While this may seem like an expansion off of the main topic, white supremacy is closely linked with other forms of bigotry. They all tend to work well together.
Sometimes looking at this can go under "intersectionality", a term coined by Kimberlé Williams Crenshaw. It is also sometimes referred to as "kyriarchy" -- versus "patriarchy" -- a term coined by Elisabeth Schüssler Fiorenza. One of my favorite models is "dominator culture", as explored by Riane Eisler. They are all different ways of perceiving and understanding how we relate to each other. They are not in competition, so this is just a bonus note if you want to dig deeper. One key, though, is that they are all looking at systems of interactions and structure, rather than merely focusing on personal choice.
Therefore, when we talk about structural racism, and people are reluctant to find or admit any personal racism and face discomfort with that, well, you may find similar issues with examining sexism or ableism or homophobia.
There is also a chance that if you are a church member -- especially of long standing -- that there will be an extent to which getting past homophobia feels scary and wrong.
Personally, I see many members who seem to be more homophobic than the doctrine. That is worse than unfortunate, but I can also see how it makes sense.
Official Declaration 2, in which the priesthood was extended to all men, including Black men, is dated September 30th, 1978. The Essays -- where there started being things like admissions that the original ban was racism all along -- did not happen until 2013.
It took 35 years. Even in 1976 there were talks that condemned going against the doctrines of the church, which I am sure included that, because Civil Rights was part of all of that scary, modern turmoil.
It is progress that it is now admitted that sexual orientation that is not strictly heterosexual is not a perversion and sin on its own. It is also the current level of progress, and may well be insufficient.
I am not sure when that shift occurred, but The Family: A Proclamation to the World is from 1995 and was cited in association with church support of California Proposition 8 in 2008, so we are nowhere near 35 years out.
I understand frustration with that, and I share it. There is a long way to go, but I stay in the church because that feels right to me. I stay even understanding that we are ensconced in patriarchy, kyriarchy, and dominator culture, even though there is plenty of scripture contradicting those things. I stay knowing that there are ways in which early members were able to do more good by being in the 19th century by being traditionally sexist and racist, though it does seem like we should be able to accelerate things at least a little now.
My point is that I get it if you have mixed feelings. I believe there is still a way forward. I understand that there are people who feel that they need to leave church behind; that is a personal decision and that is yours. Even if you do that, you may find you still have some homophobia to deal with; it has been such a big part of the structure. It is not a personal criticism that there might still be work to do.
For example, recently someone was assumed to be my partner, and was very offended. (Clarification: we are both straight.)
I believe the offense was caused by an assumption of insult; this thought means that we are unfeminine and ugly. Insult was absolutely not what was intended. Besides, we could be ugly and unfeminine while still being straight; being straight doesn't make us hot.
Sadly, taking offense perpetuates the idea that there is something wrong and demeaning about being gay. I can't believe that anymore, and I don't want to believe it, therefore, I cannot take that personally.
In fairness, a lot of the perceived insult is directly related to the perception that women need to be attractive and available for men. Then, getting into the conventions for what is considered attractive and not... There is a whole pile of sexism in that. Guess what? Homophobia is also strongly related to sexism, especially with the implied contrast to masculinity.
Possibly the first step to eradicating your personal homophobia is doing the work to be okay with yourself, and with other people. It may take trying to figure out what your gender means to you, and how you engage with gender. How do you engage with your sexuality?
One of the wonderful things about LGBTQIA+ is that it incorporates so many different ways of feeling and being. Some people are asexual and aromantic. It would be easy for them to feel out of place in this world, which is often so focused on sex and romance. However, there is knowledge out there that you are not the only one. There can be community.
That community doesn't happen automatically. There are people against every one of those letters; sometimes that includes people who fit at least one of the letters. There are people who hate the plus, but sometimes that seems like the most beautiful part of it to me.
Today is the first Sunday in Pride Month. This can be a great time to think about all of these things, and then to take a step forward.
I have sort of an attitude about changing the frames for your profile photo, because it is an easy thing to do, and so could easily be meaningless. Today I acknowledge that for some people it could be really courageous to do that. If you have some fear of being judged, but also a desire to support other people, changing the frame can be meaningful.
Perhaps it would be good to think about some of the people you know, and your relationships to them. Do they know you support them? Perhaps you could reach out.
There may be Pride events you can attend. I have seen complaints about how corporate and policed Pride gets, and it is certainly not a requirement to go, but maybe a good first step for you would be cheering at a parade.
Maybe there is a movie you can watch. Here are some links to programming:
https://www.tvinsider.com/1000858/pride-month-2021-tv-schedule-movies-shows/
http://www.pbs.org/specials/lgbt-pride-month/
I mention the criticisms of Pride and the photo frames, because I have this terrible awareness that everything can be criticized, probably including many of those advertised programs. In fact, there are quite possibly gay people who get sick of having their guilty straight friends check on them in June.
That is just a reason to set your expectations appropriately. Your first steps are not going to fix homophobia, inside or outside. They should expand your mind and heart, however, and that is worth something. Be considerate of people, and willing to listen, always.
For example, I am really comfortable with using the word "queer" as an umbrella term, which is largely a matter of my generation, I think. Some younger people find it derogatory, but people my age, not so much. I still use the word, but not exclusively, and if I am talking with someone who doesn't like it I will immediately stop. That is not so hard. It does take some de-centering.
Therefore, when you are figuring out where you are personally, that is personal, and it is also personal how you decide to proceed. As that involves others, then it becomes not exclusively personal, so you extend consideration.
That is the kind and right, and that's why you are doing it.
That is within reach.
Happy Pride Month!
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