Okay, maybe I do want one post to focus on the Spirit.
It came from something in my scripture study, in the January 1995 Ensign.
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/1999/01/living-a-christ-centered-life?lang=eng
That article is lengthy, but under the (lengthy) section "Developing Faith in Christ" it mentions an elder who was praying to make sure he had a testimony of Joseph Smith and the Restoration. He was testifying of it and encouraging others to pray for their own witness, and he wondered if that weren't hypocritical.
The elder was discouraged that after a month he had felt nothing. He kept praying, especially hoping for an answer before they taught a new family, and still had nothing as the appointment started and he began to recount the First Vision.
"As the elder reached the point in the story where the Father introduced the Son... a warm feeling began to envelop him, starting in the deep recesses of his soul. Within moments, it had filled his entire being, and he began to cry. He dropped his head in embarrassment. Why was he crying? What were these feelings? He had never felt them before. The feelings were sweet and penetrated his very being. As thoughts rushed through his mind, he realized that he knew... he looked up at the father and mother. Tears were streaming down their faces! They were feeling the same powerful influence of the Spirit that he was feeling. He looked at the children. They, too, had tears in their eyes. The Spirit had borne witness to them of the truthfulness of his words. He continued the story and finished with a humble witness that the Father and the Son had appeared to the boy Joseph...
I thought of how efficient Heavenly Father is. The father, the mother, the nine children, and the young missionary were all converted that evening. Twelve were converted that night, whereas only one would have been converted the night before."
This reminded me of my own experience praying for a witness at the Missionary Training Center. We were challenged to do that, which makes sense. Your being there should indicate that you believe, but it's not a given.
For me, I didn't remember ever not believing, so it felt weird, but I did it anyway. I remember specifically getting answers on the Atonement and on Joseph Smith, but they came during hymns a bit after the prayers, and they spoke to me on an emotional level. I felt how much I cared, and that was my confirmation that I knew it was true.
And that was the confirmation: not just that it was true, but that I knew. That was important, because it reassured me that my believing I knew was correct. I had not been fooling myself all this time, or being too casual about it.
There was another witness there where I don't completely understand why it came the way it did.
We had general authorities speak to us on Tuesday nights. There was one (I believe it was Elder Rojas), where I heard a voice tell me as he was speaking that "He knows."
That seemed odd, rather than saying that "It's true," except that I still remember it so clearly, after all these years. I remember hearing him speak in another conference, but he did not become a significant presence in my life. I nonetheless knew in that moment that his witness was sure.
I have reflected before on how the different times that Jesus healed the blind in the scriptures have different methods, and concluded that they learned different things from their healings; their blessings were individualized for them.
It is logical to me that when we feel the Spirit in different ways -- not just individuals having different experiences, but different times being unique, individual experiences -- that there may be reasons for that.
When I got confirmation to go on a mission, I had never felt anything like that. Realistically, as against it as I had been, and given the obstacles in the way, it probably required that strong a witness. Other things have been able to be quieter and have also worked.
One point here is that there may be more to your answers than the answer itself, and it is worth reflecting on that, not just to see if there is more to extract, but because it is a special thing to receive confirmation and inspiration and moments of knowing. We should ponder those.
The other point is the reminder that we are known. We may be in a crowd, but we are still one in a crowd, and recognized and loved.
The thing I missed about the First Vision, until it was pointed out, was that the first thing said to Joseph was his name.
You are known.
No comments:
Post a Comment