Using social media

Yes, I did watch the Saturday evening session of Conference the following week.

For the people who were upset with it, I get it, and definitely in two different (though related) areas.

It also was not as bad as it could have been. I can certainly believe in a correlation between anxiety and cell phone use. Building on that, social media use can be several different problems.

Now, I think there was a specific issue that was not comprehended, and that there are reasons for that. I am going to revisit that, but for now I want to treat just the issue of a social media use.

One reason I appreciated the mention of the phones in the previous talk is that taking time off from it can be complicated. Maybe there are calls that you need to take, or texts that you need to see.

Social media can be like that too. Many women - especially in our church where they try to be able to stay within the home - rely on social media engagement. Taking time off had affected sales for some women who did participate. Sure, not all usage is business-related, but that can be a factor.

If part of the purpose of the fast is to see what you missed when you return - and what you were better off without - then part of the benefit is that you should be using social media more consciously. Taking time to consider your normal patterns is a good idea in general.

Yes, a period of abstinence may help bring more clarity, but that is not a guarantee. I know someone who takes regular breaks from Facebook because it hurts her self-image. That she keeps finding the need to repeat it may mean that her fasting isn't effective either.

I am going to go through a few common issues with social media, and some thoughts about them.

~ I find myself spending too much time on social media, and leaving other things undone.

This is a totally easy one to fall into. The easiest solutions usually involve some sort of scheduling, where you allot certain times to catching up on the internet, and then let it alone. If you do have anxiety related to social media, and part of it is the pressure to keep up and respond, this can be a big help. Yes, it can seem that by taking a few hours away you will miss more things, but then you find that you still get plenty of information, and that things don't burn down if you don't reply right away, and it works out.

~ I compare myself to others and feel worse,

This is also easy to fall into, but in my experience, jealousy issues are more about your inside than other people's outsides. If you are not happy with your own life or accomplishments, that is something that you need to examine, but doing so will make everything better.

This is more individualized, because it may be that you have been selling your own accomplishments short, and need to acknowledge your own worth. It could be that you should be accomplishing more, and then you have to figure out what you can be doing and how you would like to incorporate that. Introspection can be difficult, but it is truly important.

~ There are people who make social media an unpleasant experience.

Yes, you are responsible for your own feelings, but the answer to that is not necessarily letting other people be abusive and telling yourself it's not a big deal. It can be fine to mute people. It can be healthy to unfriend people. It can be enormously helpful to block people. And remember, family are people!

I do not like to block, and fortunately I can put up with a lot. There are times when it just doesn't make sense. There are people who enjoy using passive-aggressive putdowns and people who are always spoiling for fights. If they make you want to leave Facebook completely, but you would miss other people, block those suckers. You will feel much better.

It is also possible to block game requests instead of people, if that is the specific source of stress.

~ I am getting targeted abuse from strangers.

Solutions to this have to be very personal, because the structural issues are not being fixed. My experience has been more seeing the abuse happen to political activists, especially women, especially people of color, but Instagram appears to be succumbing to a lot more abuse, even with lifestyle pages and things you wouldn't expect to draw attention.

My best recommendation is to read Bailey Poland's Haters: Harassment, Abuse, and Violence Online as a starting place, and then you need to weigh your options. Some platforms have better options for controlling your interactions. You might decide to keep Facebook and dump Twitter. Figure out what works best for you.

~ My time online shows me so many problems in the world and it is overwhelming.

I had a coworker with PTSD whose therapist recommended a news fast, and this was years ago. I hope she has made a lot of progress (that workplace wouldn't have helped), but the news is worse now. (And this is kind of where we are getting to things that will come up later.)

I would feel completely irresponsible disengaging, though there are days when it's very tempting. However, my religious faith is one of the things that helps me to not be overcome. We can sanctify our engagement with the world.

A few years ago I was always spotting people in crisis, and trying to talk them down from cutting and suicide attempts and even a few psychotic episodes. That was stressful, but I often felt guided in it. I knew it was important, because they were important. Some of us are still in touch, and some of us aren't, but a few have told me I saved their lives. I know that, and I also know that there were crises that I didn't see.

There are things that can be overwhelming, but there are also possibilities to do good. There are chances to have fun, and be glad for other people's vacations and hobbies and pets. We can pray for their health and their promotions. It can be very good.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that we are not alone in this. We can pray for guidance and receive it. For all that we do not know, there is someone who does, and who will answer as we listen.