Although I have been thinking about many other topics, it is hard to think about anything but the heat today.
For those not aware, I live in the Portland Oregon Metro region. Right now we are experiencing record heat. The predicted highs for today and tomorrow are 114 and 115, followed by another week in the 90s.
This area is not built for it. The houses are not built for that kind of heat, the local wildlife is not built for it, and the growing homeless population should not have to deal with it.
I have been thinking about all of that: global warming, the high cost of housing, and economic inequality. I could write about all of those things, and how they relate to white supremacy, but there is this memory that keeps coming back to me.
It was a pretty warm day (though not like today) and I was caring for my mother. She wanted to go "home" -- no longer recognizing home -- and I could not distract her or soothe her. She got really mad, and I eventually had to let her go out the door and just follow her. She was mad at me and was hoping we would encounter a police officer so she could report me, but I just kept following.
I was worried as she was getting closer to one busy corner, but she started to tire then, and lose her confidence that where she was going was just a little bit further ahead. I let her lean on me for a while. At that point, I was not going to be able to get her back to the house, so we crossed and I went to where I knew we could find a bench, then called my sister to come get us.
Other times when she was insistent on going home, I would take her for a walk "home", hoping it would placate her. One of those times she slipped in gravel. She wasn't hurt, but I had a hard time getting her back up.
As grateful as I am for air conditioning and foods in the fridge that we don't have to cook and clean water to drink, the flash of gratitude that keeps washing over me is gratitude that Mom is safe. She is in a facility with lots of people that she can talk to (which became what she needed; it wasn't always) and with ventilation and with security systems in place where she will not be able to slip out and get lost in this heat.
Another local man with dementia has been missing for over a month now. It seems most likely that he is dead. That may be better to think about than imagining him still wandering in this heat, but it is hard to take comfort in that.
My mother's memory care facility has been great for her, but the only reason she can be there is because when we were trying to get me paid for staying here and watching her, that involved getting her onto Medicaid.
That process took at least three tries. The first time, I remember the person discouraging me. She implied there wasn't a point, because usually once seniors are eligible for that care, they are always trying to run away and need to be put in a home. Again, that process was absolutely integral to being able to have her in a home, but that was not indicated. I just remember feeling really pessimistic.
The next time, I was sent confusing, awful paperwork that I eventually realized had no instructions for sending it back. When I called to ask about that I was told the application had expired, even though I had not been told there was an expiration date, or when it was.
Eventually, a friend got Aging Services to call me, and the person from Aging Services helped me restart the process. Between her experience and my knowledge from the times I'd been burned before, this time we made it.
I feel fortunate, but it was a fortune that involved going into foreclosure twice, losing all of my savings and retirement, and worsening my debt.
We were still able to keep her safe. We know many people who are caring for relatives and have to leave them unsupervised at times because of job responsibilities. Sometimes that ends in tragedy, but sometimes it is just successfully navigating a nightmare. That requires dedication, but there is also an element of luck that is beyond your control.
I had thought I might write today about how things that are done to try and run out the homeless in turn make life harder for the elderly, and the disabled, and pregnant women and everyone, really.
All of the things we do to look down on one group affect other groups. That includes making navigation harder for seniors whose minds are intact, but who may still be slower and less agile.
In talking about elder care now, the discussion often focuses on doing things to make in-home care more feasible. That is a real need, but sometimes facilities are necessary too.
Sometimes there needs to be another person in the home. It is helpful if doing that will not result in the home being lost to the bank. People are more important to things, but if choosing the person means losing everything else, that is a hard bargain to make.
Remember that with white supremacy, everything that we do to reinforce the existing structure will hit the marginalized harder. That multiplies with multiple marginalizations.
At some point the key to overcoming white supremacy is going to have to be that we want everyone doing well, and we that want it more than we want the possibility of becoming individually very rich.
Perhaps it will help to remember that the possibility is slim.
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