Part of that was covered in the post here. That is not really the point, except that it deals with the issue of respite time. (That post is really more about how anticipated events can go stunningly wrong.)
Technically, I had also been out the previous Saturday night, but some text messages about concerns while I was out added stress and subtracted relief, while giving me some real concerns about backup options. When Monday was a crushing disappointment that left me in a funk. There was a minor thwarting on Wednesday and something that hurt a bit more after that. Building on each other, it became what we might call Gina's Horrible, Terrible, No Good Very Bad week.
Fortunately, I was given another shot on Saturday. Breaking down and crying on the phone Friday probably helped, but that wasn't intentional.
That gave me a free afternoon, but there was the question of what to do with it. The truth is, the longer one goes without a break, the harder it is to conceive of a successful break. I thought of different things, but I ended up doing the one thing I had written down.
I had something written down because it was an assignment for this caregiver thing I've been doing. Imagine you have a fairy godmother whose only job is to give you free time in different increments. What would you do with a free fifteen minutes, or an hour, or three hours? It works up to an entire weekend.
The problem I ran into is that I give myself a lot of assignments. Even the things that I enjoy - like walking and reading - become obligations to me. These are books I need to read because I know I need to know these things. I need to get this walking in because I want to be ready for the Turkey Trot. It makes a lot of things questionable as quality relaxation.
There is probably some failure of imagination, too. Getting together with a friend could be good, but I never expect them to be free at a time that I can make work. There is often so little notice, and they all have families. Some things take more money than I have. Even getting downtown takes bus fare.
(And now I don't think I can justify leaving at night, or if the person in charge will be that one person - except maybe I can train her better, but how many times have I addressed how specific things are not helpful, and why, but they still happen?)
Regardless, even though I did try and think of other things, the only thing that seemed plausible was the one I'd written down. I rode (with a book) down to the Waterfront, and walked the Waterfront Park/Eastbank Esplanade loop. It is 3.8 miles. The Turkey Trot is 4, and will have more uphill, but still, conditioning shouldn't be a problem. Then I ate at August Moon (which is my favorite, but it also meant I could use a real bathroom), still with my book. I read about 120 pages. On my way home I got a 7-Up and an Uno bar, because those are things I like. (So I did spend money, but not as much as hot tubbing would take.)
And then it was back to cooking and entertaining and engaging, again, but I was better at it than I had been.
I don't know that I will have a break like that for a long time, so I prayed that it would last me. I mean, all of the problems are still in place. It nonetheless did me good, and I would not have been able to do it if I had not visualized it before. It was just a bonus that it was such a beautiful day.
I understood the point of the exercise when we did it: if you can imagine these things that you will enjoy, you can use the unexpected breaks better and find ways to make them happen more. What was less clear, but still very real, is that often when the opportunity comes up your brain is fried, and you are not functioning on all cylinders. You need to have plans already in place.
It is one more way of being prepared.
No comments:
Post a Comment