The high cost of dying, part 2

I am giddy to be able to tell you that we will not have to pay extra for body transport if our mother dies on a weekend.

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2026/01/the-high-cost-of-dying-part-1.html 

The weekend surcharge is only for memorial services or things like that. 

That was a huge relief.

This is not the issue that I was agonizing over, but it was worrying me. There are some things that I have learned after talking to the funeral home and other thoughts where I realized I needed to write more on the money part. What was bothering me was probably more emotional, but money is real. 

With this post and one more, I think I can cover all of that.

I should note that I have been a little scary for people asking me about it. I know I have sounded a bit frantic. I could feel it happening at the time, but I couldn't change it either.

I am starting to get better.

For the eminently practical, you really should call the funeral home rather than going through the price list. The itemized price list is something required by state law, but generally things are going in bundles.

The bundle we are looking at is Direct Flame Creation, for $1250. There are additional charges if you want a casket, whether you provide your own casket or get one from the home, and if the deceased weighs more than 300 pounds (our mother does not). If you want funeral services of some kind, then that's a different bundle.

Even though this particular bundle mentions some paperwork, it does not include getting a death certificate. Asking about that, it looks like our full amount will be $1305. I also believe that we will be okay with one death certificate, which is not always the case, but they were pretty helpful on that question.

I would still not be completely surprised if there is something else, but after the conversation it feels pretty complete.

Does that level of detail seem kind of crass? In poor taste? (Imagine adding some "yo' mamma" jokes regarding the weight limit!)

A lot of our social conditioning has taught us not to talk about money. Whether that's because you find it embarrassing to admit that some things are a problem or because it feels like bragging, where it really works best is for people who have ridiculous amounts of money and are still cheap. 

That doesn't really benefit most of us.

I do still recommend looking over the itemized list because it reminds you of things that you might not think about, like that paperwork does not give you a copy of the death certificate. You will need an actual certificate -- not a photocopy -- for things like insurance policies or closing bank accounts or pensions, where you would be receiving money instead of paying it.

One thing that was helpful for me was remembering that if we wanted to hold a service, that would not have to cost anything. In our church you don't have to pay for using the building or having a church leader conduct the service. If you want the body there, that would involve transport, so there could be additional charges, but not as much as for other churches.

We also have a tradition of luncheons afterward, with a pretty set menu and people signing up to help with that. I have bought hams for other people's funerals, but we were more impressed with the friend who arranged for catering from his favorite barbecue place. Obviously, they could afford that. 

Regardless, with our decision not to have a funeral, that was never a concern about expenses. 

Money is a concern, but it is tied with concerns about how it will feel and how we will cope and what pays adequate respect.

How do we get that right?

With the traditions, what do they serve?

If you have a lot of people coming into town and they are going to feel sad, having other people who care but are not as directly affected feed them has a certain practical nature to it.

On Queen Sugar, Charlie offered to hire people to cook and serve for their father's funeral repast, but Nova got really angry because preparing food for and serving their friends was part of the tradition and how you grieved and provided comfort.

That sounds like a good tradition, but was some of it also possibly resentment that Charlie had a lot of money and could make that offer too easily, without sacrifice?

Feelings are real. They can be hard.

And if a big part of your efforts are trying to hard to get everything right so it will go smoothly and everyone will be okay... well, you probably need to adjust your expectations.

Hypothetically.