Why I stay

I know; it has been a few weeks. 

Work takes more out of me than I would like, and I feel like I just need to regroup, without being completely sure if that will involve me exhorting to repentance or focusing on doomsday prepping.

Today, though, I want to give a gift for all of my liberal member friends, frustrated with the ignorance and angry at the bigotry.

I know I have mentioned in other posts that one reason I stay is that I don't want the church to be full of only bigots. That would be a terrible direction, and there are already enough forces pushing in that direction.

Ultimately, though, my testimony is still present. For all I have seen about the insidiousness of patriarchy and white supremacy -- which is not limited to the church -- I have gained meaning and felt truth from different things, and that is reason enough to stay.

I know that the gift of the Holy Ghost makes a difference. I have seen that for myself and others. Therefore, I do believe in the power of the priesthood. 

Related to that, I also know that the temple ordinances have value, especially at times as I have been guided in research and name submission and felt the desires on the other side to have their work done, and their joy as it was completed. 

Access to the temple is a reason to stay.

I miss the times when the fellowship felt better, when there was more spirituality to be felt in the talks and lessons, but there are still good people there, and I do still feel ways to serve, which matters to me.

With priesthood and temples and additional scriptures -- with all of that which should be constantly be leading us to greater humility and overflowing charity -- it does feel tragic that so many are trading that birthright for the right to feel superior to others and a constant anger. There is nothing in any of the scriptures that backs that up. 

That is the natural man.

The scriptures do not back up the hedge fund. 

But I accept that people are imperfect, and that they can still do good, and that can be a source of comfort as I deal with my own imperfections, which are many.

If you cannot go now, I cannot judge that decision. I have had to face that there may be a time when I have to choose between my integrity and my attendance. That didn't feel great, but it was also a relief, to know that time is not here for me, and that I can trust myself to know.

Wherever you are, I hope it is a good place for you, chosen consciously, and on a path to where you need to be. 

With my whole heart, merry Christmas.

For senior citizens inundated with Medicare advertising (and those who help them)

Because of my own mother and my older sister's job, I have been aware of Medicare open enrollment happening at this time of year for a while now. 

It has only been working customer service for a Medicare supplement plan that has made me aware of the advertising onslaught that accompanies open enrollment. I have probably only avoided knowing because we DVR everything and fast forward commercials. There is tons of advertising via mail, radio, and television. 

I am aware of it now because I am taking the calls from members -- often ones who are very happy with their coverage -- that call concerned, worried that they are missing something or need to do something.

I talk to them, and to their children and grandchildren. I am not sales, so my role in that is generally things like confirming what coverage they have, whether they need to do anything to renew or if renewal will happen automatically (it will), and some questions about changes for the upcoming year.

However, sometimes we have conversations that are just about those concerns on whether they are covered enough or paying too much. Sometimes the best thing to do is to transfer to sales or to the group that covers the business end, but sometimes it just requires listening and being reassuring. 

I will now write to you in a very reassuring voice about Medicare and Medicare supplement plans.

One thing to remember is that the advertising is often geared toward people who do not have any supplemental coverage. 

This is not necessarily bad. My mother's quality of care improved a great deal when she got on to Medicare. She has always had a supplement though, first through Humana and then Blue Cross. Medicare itself still helped a lot. 

Why did she switch? Initially she had great coverage through Humana, and then things changed and the Blue Cross offering was better. 

Every year around October, Medicare releases their new plan information (what is covered and the prices) and formulary (coverage and pricing specifically for drugs). In response, Medicare supplement plans prepare their offerings for the next year. This leads into open enrollment and the advertising. 

Medicare is more likely to add coverage then take it away, but some changes may seem negative. For example, the Medicare Part B (medically necessary and prevention services) deductible is increasing by $30, from $203 to $233. Possibly not a big deal, but many seniors are on a fixed income.

That leads to another common question, as people hear ads referring to "Medicare Extra Help".

That is specifically for low-income seniors. In 2021 the limit for an individual was $19140, or $25,860 for a couple. 

That is a relatively easy question. The more complicated question is knowing whether your coverage is adequate.

That is a very personal question. There are people who specifically choose high-deductible supplement plans, because they would rather not pay a lot on premiums, but they still want to be prepared for something catastrophic happening. It's still a good idea to have some savings if you are going to pay $5000 out of pocket before coverage begins.

To figure out what is best for you, there are questions you can ask yourself. Financial issues to think about include...

• How much are you paying in premiums?
• How much are you paying in co-payments and coinsurance (toward deductible or otherwise)?
• How much are you paying for your prescriptions?

One of the nice things about being on Medicare is that you will get monthly notices tallying up your drug expenses and other expenses. I initially thought it was a ridiculous amount of paper, but I can understand now how it is helpful for people trying to figure out what they are paying.

The reason for that -- and it is another nice thing -- is that Medicare is a federal program and highly regulated. That means that there is a limit to how much any of the different offerings can diverge. It doesn't mean that some coverage won't work for you better than others, but there will be some common denominators.

The non-financial aspects to consider may be more about convenience versus hassle. If you need a specialist, is it easy to get into one? Remember, some coverage plans have their own providers, like Kaiser. That may be good for you, and it may not. 

Here is one example that is very individual: The plan I work with doesn't have an in or out of network as long as you see Medicare providers (meaning that they have agreed to charge Medicare set rates). For retirees who want to move across the country to be near children, or who want to be snowbirds and spend different months in different temperature states, that means more. For someone who will continue to live in the same place as before and not travel much, that would be less of a consideration.

Remember, open enrollment comes around every year. If you are not sure if you want to change, but think you might, perhaps taking a year to track everything and make notes will give you clarity during the next open enrollment.

Now, this is where I will be less reassuring, but it is important to think about. 

If your medical expenses are low due to good health, it can take just one accident or illness to change that. That can be hard to predict.

My real solution for that is universal health care, where we just treat people, and don't have multiple corporations in place to determine whether people can have health care or not. We still live under capitalism, and that is currently how I am employed. So, that's something to think about, and true for everyone to some extent, but some things can be more precarious for seniors.

Therefore, the other advice that I will always add is pray about things, and keep an ear out for inspiration as you go about your life. 

I hope that life will be long and healthy.

Things to think about in the wake of the acquittal

You should be disgusted by the recent verdict in Kenosha, though you are probably not surprised. The judge was showing such extreme favoritism to the defendant that the writing was on the wall. While one can certainly hope that the judge is censured and removed, that would not allow a retrial. It is injustice, and it sucks.

It is all right to take a moment to stop and grieve and be appalled at the ubiquity of the racism in this country, deeply entwined with our history and institutions.

Take that moment, and then move forward. I am going to make four points.

First: Know that there are people who do not get it. One of the strangest things to see was a great deal of attention paid to a different acquittal, that of Andrew Coffee IV. 

Coffee's home was raided by a deputies there to arrest another person. They made that arrest, but continued rampaging through the home at 5 AM. Coffee fired, believing it was self-defense. In fact, he was in danger, as his girlfriend Alteria Woods was killed in the crossfire.

https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/97945012596391800/5550631860585338871

There are undeniable similarities to Breonna Taylor, including the boyfriend being arrested, and charged with multiple charges, including his girlfriend's death. 

Defenders of Rittenhouse are using this as an example of "See! Not racism! Bet the news won't tell you that!"

Well, the media has a lot of failures, but two of the charges Rittenhouse and Coffee had in common were illegal possession of a weapon. That charge was dropped for Rittenhouse, whereas Coffee may get 30 years for it, which the "See!" folks are neglecting to mention, probably because it does seem pretty racist. 

Second: Know the importance of voting, in all elections and for all offices. Judge Bruce Schroeder ran unopposed in 2020 for a 6 year term. It is so easy to just check the incumbents, not worry about learning anything about the candidates, and then go on your emotions for president.

It all matters, from school boards and county commissioners to mayors and state senators and yes, district attorneys and judges. You don't have to figure it all out on your own, but please find something that works.

Third: Read And the Walls Came Tumbling Down: An Autobiography by Ralph Abernathy. 

People have protested and windows have been broken. If that relieves some anger, I can sympathize, but I would rather harness that anger to make change. 

Abernathy does a good job of explaining how some of the more effective campaigns worked, coordinating concrete demands with financial and media pressure on people who could make the change happen. There is information on the less successful campaigns too. 

I know it often seems hopeless that there can be any good changes, but I maintain hope. This book could help you think and plan more effectively. However...

Fourth: Don't rush on to a field that is new to you and try and take over. There are existing organizations and organizers who know more than you do. Maybe your fresh perspective will be valuable, but their knowledge and experience should not be ignored.

For Portland people, here are some organizations to consider.

Don't Shoot Portland: https://www.dontshootpdx.org/

The relationship between institutional racism and capitalism is deep, so I like that they have some panels set up as an alternative to Black Friday shopping, and that it is being combined with service and relief. It does all go together.

Albina Ministerial Alliance: https://www.albinaministerialcoalition.org/

They have been working on police violence for a long time. No, Rittenhouse was not law enforcement, and his victims were not Black. The tradition of extrajudicial killing of people of color by police was still a huge part of his actions and the treatment he received.

Showing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ): https://www.facebook.com/ShowingUpPDX

Conversely, SURJ is relatively new, coming in with a lot of energy, and they do have a local chapter. 

In my experience they have skewed progressive, sometimes aggressively, but for many Portlanders that is right up their alley.

A brief word about selfies

I am currently on my third round of doing #365feministselfie, where I take pictures of myself for a year and post them.

When I started it the first time, it was largely a response to how deeply I hated pictures of myself, and having my picture taken. It took about three months, but I started feeling better about me. That wasn't a matter of finding myself more attractive or cuter, but just being okay with how I looked, beyond of the expectations of how I thought I should look.

The second time was harder, because my life started getting harder and there was no getting away from myself when those daily pictures were staring me in the face. I saw the deadening, and I didn't want to be posting that to the world. Perhaps I had gotten away from thinking that I needed to be pretty, but I had not gotten away from thinking that I needed to look happy.

Those thoughts have strong gender conditioning in them. It is there going in, and it found me there when I would get comments about smiling more. 

I also see opinions from people I don't know about selfies in general. It is common for men to opine on them, and not just by asking women to smile more. Often they like to criticize the practice of taking selfies and trying to look cute and being so vain and self-absorbed.

I saw one last week that I can't find now. It stuck out because last week I had a theme of drawing faces on other body parts, so I had just posted one with a face on my fat stomach, the mouth around the belly button. It was not cute, it was not trying to be cute, but it was still open to criticism. I remember a tweet a while back complaining about women going from the flower crown filter to the dog filter, like how dare they first look pretty and then look funny and weird? I think he called it trashy.

This is probably a case where why you do something is more important than that you do it, but if there are people posting selfies who hope they look cute and they get told they are cute, and that feels good, that can be okay.

What I do know is that there is a lot in this world that is designed to tell you that you are not okay. If it were giving you actual helpful suggestions for improvement that could be useful, but that's not how it works.

It is possible to be vain and needy, and it is possible to break those chains. It is possible to want validation from others when you really need to feel good about yourself. It is possible to feel good about yourself for not great reasons.

Social media can help or hurt, but be careful about being led by it. I know that I don't spend much time on Facebook, because I keep seeing it showing me notifications I would not normally need (this person has posted a picture or updated their status), or showing me every question prompt that any friend of mine has answered. Because I recognize that, I can also ignore it.

If you feel worse, try using it less, or differently, or not at all. Understanding where the feelings come from can help.

It is a wonderful thing to understand that you have value, and that so does everyone else, and that their value does not take away from yours. 

Whichever one you are having trouble with, learn about that.

But I promise your value is separate from your physical appearance, even if you are super cute.

Experiencing God

Recently I read a children's book with adorable cat pictures: No Fuzzball! by Isabella Kung.

I decided to check for other works. It looks like there is only one other that she has written, but a few others that she has illustrated for other writers. 

This is not at all uncommon for artists. Usually it is a matter of getting hired by the publisher, without any previous connection to the material. You can't judge an illustrator by that, but I was still somewhat taken about to see the title Sammy Experiences Jesus, written by Thomas Blackaby and Rick Osborne.

From Goodreads:

Sammy remembers “asking Jesus into his heart” when he was very young. However, he's often wondered what it means to have “Jesus inside his heart.” When Zack and Tina, Sammy's good friends at school, ask him about this same phrase, he isn’t sure how exactly to answer their questions. So, Sammy decides to go on another adventure with his Grandpa Henry, this time to experience Jesus. Grandpa figures out what Sammy's adventure is about and starts to teach him what it means to experience Jesus and have a real relationship with God’s Son.

For ages 4 to 8, Sammy Experiences Jesus is a classically illustrated children's book inspired by the Experiencing God teachings of Henry Blackaby.

Regardless of my own feelings about "asking Jesus into his heart", I do think there is an important question there. For those who think asking is all that is required, how do they know that it is working? Just assuming seems like it wouldn't be satisfying. 

That's when I kind of thought that maybe we need a children's book for how being a member of the church should feel, after you have been baptized and confirmed. That thought was quickly replaced by maybe we need that kind of book for adults more.

I am not proclaiming to have a definitive answer for that, but I think it is worthwhile to ask ourselves if we are "experiencing" God. That can act as a status check for where we are spiritually now, which is important. In addition, the act of identifying how experiencing God feels for us may help us later identify when it is happening less. That could be even more important.

One thing that occurred to me is that it might be useful to think about all three members of the Godhead in turn.

Heavenly Father: Do I feel that I am the child of a loving Heavenly Father? Do I feel love for Him in return? Can I open up to him naturally in prayer? Do I find joy and wonder in creation? Do I believe that what I do matters? Do I feel love for His other children, and know that they are my siblings?

Jesus Christ: Have I repented and felt forgiveness through the Atonement? Praying in the name of Jesus Christ, do I feel able to approach Heavenly Father because Jesus will mediate between us? Do I feel something when I think of Christ's suffering in Gethsemane? Do I believe in the resurrection, knowing not only that I will live again, but that I will see those others lost through death again?

The Holy Ghost: Do I feel a witness when learning and thinking about things that are true? Do I know how that witness feels to me? Do I find myself getting ideas and warnings and guidance as part of my normal life?

That last one is probably the strongest proof for me, in that the inspiration that comes to me is a strong sign of my experience and part of my testimony. However, that might not be the strongest for someone else, especially someone busy and distracted. They might still have very strong faith in other ways.

All I can really say is that I know that it is important, so I know that it is worth thinking about.

As always, I like this scripture as a guide:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. -- Galatians 5:22-23

How abstinence-only education leads to soaking

First of all, let me say how much I resent that this is a thing I need to know about. 

For anyone who is not familiar, I am linking to one article out of several options. I am choosing this one because it is not behind a paywall and because it mentions that evangelical Christians are doing it too. If you are seeing people talk about it on the internet, they are talking about Mormons. Or, maybe that's just what I see because that's what I am.

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/mormon-soak-soaking-derfing-sex-virginity

(Actually, from the example given, that girl was more likely evangelical than LDS, unless we're doing purity rings now.)

The downside of this article is that it doesn't explain "jump humping". Suffice it to say, if the loophole is no movement, and movement is part of the satisfaction, having someone jump on the bed becomes the second loophole, making for an unholy threesome.

Perhaps they heard that it wasn't the size of the boat that counted, but the motion of the ocean. Are waterbeds popular in Provo?

When I first heard of it, I thought it had to be a joke. I know sometimes we talk about the letter and the spirit of the law, but I don't recall those conversations ever going in a direction that encouraged you to look for loopholes. 

I don't see how anyone could think that the line between virginity and not virginity, between chastity and not chastity, is whether the penis inside the vagina is moving. How does that not automatically sound so ridiculous that the train of thought screeches to a halt right there?

Of course, they are probably asking the wrong questions, but would they be able to get good answers from their available resources?

One of the big issues for the fascist school board candidates was being against comprehensive sex education. I believe their main purpose for that was making sure that no one came away respecting the rights of gay and transgender people. However, another important part of that aversion appears to be the fear of giving kids "ideas".

Ideas like soaking? 

We do have a story from President Kimball about a missionary candidate who had done many sexual things, and when asked where he got the idea to do those things, replied from his bishop.

There are bishops who don't trust the "yes/no" answers and will ask follow-up questions (which is generally unrighteous dominion). Hearing about new acts from a church leader with a forbidden air to them might give an extra weight and allure to them that they would not have in a class, where only education is being offered.

It's not a guarantee. Powered by hormones, even fairly innocuous things can lead to sexual ideas. So even in the fantasy world where you home school and only watch BYU-TV, sexual thoughts are going to happen. However, if we are teaching the value of chastity, and how that can help with spirituality, these teachings should not result in quests for loopholes.

Those searches are not new. When I was on my mission, most of my companions had gone to BYU. At the time I heard that the thing -- not that my companions did it, but that they knew other people did -- was going to Las Vegas and having a quickie wedding and divorce, with a weekend of sex in between.

I have seen commercials for a show, "Teachers", where someone having trouble waiting is advised by her priest that the butt isn't a loophole; it is just a hole. I know there are teens who say that anal and oral don't count for virginity. 

Well, they don't result in pregnancy, but they can still result in diseases and other bad experiences, and for chastity they absolutely count, so it seems worthwhile to have that conversation.

Arousal is real. It is potent. It does not mean you need to act on it every time you are aroused, or even any time before you are married. We can have honest conversations around that. In fact, those conversations are necessary.

I am currently reading Unbound by Tarana Burke, founder of #MeToo. In talking about being sexually assaulted at the ages of 7 and 9, she mentions being taught not to let anyone touch her private parts, but not being taught why. Therefore, when that was done to her, she thought she had broken the rule and she had failed. 

Sex education needs to be age-appropriate, but it also needs to be specific enough and reasoned enough that there is a sufficient level of understanding to protect oneself, and to get help when that is needed.

Laws that require schools to teach comprehensive sex education are usually inspired by cases of sexually abused children who needed tools to get help.

Technically, comprehensive sexual education does promote abstinence as the safest choice, but because it teaches about more, that becomes a real choice, and not a fear.

If you lean towards the domination of fascism, teaching mutual respect and bodily autonomy creates a less ideal environment for abuse. That may be a downside for some people, but we do not have to accept their lies about it.

Occasionally I have questions that I can't answer, so I just make a note of them in my journal. One of those is "What does chastity look like without patriarchy?|

Currently so much of sex is entrenched in patriarchy that I can't even imagine how things would change. I still believe in chastity, and I still live it, but I know that it can be better and more beautiful. The world is holding it back.

It is fitting that I address this topic on Halloween, because it was a conference talk that kept taking shots at Halloween that let me really see how we were letting evangelicals infect the church. That's still an issue. Or maybe evangelicals got soaking from us, but it is not making anyone holier.

It is also not making sex any better, which I think is worth noting.

I will also note that a young person who believes in chastity and tries but slips will be better-positioned for repentance than one who cynically tries to get around the rules while pretending that it counts as righteousness. 

We are all sinners, but there is a plan for that. We don't have to be hypocrites.

Also of interest:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comprehensive_sex_education

Listen, listen

I was without computer access for a few hours today, due to a power outage. I almost think I should write about that, but I will stick with my previously planned subject.

In writing about supply chain issues last week, I said that the most important part of your planning is listening to the Spirit. I mentioned considering other people as well.

One of my deepest core beliefs is in the importance of being able to hear the Spirit and act according to that. That can be for doing things that are good, and setting you up for good things to happen, but it can go just as well for preventing terrible mistakes and suffering.  

I have been injured when I ignored a warning. There are other warnings I listened to that may have been matters of life and death. We don't always know, but I have enough evidence to know that it matters.

Caring about others and taking them into consideration goes along with that. It is not just that the fruits of the Spirit are love, so that our spending time accompanied by the Spirit would make us feel more love, but also that our following up on hate will kill the Spirit.

There is no getting around that.

Trying to control others, looking for the bad in them because of perceived threats, shutting out any light that might show you good things about them... these are all things that are going to kill your ability to feel the Spirit. 

There's no getting around that.

It has been a source of pain for me for some time that lessons and talks seem to have gotten so much shallower and less spiritual. Given the amount of time some people have spent hating liberals and devoting themselves to Trump makes that not at all surprising.

The spreading of racism and looking for ways to justify it is a spirit killer. No, it doesn't kill the Holy Ghost, obviously; that damage is to your spirit.

Focusing so much on the sex lives and desires and body parts of others is a spirit killer. Your job isn't to control their actions; it is to control your own behavior and expand your heart.

Then, feeling like you are under attack for being a bigot, well, that's not an attack; that's criticism. Given how unfamiliar criticism is, that is a great reason to listen to people who actually have been attacked.

I realize that sometimes as you listen to other people, there may be things that are disturbing because you don't understand how it can be. There might be some stuff that is definitely sin but it is mixed in with other things that are not sin. If you are trying to sort out which is which that could be really uncomfortable, but the good thing is, that's not your job. 

Your job is to work on overcoming your own sins, with the help of the Atonement and the Spirit. The more you do that, the more full of love you will be. You will want good things for others, but you will not feel compelled to try and control them. In fact, you will recognize trying to control them as unrighteous dominion.

If I include "the" and capitalize "Spirit", that is for respect, but also clarity. There are many spirits.

The question is then who are you listening to. 

If you are filled with rage that people are taught to respect pronouns, and protect kids which includes educating them about their bodies and that they have some autonomy, and you hate that people ever admit that this country has a racist past -- which it does, built into the Constitution, amended legally in part, but with a large remaining legacy -- 

... it is going to be very hard for you to feel a good spirit.