In terms of scheduling, based on the most recent posts I was thinking I should do a kind of primer on dominator culture and related terms. Then I thought, it's Christmas Eve; just wish people a merry Christmas and give them a break.
Then material presented itself, as it does.
First of all, there was this TikTok clip that many people were responding to:
https://www.tiktok.com/@therobbieharvey/video/7306933113307942174
The husband is filming on Christmas morning and notices an empty stocking, asking his wife if it is extra.
It's hers.
He asks why it is empty and she says she guesses Santa didn't bring her anything.
It was posted as a reminder to husbands that you are responsible for your wife's stocking.
The worse response to it I saw was one woman saying she needs to ask for more money so her kids don't think she is bad, and it is her responsibility to ask for more money if she is not getting enough.
In the husband's defense, he does apparently get her gifts every year, but for ten years of marriage he never thought about the stocking.
This can go back to discussions on emotional labor.
https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2018/12/the-exhaustion-of-heavy-lifting.html
A lot of the remembering and extra effort is assumed to naturally devolve upon women, including shopping for herself so it looks like Santa thought she was good.
I don't blame her for not bothering to fill her stocking with everything else she must have to do.
Her husband filling her stocking each year could be a kind and loving solution. Helping with other tasks would probably be even better. We don't know their family dynamic.
There can be lots of ways of making that work. In our family, stockings were generally just candy, so divvying up candy could easily have been done by our mother, whose stocking contents I never thought about.
Giving a wife some extra just for her to put in what she wants could work. The real issue is not the stocking, but is it truly an equal partnership where even if only one has a paycheck it is understood that is not the only work.
Then this tweet showed up:
https://twitter.com/itskayreion/status/1737450275424891092
Is ok to not buy your kids gifts if they were "bad" all year?
Yes, we are getting here into reasons that I don't like the whole Santa thing, but I have documented that already.
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/12/faith-in-white-santa.html
https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/12/as-grinchy-as-i-get.html
I will say there are some really good responses, and the original poster kept saying she agreed with those, so maybe she was not looking to justify her upcoming child abuse.
Points that were made include that children may not even remember how they were bad, so if there is going to be correction it needs to happen in the moment, and why haven't you adjusted your parenting style, and so they are having a hard year and you are going to make it worse?
I get all of that, and at the same time am thinking about how giving too much is not good, and that this whole concept works against children in poor families. Again, I have written about all that.
I really only mention it because of the number of responders who were so eagerly committed to "Yes! Punish them!"
I feel like they would tell you to remember the reason for the season right as they miss it completely.
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