Mighty in prayer

That's my resolution for the new year: I want to be might in prayer.

That phrase came to me, and sounded right; then I had to figure out what it meant.

I am writing about that now because I have seen many things about resolutions from other people, and it seems like a good topic to address.

This post is at least partially a backlash to a certain type of resolution that appears most frequently, but I am going to hold off on addressing that specific one for now, except to say they are resolutions based on worldly standards.

It is very easy to know what the world thinks is wrong with you. 

It is perhaps harder to trace the reasons for those pressures and how they tend to be deeply rooted in capitalism and dominator culture. There will often be ways for someone to profit off of your perceived deficiencies. Even if there is not an actual cash profit, at least if they can feel superior to you, or have you feeling distant enough from other people with similar issues that needed solidarity is disrupted. That still works out for those already in power.

I don't think it will necessarily be helpful for me to go off on capitalism (though it may be worth pointing out that something designed to extract profit from you is likely to have a high failure rate built in), so instead let me tell a story from a friend.

She was living in another city where there was a singles ward but a big gender imbalance. She and her friends prayed for more men to move into the area. Several men did, but they were gay. They kept praying more specifically for exactly what they needed, or at least what they thought they needed (more righteous straight men, with jobs), but somehow there was always something missing in the response.

What I couldn't help but think (and this was long after the fact, so not at all helpful) was that maybe they should have tried asking what they should do instead of praying for what they wanted.

Maybe you should move. Maybe there's someone that needs to be reactivated. Maybe you have personal growth that is needed before marriage would be good for you. 

Please believe me that I understand the desire to be married and the feeling that there is no one there for you. I have been there, but I have also completely missed other messages that were right there. 

Let me add that it was fine, and I still think that things have pretty much turned out well, but there was a lot that I didn't understand along the way.

There are many voices out there -- some of which seem really reasonable -- that are still wrong, at least for you.

I can't tell you what your path should be, but I can offer you my own example.

I believe the reason "mighty in prayer" came to me was because I am always feeling like there is so much to be done and my efforts are so small. In trying to understand what can be done, and what can and should be done by me, that was my direction.

It is an answer, but it's not a complete answer. What does that even mean, and how do I get there?

The first thing that I see that is lacking in my prayers is that I am often too tired to spend enough time on them or have enough clarity. When I have too many worries and thoughts buzzing around, there is a real danger of inspiration being crowded out. 

That makes the first phase of this resolution working on being better rested while also taking time to write about my thoughts, or locate missing items, or other steps to take away some of the noise.

See? Even as I am imploring you to listen more, I am working on listening myself. It takes work, but all of the small answers and guidance that comes are worth it.

If bigger and bolder answers come, that require bigger and bolder things of me... well, being better rested and organized can only help.