Finding out

Okay, last week I wrote about my history as a faithful tithe payer who was generous with offerings.

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2020/05/talking-about-money.html

I have still tried to give when I could, but over the past four years I have been making a lot less money, if I was making any at all. With the paid care-giving now (and it is less every two weeks than what I was making in one week in 2008), I did not start getting those pay checks until January.

I did make $50 in December, wrapping gifts for a family friend. I got paid just after the story broke: over $100 billion in multiple hedge funds and shell companies.

I paid my $5.00, but it felt gross: part sick and part shame. I have never felt that way about tithing before.

I have been wanting to write a letter to the Church since then, getting out all of my feelings. I have not done so in a timely matter. What I am starting to realize is how much is there, and how much processing it is taking. There was last week's post but there were two journal sessions before that, and this post is not going to finish it. (I think there will be two more.)

A letter will still happen. By the time I get there I will know exactly what I want and need to say. I see now that this preparation cannot guarantee that the letter will be short and to the point. For one thing, there will be multiple points.

Here are two points that are important...

One: I know that no one in church leadership is living high on the hog because of this. It is not a matter of personal enrichment. That does matter to me, even though there are still plenty of other problems.

Two: I still believe in the importance of tithing. I know I have been blessed for paying it. Having a regular paycheck again, I am still paying it, and paying based on the gross. I know I could pay ten percent of my income to many good causes, but this is still my church. It would not feel right for me to withhold my ten percent.

It is still very disappointing now, knowing that my contributions will be locked away in a hedge fund, doing no earthly good. Therefore, I cannot foresee a time when there will be any other contributions to anything else -- neither fast offerings nor temples nor missionary work -- even though all of those things have meaning for me. I can't justify giving them any more. Even if they start spending the money and distributing it, that is a huge backlog.

They will still get my vote for breaking up what they have, apparently in about three weeks.