I was recently at a meeting with Relief Society presidency members in different wards. There was a lot of talk about ministering.
I am not the only one who finds sisters who don't think that they are doing it and sisters who are not sure it is being done to them. People have a hard time with ambiguity.
When we were looking at a monthly home visit delivering a spiritual message, people knew whether or not they were doing that. Now, not so much.
One person was saying that in the handbook the purpose is to help people along the covenant path. If it is about helping them progress, what if you have someone who is less solid ministering to someone who is more?
I have not conveyed that well, and that's also not exactly what the handbook says:
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/21-ministering?lang=eng#p1
Many people do talk about "the covenant path" a lot; it makes sense that looking at helping people, it could be distilled to that.
As it is, if you are regularly accepting and trying to do callings in the church, you have probably had times when you knew you had abilities that you were bringing to a calling as well as times when you felt more lost, but where you grew, or maybe you felt weak but you still blessed others, or all of the above. That's just what you are aware of, which is not everything. You have probably helped or inspired some people without knowing, just by being faithful in trying to carry out your responsibilities.
Shortly after getting this calling, I read the entire handbook. My first goal was just to read the Relief Society parts, but then I felt like I needed more context.
There are far fewer specifics than you might hope for, especially if you have a hard time with ambiguity.
I hope you have also seen at times that there is help and guidance and that you can make a difference.
I hope you know that serving each other is among the most important things we do.
If you have ministering relationships where you check in by phone a lot, or text each other, or grab lunch together sometimes, or you drop by seasonal items, and if it is different with different people... that can all be fine.
There are a few things that I think can be helpful to keep in mind.
First of all, it is great if we all love and look out for each other, but it's just the way it works that some people are more open about their struggles than others. Breaking people down into routes and pairings ideally means that everyone has someone looking out for them.
Part of good ministering would be that if one of your people needs help, they know that they can seek you out. That makes it not just whether they know that you care about them, but also whether they know that you have a role in looking out for them.
Just saying "Hi" at church probably won't get that.
In addition, yes, some people are very vocal, but a lot of people hate asking for help. They feel weak, they feel embarrassed, they feel unworthy... so the next question becomes whether your interactions with them could allow you to realize when they need help, even without them asking.
"Help" can be such a loaded term, too.
The example that comes up the most frequently is when people need meals for a while, like maybe after surgery or a new baby.
Years ago when it was mostly stay-at-home housewives who did all of the cooking, her being out of commission would have been a real disruption to meals.
We aren't really there anymore.
There can be lots of other helps. I once called someone every night for a few weeks to help them get into the habit of getting to bed earlier. I have gone into an eye appointment with someone who was really intimidated by her eye doctor. Most people will not need those things.
Many people need rides at times, but that is not an area where I can ever be helpful.
What about your people?
Listening is huge. Knowing someone cares is huge.
The other thing that I think can be really helpful is asking.
Sure, we ask people "Is there anything I can do for you?" all the time. The most common answer is "No."
It can still be good to ask whether someone prefers phone calls or texts or e-mail messages. Would they like to meet at Dairy Queen? Would they like a walking buddy?
We don't think a lot about "consent" in the church, probably because we don't think it comes up that much for chaste people. People's preferences matter in non-sexual issues as well.
As hard as it can be to get people to admit their preferences, it's still worth checking, and listening for both what is said and not said.
The respect shown can be part of demonstrating that you care.
It is good to have people care about you.
Talks from when ministering was first introduced:
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2018/04/ministering?lang=eng
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