Currently operating at...

I don't know if I will post for weeks and weeks about my talk When I did that three years ago, there were many different tangents that could have fit with the talk, so there was a lot unsaid.

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2022/08/my-talk-pioneer-heritage.html 

For the talk about a year ago, while there were many things that I had thought and written about but did not say, there still wasn't a lot that felt unsaid. 

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/08/my-mother-my-talk.html 

(By the way, the way this talk came about, I realized that the reason I am always speaking in the summer is that lots of people go out of town and are unavailable. We are not hot weather people, so schedule our vacations for fall or winter or maybe spring. It leaves me available.)

This time I did have a lot of thoughts. In the past that has generally resulted in me doing a lot of journal writing so that I know I have gotten everything out of my system. That way, my hope is that when I give the talk I will only say things that can be helpful to others there, rather than saying things that I do need to say but it doesn't matter how or to whom.

I was not happy with the amount of writing I got done this week.

I had mentioned on the other blog that there was a lot of reading for class; it didn't leave me much time for anything else. 

I read the suggested talk multiple times and I did some journal writing. I won't even say that my writing was perfunctory, but it wasn't as much as I would have liked. It was not enough for the thoughts to fully stop buzzing around in my head.

There just wasn't the capacity to keep up with both school and that.

Appropriately, a portion of the talk was about how we often don't know for sure what we need to do or how much or if it is enough.

Was my preparation this time enough?

I think it worked out. It was possibly even good for me to see that it can be okay to not do as much when you have less time. I mean, that's probably going to come up again.

Regardless, I asked that question: is it enough? Well, maybe.

I believe that being in school is where I am supposed to be now, and that is important. Logically, giving time to school is then necessary and appropriate. 

It's also not the only thing in my life. There are church responsibilities and family responsibilities and friends and the yard and so many other things.

I do not feel like I am operating at full capacity. I am trying to do good things with the capacity I currently have. 

Sometimes there are things that I had believed should be possible, but when I get there I find I don't have it in me.

I was kind of telling other people to be gentle with themselves for that.

Maybe that's good advice.