Assumptions - Hollywood edition

We recently watched Back to School, a 1986 movie with Rodney Dangerfield entering college with his son. It's not a great movie, but there are worse ones.

I had seen clips from it over the years, and it reminded me a lot of a made-for-TV movie that came out the year before, The Undergrads, with Art Carney, who goes to college with his grandson.

Both films feature a conflict with one professor, a romance with another professor, and initial difficulty where many people help the mature student with cramming. It works out, though a little more dramatically in the cinema version.

The thing that really made me want to compare had to do with the professorial conflict. For Art Carney it was with the history professor who saw the New Deal as positive and helpful. Art Carney was the contrarian who argued about the harm of FDR's policies (though not the ways in which that harm was calculatedly racist to try and appease the South, even though this was not ultimately enough to keep the Dixiecrats from breaking off, a topic for another day). The evil professor gave Art Carney his only C, threatening the B average he needed to maintain his academic standing. Fortunately, the English professor whose advances he had rejected gave him an A, and got her rejection rescinded.

For Rodney Dangerfield (who also got an A from his English professor/love interest), the conflict was with a business professor. It started with an interruption in class about how you wouldn't build a factory, you would be better off renting one, and how you will need to grease union palms and things like that. While a successful businessman (Dangerfield's entry into academia is facilitated by him donating a new school of business) would know a lot about business, and the example makes sense, there are things to know about building a factory that it would be reasonable to go over in a business class. A student can disagree and still learn.

Mainly, watching the broader comedy that was made for the big screen, I remember wondering if anyone involved with the film had actually gone to college. Also, I saw that mindset of academia being impractical and elitist and liberal. So Hollywood making fun of it isn't that liberal, really.

I would have had these thoughts on the movies anyway, but they would normally come up on the weekday blog. I am blogging about this on Sunday because of a couple of articles from the October 2007 Liahona (I first read the items in my Italian study) about the fourth World Congress of Families, and an address given there by Bruce C. Hafen.

In their defense of the family, there were a lot of assumptions made about what would help families and what would hurt them. Some of them were questionable, if not obviously wrong. A lot of the conference seemed to focus on how wicked Hollywood was, and what a bad influence it was on soceity, with notable exceptions.

It has been popular for a long time to view Hollywood as both liberal and wicked. I remember Michael Medved writing think pieces about it from maybe a few years after those movies were made. His book Hollywood vs America: Popular Culture and the War on Traditional Values is from 1992.

I want to re-examine that perception.

First of all - with notable exceptions - we know Hollywood has made it very hard for women and people of color to get ahead. That is certainly not as liberal as it should be, but is less surprising as we have learned recently how many powerful people in the film industry have been serial sexual abusers. Hollywood has been very good at shoring up power.

In that way it reflects society at large, and reinforces the existing power structure. You could find evil in that, but that doesn't seem to be what is happening.

I think what we are generally seeing with movies is that they reflect society. If people use profanity regularly, it will appear in movies. Some movies will try and use it in unusually clever ways, which could spawn some imitation. I am not saying that the movies have no influence, but I don't see any signs that Hollywood is in general trying to change the course of society.

(When there is one white guy who is able to be accepted by another culture and quickly learns all their ways - maybe a chosen one kind of thing - or the rank beginner is wiser than the experienced person, there is ego there, but it is an ego that reflects society.)

It felt like the biggest corruptions feared from Hollywood were liberal values that included sex outside of marriage (which conservatives do a lot of) and granting humanity to gay people. Certainly, Hollywood could be better about that, but that felt like the main concern. Conspiracy theories about the gay agenda aside, I think that is more of people in movies accepting what society in general accepts.

If entertainment is reflecting society, and there are things that are bad about that, it seems reasonable to look at improving society. That might be a better use of time.

Beyond that, we need to be better at looking beyond the assumption.

Assuming Hollywood is evil in a liberal way gives conservatives a great target, and that's convenient for their fundraising. It does not...

• cause Hollywood to lose money
• result in better entertainment (yes, you have pro-religious films - Fireproof came out in 2008 - but I stand by that not resulting in better entertainment)
• does not improve society
• cannot improve society because the assumption stops further consideration of what problems really exist and how they work.

I think I am going to continue with some of those assumptions, and I will probably be pulling from those two articles more.

I feel like I should give some practical suggestions for improving entertainment options, but if I go down that rabbit hole it will probably be on the main blog.

Using social media

Yes, I did watch the Saturday evening session of Conference the following week.

For the people who were upset with it, I get it, and definitely in two different (though related) areas.

It also was not as bad as it could have been. I can certainly believe in a correlation between anxiety and cell phone use. Building on that, social media use can be several different problems.

Now, I think there was a specific issue that was not comprehended, and that there are reasons for that. I am going to revisit that, but for now I want to treat just the issue of a social media use.

One reason I appreciated the mention of the phones in the previous talk is that taking time off from it can be complicated. Maybe there are calls that you need to take, or texts that you need to see.

Social media can be like that too. Many women - especially in our church where they try to be able to stay within the home - rely on social media engagement. Taking time off had affected sales for some women who did participate. Sure, not all usage is business-related, but that can be a factor.

If part of the purpose of the fast is to see what you missed when you return - and what you were better off without - then part of the benefit is that you should be using social media more consciously. Taking time to consider your normal patterns is a good idea in general.

Yes, a period of abstinence may help bring more clarity, but that is not a guarantee. I know someone who takes regular breaks from Facebook because it hurts her self-image. That she keeps finding the need to repeat it may mean that her fasting isn't effective either.

I am going to go through a few common issues with social media, and some thoughts about them.

~ I find myself spending too much time on social media, and leaving other things undone.

This is a totally easy one to fall into. The easiest solutions usually involve some sort of scheduling, where you allot certain times to catching up on the internet, and then let it alone. If you do have anxiety related to social media, and part of it is the pressure to keep up and respond, this can be a big help. Yes, it can seem that by taking a few hours away you will miss more things, but then you find that you still get plenty of information, and that things don't burn down if you don't reply right away, and it works out.

~ I compare myself to others and feel worse,

This is also easy to fall into, but in my experience, jealousy issues are more about your inside than other people's outsides. If you are not happy with your own life or accomplishments, that is something that you need to examine, but doing so will make everything better.

This is more individualized, because it may be that you have been selling your own accomplishments short, and need to acknowledge your own worth. It could be that you should be accomplishing more, and then you have to figure out what you can be doing and how you would like to incorporate that. Introspection can be difficult, but it is truly important.

~ There are people who make social media an unpleasant experience.

Yes, you are responsible for your own feelings, but the answer to that is not necessarily letting other people be abusive and telling yourself it's not a big deal. It can be fine to mute people. It can be healthy to unfriend people. It can be enormously helpful to block people. And remember, family are people!

I do not like to block, and fortunately I can put up with a lot. There are times when it just doesn't make sense. There are people who enjoy using passive-aggressive putdowns and people who are always spoiling for fights. If they make you want to leave Facebook completely, but you would miss other people, block those suckers. You will feel much better.

It is also possible to block game requests instead of people, if that is the specific source of stress.

~ I am getting targeted abuse from strangers.

Solutions to this have to be very personal, because the structural issues are not being fixed. My experience has been more seeing the abuse happen to political activists, especially women, especially people of color, but Instagram appears to be succumbing to a lot more abuse, even with lifestyle pages and things you wouldn't expect to draw attention.

My best recommendation is to read Bailey Poland's Haters: Harassment, Abuse, and Violence Online as a starting place, and then you need to weigh your options. Some platforms have better options for controlling your interactions. You might decide to keep Facebook and dump Twitter. Figure out what works best for you.

~ My time online shows me so many problems in the world and it is overwhelming.

I had a coworker with PTSD whose therapist recommended a news fast, and this was years ago. I hope she has made a lot of progress (that workplace wouldn't have helped), but the news is worse now. (And this is kind of where we are getting to things that will come up later.)

I would feel completely irresponsible disengaging, though there are days when it's very tempting. However, my religious faith is one of the things that helps me to not be overcome. We can sanctify our engagement with the world.

A few years ago I was always spotting people in crisis, and trying to talk them down from cutting and suicide attempts and even a few psychotic episodes. That was stressful, but I often felt guided in it. I knew it was important, because they were important. Some of us are still in touch, and some of us aren't, but a few have told me I saved their lives. I know that, and I also know that there were crises that I didn't see.

There are things that can be overwhelming, but there are also possibilities to do good. There are chances to have fun, and be glad for other people's vacations and hobbies and pets. We can pray for their health and their promotions. It can be very good.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that we are not alone in this. We can pray for guidance and receive it. For all that we do not know, there is someone who does, and who will answer as we listen.

Planning for pastimes

I had a really bad week, followed by a good day yesterday.

Part of that was covered in the post here. That is not really the point, except that it deals with the issue of respite time. (That post is really more about how anticipated events can go stunningly wrong.)

Technically, I had also been out the previous Saturday night, but some text messages about concerns while I was out added stress and subtracted relief, while giving me some real concerns about backup options. When Monday was a crushing disappointment that left me in a funk. There was a minor thwarting on Wednesday and something that hurt a bit more after that. Building on each other, it became what we might call Gina's Horrible, Terrible, No Good Very Bad week.

Fortunately, I was given another shot on Saturday. Breaking down and crying on the phone Friday probably helped, but that wasn't intentional.

That gave me a free afternoon, but there was the question of what to do with it. The truth is, the longer one goes without a break, the harder it is to conceive of a successful break. I thought of different things, but I ended up doing the one thing I had written down.

I had something written down because it was an assignment for this caregiver thing I've been doing. Imagine you have a fairy godmother whose only job is to give you free time in different increments. What would you do with a free fifteen minutes, or an hour, or three hours? It works up to an entire weekend.

The problem I ran into is that I give myself a lot of assignments. Even the things that I enjoy - like walking and reading - become obligations to me. These are books I need to read because I know I need to know these things. I need to get this walking in because I want to be ready for the Turkey Trot. It makes a lot of things questionable as quality relaxation.

There is probably some failure of imagination, too. Getting together with a friend could be good, but I never expect them to be free at a time that I can make work. There is often so little notice, and they all have families. Some things take more money than I have. Even getting downtown takes bus fare.

(And now I don't think I can justify leaving at night, or if the person in charge will be that one person - except maybe I can train her better, but how many times have I addressed how specific things are not helpful, and why, but they still happen?)

Regardless, even though I did try and think of other things, the only thing that seemed plausible was the one I'd written down. I rode (with a book) down to the Waterfront, and walked the Waterfront Park/Eastbank Esplanade loop. It is 3.8 miles. The Turkey Trot is 4, and will have more uphill, but still, conditioning shouldn't be a problem. Then I ate at August Moon (which is my favorite, but it also meant I could use a real bathroom), still with my book. I read about 120 pages. On my way home I got a 7-Up and an Uno bar, because those are things I like. (So I did spend money, but not as much as hot tubbing would take.)

And then it was back to cooking and entertaining and engaging, again, but I was better at it than I had been.

I don't know that I will have a break like that for a long time, so I prayed that it would last me. I mean, all of the problems are still in place. It nonetheless did me good, and I would not have been able to do it if I had not visualized it before. It was just a bonus that it was such a beautiful day.

I understood the point of the exercise when we did it: if you can imagine these things that you will enjoy, you can use the unexpected breaks better and find ways to make them happen more. What was less clear, but still very real, is that often when the opportunity comes up your brain is fried, and you are not functioning on all cylinders. You need to have plans already in place.

It is one more way of being prepared.

A little bit of conference

This is not going to be a lengthy post, because many of my regular readers my be watching 8-10 hours of church broadcasting, and you don't really need any more.

If you are wondering if I could blogging as social media, yes. I haven't actually watched that session yet. I am sure I will have some thoughts on it, and also pretty sure I won't do it, but we'll see.

My thoughts for this post are mainly inspired from early yesterday, from both the announcement on the changes to the meeting structure for next year, and also the references to the change from home and visiting teaching to ministering.

I have had this same thought in relation to other changes, like with homemaking to enrichment to relief society meetings during the week, and curriculum changes, and so on. Everything they change seems to be at attempt to get us to live more by the Spirit.

The new thought is that a big part of that is to get us to love and serve each other better. That makes sense, with charity being above all, and loving God and your neighbor being the greatest commandments (and inextricably linked).

And usually my thoughts along with that are "Good luck!", because those are attempts that face a lot of resistance. They should keep trying, and we should keep trying, because this is so vital.

Finally, I can concede that it is possible to have a lot of love for others and carry that out well without being greatly terribly sensitive to promptings. Inspiration could make you more efficient, but love produces positive energy and can get things done.

However, something is terribly wrong if you are listening to the Spirit more and not feeling an increase of love. So it stays important. We need to do this.