In last month’s letter on preparing to have a good ward, we covered some of the unique difficulties our ward faces due to the large physical boundaries and such a rapidly changing population. One of those difficulties is keeping the emergency plan updated, and we will explore that more now.
In the event of a large-scale disaster, the ward is responsible for checking on its members. This is really just a natural extension to our normal values. With the home and visiting teaching programs, everyone should be checked on monthly, and as needs are discovered they are addressed. When something happens where it is likely that several members have sudden needs, a rapid check is in order.
Because of communication disruptions, it will probably be necessary to do a physical check. To make this easier, most wards divide geographically into zones, and we are no exception (though our zones are bigger than the average family ward). Each zone has a zone leader who will check on the members in that zone in case of an emergency, and will report back to the emergency preparedness specialist working with the bishop, and so we can get that information back to the stake and to Salt Lake. This is one reason to promptly get address changes to the clerk—it helps us look in the right spot.
We also survey members about their resources and skills, so as we find out that one person had roof damage, we know who can fix that, or if trees are down and need clearing, we know who has the nearest chainsaw. If we need to convert church buildings into emergency shelters, we may call on the people who know how to prepare meals for large groups. Many of you have been surveyed already, and we are working on the rest.
While we will try to help with your needs, your advance preparation will be even more helpful. To help gain some perspective on this, let’s consider the large magnitude earthquake. This is a useful example because it has a wide impact and is likely to occur in our lifetime. I will include a link at the end for what to do in an earthquake, but here I want to focus more on the after-effects.
Many buildings will experience structural damage. This can include your home and your workplace There will probably also be damage to roads, water lines and sewage, gas lines, and electricity. What does that mean?
If you suspect a gas leak, you need to shut the gas off (you should know how to do that). Since it needs to be turned back on by someone from the gas company, you could be without heat for a while. You should have extra blankets or sleeping bags.
If water pipes or sewage lines are broken, you may still be able to get water into the house, but it could be tainted water. Having stored water or water purification tools will be a huge benefit. We will be trying to check on you, but in the time it takes us to find you, get water, and get back to you, you can get very thirsty. Have some stored water on hand.
If your electricity is out, you will be grateful to have other means of light and cooking available. You will not want to be opening the fridge or freezer, in hopes of maintaining the cold until the power comes back on—or you may give up and have a big barbecue and eat all the ice cream. At least think about what food is in your house. If water and power are out, are you still able to eat?
There are other effects to lost power. Will you need information on the computer? Then I hope it is on a laptop, and the battery has enough power to get you through. Internet may still be down depending on how you connect. That is why I instruct all of my zone leaders to print their lists.
Now, think for a moment about everything else that uses electricity and computing. That includes automatic doors, gas pumps, ATMs, and cash registers. Even if transportation is not completely disrupted, getting to a store may not be helpful. The Church has encouraged members to store a year’s supply of food, or at least three months. Please, have at least two weeks on hand.
Remember, there are two big issues that will make recovery more difficult. One is that even if the bridges over the Willamette appear to be okay, they will need to be tested and verified before they can be used. That takes time. Also, soil liquefaction may completely tear up the runways at PDX, which would delay cargo planes with relief supplies. That gives you even more reason to have your own food, water, and warmth— just to be safe.
You will want to know what is going on with roads and relief. No power for PCs and TVs affects your ability to get news as well. It would be wise to have a battery-operated radio on hand,
That feeling of connection will be important. The other thing to know is that phones will be disrupted. It will probably be at least three days until you can get a cell phone signal. Landlines may recover faster, but often they will only be successful in calling out of area. Emergency communication plans are essential. You can use the out of area exception as a lifeline, establishing one common point of contact for everyone in the family to call. (In my family, it is our sister-in-law’s brother in Texas.) This contact can keep track of everyone’s whereabouts as they report in, and pass along messages. It gives great peace of mind to know that your loved ones are safe, even if you can’t talk to them directly.
Don’t limit the plan to family. You should have a plan for keeping track of roommates too, and if you will not be happy without knowing how your fiancé is doing, work that out. (And this can be very helpful for the zone leader if other people are not there yet, but you can report on their whereabouts and welfare.) We get used to being able to talk and message instantly, but it can be lost at the same time that a lot of new stress is introduced. Have a back-up plan. (If you want that backup plan to be HAM radio, which is reasonable, we will be putting a class together.)
Ultimately, it is the way that we connect with each other that can improve the recovery. We saw horrible things happen in Haiti after their earthquake, with looting and theft, and if fear and desperation don’t overcome you they can also harden your heart. If you know that you have some supplies, maybe even enough to share, and that there are people looking out for you, you can have peace and spread that peace to others.
Even better, you can spread that peace further by doing it beforehand. Get to know your neighbors, and talk about emergency plans. You can arrange to check on each other’s gas lines, or pets, or to see if anyone is injured for each other. And then if they follow your example and have food and water storage too, that’s a neighborhood that is going to come out of this okay, regardless of the damage. Many CERT programs are introducing a Map Your Neighborhood program that can prove helpful.
Do think about taking the CERT training. Knowledge is power, and in hard times it is good to feel powerful.
http://www.hillsborocert.org/
http://www.beavertonoregon.gov/departments/emergency/cert/
(This is for earthquakes, but OCEM has many other helpful documents besides this one.)
http://www.ocem.org/pdf_resources/12-Drop_Cover_Hold_On.pdf
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
April 2010 - Preparing to have a good ward
Talking to other emergency preparedness coordinators, they sometimes expect things to be a bit different for a singles ward. It ends up being very similar in some ways. Getting married people to focus on preparedness is about as difficult as it is with single people—it’s natural to focus more on what is happening than what might happen.
The key difference is with maintaining the emergency plan. We will be sending out more about this later, but for now you should know that every ward needs a plan to check on the safety and needs of the members in the event of an emergency. With our ward that becomes more difficult, because in addition to covering a larger area than most wards, our membership changes more frequently. One plan update involved twenty-two record changes, and even then there were six people that I knew would be leaving soon.
How does this relate to having a good ward? Well, when I was asking for ideas on what constituted a good ward, someone asked if I meant a singles ward or a family ward. My initial thought was that there should not be any differences, but there are probably a few.
Even trying to define what makes a “good” ward seems dicey, but it is probably reasonable to expect that in such a ward there will be opportunities for spiritual growth and fellowship.
There is organization in place for this. Part of this is home and visiting teaching, where we serve others and make sure needs are met, as well as building relationships—but this was covered in the February newsletter.
A big part of it is also that when you come there will be speakers, prayers, hymns and lessons. There are also activities that may be educational, social, or service-based. This gives you regular opportunities to learn, and to feel the Spirit, and to socialize. All of those opportunities require individual participation before they can do any good for the individual.
In turn, the mechanism for putting all of that into place involves church callings, where people are given specific responsibilities. Not only does this make you an active participant in the running of the ward; it also allows the development of talent and spirituality and socialization in multiple ways.
The key word is “allows”. Some callings have more guidelines than others, but there is usually also room for going beyond that.
We expect that someone who is called as a Gospel Doctrine teacher will learn something about the scriptures, even with a cursory review of each lesson. (That is unless you think that people are only called to do things that they already know about, and so the Gospel Doctrine teachers are already experts on the scriptures. Let me assure you that this is not automatically the case.)
The teacher can once a month prepare and give a lesson, and that preparation can lead to greater knowledge for the teacher and class, and for some spiritual growth. On another level, the teacher can try and keep up with all of the lessons, because when you are not the teacher you are a class member, and scripture study is important. The teacher can point at people who raise their hands when questions are asked, or the teacher can make an effort to learn names, creating a warmer environment in the class. Also, preparation can include merely reading over and organizing the material, or it can include prayerful preparation requesting inspiration, where you may even find yourself calling quieter members of the class in advance and asking them to participate in specific ways.
This principle is true for any calling. It may mean an employment specialist including the unemployed members of the ward in personal prayer, or the family history specialist creating a survey to get a grasp on the current situations and needs, but it is always possible to consecrate your service. In some way you have a service to provide to the ward members, and since you are important and they are important, it is an area where you can receive inspiration. Then, as you receive inspiration, you will have a greater understanding of the calling’s importance, which is primarily because of the importance of the people that you serve.
When one friend was asking me about church discipline, all I really knew to tell her was that they don’t let you pay tithing or hold callings, and somehow that does not sound like a vacation to us. It is a privilege to serve, even while it is necessary for our growth and the harmonious operation of a ward. The more people you have trying to really fulfill their callings, the greater your chances of feeling like you have a good ward.
So, how are we different from a family ward? The most obvious way is the lack of families, meaning that no matter how many people need callings, no one is going to get one in Primary or Youth or Nursery. We have Family Home Evenings as a ward, which a family ward should not need. Those are noticeable differences, but they do not change the critical needs of growth, service, and fellowship, nor do they change the opportunity for those things to occur. (In fact, the quieter meetings may help some people feel the Spirit more.)
The issue of constant change, however, does give us an extra handicap. We need to be getting to know each other, and it is much harder to keep up. In a family ward, when an unfamiliar face shows up, probably most members can know with certainty this person is new. In our ward, the unfamiliar could be a new person, a visitor from Westlake, someone returning to the ward from school or a mission, or someone who has been sitting on the other side of the chapel, and you aren’t sure because you have only been in the ward for three months yourself. Do not let this discourage you. Any potential embarrassment has to be outweighed by the importance of reaching out.
There are ways to make things easier. When a new person’s records are read into the ward, if we are paying attention we know the name, face, what they are wearing, and general location. Going and introducing oneself after the meeting is a great idea. Not only do you have the information handed to you, but if you can’t quite remember the following week, odds are good that the new person will have met more people than you, and remember even less. Now that summer is coming we will get lots of chances to put this into practice. In all seriousness, raising our hands to affirm that they are welcome has little meaning if it ends there. All you need to say is, “I don’t think we have met.”
Summer provides another excellent opportunity, in that it should be our turn to clean the building again. This act of service puts us all on equal footing, working together to serve everyone who uses the building. Serving together makes a good ward. Make sure you take at least one shift.
One could argue that for a singles ward to be “good”, there should be dating. Progressing towards marriage is an important part of individual growth, and as such it should not be forgotten. That being said, look at how much of what has already been mentioned involves people paying attention to each other, caring for each other, and getting to know each other, as well as seeking inspiration. Such practices can only help progression towards marriage.
Next month we will learn more about the actual ward emergency plan, and if you can be motivated towards your own preparedness, we have a cannery trip on Tuesday, May 18th from 6-9 PM, where you can add to your own food storage. More information will follow.
The key difference is with maintaining the emergency plan. We will be sending out more about this later, but for now you should know that every ward needs a plan to check on the safety and needs of the members in the event of an emergency. With our ward that becomes more difficult, because in addition to covering a larger area than most wards, our membership changes more frequently. One plan update involved twenty-two record changes, and even then there were six people that I knew would be leaving soon.
How does this relate to having a good ward? Well, when I was asking for ideas on what constituted a good ward, someone asked if I meant a singles ward or a family ward. My initial thought was that there should not be any differences, but there are probably a few.
Even trying to define what makes a “good” ward seems dicey, but it is probably reasonable to expect that in such a ward there will be opportunities for spiritual growth and fellowship.
There is organization in place for this. Part of this is home and visiting teaching, where we serve others and make sure needs are met, as well as building relationships—but this was covered in the February newsletter.
A big part of it is also that when you come there will be speakers, prayers, hymns and lessons. There are also activities that may be educational, social, or service-based. This gives you regular opportunities to learn, and to feel the Spirit, and to socialize. All of those opportunities require individual participation before they can do any good for the individual.
In turn, the mechanism for putting all of that into place involves church callings, where people are given specific responsibilities. Not only does this make you an active participant in the running of the ward; it also allows the development of talent and spirituality and socialization in multiple ways.
The key word is “allows”. Some callings have more guidelines than others, but there is usually also room for going beyond that.
We expect that someone who is called as a Gospel Doctrine teacher will learn something about the scriptures, even with a cursory review of each lesson. (That is unless you think that people are only called to do things that they already know about, and so the Gospel Doctrine teachers are already experts on the scriptures. Let me assure you that this is not automatically the case.)
The teacher can once a month prepare and give a lesson, and that preparation can lead to greater knowledge for the teacher and class, and for some spiritual growth. On another level, the teacher can try and keep up with all of the lessons, because when you are not the teacher you are a class member, and scripture study is important. The teacher can point at people who raise their hands when questions are asked, or the teacher can make an effort to learn names, creating a warmer environment in the class. Also, preparation can include merely reading over and organizing the material, or it can include prayerful preparation requesting inspiration, where you may even find yourself calling quieter members of the class in advance and asking them to participate in specific ways.
This principle is true for any calling. It may mean an employment specialist including the unemployed members of the ward in personal prayer, or the family history specialist creating a survey to get a grasp on the current situations and needs, but it is always possible to consecrate your service. In some way you have a service to provide to the ward members, and since you are important and they are important, it is an area where you can receive inspiration. Then, as you receive inspiration, you will have a greater understanding of the calling’s importance, which is primarily because of the importance of the people that you serve.
When one friend was asking me about church discipline, all I really knew to tell her was that they don’t let you pay tithing or hold callings, and somehow that does not sound like a vacation to us. It is a privilege to serve, even while it is necessary for our growth and the harmonious operation of a ward. The more people you have trying to really fulfill their callings, the greater your chances of feeling like you have a good ward.
So, how are we different from a family ward? The most obvious way is the lack of families, meaning that no matter how many people need callings, no one is going to get one in Primary or Youth or Nursery. We have Family Home Evenings as a ward, which a family ward should not need. Those are noticeable differences, but they do not change the critical needs of growth, service, and fellowship, nor do they change the opportunity for those things to occur. (In fact, the quieter meetings may help some people feel the Spirit more.)
The issue of constant change, however, does give us an extra handicap. We need to be getting to know each other, and it is much harder to keep up. In a family ward, when an unfamiliar face shows up, probably most members can know with certainty this person is new. In our ward, the unfamiliar could be a new person, a visitor from Westlake, someone returning to the ward from school or a mission, or someone who has been sitting on the other side of the chapel, and you aren’t sure because you have only been in the ward for three months yourself. Do not let this discourage you. Any potential embarrassment has to be outweighed by the importance of reaching out.
There are ways to make things easier. When a new person’s records are read into the ward, if we are paying attention we know the name, face, what they are wearing, and general location. Going and introducing oneself after the meeting is a great idea. Not only do you have the information handed to you, but if you can’t quite remember the following week, odds are good that the new person will have met more people than you, and remember even less. Now that summer is coming we will get lots of chances to put this into practice. In all seriousness, raising our hands to affirm that they are welcome has little meaning if it ends there. All you need to say is, “I don’t think we have met.”
Summer provides another excellent opportunity, in that it should be our turn to clean the building again. This act of service puts us all on equal footing, working together to serve everyone who uses the building. Serving together makes a good ward. Make sure you take at least one shift.
One could argue that for a singles ward to be “good”, there should be dating. Progressing towards marriage is an important part of individual growth, and as such it should not be forgotten. That being said, look at how much of what has already been mentioned involves people paying attention to each other, caring for each other, and getting to know each other, as well as seeking inspiration. Such practices can only help progression towards marriage.
Next month we will learn more about the actual ward emergency plan, and if you can be motivated towards your own preparedness, we have a cannery trip on Tuesday, May 18th from 6-9 PM, where you can add to your own food storage. More information will follow.
Friday, March 26, 2010
March 2010 - Reformed 72-hour kits
In my time writing this newsletter I have not covered 72-hour kits, despite many people expressing an interest. There are two reasons for this. One is that I see from the surveys that many of you already have kits—the only other area that even comes close is first aid training. Many of us received first aid training in association with girls’ camp, scouting, or jobs and school, so without a similar framework in place the amount of 72-hour kits that have been accumulated is pretty impressive.
The other reason is that one time I heard someone quote someone else saying that there are no 72-hour kits in the church—just food storage. That would be a very weak reason on its own, especially since I cannot remember either of the people involved, but it did set me thinking. Our leaders have simplified their focus greatly in terms of emergency preparedness with the Family Home Storage and Family Finances pamphlets, available at http://providentliving.org/. It does not mean that other preparedness steps are not good, but the 72-hour kit is not prioritized.
Also, back one time when a devastating earthquake happened in one part of the world shortly after a devastating hurricane and flood had occurred in another part of the world, I began to see that if you have enough concurrent disasters happening there is no guarantee that emergency responders will make it to you in three days. This has been seen in government and social agencies as well, where you can still find materials on preparing 72-hour kits, but staff members are starting to recommend being prepared for a longer time period, commonly from 7-10 days.
That being said, there is still something valuable about having a portable supply of food, water, and clothing, and in going over the materials I used to use for 72-hour kits there are many good principles that can be applied to general preparedness. We can work with that.
The basics of a good kit were always food, water, clothing, light, and heat—but it was not unusual to find hygiene items, communication items (like a battery-operated AM radio for listening to news), a first aid kit, and maybe even something for fighting boredom or mental fatigue. Also, it was not uncommon to see a recommendation that you include some cash. Finally, there would be an emphasis on portability, and a decision on where to put it. Let’s review key areas.
Location: Common choices were at home, at work, or in the car, with valid reasons for each of those choices. Why not all three? After all, if we free our selves from the confines of one specific 72-hour kit, then we can accommodate needs for specific locations. If you are at home, you probably have more than three days worth of clothes and food. Having a pack with items ready to go is still valuable if you need to leave, and the traditional kit may work best for the car. Theoretically you would then have your kit handy whether you are at home or at work, but not everyone drives to work. If you have a desk, locker, or cubby, you may want to consider keeping some small supplies there as well.
Food: This is an obvious need. Even though you can go several days without food, you will not be functioning at your best if you need to do so. Ideally you will build up at least a three month supply of food in your home, but it may be worthwhile to have a two-week supply of foods that do not require cooking as part of that, and it would not hurt if some of those items were canned fruits and vegetables that could add to your water supply with their juices.
Think about food for work and the car too. While it is practical to think of something that has a long shelf life and provides balanced nutrition, it will help relieve stress if this can also be food you enjoy and are used to. I have used protein bars as the basis of our family kits, but then augmented them with things like nuts or beef jerky, fruit cups, and pudding cups, thus covering all the food groups and making it more fun. A small stash in your office may help on a day when you have no time to grab lunch, or have to work late. A small stash in your car can be helpful when you have road trouble.
Water: You need water even more than you need food, and you only get partial credit for other liquids like soda. You should have some water storage in your home, but water storage takes up a lot of space, so having some options for water purification is also not a bad idea. You are less likely to run out of water in the office, but having an emergency water bottle there could come in handy under really bad situations. It is a great idea to have an emergency water stash in your car. Not only can it serve you if you end up stranded, but sometimes cars need water too.
Water for storage can be purchased in Mylar pouches or juice box-style cartons. If you are looking at bottles and jugs, either for purchasing full or filling from your tap, make sure to use the pop bottle type plastic, not the milk jug plastic. With the first type (polyethylene terephthalate, or PETE) there are concerns about chemical leaching related to storage temperature and duration. That may be a reason to use different types of containers, but not to use the milk jug plastic (high density polyethylene, of HDPE), which is prone to contamination and leakage.
Light: A good strong flashlight can provide welcome relief in the darkness, allowing you to read or locate the correct item, and to feel safer. It can be valuable to store a small flashlight at work and a larger one in the car. You will probably want to have a few flashlights in the house. Remember that any flashlight is only as good as its batteries, and also that in the event of a gas leak a flashlight can throw of a small spark and ignite the gas. Therefore, it is also valuable to keep some light sticks on hand, which can light without any sparks.
Obviously if sparks are a concern then a match is even worse than a flashlight, but in other circumstances candles can also help with the light situation. This would probably only be beneficial at home, and only if you can follow basic fire safety procedures.
Heat: Consider keeping an extra jacket and maybe a solar blanket in the car. The weather can change very quickly, especially in Oregon, and having the option of adding a layer will be a great source of protection. Indeed, one value of the standard change of clothes in a typical 72-hour kit is not just the ability to freshen up, but also the ability to layer or to change out of wet clothes.
Getting wet will cause your body temperature to fall quickly, so planning to stay warm includes planning to stay dry. Perhaps you should throw a poncho in with that solar blanket. For home, consider what you would do if the heat went out. Are there extra blankets? Could you build a fire?
Hygiene: For the home, it makes sense to be well supplied on toiletries as well as food. Soap is not as vital as bread, but it is still nice to have, and since you are planning ahead it should be possible to have. For the office or car, imagine yourself stranded, and think about what you would miss most. For me it’s dental floss, so that is in all of our kits.
Cash: ATMs provide cash quickly, and with credit and debit cards many people forego cash completely. There can be times when these systems fail, be it due to a power outage or the magnetic strip wearing out on your card. It is handy to have a small reserve of cash available that is set aside for these circumstances. This can also be handy if you are ever stuck dining out of vending machines.
Portability: In the past I have advised asking three questions regarding kit supplies: How likely am I to need it? How bad will it be not to have it? How heavy is it? These three questions allow you to plan with a practical eye. You may also want to add questions of convenience or expense—yes, it might be nice to have a backup wardrobe at work, especially if you are a messy person, but would it be worth the trouble? Individual answers may vary, but you can come up with good answers for yourself if you will commit to asking the questions.
If you wish to receive this letter electronically, please write to gharris847@aol.com
The other reason is that one time I heard someone quote someone else saying that there are no 72-hour kits in the church—just food storage. That would be a very weak reason on its own, especially since I cannot remember either of the people involved, but it did set me thinking. Our leaders have simplified their focus greatly in terms of emergency preparedness with the Family Home Storage and Family Finances pamphlets, available at http://providentliving.org/. It does not mean that other preparedness steps are not good, but the 72-hour kit is not prioritized.
Also, back one time when a devastating earthquake happened in one part of the world shortly after a devastating hurricane and flood had occurred in another part of the world, I began to see that if you have enough concurrent disasters happening there is no guarantee that emergency responders will make it to you in three days. This has been seen in government and social agencies as well, where you can still find materials on preparing 72-hour kits, but staff members are starting to recommend being prepared for a longer time period, commonly from 7-10 days.
That being said, there is still something valuable about having a portable supply of food, water, and clothing, and in going over the materials I used to use for 72-hour kits there are many good principles that can be applied to general preparedness. We can work with that.
The basics of a good kit were always food, water, clothing, light, and heat—but it was not unusual to find hygiene items, communication items (like a battery-operated AM radio for listening to news), a first aid kit, and maybe even something for fighting boredom or mental fatigue. Also, it was not uncommon to see a recommendation that you include some cash. Finally, there would be an emphasis on portability, and a decision on where to put it. Let’s review key areas.
Location: Common choices were at home, at work, or in the car, with valid reasons for each of those choices. Why not all three? After all, if we free our selves from the confines of one specific 72-hour kit, then we can accommodate needs for specific locations. If you are at home, you probably have more than three days worth of clothes and food. Having a pack with items ready to go is still valuable if you need to leave, and the traditional kit may work best for the car. Theoretically you would then have your kit handy whether you are at home or at work, but not everyone drives to work. If you have a desk, locker, or cubby, you may want to consider keeping some small supplies there as well.
Food: This is an obvious need. Even though you can go several days without food, you will not be functioning at your best if you need to do so. Ideally you will build up at least a three month supply of food in your home, but it may be worthwhile to have a two-week supply of foods that do not require cooking as part of that, and it would not hurt if some of those items were canned fruits and vegetables that could add to your water supply with their juices.
Think about food for work and the car too. While it is practical to think of something that has a long shelf life and provides balanced nutrition, it will help relieve stress if this can also be food you enjoy and are used to. I have used protein bars as the basis of our family kits, but then augmented them with things like nuts or beef jerky, fruit cups, and pudding cups, thus covering all the food groups and making it more fun. A small stash in your office may help on a day when you have no time to grab lunch, or have to work late. A small stash in your car can be helpful when you have road trouble.
Water: You need water even more than you need food, and you only get partial credit for other liquids like soda. You should have some water storage in your home, but water storage takes up a lot of space, so having some options for water purification is also not a bad idea. You are less likely to run out of water in the office, but having an emergency water bottle there could come in handy under really bad situations. It is a great idea to have an emergency water stash in your car. Not only can it serve you if you end up stranded, but sometimes cars need water too.
Water for storage can be purchased in Mylar pouches or juice box-style cartons. If you are looking at bottles and jugs, either for purchasing full or filling from your tap, make sure to use the pop bottle type plastic, not the milk jug plastic. With the first type (polyethylene terephthalate, or PETE) there are concerns about chemical leaching related to storage temperature and duration. That may be a reason to use different types of containers, but not to use the milk jug plastic (high density polyethylene, of HDPE), which is prone to contamination and leakage.
Light: A good strong flashlight can provide welcome relief in the darkness, allowing you to read or locate the correct item, and to feel safer. It can be valuable to store a small flashlight at work and a larger one in the car. You will probably want to have a few flashlights in the house. Remember that any flashlight is only as good as its batteries, and also that in the event of a gas leak a flashlight can throw of a small spark and ignite the gas. Therefore, it is also valuable to keep some light sticks on hand, which can light without any sparks.
Obviously if sparks are a concern then a match is even worse than a flashlight, but in other circumstances candles can also help with the light situation. This would probably only be beneficial at home, and only if you can follow basic fire safety procedures.
Heat: Consider keeping an extra jacket and maybe a solar blanket in the car. The weather can change very quickly, especially in Oregon, and having the option of adding a layer will be a great source of protection. Indeed, one value of the standard change of clothes in a typical 72-hour kit is not just the ability to freshen up, but also the ability to layer or to change out of wet clothes.
Getting wet will cause your body temperature to fall quickly, so planning to stay warm includes planning to stay dry. Perhaps you should throw a poncho in with that solar blanket. For home, consider what you would do if the heat went out. Are there extra blankets? Could you build a fire?
Hygiene: For the home, it makes sense to be well supplied on toiletries as well as food. Soap is not as vital as bread, but it is still nice to have, and since you are planning ahead it should be possible to have. For the office or car, imagine yourself stranded, and think about what you would miss most. For me it’s dental floss, so that is in all of our kits.
Cash: ATMs provide cash quickly, and with credit and debit cards many people forego cash completely. There can be times when these systems fail, be it due to a power outage or the magnetic strip wearing out on your card. It is handy to have a small reserve of cash available that is set aside for these circumstances. This can also be handy if you are ever stuck dining out of vending machines.
Portability: In the past I have advised asking three questions regarding kit supplies: How likely am I to need it? How bad will it be not to have it? How heavy is it? These three questions allow you to plan with a practical eye. You may also want to add questions of convenience or expense—yes, it might be nice to have a backup wardrobe at work, especially if you are a messy person, but would it be worth the trouble? Individual answers may vary, but you can come up with good answers for yourself if you will commit to asking the questions.
If you wish to receive this letter electronically, please write to gharris847@aol.com
Friday, February 26, 2010
February 2010 - Preparing to do your home and visiting teaching
Many years ago Elder Ballard gave a conference address where he used the metaphor of a car not running on all cylinders. The loss of each cylinder weakened the engine and the overall performance of the car. Elder Ballard was specifically referring to meetings, but it can apply to any area of ward operations. If only the Bishopric is trying to make sure that everyone is doing well, they will quickly be bogged down. If each member of the ward (working in pairs) is doing it, then we can quickly learn who is sick and who is sad and who needs temporal assistance. With combined effort, things work.
That is all well and good, but how could home and visiting teaching could possibly relate to emergency preparedness? Sure, it’s something we are supposed to do, and perhaps the most concrete iteration of our baptismal covenant to “mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:9), but based on the low rate of completion it would seem that it is often not viewed as necessary.
In the area of Provident Living specifically, home and visiting teaching fit well under Social and Emotional Strength. Emotional strength is built by obedience, and fulfilling assignments is an important part of obedience. Social strength is developed as we build relationships. Working with a companion, becoming acquainted with new people, and thinking about the needs of others are all elements of social strength that can be developed through home and visiting teaching. You will find that improving relationships will also increase emotional strength.
I was reminded of the importance of this recently when watching a presentation on earthquakes in the Pacific Northwest. The geographic record shows that there have been severe earthquakes with tsunami that affected the coast, but many of the native tribes also have oral traditions about this. In one legend shared by multiple tribes, high flood waters came. The people took shelter in their boats. Those who had followed the counsel of their elders had prepared long ropes, which they used to tie the boats to the tops of strong trees. Those with no ropes, or short ropes, ended up drifting away.
Repeated multiple times in the story was the phrase “They no longer knew each other.” The land was changed by the storm, and those who drifted randomly may have ended up surrounded by strangers. Relationships were broken. New relationships could be formed, but the people were scattered and something valuable was lost.
Catastrophic events can be alienating. Trauma can have a huge effect on personality (another reason why you want to have a built-in reserve of emotional strength), but as it disrupts infrastructure it can also make communicating and reuniting with loved ones difficult (which is another reason why you want to have a family communication plan).
As important as it is to be prepared for the large scale disasters, the daily ups and downs of life can still have similar affects. Financial struggles, loneliness, and dissatisfaction with one’s state can be alienating too. The personal issues may actually be more alienating. When everyone is in the earthquake it can inspire them to work together and help each other, but with personal issues you tend to feel like you are the only one. With home and visiting teaching we can figuratively build long ropes to keep us from drifting too far apart.
You probably know the basics, but here are some tips:
Knowing your route: You will usually be given a slip with the names of your companion and the people that you will teach. If you have not received one, you can check with someone in the Elders Quorum or Relief Society presidency, or the coordinator.
Sometimes the names on your slip will be unfamiliar. You can ask around, or look them up on Facebook to see if there is a picture that rings a bell, but this may not work. Fortunately, the slips tend to come with phone numbers and often e-mail addresses. You can then call or write and say, “Hi. I don’t think we have met, but I am your new home teacher (or home teaching companion).” Don’t let this intimidate you. If they don’t want you to visit, hey, you have still made contact, and now you have something to report.
Planning ahead: A month goes by really quickly. Start thinking about times early. With some people I have had to plan the next month’s visit during the current visit because our schedules were that hard to coordinate. Technology can be helpful, but there are still some people who don’t check e-mail often, or Facebook, so don’t rely on those things.
Keep your eyes open: You should know if your people are in church, or if they seem troubled (even if they are reluctant to talk about it), or if they seem to have physical needs (like becoming malnourished or wearing threadbare clothes). It is hard for people to ask for help, but there is help available, and your sincere caring and preparation can make it easier to bring all of that together. You may also find through observation that some things are more important than others for each person, and can adapt to that. I remember one sister for whom it was so important that I would bring the spirit into her apartment each month, and another who needed phone calls for a while to help her achieve a goal. What do they really need?
Remember that this is the Lord’s work: You should be developing feelings of love for the people on your route, but the Lord really loves them, and is interested in them, so you can ask for help. I have found it helpful to include the people on my route in my prayers, because that means that I am thinking of them regularly, and open to inspiration. Companions can also pray together before heading out, and of course, pray with the people you teach.
Report when you are done: Your slip should also have the name and phone number of a supervisor. They may try and hunt you down for the information, but it is even better if you beat them to the punch. This is when you can report that someone needs a job, or a roommate, or some encouragement. If you don’t feel comfortable telling the supervisor but someone still needs to know, that’s okay too. Just tell the supervisor that you went and say what you need to say to the appropriate person.
It’s all so simple. Yes, it takes time and effort, but it is also fun and rewarding. It helps us to build each other up, until we are mutually anchored and cannot drift away.
That is all well and good, but how could home and visiting teaching could possibly relate to emergency preparedness? Sure, it’s something we are supposed to do, and perhaps the most concrete iteration of our baptismal covenant to “mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort” (Mosiah 18:9), but based on the low rate of completion it would seem that it is often not viewed as necessary.
In the area of Provident Living specifically, home and visiting teaching fit well under Social and Emotional Strength. Emotional strength is built by obedience, and fulfilling assignments is an important part of obedience. Social strength is developed as we build relationships. Working with a companion, becoming acquainted with new people, and thinking about the needs of others are all elements of social strength that can be developed through home and visiting teaching. You will find that improving relationships will also increase emotional strength.
I was reminded of the importance of this recently when watching a presentation on earthquakes in the Pacific Northwest. The geographic record shows that there have been severe earthquakes with tsunami that affected the coast, but many of the native tribes also have oral traditions about this. In one legend shared by multiple tribes, high flood waters came. The people took shelter in their boats. Those who had followed the counsel of their elders had prepared long ropes, which they used to tie the boats to the tops of strong trees. Those with no ropes, or short ropes, ended up drifting away.
Repeated multiple times in the story was the phrase “They no longer knew each other.” The land was changed by the storm, and those who drifted randomly may have ended up surrounded by strangers. Relationships were broken. New relationships could be formed, but the people were scattered and something valuable was lost.
Catastrophic events can be alienating. Trauma can have a huge effect on personality (another reason why you want to have a built-in reserve of emotional strength), but as it disrupts infrastructure it can also make communicating and reuniting with loved ones difficult (which is another reason why you want to have a family communication plan).
As important as it is to be prepared for the large scale disasters, the daily ups and downs of life can still have similar affects. Financial struggles, loneliness, and dissatisfaction with one’s state can be alienating too. The personal issues may actually be more alienating. When everyone is in the earthquake it can inspire them to work together and help each other, but with personal issues you tend to feel like you are the only one. With home and visiting teaching we can figuratively build long ropes to keep us from drifting too far apart.
You probably know the basics, but here are some tips:
Knowing your route: You will usually be given a slip with the names of your companion and the people that you will teach. If you have not received one, you can check with someone in the Elders Quorum or Relief Society presidency, or the coordinator.
Sometimes the names on your slip will be unfamiliar. You can ask around, or look them up on Facebook to see if there is a picture that rings a bell, but this may not work. Fortunately, the slips tend to come with phone numbers and often e-mail addresses. You can then call or write and say, “Hi. I don’t think we have met, but I am your new home teacher (or home teaching companion).” Don’t let this intimidate you. If they don’t want you to visit, hey, you have still made contact, and now you have something to report.
Planning ahead: A month goes by really quickly. Start thinking about times early. With some people I have had to plan the next month’s visit during the current visit because our schedules were that hard to coordinate. Technology can be helpful, but there are still some people who don’t check e-mail often, or Facebook, so don’t rely on those things.
Keep your eyes open: You should know if your people are in church, or if they seem troubled (even if they are reluctant to talk about it), or if they seem to have physical needs (like becoming malnourished or wearing threadbare clothes). It is hard for people to ask for help, but there is help available, and your sincere caring and preparation can make it easier to bring all of that together. You may also find through observation that some things are more important than others for each person, and can adapt to that. I remember one sister for whom it was so important that I would bring the spirit into her apartment each month, and another who needed phone calls for a while to help her achieve a goal. What do they really need?
Remember that this is the Lord’s work: You should be developing feelings of love for the people on your route, but the Lord really loves them, and is interested in them, so you can ask for help. I have found it helpful to include the people on my route in my prayers, because that means that I am thinking of them regularly, and open to inspiration. Companions can also pray together before heading out, and of course, pray with the people you teach.
Report when you are done: Your slip should also have the name and phone number of a supervisor. They may try and hunt you down for the information, but it is even better if you beat them to the punch. This is when you can report that someone needs a job, or a roommate, or some encouragement. If you don’t feel comfortable telling the supervisor but someone still needs to know, that’s okay too. Just tell the supervisor that you went and say what you need to say to the appropriate person.
It’s all so simple. Yes, it takes time and effort, but it is also fun and rewarding. It helps us to build each other up, until we are mutually anchored and cannot drift away.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
January 2010 - Traditional Preparedness and Looking Beyond
In previous letters we have discussed how the Church has simplified their approach to emergency preparedness, focusing on food storage and financial security, and emphasizing a three-month food supply instead of a one-year supply (while still acknowledging that more is better).
Despite this, we tend to still have the old information etched into our minds, and that is fine. Having a one-year supply of food is great, and there is nothing wrong with having 72 hour kits or camping equipment on hand. However, we often keep the old ways of thinking in mind as well, and that can be limiting.
See if this list sounds familiar:
• 72 hour kit (because it takes 72 hours for disaster response teams to arrive)
• 2-week supply of water (because it can take two weeks to restore a water system)
• 1 year supply of food (because if a disaster strikes right before harvest, it will take a year for the replanted crops to grow)
These are all good supplies to have, and decent reasons for having them, but there are a few problems with this focus. One is that for the last two items, it is a lot of work—so much so that it becomes intimidating. With lists like this the recommendation for water storage is usually one gallon per person per day, so my household of four would require fifty-six gallons of water and that doesn’t even account for the pets. Trying to imagine accumulating and storing groceries for a year feels impossible as well.
(On the other hand, coming up with a 72 hour kit is relatively easy, but we can see that with a bad enough disaster, or perhaps multiple disasters occurring in different places in the same time period, it may take much longer for relief agencies to arrive.)
So because this level of preparation seems like so much work, it becomes easy for people to put off thinking about it, and never get around to it. It becomes even easier because in a disaster scenario where you are imagining water services disrupted, all of the local agriculture being destroyed, and FEMA and the Red Cross coming in, that is so far from our normal experience that it doesn’t feel real. Procrastinating preparedness steps becomes almost logical with this limited mindset.
Let’s look at it in a different way:
• Supplies in the car in case inclement weather arises and it is more logical to either spend a few hours or the entire night downtown, rather than spending three hours to go twelve miles on the clogged highways.
• Some stored water so that when possible water contamination is announced, you do not need to boil water, or run to the store and try and stock up on bottled water, while you are waiting for the investigation to be completed.
• Food storage so that when money is tight, you can skip a week of shopping, and you can stretch your budget by waiting for items to come on sale.
I had already planned this topic, but there was an op-ed piece in the January 20th Oregonian that went along well. The emergency manager for Clackamas County, Jay Wilson, was writing about how the snowfall could be a dress rehearsal in some ways for a major earthquake. There would not be the same structural damage, but which roads get clogged, with those resulting transportation issues, would be similar, as well as whether people had necessary supplies at home or not, and whether they had contingency plans for disrupted travel and getting everyone safely back home.
What I found most interesting was that he said that he used to try and get people to prepare for the worst-case scenario of a 9.0 earthquake, but people would find that overwhelming, and harder to act on. Now he just tries to get people to prepare for our annual winter storms, and that will still give them a leg up for when the earthquake does happen.
http://www.oregonlive.com/opinion/index.ssf/2010/01/from_snowfall_to_earthquake_ar.html
Preparing for the little things can go a long way towards preparing for the big things. Think about the most basic needs: food, water, warmth, light, and the ability to connect with family and household members.
Think about having some food and water, and maybe a change of clothes, in your car, or at your desk or locker where you work. You can probably put it together without any new purchases, simply using items you already own.
The next time you finish a 2 liter bottle of pop, think about rinsing it and filling it with water to add to your water storage.
Think about purchasing two extra non-perishable grocery items next week and building up food storage.
It’s not that doing more might not be better, or that there might not be other things to do. You may find yourself getting thoughts about flashlights or boots or gardening, and if you are getting promptings you definitely should follow them. Moving in the right direction increases your odds of getting promptings.
It is true that the Northwest is due for a major earthquake in the next fifty years, and we should think about that. It just may be more helpful to remember that winter storms can happen in February, or that the Florida freeze may affect citrus prices and that they have recently announced Eggo and pumpkin shortages, and that the water reservoir on Mount Tabor is still uncovered.
It may also be helpful to remember that in the event of a big disaster, the point of food storage might not be to live on your storage for a year, but to be able to share with others for a few weeks.
The beauty of preparedness is that you don’t need to know what is coming up to be ready for it. Since you usually can’t know, that is really convenient.
Despite this, we tend to still have the old information etched into our minds, and that is fine. Having a one-year supply of food is great, and there is nothing wrong with having 72 hour kits or camping equipment on hand. However, we often keep the old ways of thinking in mind as well, and that can be limiting.
See if this list sounds familiar:
• 72 hour kit (because it takes 72 hours for disaster response teams to arrive)
• 2-week supply of water (because it can take two weeks to restore a water system)
• 1 year supply of food (because if a disaster strikes right before harvest, it will take a year for the replanted crops to grow)
These are all good supplies to have, and decent reasons for having them, but there are a few problems with this focus. One is that for the last two items, it is a lot of work—so much so that it becomes intimidating. With lists like this the recommendation for water storage is usually one gallon per person per day, so my household of four would require fifty-six gallons of water and that doesn’t even account for the pets. Trying to imagine accumulating and storing groceries for a year feels impossible as well.
(On the other hand, coming up with a 72 hour kit is relatively easy, but we can see that with a bad enough disaster, or perhaps multiple disasters occurring in different places in the same time period, it may take much longer for relief agencies to arrive.)
So because this level of preparation seems like so much work, it becomes easy for people to put off thinking about it, and never get around to it. It becomes even easier because in a disaster scenario where you are imagining water services disrupted, all of the local agriculture being destroyed, and FEMA and the Red Cross coming in, that is so far from our normal experience that it doesn’t feel real. Procrastinating preparedness steps becomes almost logical with this limited mindset.
Let’s look at it in a different way:
• Supplies in the car in case inclement weather arises and it is more logical to either spend a few hours or the entire night downtown, rather than spending three hours to go twelve miles on the clogged highways.
• Some stored water so that when possible water contamination is announced, you do not need to boil water, or run to the store and try and stock up on bottled water, while you are waiting for the investigation to be completed.
• Food storage so that when money is tight, you can skip a week of shopping, and you can stretch your budget by waiting for items to come on sale.
I had already planned this topic, but there was an op-ed piece in the January 20th Oregonian that went along well. The emergency manager for Clackamas County, Jay Wilson, was writing about how the snowfall could be a dress rehearsal in some ways for a major earthquake. There would not be the same structural damage, but which roads get clogged, with those resulting transportation issues, would be similar, as well as whether people had necessary supplies at home or not, and whether they had contingency plans for disrupted travel and getting everyone safely back home.
What I found most interesting was that he said that he used to try and get people to prepare for the worst-case scenario of a 9.0 earthquake, but people would find that overwhelming, and harder to act on. Now he just tries to get people to prepare for our annual winter storms, and that will still give them a leg up for when the earthquake does happen.
http://www.oregonlive.com/opinion/index.ssf/2010/01/from_snowfall_to_earthquake_ar.html
Preparing for the little things can go a long way towards preparing for the big things. Think about the most basic needs: food, water, warmth, light, and the ability to connect with family and household members.
Think about having some food and water, and maybe a change of clothes, in your car, or at your desk or locker where you work. You can probably put it together without any new purchases, simply using items you already own.
The next time you finish a 2 liter bottle of pop, think about rinsing it and filling it with water to add to your water storage.
Think about purchasing two extra non-perishable grocery items next week and building up food storage.
It’s not that doing more might not be better, or that there might not be other things to do. You may find yourself getting thoughts about flashlights or boots or gardening, and if you are getting promptings you definitely should follow them. Moving in the right direction increases your odds of getting promptings.
It is true that the Northwest is due for a major earthquake in the next fifty years, and we should think about that. It just may be more helpful to remember that winter storms can happen in February, or that the Florida freeze may affect citrus prices and that they have recently announced Eggo and pumpkin shortages, and that the water reservoir on Mount Tabor is still uncovered.
It may also be helpful to remember that in the event of a big disaster, the point of food storage might not be to live on your storage for a year, but to be able to share with others for a few weeks.
The beauty of preparedness is that you don’t need to know what is coming up to be ready for it. Since you usually can’t know, that is really convenient.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
December 2009 - Preparing to move forward
We have now covered areas to think about, dating, and receiving answers as part of the larger topic of preparing to get married. Those topics are helpful if you are ready to get married, or close to ready, but sometimes there may be obstacles that need to be overcome first. These roadblocks can make it difficult for us to reach out to others, or be accepted by them when we do.
Having spent a lot of time in singles wards, I know that it is common (and easy) for the women to write off the men as stupid and immature. Even if there is an element of truth to that at times, I remember once looking at a handful of men and seeing their individual issues. Yes, there were some who just were held back by being shallow, but for others issues included fear of not being able to provide for a family, belief that a handicap would not be accepted, confusion over the meaning of a line in a patriarchal blessing, and struggles with same-gender attraction.
My first thought was that there was no one solution for each of these individuals, but on another level there is. Ultimately, all stumbling blocks are best resolved through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
The difficulty with writing about preparing for marriage is that men and women usually have somewhat different roles and experiences with the process, which is also true here. Often a single man can deal with his key issue, and then he can move forward and find someone and be accepted, whereas a woman can go through the same process and still not get asked. However, knowing what to look for in a companion is good for everyone. Knowing some keys to successful dating is good for everyone, and knowing how to receive answers to prayer is certainly good for everyone.
By the same token, overcoming personal weaknesses will at least make your own life better, and more joyful, regardless of your marital status. It will also make you a better companion should marriage come along.
Finding the correct area of focus can be difficult. This requires looking at our situation with clear eyes. Pride may make us reluctant to face our weaknesses, and fear may make us reluctant to face our pain. Ignoring a problem usually does not work in making it go away, though. Usually the problem will only get bigger until we get to the point that we can’t ignore it any longer and we have to either just rebel completely (wrong way) or accept the broken heart and contrite spirit and finally become workable. This second option is better than openly rebelling, but probably inferior to actively working to seek out and correct weaknesses, praying and repenting all along the way.
I had a mission companion who had been abused as a child. She had dealt with it and had counseling at the time, but certain situations in the mission field brought back memories, and she needed to deal with it again, visiting a counselor and seeking a priesthood blessing. One lesson to take from this is that you should not be surprised if something you thought you had down comes back. New life experiences and knowledge come along, opening up new aspects, and you may have to revisit some issues. That may feel discouraging, but it is really okay.
That was a good lesson, but the one that really struck me at the time was how much her healing resembled repentance and forgiveness. It seemed wrong, because I knew she hadn’t sinned, but she was healed through the Atonement, and there are ways in which the healing is the same. When we work to overcome weaknesses or wounds, there are going to be some similarities to the process of repentance.
Recognition and Remorse: Do you know that you should get married? Do you want to?
If we are going to be completely open and honest, which is necessary, than you need to know that there are no wrong answers. Maybe the answer will need to be changed, but don’t be afraid to find out that a change is necessary.
If you do not feel like you should be pursuing marriage now, what should you be doing instead? Maybe it will not happen in this life, or maybe you need to serve a mission first, or go to school, or make a career change, or go into therapy. The Lord may not tell you everything you want to know about your future, but He is usually pretty good about giving you what you should be working on right now.
If you do know that you should be working on marriage, but you don’t want to, why not? It could be immaturity or reluctance to take on responsibility, but it can be more complex. There can be deep fears and wounds and false beliefs that we sort of sense are there, but we don’t want to examine them because we know that there is pain there. The first step to moving forward is finding out what it will mean for you.
Restitution, Reforming and Resolving: Now that you know what to do, the real work starts.
What lies ahead will be hard, but there are several promises that we should bear in mind.
Ether 12:27 – And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness…and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
The scriptures have many promises about requests for knowledge being answered, but there is also this specific promise that not only can you know what your weaknesses are, but that they can be overcome. His grace is sufficient unequivocally.
Moreover, we are promised many times that God loves us and knows us. We know that He is good and wise, not just knowing our abilities and what will come, but also understanding our trials. We also believe that the purpose of our being here is that we may have joy (2 Nephi 2:25).
What should follow from putting all of these things together is an understanding that God has a plan for you, and following it will bring you joy. You do not need to be afraid of any answer that you receive, because the end result of obedience will be joy. Every weakness that we find can be covered by grace. When the weaknesses prevail, and there is sin, it can be covered by forgiveness. In addition, there is a plan in place for the healing of all pains and restoration of all missed opportunities.
That is not meant to invalidate anyone’s current pain. It is hard. We know a “broken heart and contrite spirit” is necessary, but when you’re actually in the middle of one it doesn’t feel refining—it just feels horrible. That is when you need to cling to a belief in all of the promises that you knew were true before, and in time you will understand the gains that came.
This is where you learn that the Sunday school answers are not merely platitudes—that prayer strengthens you and keeps you on track, that studying the scriptures allows you to remember them at key moments, that you cannot maintain your testimony without attending church, and that you cannot feel good about your life if you are not serving others. Your eternal perspective grows, your charity is increased, and you feel better about being you.
After all, taking on your favorite sins and greatest fears head-on is hard, but dragging them around for years isn’t exactly easy, either, and it does not have the same rewards.
Having spent a lot of time in singles wards, I know that it is common (and easy) for the women to write off the men as stupid and immature. Even if there is an element of truth to that at times, I remember once looking at a handful of men and seeing their individual issues. Yes, there were some who just were held back by being shallow, but for others issues included fear of not being able to provide for a family, belief that a handicap would not be accepted, confusion over the meaning of a line in a patriarchal blessing, and struggles with same-gender attraction.
My first thought was that there was no one solution for each of these individuals, but on another level there is. Ultimately, all stumbling blocks are best resolved through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.
The difficulty with writing about preparing for marriage is that men and women usually have somewhat different roles and experiences with the process, which is also true here. Often a single man can deal with his key issue, and then he can move forward and find someone and be accepted, whereas a woman can go through the same process and still not get asked. However, knowing what to look for in a companion is good for everyone. Knowing some keys to successful dating is good for everyone, and knowing how to receive answers to prayer is certainly good for everyone.
By the same token, overcoming personal weaknesses will at least make your own life better, and more joyful, regardless of your marital status. It will also make you a better companion should marriage come along.
Finding the correct area of focus can be difficult. This requires looking at our situation with clear eyes. Pride may make us reluctant to face our weaknesses, and fear may make us reluctant to face our pain. Ignoring a problem usually does not work in making it go away, though. Usually the problem will only get bigger until we get to the point that we can’t ignore it any longer and we have to either just rebel completely (wrong way) or accept the broken heart and contrite spirit and finally become workable. This second option is better than openly rebelling, but probably inferior to actively working to seek out and correct weaknesses, praying and repenting all along the way.
I had a mission companion who had been abused as a child. She had dealt with it and had counseling at the time, but certain situations in the mission field brought back memories, and she needed to deal with it again, visiting a counselor and seeking a priesthood blessing. One lesson to take from this is that you should not be surprised if something you thought you had down comes back. New life experiences and knowledge come along, opening up new aspects, and you may have to revisit some issues. That may feel discouraging, but it is really okay.
That was a good lesson, but the one that really struck me at the time was how much her healing resembled repentance and forgiveness. It seemed wrong, because I knew she hadn’t sinned, but she was healed through the Atonement, and there are ways in which the healing is the same. When we work to overcome weaknesses or wounds, there are going to be some similarities to the process of repentance.
Recognition and Remorse: Do you know that you should get married? Do you want to?
If we are going to be completely open and honest, which is necessary, than you need to know that there are no wrong answers. Maybe the answer will need to be changed, but don’t be afraid to find out that a change is necessary.
If you do not feel like you should be pursuing marriage now, what should you be doing instead? Maybe it will not happen in this life, or maybe you need to serve a mission first, or go to school, or make a career change, or go into therapy. The Lord may not tell you everything you want to know about your future, but He is usually pretty good about giving you what you should be working on right now.
If you do know that you should be working on marriage, but you don’t want to, why not? It could be immaturity or reluctance to take on responsibility, but it can be more complex. There can be deep fears and wounds and false beliefs that we sort of sense are there, but we don’t want to examine them because we know that there is pain there. The first step to moving forward is finding out what it will mean for you.
Restitution, Reforming and Resolving: Now that you know what to do, the real work starts.
What lies ahead will be hard, but there are several promises that we should bear in mind.
Ether 12:27 – And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness…and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.
The scriptures have many promises about requests for knowledge being answered, but there is also this specific promise that not only can you know what your weaknesses are, but that they can be overcome. His grace is sufficient unequivocally.
Moreover, we are promised many times that God loves us and knows us. We know that He is good and wise, not just knowing our abilities and what will come, but also understanding our trials. We also believe that the purpose of our being here is that we may have joy (2 Nephi 2:25).
What should follow from putting all of these things together is an understanding that God has a plan for you, and following it will bring you joy. You do not need to be afraid of any answer that you receive, because the end result of obedience will be joy. Every weakness that we find can be covered by grace. When the weaknesses prevail, and there is sin, it can be covered by forgiveness. In addition, there is a plan in place for the healing of all pains and restoration of all missed opportunities.
That is not meant to invalidate anyone’s current pain. It is hard. We know a “broken heart and contrite spirit” is necessary, but when you’re actually in the middle of one it doesn’t feel refining—it just feels horrible. That is when you need to cling to a belief in all of the promises that you knew were true before, and in time you will understand the gains that came.
This is where you learn that the Sunday school answers are not merely platitudes—that prayer strengthens you and keeps you on track, that studying the scriptures allows you to remember them at key moments, that you cannot maintain your testimony without attending church, and that you cannot feel good about your life if you are not serving others. Your eternal perspective grows, your charity is increased, and you feel better about being you.
After all, taking on your favorite sins and greatest fears head-on is hard, but dragging them around for years isn’t exactly easy, either, and it does not have the same rewards.
Friday, November 20, 2009
November 2009 - Preparing to receive answers
In our series on preparing for marriage, we have gone over dating and some things to look for when considering marriage. Regarding those things to look for, it was a small starting point for a vast topic. You can read many books and studies about what will predict a happy marriage, and may find the information useful, but it is still very much a question where you will want some help. You can have a good idea of what a person is like now, but your Heavenly Father knows the full extent of both of your personalities, how they will combine, and what they will face in the future.
This type of guidance is amazingly valuable, and we have been told many times that we can ask in confidence. Each person is born with the Light of Christ so that they can sense good, and know when they are choosing good. As members of the Church, when we are confirmed we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost, but it is given as an action: “Receive the Holy Ghost.” God providing answers is not enough; we need to receive them.
Elder Richard G. Scott gave a wonderful address in the Saturday morning session of Conference, “To Acquire Spiritual Guidance”, and we will refer to his talk at times.
First of all, we need to be able to recognize what the Spirit feels like. It is not always the same. There may be chills, or warmth, but you can feel either of those things without it being guidance. There should be a feeling of peace, and an increase of love, and motivation to do good, but what will be most prominent to you may be different from what I notice, and we may feel different things at different times.
You can expect to feel the Spirit when you are doing and learning things that are good. You may feel the Spirit while praying, reading the scriptures, attending church or the temple, or serving others, so pay attention at those times, and develop an understanding of how spiritual promptings feel. I find that I often receive promptings as I am working on family history. I won’t have enough information, but an idea will come about how to search or where to look, and I will find what I need. You may find similar assistance in working on your calling, or thinking about your home or visiting teaching routes, or thinking about how to share the gospel. Those are all areas where you can expect to receive assistance, so frequently participating will help you build up a pattern of enjoying the Spirit.
One thing I especially appreciated about Elder Scott’s talk is that he gave two examples of receiving inspiration that involved very different circumstances. In one case, he was in a class being taught by an earnest, humble leader anxiously trying to help his class understand important principles. The love and faith of this teacher inspired Elder Scott, and he received inspiration about his own responsibilities.
In the other example, the instructor was an educated person trying to show off knowledge, and although this was not inspiring in one way, in another way it taught a lesson to Elder Scott, and again led to him receiving insight. Good speakers and teachers invite the Spirit, and may make receiving guidance easier, but the other kind cannot stop you. In each case, Elder Scott was in the place where he was supposed to be, both physically and spiritually. That “place” included a mindset of looking for inspiration.
Technology has helped us in many ways, but this is one area where it can hurt. We have devices where we can listen to exactly the music that we want, or see the movie we want to see in the palm of our hand. Information that once required weeks of research in a library can be looked up on a cell phone and then sent as a fun fact to our friends in a text message. We have the options of instant gratification and constant distraction. We should not get too used to that.
Listening for the Spirit requires study. There needs to be quiet time, where we can hear faint whisperings. We may need to pore over a passage of scripture, reading it several times, writing in our journal about it, and then reading it again.
Elder Scott relays a rather lengthy process for going over the promptings he received. First he wrote them down, then studied them to make sure he had accurately captured the information. He made changes where necessary, until he was sure he had captured them correctly. Having captured the thoughts, he then considered the information as it related to his own life, pondering the application of the revelation. Then he took the information he thought he had learned back to the Lord in prayer, asking for confirmation that he had it right. This led to additional promptings, to ask if there was more, and there was. Repeating this process, he got the information that he needed. It took work, but it resulted in great blessings, for which he expressed gratitude.
There must be a pattern of asking. We are expected to think for our selves, so we do not pray over every small thing. It would probably not be appropriate to do so. We may pray about seeking a spouse, or what school or career to choose, but make all smaller decisions on our own. This may be going too much in the other direction.
Even if we do not always have questions that ask “yes or no” or “which”, we should always have endeavors where we can pray for guidance. We should be trying to align our will with our Father’s will, and that means that we are looking for ways to improve and ways to serve. As we find these ways, we must act on them. The answers may not always be what we were hoping for, but if we trust in our Father’s superior wisdom and love for us, it would be foolish not to follow His counsel. Notice that Elder Scott’s follow up questions were to make sure that he had it right, not hope for a different answer. The Lord may let you try your own wisdom if you keep asking, but usually you will just be reminded that He is wiser (D & C 10).
We need to know that answers will not always come easily. Oliver Cowdery was admonished to study the matter out before asking if it was right (D&C 9). We may sometimes receive an answer quickly when the situation calls for it, but more often we will need pondering, and time for quiet reflection.
I am amazed and humbled that with my hectic life and undisciplined mind, I can still be given important knowledge that I need to accomplish the tasks before me. The Spirit is generous, and as we rise to the occasion that generosity will be multiplied. It is easy to ask for things and events, and there is nothing wrong with that, but there is much more available if you will seek guidance and act upon it in your daily life.
This type of guidance is amazingly valuable, and we have been told many times that we can ask in confidence. Each person is born with the Light of Christ so that they can sense good, and know when they are choosing good. As members of the Church, when we are confirmed we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost, but it is given as an action: “Receive the Holy Ghost.” God providing answers is not enough; we need to receive them.
Elder Richard G. Scott gave a wonderful address in the Saturday morning session of Conference, “To Acquire Spiritual Guidance”, and we will refer to his talk at times.
First of all, we need to be able to recognize what the Spirit feels like. It is not always the same. There may be chills, or warmth, but you can feel either of those things without it being guidance. There should be a feeling of peace, and an increase of love, and motivation to do good, but what will be most prominent to you may be different from what I notice, and we may feel different things at different times.
You can expect to feel the Spirit when you are doing and learning things that are good. You may feel the Spirit while praying, reading the scriptures, attending church or the temple, or serving others, so pay attention at those times, and develop an understanding of how spiritual promptings feel. I find that I often receive promptings as I am working on family history. I won’t have enough information, but an idea will come about how to search or where to look, and I will find what I need. You may find similar assistance in working on your calling, or thinking about your home or visiting teaching routes, or thinking about how to share the gospel. Those are all areas where you can expect to receive assistance, so frequently participating will help you build up a pattern of enjoying the Spirit.
One thing I especially appreciated about Elder Scott’s talk is that he gave two examples of receiving inspiration that involved very different circumstances. In one case, he was in a class being taught by an earnest, humble leader anxiously trying to help his class understand important principles. The love and faith of this teacher inspired Elder Scott, and he received inspiration about his own responsibilities.
In the other example, the instructor was an educated person trying to show off knowledge, and although this was not inspiring in one way, in another way it taught a lesson to Elder Scott, and again led to him receiving insight. Good speakers and teachers invite the Spirit, and may make receiving guidance easier, but the other kind cannot stop you. In each case, Elder Scott was in the place where he was supposed to be, both physically and spiritually. That “place” included a mindset of looking for inspiration.
Technology has helped us in many ways, but this is one area where it can hurt. We have devices where we can listen to exactly the music that we want, or see the movie we want to see in the palm of our hand. Information that once required weeks of research in a library can be looked up on a cell phone and then sent as a fun fact to our friends in a text message. We have the options of instant gratification and constant distraction. We should not get too used to that.
Listening for the Spirit requires study. There needs to be quiet time, where we can hear faint whisperings. We may need to pore over a passage of scripture, reading it several times, writing in our journal about it, and then reading it again.
Elder Scott relays a rather lengthy process for going over the promptings he received. First he wrote them down, then studied them to make sure he had accurately captured the information. He made changes where necessary, until he was sure he had captured them correctly. Having captured the thoughts, he then considered the information as it related to his own life, pondering the application of the revelation. Then he took the information he thought he had learned back to the Lord in prayer, asking for confirmation that he had it right. This led to additional promptings, to ask if there was more, and there was. Repeating this process, he got the information that he needed. It took work, but it resulted in great blessings, for which he expressed gratitude.
There must be a pattern of asking. We are expected to think for our selves, so we do not pray over every small thing. It would probably not be appropriate to do so. We may pray about seeking a spouse, or what school or career to choose, but make all smaller decisions on our own. This may be going too much in the other direction.
Even if we do not always have questions that ask “yes or no” or “which”, we should always have endeavors where we can pray for guidance. We should be trying to align our will with our Father’s will, and that means that we are looking for ways to improve and ways to serve. As we find these ways, we must act on them. The answers may not always be what we were hoping for, but if we trust in our Father’s superior wisdom and love for us, it would be foolish not to follow His counsel. Notice that Elder Scott’s follow up questions were to make sure that he had it right, not hope for a different answer. The Lord may let you try your own wisdom if you keep asking, but usually you will just be reminded that He is wiser (D & C 10).
We need to know that answers will not always come easily. Oliver Cowdery was admonished to study the matter out before asking if it was right (D&C 9). We may sometimes receive an answer quickly when the situation calls for it, but more often we will need pondering, and time for quiet reflection.
I am amazed and humbled that with my hectic life and undisciplined mind, I can still be given important knowledge that I need to accomplish the tasks before me. The Spirit is generous, and as we rise to the occasion that generosity will be multiplied. It is easy to ask for things and events, and there is nothing wrong with that, but there is much more available if you will seek guidance and act upon it in your daily life.
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