doctor would think that the interview would have to be short, and then the interview would significantly exceed the projected time. The patients frequently felt better than expected, and wanted to keep talking. I thought it showed a real hunger to be heard.
Some people could not deal with their own death because they had unresolved grief from earlier events and were still stuck there in the past. One man thought his wife looked down on him because of his not being a high earner. Her own words indicated that too, until it was mirrored back to her and she got protective about him, lauding his honesty and kindness. Whatever time they had left, it could be better because of a new perspective they had both been given.
Not long after finishing On Death and Dying, I read To Be an Anchor in the Storm: A Guide for Families and Friends of Abused Women by Susan Brewster. (That was from the gendered violence reading.)
Brewster uses the anchor analogy because it is important that the anchor doesn't chase or try to steer the ship. The anchor is solid, and maintains a line of connection, but the person being abused needs to be in control of her own actions. The abuser has undermined confidence in her ability to choose and succeed, and the well-intentioned rescuer is recreating that dynamic. While that might succeed in getting her away temporarily, she will often go back, whereas when she can make the decision and the plan herself, then she can have the ability to make a lasting change.
It is natural to want to solve a problem that has been set before you, but if the need is being heard and you start talking, you are not solving. It is also common to try downplaying and minimizing things. We may think we are doing it to comfort the person, but it might be more a way of relieving one's own discomfort.
I had this post at twice the length and was still going, so I realize this needs to be multiple posts. The first point, then, is that we can help each other by listening to each other. Simple enough, seemingly, but often failing. The next post will be about listening better.
Sunday, August 18, 2019
Protecting your knees from bees
Friday we had someone take out a nest of 200-300 yellow jackets. I talked with the pest control person a bit and am going to share some information.
First of all, here is the web site: https://www.beecontrolnw.com
There are several bee services in the area. We tried a different one first, but they were slow to respond. So one big vote in favor of Bee Control NW is their responsiveness.
I nearly referred to him as an exterminator, but that is not always the case. If you have a hive of honey bees in your backyard they may do a relocation. If solitary bees are in your house, you might wait a few weeks, break up the homes and then caulk up the holes to prevent return. We want to be careful with our pollinators.
They kill yellow jackets, though. We're okay with that.
In our case, they had moved in under an old stump, and were discovered when the lawn was being mowed. They are often discovered during yard work, sometimes in horrible ways, like maybe you are doing some watering and you don't know that you are standing on top of them until you make a wrong move and get stung twenty times in the knee! (Hence the title, but horrible. How do you even move your knee after that?)
The point of this post is largely to encourage you to take a careful look around and see if there are any nests in your yard, rather than finding out the hard way.
Here is a helpful brief video from the University of California:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tY3wmu1KGBc
Yes, we did see yellow jackets flying around the stump, so activity is a good indicator. I don't think I ever saw more than 10 at a time, so knowing that there were hundreds and that they were breeding rapidly was a little unsettling. None of them stung me, so I feel a little bit bad about killing them, but I don't think their non-aggression would have lasted, and I was worried about the dog and the people with bee phobias. Don't judge me!
Anyway, it starts with a queen finding a hole and laying eggs. Bill (Bee Control NW owner) said the queen won't chew her way in. Chewing may very well happen once she has a horde of yellow jackets serving her, but it starts with that hole. Maybe it will be in a wall, obscured by ivy, or behind a light fixture, or under an eave that could use replacing. Just be aware.
This is not only helpful for identifying where you could have nests now, but also can be helpful in preventing new nests. Depending on the type of hole it can be caulked or filled in with dirt or removed or you can put in a cotton ball soaked with Avon Skin So Soft, because they don't like that odor.
Apparently last year was great weather for proliferation and many new queens were hatched. The weather this year led to a late start, which is why we had less than 300 instead of over 1000. Even if the extermination process is the same regardless of the number, not letting them get to thousands still seems prudent.
It is also good to know that nice weather makes it easier for queens to tolerate each other, so you may have more nests in the same area. If you have a nest, you might want to give your neighbors a heads up.
One interesting part of the web page is information on the different types of bees and what can be done with them. I have taken out a paper wasp nest on my own; we needed a professional for this. There are some DIY possibilities mentioned in the video. Use caution and good sense.
For us, it is a relief to have it gone.
First of all, here is the web site: https://www.beecontrolnw.com
There are several bee services in the area. We tried a different one first, but they were slow to respond. So one big vote in favor of Bee Control NW is their responsiveness.
I nearly referred to him as an exterminator, but that is not always the case. If you have a hive of honey bees in your backyard they may do a relocation. If solitary bees are in your house, you might wait a few weeks, break up the homes and then caulk up the holes to prevent return. We want to be careful with our pollinators.
They kill yellow jackets, though. We're okay with that.
In our case, they had moved in under an old stump, and were discovered when the lawn was being mowed. They are often discovered during yard work, sometimes in horrible ways, like maybe you are doing some watering and you don't know that you are standing on top of them until you make a wrong move and get stung twenty times in the knee! (Hence the title, but horrible. How do you even move your knee after that?)
The point of this post is largely to encourage you to take a careful look around and see if there are any nests in your yard, rather than finding out the hard way.
Here is a helpful brief video from the University of California:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tY3wmu1KGBc
Yes, we did see yellow jackets flying around the stump, so activity is a good indicator. I don't think I ever saw more than 10 at a time, so knowing that there were hundreds and that they were breeding rapidly was a little unsettling. None of them stung me, so I feel a little bit bad about killing them, but I don't think their non-aggression would have lasted, and I was worried about the dog and the people with bee phobias. Don't judge me!
Anyway, it starts with a queen finding a hole and laying eggs. Bill (Bee Control NW owner) said the queen won't chew her way in. Chewing may very well happen once she has a horde of yellow jackets serving her, but it starts with that hole. Maybe it will be in a wall, obscured by ivy, or behind a light fixture, or under an eave that could use replacing. Just be aware.
This is not only helpful for identifying where you could have nests now, but also can be helpful in preventing new nests. Depending on the type of hole it can be caulked or filled in with dirt or removed or you can put in a cotton ball soaked with Avon Skin So Soft, because they don't like that odor.
Apparently last year was great weather for proliferation and many new queens were hatched. The weather this year led to a late start, which is why we had less than 300 instead of over 1000. Even if the extermination process is the same regardless of the number, not letting them get to thousands still seems prudent.
It is also good to know that nice weather makes it easier for queens to tolerate each other, so you may have more nests in the same area. If you have a nest, you might want to give your neighbors a heads up.
One interesting part of the web page is information on the different types of bees and what can be done with them. I have taken out a paper wasp nest on my own; we needed a professional for this. There are some DIY possibilities mentioned in the video. Use caution and good sense.
For us, it is a relief to have it gone.
Sunday, August 11, 2019
Non-emergency preparation for the Second Coming
Some of you may be noticing news stories that make you feel like we are getting closer to Christ's return, though that in itself has been going on for a while.
It is possible this is making you nervous, and that's understandable. I'm more in the space where that seems like the only possible solution for many of my present concerns. Even so, I am not actively praying for it because that feels presumptuous. I don't control the timeline, and I don't have the kind of wisdom needed for that.
This isn't so much about being scared or hopeful, but there are some people who seem to get downright gleeful when terrible things happen, taking it as a sign of apocalyptic approach.
I won't even criticize the glee, exactly, though there are certainly ways to do it wrong. What I am sure about is that you should not be doing terrible things to accelerate the timeline.
For example, you might have people in the executive branch who are destabilizing the Middle East, in an effort to bring about Biblical prophecy, where it seems to be a matter of religious conviction. I feel very comfortable condemning this.
Let's say that some of our country's actions contribute to greater production of nuclear waste, greater threat of nuclear attacks, and deaths of civilians by starvation and violence. Yes, it may go along with the circumstances that eventually lead to Israel being surrounded by many other armies and staying under siege until two men who have been holding off the enemy are killed, and then IT happens - I get it - but there are several important problems with that.
First of all, there is all of that human suffering along the way. Yes, that happens, but that is never a reason to be causing it to happen. I think a relevant scripture here is Luke 17: 1-2
Secondly, there's that presumption issue again; do you really think the Lord needs you to create havoc to give Him permission to return? That almost seems like the thought of someone who completely misses the point of Christ's teachings (and hold on to that thought).
Finally, you know, a lot of the Bible is metaphorical. Not all of it is, but we don't always know. There are a lot of scriptures that we won't fully understand until after the fact.
This is what I take from the book of Revelation: bad things will happen, but God is in charge, and good will eventually win. It is comfort, but not more important comfort than the personal relationship that comes with prayer and study.
If I take an additional message from it, it is that I want to be on the side of good. That's logical. Everything in the gospels tells me that this is about serving others, kindness, forgiveness. Yes, other people get other things from the scriptures - I remember James Watt (under Reagan) not worrying about the environment because everything was going to burn up. Well, it is; but that doesn't make pollution right. One way my comfort works is that I believe this will all be healed; it does not make me want to be the source of injury.
So if we were going to look for appropriate methods of preparing for the Second Coming - beyond collecting your emergency supplies - what would we do?
Repentance seems like a good one. How am I wrong? How can I fix that? What can I do better? Have I hurt anyone? These are good questions to ask yourself. The answers will generally relate to kindness and having greater love for people, including those you might deem enemies. (Which I strongly believe relates more to protecting people who are threatened by others rather than coddling the people who like giving the threats.)
Missionary work seems like a good one, though I worry about many people's ability to share the gospel without making it repellent to others. It shouldn't be that way, but it is. That is just something to think about.
I think the most relevant scripture for pre-Millennial preparation might be Moses 7:18...
It's weird how Jesus spent so much time condemning the wealthy and how little that seems to come up in modern Christian conversation. That might be a reason to refer back to the Book.
It is possible this is making you nervous, and that's understandable. I'm more in the space where that seems like the only possible solution for many of my present concerns. Even so, I am not actively praying for it because that feels presumptuous. I don't control the timeline, and I don't have the kind of wisdom needed for that.
This isn't so much about being scared or hopeful, but there are some people who seem to get downright gleeful when terrible things happen, taking it as a sign of apocalyptic approach.
I won't even criticize the glee, exactly, though there are certainly ways to do it wrong. What I am sure about is that you should not be doing terrible things to accelerate the timeline.
For example, you might have people in the executive branch who are destabilizing the Middle East, in an effort to bring about Biblical prophecy, where it seems to be a matter of religious conviction. I feel very comfortable condemning this.
Let's say that some of our country's actions contribute to greater production of nuclear waste, greater threat of nuclear attacks, and deaths of civilians by starvation and violence. Yes, it may go along with the circumstances that eventually lead to Israel being surrounded by many other armies and staying under siege until two men who have been holding off the enemy are killed, and then IT happens - I get it - but there are several important problems with that.
First of all, there is all of that human suffering along the way. Yes, that happens, but that is never a reason to be causing it to happen. I think a relevant scripture here is Luke 17: 1-2
Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!That almost sounds like it could relate to our immigration policy too, don't you think?
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Secondly, there's that presumption issue again; do you really think the Lord needs you to create havoc to give Him permission to return? That almost seems like the thought of someone who completely misses the point of Christ's teachings (and hold on to that thought).
Finally, you know, a lot of the Bible is metaphorical. Not all of it is, but we don't always know. There are a lot of scriptures that we won't fully understand until after the fact.
This is what I take from the book of Revelation: bad things will happen, but God is in charge, and good will eventually win. It is comfort, but not more important comfort than the personal relationship that comes with prayer and study.
If I take an additional message from it, it is that I want to be on the side of good. That's logical. Everything in the gospels tells me that this is about serving others, kindness, forgiveness. Yes, other people get other things from the scriptures - I remember James Watt (under Reagan) not worrying about the environment because everything was going to burn up. Well, it is; but that doesn't make pollution right. One way my comfort works is that I believe this will all be healed; it does not make me want to be the source of injury.
So if we were going to look for appropriate methods of preparing for the Second Coming - beyond collecting your emergency supplies - what would we do?
Repentance seems like a good one. How am I wrong? How can I fix that? What can I do better? Have I hurt anyone? These are good questions to ask yourself. The answers will generally relate to kindness and having greater love for people, including those you might deem enemies. (Which I strongly believe relates more to protecting people who are threatened by others rather than coddling the people who like giving the threats.)
Missionary work seems like a good one, though I worry about many people's ability to share the gospel without making it repellent to others. It shouldn't be that way, but it is. That is just something to think about.
I think the most relevant scripture for pre-Millennial preparation might be Moses 7:18...
And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them.You can't be of one heart with everyone in the world right now, but you can try and make your heart more like Christ's, and that will work. We can work more toward a world where there are no poor by not allowing the exploitation of labor or making necessities like food, shelter, and medical care unobtainable for people. If you can root the greed out of your heart, and the bigotry that supports the greed of the top economic tiers, that is the kind of work that will have you ready for the Millennium.
It's weird how Jesus spent so much time condemning the wealthy and how little that seems to come up in modern Christian conversation. That might be a reason to refer back to the Book.
Tuesday, April 16, 2019
Confirmation
I am not ready to resume the series, but I keep thinking of other things that might make good posts. I especially keep thinking of something that happened Saturday that clearly I need to write about.
If my blogging ends up being more disjointed than I like now, it is only reflective of my life. I nearly said "random", but that wouldn't be quite right.
Last week was really hard, and I needed to get out of the house Saturday. I did not have a clear plan for it, which can really make getting out harder, even just getting started. That was a partly due to constantly remembering other things to do (The laundry! The dog!), but a bigger problem was feeling really indecisive on what to do.
My only clear objectives were that I needed to have some time away and that I wanted to eat Chinese food. That gave me a lot of possibilities, but none of them felt quite right for various reasons.
The idea I kept rejecting was to go to Lloyd Center and eat at the food court there. In terms of quality, convenience, and novelty, it was really the least interesting option, though it was not terrible on price. Everything that seemed like it should have been better had other objections though. Finally after false starts and missing at least one bus that either seemed early or the next one was late, that was where I ended up.
At the precise moment that I was getting to the entrance, a man came out carrying a small bag of cans and started looking in the garbage can by the entrance. I thought I should give him something, but hesitated and he disappeared into the parking garage. Then I was quite sure I should help him. He had only gone in search of the next can, and I found him and gave him $5.
He said, "Thank you. I can eat tonight."
I am pretty sure that meant that he had not eaten the previous night.
I stayed in front of the entrance for a while, thinking about the odds of my encountering him. Even on the train I had been thinking about which stop to use. Before some of the more recent construction, we always got off at 7th and entered by the Stanford's, but I had specifically decided to cut through the park on my way in, and then catch the train at 7th on my way back.
It left me with the question of whether all of the indecision and delays and reminders was all so that he could eat that night.
I am quite sure that my other possible destinations all had the potential to help someone. I also know that there had to be hundreds of people at the mall, some of whom surely could have spared a little cash or bought a meal or something.
I was trying to figure that out, and the first thought was that perhaps the point is not so much how and why I ended up there but what I did when there. That could be reassuring, but I have been in a questioning state of mind lately (you should see my journal; so many question marks) and I kept pushing.
There was guidance beyond getting there, even if it was just to give him the money. That is important to me because I have been worrying pretty regularly about whether I am doing the right things or missing things.
Even accepting that I am getting guidance on the small things, what about the big things? The things that really worry me? Then it kind of felt like maybe the guidance comes from the same place, regardless of the size of the issue, followed by the eye-rolling book title Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff).
The last time I got a blessing it specifically referenced 1 Nephi 3, and being led without knowing beforehand what you will do. Since I had been specifically praying about the not knowing, it was not exactly the reassurance that I wanted, but probably what I needed, or what I can have at this time.
I have thought about that a lot since then. Part of that path for Nephi included killing a guy - probably not in my future, but I don't know - and that uncertainty remains frustrating. I had realized some time ago that often when you think you know what is coming, you are wrong, but there is still some comfort in having an idea.
The only answer I really have is to continue to listen, and stay close. It's not everything that I hoped for, but it has the room to contain my hopes in it.
If my blogging ends up being more disjointed than I like now, it is only reflective of my life. I nearly said "random", but that wouldn't be quite right.
Last week was really hard, and I needed to get out of the house Saturday. I did not have a clear plan for it, which can really make getting out harder, even just getting started. That was a partly due to constantly remembering other things to do (The laundry! The dog!), but a bigger problem was feeling really indecisive on what to do.
My only clear objectives were that I needed to have some time away and that I wanted to eat Chinese food. That gave me a lot of possibilities, but none of them felt quite right for various reasons.
The idea I kept rejecting was to go to Lloyd Center and eat at the food court there. In terms of quality, convenience, and novelty, it was really the least interesting option, though it was not terrible on price. Everything that seemed like it should have been better had other objections though. Finally after false starts and missing at least one bus that either seemed early or the next one was late, that was where I ended up.
At the precise moment that I was getting to the entrance, a man came out carrying a small bag of cans and started looking in the garbage can by the entrance. I thought I should give him something, but hesitated and he disappeared into the parking garage. Then I was quite sure I should help him. He had only gone in search of the next can, and I found him and gave him $5.
He said, "Thank you. I can eat tonight."
I am pretty sure that meant that he had not eaten the previous night.
I stayed in front of the entrance for a while, thinking about the odds of my encountering him. Even on the train I had been thinking about which stop to use. Before some of the more recent construction, we always got off at 7th and entered by the Stanford's, but I had specifically decided to cut through the park on my way in, and then catch the train at 7th on my way back.
It left me with the question of whether all of the indecision and delays and reminders was all so that he could eat that night.
I am quite sure that my other possible destinations all had the potential to help someone. I also know that there had to be hundreds of people at the mall, some of whom surely could have spared a little cash or bought a meal or something.
I was trying to figure that out, and the first thought was that perhaps the point is not so much how and why I ended up there but what I did when there. That could be reassuring, but I have been in a questioning state of mind lately (you should see my journal; so many question marks) and I kept pushing.
There was guidance beyond getting there, even if it was just to give him the money. That is important to me because I have been worrying pretty regularly about whether I am doing the right things or missing things.
Even accepting that I am getting guidance on the small things, what about the big things? The things that really worry me? Then it kind of felt like maybe the guidance comes from the same place, regardless of the size of the issue, followed by the eye-rolling book title Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff).
The last time I got a blessing it specifically referenced 1 Nephi 3, and being led without knowing beforehand what you will do. Since I had been specifically praying about the not knowing, it was not exactly the reassurance that I wanted, but probably what I needed, or what I can have at this time.
I have thought about that a lot since then. Part of that path for Nephi included killing a guy - probably not in my future, but I don't know - and that uncertainty remains frustrating. I had realized some time ago that often when you think you know what is coming, you are wrong, but there is still some comfort in having an idea.
The only answer I really have is to continue to listen, and stay close. It's not everything that I hoped for, but it has the room to contain my hopes in it.
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