The times, they are a-changin'

This is still about death, though differently. 

(Also -- spoiler alert -- I am pretty sure there will be another post about grief.)

As part of the cost-of-dying posts, I had mentioned various traditions, with some thoughts about where they come from and whether they still serve.

Once upon a time it was very normal that people would place obituaries in the newspaper. 

They would also put wedding announcements with pictures, and sometimes even anniversary announcements. 

As a child I did not look at the obituaries much, but I remembered looking at the brides to see if there was anyone we knew, and if the dresses were nice... things like that. 

I did not realize that these were paid, like want ads and personals; it was just how things were done.

Of course, at the time we were also getting a daily newspaper in print. When that stopped, I missed the comics and crosswords more than I missed the wedding announcements. 

One thing with the obituaries is that if it was someone I knew, I wanted to know that it happened and how and details about their life. When I did look, it was mostly strangers.

It wasn't particularly efficient for keeping tabs on people that you knew but with whom you did not regularly cross paths. 

Social media is more efficient.

It still has drawbacks. Some people don't get on much or post much. There are things about how the algorithm pushes the feeds where a lot of people find it alienating. Still, I know more about people with it than without it, and I do like and care about people.

When my mother dies, I am going to post an obituary on her Facebook page. 

She has one. It was something that I thought could be kind of therapeutic in the early days of the onset of her dementia. It didn't work out. However, we have enough friends in common -- and maybe I should tag my siblings and self -- that it will get the word out to some. 

I've mentioned already that there is a plan for contacting various friends and relatives directly, but for the general news, I think that's a reasonable way of doing it.

Most funeral homes have online obituaries now, though there is a cost for that too. (There is also a cost for CaringBridge for updates on illnesses. I guess it makes sense but I don't like that.) 

I believe the newspapers still post obituaries, though I suspect the reach is much lower.

For our circumstances, I think Facebook is the best source for a general notification. The personal notifications will include phone calls, e-mail messages, Facebook direct messages, texts, and maybe even the regular post. Those are all based on how often we communicate with the people involved and how we normally communicate, but also how much of a blow it will be so how much cushioning it will need.

That list includes neighbors where I could easily run across the street, but I am assuming I will be falling apart and won't want to carry that outdoors.

That is connecting to others on a very specific subject, but a lot of different types of relationships and methods of communication come into play.

My main point is that things don't happen the way they used to, so I can't simply follow old patterns.

Some of these ways may even be better, but it takes thinking about it to find how to go forward.