Last week was Mother's Day. I know that some childless women have a hard time with this. I do have my moments when not having children does hurt, but usually they don't hit on Mother's Day, possibly because I focus on my mother. Father's Day is actually worse for me, and even then it tends to be more that I zone out. So, I wasn't really anticipating anything for church, but then I ended up getting very irritated.
One of the speakers referenced a fake job interview. I was able to find out more about it later, at http://www.adweek.com/adfreak/24-people-who-applied-worlds-toughest-job-were-quite-surprise-157028.
The problem is that they overstate the job requirements. Mother's may be on call all the time, but that is not the same as never getting to sit down or never getting to sleep. Yes, there are time periods where sleep is a lot more scarce, and it is really common for mothers to be on the verge of breakdowns during those times. If it was like that all the time, no one would be able to do it. And it is not any weakness in those mothers that they need sleep.
There are no degrees in medicine, finance, and culinary arts necessary. A first aid class is a great idea, and there are classes that specialize in pediatric home care, which is also great, but that is not the same as a medical degree. That level of expertise is not needed, and pretending it is devalues the work that goes into in. Basic finance knowledge is important, but not to the level of a degree. Feeding your children is important, but it doesn't need to be fancy, and some mothers are bad cooks, and still good mothers.
I thought I heard something about a degree in interior design too - maybe that was just in the talk - but that is so unimportant. A nicely decorated home is not nearly as important as a loving and supportive one, and if the home is too nice that could end up getting prioritized over freedom of movement, which would be bad.
I don't want to sound anti-motherhood; I totally am not. I do think that if we truly value something, we don't need to inflate it by making it sound like more than it is. There are pitfalls to that.
I know many women who are excellent mothers, and they all have different strengths and different things that they do. Also, they go in different phases. Sometimes they are more focused on one area than another, based on their family needs. It is hard, and it does involve sacrifice, but they also find gratification, and yes, they get breaks (especially the ones with supportive husbands).
So I admire the way Ericka has thrown herself into scouting, or what Jennie is doing with art, and how Jen explains things to her children and focuses on consideration of others. I could spend a lot of time on them, and others, in what I have seen them do, and the things that I notice about their children, and drawing the relationships between the skills and training and talents that they have, and how they bring their selves to their mothering, and it is awe inspiring, and more so because it is real.
It is probably worth noting that I have just finished reading The Feminine Mystique, and the problem in that case was that they were trying to make being a wife and mother something it was not. Women would subsume their entire personalities into their home, but it wasn't fulfilling. So they would drink or have affairs or have nervous breakdowns or commit suicide. Even in the church, I have seen a few women suddenly go a little crazy when the children leave home, and leave their husbands and leave the church, and it makes more sense than it should.
Parenting is important, and valuable, so it's worth looking at with realistic eyes, not fluffy glurge.
No comments:
Post a Comment