Protecting your knees from bees

Friday we had someone take out a nest of 200-300 yellow jackets. I talked with the pest control person a bit and am going to share some information.

First of all, here is the web site: https://www.beecontrolnw.com

There are several bee services in the area. We tried a different one first, but they were slow to respond. So one big vote in favor of Bee Control NW is their responsiveness.

I nearly referred to him as an exterminator, but that is not always the case. If you have a hive of honey bees in your backyard they may do a relocation. If solitary bees are in your house, you might wait a few weeks, break up the homes and then caulk up the holes to prevent return. We want to be careful with our pollinators.

They kill yellow jackets, though. We're okay with that.

In our case, they had moved in under an old stump, and were discovered when the lawn was being mowed. They are often discovered during yard work, sometimes in horrible ways, like maybe you are doing some watering and you don't know that you are standing on top of them until you make a wrong move and get stung twenty times in the knee! (Hence the title, but horrible. How do you even move your knee after that?)

The point of this post is largely to encourage you to take a careful look around and see if there are any nests in your yard, rather than finding out the hard way.

Here is a helpful brief video from the University of California:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tY3wmu1KGBc

Yes, we did see yellow jackets flying around the stump, so activity is a good indicator. I don't think I ever saw more than 10 at a time, so knowing that there were hundreds and that they were breeding rapidly was a little unsettling. None of them stung me, so I feel a little bit bad about killing them, but I don't think their non-aggression would have lasted, and I was worried about the dog and the people with bee phobias. Don't judge me!

Anyway, it starts with a queen finding a hole and laying eggs. Bill (Bee Control NW owner) said the queen won't chew her way in. Chewing may very well happen once she has a horde of yellow jackets serving her, but it starts with that hole. Maybe it will be in a wall, obscured by ivy, or behind a light fixture, or under an eave that could use replacing. Just be aware.

This is not only helpful for identifying where you could have nests now, but also can be helpful in preventing new nests. Depending on the type of hole it can be caulked or filled in with dirt or removed or you can put in a cotton ball soaked with Avon Skin So Soft, because they don't like that odor.

Apparently last year was great weather for proliferation and many new queens were hatched. The weather this year led to a late start, which is why we had less than 300 instead of over 1000. Even if the extermination process is the same regardless of the number, not letting them get to thousands still seems prudent.

It is also good to know that nice weather makes it easier for queens to tolerate each other, so you may have more nests in the same area. If you have a nest, you might want to give your neighbors a heads up.

One interesting part of the web page is information on the different types of bees and what can be done with them. I have taken out a paper wasp nest on my own; we needed a professional for this. There are some DIY possibilities mentioned in the video. Use caution and good sense.

For us, it is a relief to have it gone.

Non-emergency preparation for the Second Coming

Some of you may be noticing news stories that make you feel like we are getting closer to Christ's return, though that in itself has been going on for a while.

It is possible this is making you nervous, and that's understandable. I'm more in the space where that seems like the only possible solution for many of my present concerns. Even so, I am not actively praying for it because that feels presumptuous. I don't control the timeline, and I don't have the kind of wisdom needed for that.

This isn't so much about being scared or hopeful, but there are some people who seem to get downright gleeful when terrible things happen, taking it as a sign of apocalyptic approach.

I won't even criticize the glee, exactly, though there are certainly ways to do it wrong. What I am sure about is that you should not be doing terrible things to accelerate the timeline.

For example, you might have people in the executive branch who are destabilizing the Middle East, in an effort to bring about Biblical prophecy, where it seems to be a matter of religious conviction. I feel very comfortable condemning this.

Let's say that some of our country's actions contribute to greater production of nuclear waste, greater threat of nuclear attacks, and deaths of civilians by starvation and violence. Yes, it may go along with the circumstances that eventually lead to Israel being surrounded by many other armies and staying under siege until two men who have been holding off the enemy are killed, and then IT happens - I get it - but there are several important problems with that.

First of all, there is all of that human suffering along the way. Yes, that happens, but that is never a reason to be causing it to happen. I think a relevant scripture here is Luke 17: 1-2

Then said he unto the disciples, It is impossible but that offences will come: but woe unto him, through whom they come!
It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.

That almost sounds like it could relate to our immigration policy too, don't you think?

Secondly, there's that presumption issue again; do you really think the Lord needs you to create havoc to give Him permission to return? That almost seems like the thought of someone who completely misses the point of Christ's teachings (and hold on to that thought).

Finally, you know, a lot of the Bible is metaphorical. Not all of it is, but we don't always know. There are a lot of scriptures that we won't fully understand until after the fact.

This is what I take from the book of Revelation: bad things will happen, but God is in charge, and good will eventually win. It is comfort, but not more important comfort than the personal relationship that comes with prayer and study.

If I take an additional message from it, it is that I want to be on the side of good. That's logical. Everything in the gospels tells me that this is about serving others, kindness, forgiveness. Yes, other people get other things from the scriptures - I remember James Watt (under Reagan) not worrying about the environment because everything was going to burn up. Well, it is; but that doesn't make pollution right. One way my comfort works is that I believe this will all be healed; it does not make me want to be the source of injury.

So if we were going to look for appropriate methods of preparing for the Second Coming - beyond collecting your emergency supplies - what would we do?

Repentance seems like a good one. How am I wrong? How can I fix that? What can I do better? Have I hurt anyone? These are good questions to ask yourself. The answers will generally relate to kindness and having greater love for people, including those you might deem enemies. (Which I strongly believe relates more to protecting people who are threatened by others rather than coddling the people who like giving the threats.)

Missionary work seems like a good one, though I worry about many people's ability to share the gospel without making it repellent to others. It shouldn't be that way, but it is. That is just something to think about.

I think the most relevant scripture for pre-Millennial preparation might be Moses 7:18...

And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them.

You can't be of one heart with everyone in the world right now, but you can try and make your heart more like Christ's, and that will work. We can work more toward a world where there are no poor by not allowing the exploitation of labor or making necessities like food, shelter, and medical care unobtainable for people. If you can root the greed out of your heart, and the bigotry that supports the greed of the top economic tiers, that is the kind of work that will have you ready for the Millennium.

It's weird how Jesus spent so much time condemning the wealthy and how little that seems to come up in modern Christian conversation. That might be a reason to refer back to the Book.

Confirmation

I am not ready to resume the series, but I keep thinking of other things that might make good posts. I especially keep thinking of something that happened Saturday that clearly I need to write about.

If my blogging ends up being more disjointed than I like now, it is only reflective of my life. I nearly said "random", but that wouldn't be quite right.

Last week was really hard, and I needed to get out of the house Saturday. I did not have a clear plan for it, which can really make getting out harder, even just getting started. That was a partly due to constantly remembering other things to do (The laundry! The dog!), but a bigger problem was feeling really indecisive on what to do.

My only clear objectives were that I needed to have some time away and that I wanted to eat Chinese food. That gave me a lot of possibilities, but none of them felt quite right for various reasons.

The idea I kept rejecting was to go to Lloyd Center and eat at the food court there. In terms of quality, convenience, and novelty, it was really the least interesting option, though it was not terrible on price. Everything that seemed like it should have been better had other objections though. Finally after false starts and missing at least one bus that either seemed early or the next one was late, that was where I ended up.

At the precise moment that I was getting to the entrance, a man came out carrying a small bag of cans and started looking in the garbage can by the entrance. I thought I should give him something, but hesitated and he disappeared into the parking garage. Then I was quite sure I should help him. He had only gone in search of the next can, and I found him and gave him $5.

He said, "Thank you. I can eat tonight."

I am pretty sure that meant that he had not eaten the previous night.

I stayed in front of the entrance for a while, thinking about the odds of my encountering him. Even on the train I had been thinking about which stop to use. Before some of the more recent construction, we always got off at 7th and entered by the Stanford's, but I had specifically decided to cut through the park on my way in, and then catch the train at 7th on my way back.

It left me with the question of whether all of the indecision and delays and reminders was all so that he could eat that night.

I am quite sure that my other possible destinations all had the potential to help someone. I also know that there had to be hundreds of people at the mall, some of whom surely could have spared a little cash or bought a meal or something.

I was trying to figure that out, and the first thought was that perhaps the point is not so much how and why I ended up there but what I did when there. That could be reassuring, but I have been in a questioning state of mind lately (you should see my journal; so many question marks) and I kept pushing.

There was guidance beyond getting there, even if it was just to give him the money. That is important to me because I have been worrying pretty regularly about whether I am doing the right things or missing things.

Even accepting that I am getting guidance on the small things, what about the big things? The things that really worry me? Then it kind of felt like maybe the guidance comes from the same place, regardless of the size of the issue, followed by the eye-rolling book title Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff).

The last time I got a blessing it specifically referenced 1 Nephi 3, and being led without knowing beforehand what you will do. Since I had been specifically praying about the not knowing, it was not exactly the reassurance that I wanted, but probably what I needed, or what I can have at this time.

I have thought about that a lot since then. Part of that path for Nephi included killing a guy - probably not in my future, but I don't know - and that uncertainty remains frustrating. I had realized some time ago that often when you think you know what is coming, you are wrong, but there is still some comfort in having an idea.

The only answer I really have is to continue to listen, and stay close. It's not everything that I hoped for, but it has the room to contain my hopes in it.

Willing to learn

I am currently in the middle of reading a lot of appalling things, where I worry about not absorbing enough. I needed to start a new document for notes.

There is some concern about writing some things too soon. That's not why I didn't write last week; that was just too much else to do. (Things have been less overwhelming this week, for now.)

My real worry - so there is a spoiler alert now - is that no matter how much of a foundation I lay for it, and as much as I write about the harm that patriarchy causes to women and people of color, that when I write that it harms white men by making them mediocre it will result in a big WHAT? FORGET YOU! and all other points will be for naught, despite their importance.

I am making my peace with that anyway, but it is a shame to not be able to move past things like this. Something I read recently gave me a way of approaching it.

One of the books I am reading is Backlash by Susan Faludi. Early on she recounts several points that could be considered to be failures of feminism and women's rights, coming out mostly in the '80s, so not long after the fight for the Equal Rights Amendment, Roe v. Wade, and other things that would have people talking about feminism. I remember hearing many of these things then, and some of then being trotted out again in the '90s.

I am going to focus on the one about college educated, unwed women and the precipitous drop in their marriageability, most dramatically stated as "A woman over 40 has a better chance of getting killed by a terrorist than of getting married."

That particular phrasing misrepresents the chances of getting killed by a terrorist and ignores that the original study was specifically about university-educated women, but still had some pretty good legs on it, showing up in movies like Sleepless in Seattle and The Holiday, and frequently being referenced by depressed singles, though I admit to not having heard it lately.

What was fascinating in the book - and Backlash was published in 1991, so this knowledge has been out there for a while - was that the original study was wrong and they knew it was wrong.

Jeanne Moorman, a census bureau worker who found flaws with the original data tried to work with the study publishers and did not meet with much interest. The actual data showed that education does tend to delay marriage. Therefore, women who only complete high school tend to marry shortly after high school, but women who go to college tend to marry after that.

The first thing that makes me wonder is whether that means marriage is bad for education. Would those women who married after high school have been interested in further education but found it impossible? We all know people who have combined marriage with formal schooling, so it can be done, but what works best? What helps?

Those are questions you can get to if you are open to the truth.

This is what Jeanne Moorman got from her bosses - not the scientists who refused to let accurate data spoil their conclusion, but her bosses:

The head office handed down a directive, ordering her to quit speaking to the press about the marriage study because such critiques were "too controversial." When a few TV news shows actually invited her to tell the other side of the man-shortage story, she had to turn them down. She was told to concentrate instead on a study that the White House wanted--about how poor unwed mothers abuse the welfare system.

Yes, of course it was Reagan.

Let's say that you are religious and that you know marriage is good, ordained of God. It could be possible to feel threatened by data that seems to argue against that. However, is the data arguing against that, or against some patterns in the way we do marriage?

The other introductory studies were about how divorce was economically devastating for women after women's lib (without bothering to compare to divorce before), an infertility epidemic affecting professional women, and a great emotional burnout affecting single and working women. In some cases they didn't even involve wrong data so much as assumption.

If you think marriage involves a man providing and a woman staying home with children, finding that professional women can be happy and fulfilled and can still get pregnant might be an existential threat. What if instead it's just the wrong idea about what makes marriage work and what marriage needs?

If you are committed to defending your idea, you stay wrong. That's all the worse if marriage is important. We could be doing it perpetually wrong because we are so willing to lie about it, and that leads to great harm and stagnation.

So a really big step forward is being able to resist your leap to defensiveness and learn. If you are willing to do that, everything else needed can follow.

It's not just about being able to bear discomfort, though that relates. This is about having a willingness to, based on a desire for truth.

Slowing down the forgiveness

Yes, I know this sounds rebellious. Hear me out.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we often talk about the steps of repentance. We do that because we know that it requires a change, and that change isn't going to come with automatically saying "I'm sorry". You can go through the motions and not mean it. Maybe some of those motions will help put you in a better position, but if you have ever been forced by your parent to apologize to a sibling, you probably know it is not foolproof.

A change of heart sometimes happens very quickly, where we don't have to spend a lot of time on the steps, but the goal of repentance is change, which is usually very hard and requires work.

Maybe we don't think about the goals of commandments enough, but it is generally possible to ponder a commandment and understand its purpose better, which then strengthens faith.

It is probably more obvious why we need to repent than why we need to forgive, but we should think about that.

Sometimes it can bring an attitude adjustment. We might get angry at people for things that are not their fault, or that are not even wrong. It is easy to take things personally that aren't personal. This can happen a lot with small children who have recently learned the word "No" or teenagers who have apparently forgotten how to be pleasant. Some parents may feel offended and have to find understanding and forgiveness for the sake of peace in the home and effective parenting. It is important for the relationships, but also, taking that time to understand the other point of view might be really helpful in reaching that peace and understanding.

There are also things that cause real harm. Surprisingly, they are often not personal, and maybe even not intentional, but the harm is still real.

Yes, I believe in forgiveness. God chooses to forgive, and we are required. I also know that God can heal my pain. That gives some weight to the command, but also there is the desire for us to be healed which is important to remember for our role.

Taking a look at why people make certain choices and understanding agency and results can really help us gain greater perspective and grow in wisdom. I am all about that.

Continuing to cling to feelings of resentment and replaying the things that hurt you over and over in your mind can be unhealthy. I get that.

But rushing people through their healing - often by trying to get them to suppress their pain instead of working through it - that is something different, and we do that.

I remember how quickly the survivors and families from the Charleston church shooting expressed forgiveness for the shooter - who had not repented - and yes I guess they offered that forgiveness freely, but it also felt like there was pressure. Some of that may have been because they were from a church community, and religion asks you to forgive, but a lot of it was probably also that they were directly victims of white supremacy, and our society defers to power.

For an example of this you could look at all the non-apology apologies: I'm sorry if you were offended. They tend to come because of a use of language that is a slur for a marginalized group used by someone who is not part of that group, relating directly to power.

For a different example, I don't remember calls for forgiveness of Al-Qaeda after 9-11. I'm not saying there should have been, but I think it is worth thinking about when we demand forgiveness.

Though it may be easy to forget with the way I have wandered, this current series is about gender roles and prejudices. I am reading a lot about gendered violence. No, we don't usually specifically ask women to forgive their rapists (though that does happen, especially in cases of abuse from family members) but instead the women are questioned about all of the ways in which it might have been somehow their fault. This does not encourage healing. It does reaffirm male supremacy, and it is rotten to the core.

We have not thought enough about the process of forgiveness, but I imagine it might be somewhat like the process of repentance. What are those 5 R's?

• Recognition
• Remorse
• Resolution (to change, but maybe this should be Requesting forgiveness from God)
• Restitution
• Reformation

I don't know that they fit exactly, and some of this may be more about helping other people with their healing than healing yourself.

I believe that mental part - the recognition - means that we have to accept that a lack of harmful intent does not mitigate harm, and be aware of power structures and how they encourage patterns of abuse.

I believe that emotionally - the remorse - we should want people to heal and be whole.

After knowing and feeling, what do we do?

Sometimes that is going to involve working to change abusive power structures. It may mean adding protection, so that someone trying to heal does not have to be preoccupied with worrying about future harm. It may involve counseling or community engagement to reaffirm that person's value. So much about being hurt is the message that you don't matter. We should never be reinforcing that.

It can also take time, whether to grieve, or for physical healing, or for chances to talk or be silent and to work through the emotions, rather than pushing them aside. Sometimes making a person whole involves money or medical care or replacement or repair of something damaged. 

Can we promise the person in need of healing that they are safe, and that it won't happen again? If not, are there other ways we can help mitigate the potential damage? What can we do to make this a better world? What can we do to build Heaven on Earth? We probably can't get there all the way, but that is no excuse for making things more like Hell, and we do that a lot.

The last post was about being able to deal with the uncomfortable. Dealing with hurts that you personally can't heal is uncomfortable. Dealing with hurts you caused is uncomfortable. Challenging power structures is uncomfortable.

 Those things are also necessary to what we need to be.

Sitting with the uncomfortable

I am going to refer to someone else's words tonight, based largely on the recommendation of a friend:

https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/eric-d-huntsman_hard-sayings-and-safe-spaces-making-room-for-both-struggle-and-faith/

It came up in the conversation because we were talking about the way people resist knowledge that doesn't feel good, and she mentioned this theme of taking time to sit with the discomfort.

The talk has a broader range than I expected, with one point of annoyance when he refers to safe spaces and trigger warnings in a way that shows he does not understand their point. (His note refers to another author, but I am not bothering with it for now. I will link to this: https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2017/06/trigger-warnings-and-ptsd.html)

Moving on, I am currently reading about issues with reconciling abuses - especially via the Indian residential school system - in Canada. Some of the most interesting material was about the mythology that Canadians have maintained about being peacemakers, which was partly a way of defining themselves against their US neighbors to the South. It ignores some very literal violence, but also broken treaties and other bad dealing. (US mythology has often embraced the violence.)

There are bad feelings that happen when you go into this. People may feel guilty and disappointed, but they also may often feel hostile and resentful. The belief they had was a lie, but they don't want to lose that lie.

I believe next week I am going to write about forgiveness, and I may not be completely traditional in how I do that. However, if we want to get to a point where wrongs are truly healed, that is going to require puncturing the myths. It will have to require acknowledging wrong beliefs, often wrong actions, and accepting times when we have gotten benefits that we did not deserve. That is uncomfortable.

I do think a normal reaction to learning about a wrong is wanting to fix it. When that seems impossible, there may be a certain logic to resisting that knowledge. The logic falls apart under closer examination. While the past cannot be changed, the present can, and those can be really good changes that bless us all.

Last week I mentioned being overwhelmed at times. When I am retaining presence of mind, I let that overwhelming feeling wash over me, like a wave crashing. I feel it, and then I move on.

That technique started for me when sometimes my mind would balk at eternal concepts, literally like eternity and infinity and things that are too far outside a mortal frame of reference. I would feel sick to my stomach, and push the thoughts away, often with really shallow pop music. That did not feel quite right, and I started just letting the feeling wash over me. I don't comprehend it, and that's okay. I will keep going.

Just as there are times when we can fight uncertainty or embrace it; we can do that with discomfort as well.

I know which one has resulted in more peace.

Hang in there

I don't necessarily mean hang in there and stick around for my slow progress in breaking down gender constructs, though I hope you do.

What I mean for now (and it is an interruption in the gender series) is that I want to take a moment to acknowledge that things are hard out there.

Between financial issues and my mother's health, I am always running pretty close to empty anyway, but this week was worse. It was worse on a personal level with some distressing news and tests needed. They probably aren't even going to turn out that horribly, but the efforts required and the dread that certain words inspire was enough to make a difference.

On an external level, news of racism and natural disaster took an emotional toll as well. I know there is always news like that, but that's exactly the problem. If you care about things and are aware, this is a much more discouraging world than it was a few years ago, and it could be pretty discouraging then.

If there is one thing I have learned through the blog it is that I am not the only one who feels this way. Therefore, I know that there are other people who are sensitive and down, and today I want to throw out some words of encouragement to you.

It isn't just you.

There is room for all of it under the Atonement.

Hang in there.

I also want to share a story.

I pray a lot. I try not to get so overcome with my needs that I forget to count blessings and express gratitude, and that is often very helpful. When I am overwhelmed I try and find just the next thing to do (out of many possibilities). Last night, though, I tried to have a prayer like that, and I stumbled and I was just "Send food. Send money. Send ."

He sent food right away. He sent food through two different sources. I still have leftovers of the food that was sent.

Also, part of that was that I really could not deal with cooking then. Tonight I finally did get around to cooking and it went better than I thought it would.

That was incredibly encouraging.

I don't want to read too much into it, assuming that the money and the other request are on their way. I also don't want to read too much into the people who brought the food getting things that were close to what I would have gotten, but were not in fact the things that I would have gotten. It was enough for then.

Sometimes all you need is a bump to get you through to the next moment and it comes. Sometimes the answers are just comfort and guidance and sufficient strength, all of which are really wonderful things. I understand the good in things not always being easy.

It also really helps that every now and then something is easy.

I hope that for all of you too.