Giving a talk

I think what I want to do now is go over the different components of my talk. Not only did I say some good things, but also there was a lot I didn't say, and one of the things I have been putting off writing about could probably fit in there.

Before I get started on that, I want to go over my talk giving process to give some context.

I can't write a talk. This is weird, because I write so many other things. It's been a while, but I also can't really write stand-up comedy routines. They are both things where I need to be responsive to the moment and trying to plan it out in advance puts up all my mental blocks.

I do think about it, and I am forming words in my head all along that may go in there. I can write in my journal about things that I think I want to say, but sometimes that is just to get out the things that are related and on my mind but that will not be the right thing to say up there. That's where some of the things I don't say come from.

I have in the past taken up outlines and quotes. This time I just printed out the talk and wrote a few scripture verses on it, that I then looked up while up there. Frankly, I would rather have the scriptures printed out or at least bookmarked to limit the awkward pauses, but that's not how it went down this time.

I think it would be comforting to have everything written out in advance. Then it could be polished, and I could make sure that the closing echoed the opening and everything followed logically. I wouldn't have to worry about forgetting anything. That sounds nice.

I don't do that because it feels wrong, but I believe the reason it feels wrong is that the things that feel intellectually right might not be the same things that are spiritually necessary, and what's more important?

Also, I have been realizing now that the security we think we have is often an illusion. Like maybe I would take a well-written talk up there and find my vision getting blurry or get choked up, and not deliver it anyway.

And if the spirit is right, some people would get the message they need from the teary, choked-up person, too. As often as the safety we think we create is an illusion, there are nonetheless real safety nets and backups that are not illusory. There's room for a lot of different solutions out there.

Therefore, my way is absolutely not the only way to give a talk. So far, though, it appears to be the only way for me.