I have an issue with "modest is hottest". Some of it is that we have strayed from what "modest" actually means, and there are some significant losses with that, beyond my general preference for using language correctly so we can communicate effectively. Nonetheless, I loathe the other part even more.
If my motivation for modesty is a level of hotness superior to other females, I am putting myself in competition with other females to attract men, and that is my motivation for how I dress. I am aspiring to be the object of the male gaze instead of the subject of my own story. It's back to being an ornament instead of a person.
If I remember my youth correctly, I spent an awful lot of time thinking about boys - possibly more time on that than anything else. That's normal, and there are things about it that can be fun and cute, both at the time and looking back on it later. It is, however, not enough for a truly happy or productive life. There needs to be an interest in non-romantic relationships, an interest in the greater community, a growing appreciation of the world and ones' own abilities, and that should include an appreciation for the abilities of one's own body.
Those are the things girls need to be helped with. It seems almost impossible that they will never have any concerns about whether their bodies are pleasing or not, and a lot of terrible things can come from that, so this is not the one parents, youth leaders, and educators need to be focusing on. Just because you get a kind of a rhyme that makes something easily memorable does not mean it is a point worth carrying.
(Actually, if you feel kind of hip saying it, that's a great reason to discard it. You will never be hip, but they do hear sincerity and they do notice what your actions reflect, even if they are not letting on.)
There is an inherent paradox in the "modest is hottest" mindset. First, girls, it is your role to be attractive, and the objects of desire. In fact, you should want to be more attractive than those around you. However, this physical beauty which defines you needs to be kept as covered up as possible.
The impossibility of finding that right balance between being attractive but not showing it too much would be plenty of frustration in a stupid cause, but it is so much worse when you consider the destructive nature of the two parts.
Be hot. Your physical exterior is the most important part of you; that makes the boys want you, and that's what you're here for. It goes well with The Feminine Mystique. The relative economic prosperity that allowed so many housewives to have empty lives defined by their purchases is disappearing, but you can still keep the inner life of the girl shallow and unfulfilling.
Be hottest. It is a contest between you and the others girls, which can not only undermine needed friendships, but makes "slut-shaming" an effective tool of social oppression. A girl can get a bad reputation not merely for what she does, but what she is believed to do, looks like she might do, has at least one person wish she would do, what someone mad at her said she did, and so forth.
Be modest. This body that we are so fascinated with is actually dangerous and gross, and needs to be covered up as much as possible. It has special powers that will cause boys to be stupid and brutish and it will all be your fault because you didn't cover up. If a boy thinks bad thoughts about you, that is your fault; you must not respect yourself. It's probably because you're a bad person.
Of course, what we also imply with this one is that men are pigs, mucking around in the dirt. The mere wearing of yoga pants can prevent them from being able to learn things in school, and wearing a short skirt can lead them to rape, except that it couldn't really be rape because a short skirt would be asking for it.
That whole line of thinking where we make women responsible for the thoughts and actions of males by their mere existence is a great way of denigrating humanity all around, but even if we accept that, how do you decide how much coverage is enough? There's a long way between spaghetti straps and full length sleeves; where is the line? Are cap sleeves too revealing? What about open sleeves that go to the wrist but with skin showing all the way down? Can young men study then? There's no skin showing with the yoga pants; why isn't that good enough? Okay, burqas for everyone!
That's when it starts to look like the real goal is to make women invisible. Consider eating disorders, and the constant message that a woman cannot be thin enough. Also, once out of girlhood, a woman can't look young enough, so everything has to be hidden away. Her maturity and experience are bad markers, her substance and her flesh need to be hidden, and the boys want sex but she can't have anything to do with it.
That's not to say that there are not outfits that look like really bad ideas. I have seen many dresses that were just one wind gust or stumble away from showing off everything. I remember seeing one girl in short shorts and a top that allowed me to see her back tattoo, which said "Money Maker" in Gothic lettering. No, I did not think that outfit showed a lot of self-respect.
Here is my problem. We can call these outfits immodest, but I think I am going to go with "too revealing". What they reveal is that this girl believes she needs to make a sexual display of herself - that is what society expects and wants and this is her only avenue for securing power, even though it is just as likely to work against her as in her favor.
As bad as that target is, and as much as it is worth working against that mindset, this emphasis on skin is not going to help. Okay, your chest is covered, but now your shoulders are too sexy. Actually, everything is too sexy, because that's all we can think about when we look at you, you are reduced to your sex in every way possible, or the modesty discussion would focus on how boys should dress too. And apparently we think boys are ugly, as well as stupid and venal, because no one worries about what they have covered or uncovered. This is not how it should be.
So there are issues with what modesty actually is here, which I think I can address in a later post; and there are issues with sexuality, which I may not be the best person to address but I have not positively ruled it out; and there are issues of equality, which I have already spent a lot of time on. For now, today, my message is that this slogan is stupid.
"Modest is hottest" is stupid, and I'll stand by that.
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