Over the next few posts, it will be very easy to offend people.
Surprisingly, my greatest fear is not that I will offend, but that I am taking too long to get to the point, especially with an election on the way.
Sometimes we may need to offend people, so perhaps I am in the right headspace. That's not our topic for today, though. Today, I want to talk about bishops who overstep.
You can understand why this is dangerous ground.
The caveats I will add are that I have not run into it that often, personally, and I think that their intentions are generally good. It can still end up being harmful, and correlates with dominator culture.
One thing that is different about the role of a bishop is that judgment is actually part of the calling. That is pretty rare.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it is normal for members to receive callings that they do for some time. That can include teaching classes, directing music, and planning activities. There are organizations for adult men and women, youth, and children, generally with a president, two counselors, and a secretary, as well as various teachers. Leaders pray about whom to call and ask you to serve after getting an answer.
https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/calling
These callings are opportunities to serve, and should be done with love.
A bishop is called to serve and love, but he also judges. That means counseling and helping members if they are having problems (which could be due to sin, but may not be), as well as tithing settlement annually and temple recommend interviews.
Despite that, the judgment can be far less intrusive than you think.
For example, in tithing settlement, the bishop asks if you are a full-tithe payer, and you answer "yes" or "no". There is usually some social chat -- "how are you doing?" -- and there can certainly be discussion if you have a more complex answer. If you say that you have fallen behind in your tithing and are trying to make up for it, there could be some discussion and encouragement there.
What you generally do not have are any probing questions. You do not get asked whether you pay on the net or gross, or have the bishop request to see your W-2s and compare the totals.
You do get a printout of your contributions, which most people use for the charitable deduction. The bishop ask you if it looks right so that errors can be corrected, but I have hardly ever even seen the bishop glance at those figures. Those are for you!
There has been an exception.
In one ward we had a new bishop, and he did look at everyone's fast offerings.
He was very open about this, encouraging everyone to increase their fast offerings. He said he was doing this, and I know that he looked over the totals because he saw that mine were really high and commended me for that, then still emphasized the importance of generous fast offerings.
(https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2020/05/talking-about-money.html)
This was inappropriate.
I know his intentions were good. I know you are blessed for generous offerings. I know people who followed his advice and were blessed.
It would not have been bad for him to testify or speak about generous fast offerings, or maybe even to add that as part of his counsel during tithing settlement, but the way he did it pushed against the limits of his calling.
He tended in that direction anyway, especially on the topic of marriage (it was a singles ward). I know someone he really helped, but I also know someone he alienated.
That's the kind of thing that can happen when you truly want to help, but you are so sure that you know best that it seems to justify coercion.
I know of one person through mutual acquaintances who no longer attends church after being questioned on an "unnecessary" sports car.
Here are some more caveats:
It is possible to spend money in ways that are not good for you. Flashy, luxury items could easily be a part of that. It is certainly possible that an appropriate mention could be made and someone would still be offended and tell a biased version of that story.
I don't believe that is what happened.
(And while materialism can be bad, there is a lot to be said for getting to have some things that you like, and they don't have to be what other people would choose.)
The even more damaging thing you hear is about some bishops adding extra questions to whether you obey the law of chastity, being intrusive and sometimes creating some very disturbing thoughts.
That is not to say that there can't be times when inspiration will guide to an extra question, or a bishop will feel a prompting to check on someone. I have seen that happen.
It needs to be based in love and care for the individual, not a sense of superiority and entitlement.
I'm not saying it's easy, but why would any of it be?
And of course, the majority of people don't end up in a judging position anyway.
Many more do get to be parents, an area where there are many opportunities to correct, and where I still have no personal experience.
Will I hurt feelings and offend next week? I won't be trying to, but I can't rule it out.
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