Some thoughts on ministering: methods

I was recently at a meeting with Relief Society presidency members in different wards. There was a lot of talk about ministering. 

I am not the only one who finds sisters who don't think that they are doing it and sisters who are not sure it is being done to them. People have a hard time with ambiguity.

When we were looking at a monthly home visit delivering a spiritual message, people knew whether or not they were doing that. Now, not so much. 

One person was saying that in the handbook the purpose is to help people along the covenant path. If it is about helping them progress, what if you have someone who is less solid ministering to someone who is more?

I have not conveyed that well, and that's also not exactly what the handbook says:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/general-handbook/21-ministering?lang=eng#p1 

Many people do talk about "the covenant path" a lot; it makes sense that looking at helping people, it could be distilled to that. 

As it is, if you are regularly accepting and trying to do callings in the church, you have probably had times when you knew you had abilities that you were bringing to a calling as well as times when you felt more lost, but where you grew, or maybe you felt weak but you still blessed others, or all of the above. That's just what you are aware of, which is not everything. You have probably helped or inspired some people without knowing, just by being faithful in trying to carry out your responsibilities.

Shortly after getting this calling, I read the entire handbook. My first goal was just to read the Relief Society parts, but then I felt like I needed more context.

There are far fewer specifics than you might hope for, especially if you have a hard time with ambiguity.

I hope you have also seen at times that there is help and guidance and that you can make a difference.

I hope you know that serving each other is among the most important things we do.

If you have ministering relationships where you check in by phone a lot, or text each other, or grab lunch together sometimes, or you drop by seasonal items, and if it is different with different people... that can all be fine.

There are a few things that I think can be helpful to keep in mind.

First of all, it is great if we all love and look out for each other, but it's just the way it works that some people are more open about their struggles than others. Breaking people down into routes and pairings ideally means that everyone has someone looking out for them. 

Part of good ministering would be that if one of your people needs help, they know that they can seek you out. That makes it not just whether they know that you care about them, but also whether they know that you have a role in looking out for them. 

Just saying "Hi" at church probably won't get that.

In addition, yes, some people are very vocal, but a lot of people hate asking for help. They feel weak, they feel embarrassed, they feel unworthy... so the next question becomes whether your interactions with them could allow you to realize when they need help, even without them asking.

"Help" can be such a loaded term, too.

The example that comes up the most frequently is when people need meals for a while, like maybe after surgery or a new baby. 

Years ago when it was mostly stay-at-home housewives who did all of the cooking, her being out of commission would have been a real disruption to meals. 

We aren't really there anymore.

There can be lots of other helps. I once called someone every night for a few weeks to help them get into the habit of getting to bed earlier. I have gone into an eye appointment with someone who was really intimidated by her eye doctor. Most people will not need those things.

Many people need rides at times, but that is not an area where I can ever be helpful. 

What about your people? 

Listening is huge. Knowing someone cares is huge. 

The other thing that I think can be really helpful is asking. 

Sure, we ask people "Is there anything I can do for you?" all the time. The most common answer is "No."

It can still be good to ask whether someone prefers phone calls or texts or e-mail messages. Would they like to meet at Dairy Queen? Would they like a walking buddy?

We don't think a lot about "consent" in the church, probably because we don't think it comes up that much for chaste people. People's preferences matter in non-sexual issues as well.

As hard as it can be to get people to admit their preferences, it's still worth checking, and listening for both what is said and not said.

The respect shown can be part of demonstrating that you care.

It is good to have people care about you. 

Talks from when ministering was first introduced:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2018/04/ministering?lang=eng  

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2018/04/be-with-and-strengthen-them?lang=eng 

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2018/04/ministering-as-the-savior-does?lang=eng 

Some thoughts on ministering: interviews

As much as it would make sense to write about ministering before writing about interviews specifically, this is how things are coming to mind. 

I think about ministering a lot.

That was probably true before being called to the presidency, but now it comes up a lot more.

That is partly due to the ministering interviews. We are supposed to talk to the ministering sisters in our district quarterly.

That's a lot.

In theory, there are two sisters in a companionship, and you only need to talk to one of them each time. Based on that, you could be talking to each person twice a year, which sounds more reasonable. 

In reality, a lot of women don't have a companion, or they are ministering with their teenage daughter.

In reality, as hard as it can be to try and get a hold of everyone, and as quickly as time passes by, I really enjoy these conversations. I am getting to know the women in my district better and there is joy in that.

We recently updated the routes, so this quarter I am trying to make sure everyone knows about the changes; next quarter can be about seeing how those changes have been working out. 

Sneaky, huh?

Part of that is that this quarter I am trying to talk to everyone, not just one out of each companionship.

It often ends up that I am running late, doing interviews are happening in the last month of the quarter. Last month, I talked to most of my sisters in September. We got the changes in October and there I was coming around again.

In September, it occurred to me to ask, "Do you feel ministered to?"

Normally we are asking about how ministering is going. Are there any needs? Any concerns?

I thought that particular question might make people think differently.

One of the most interesting things were that a lot of people said "no", but when I told them who their ministering sisters were they said "yes".

A real issue that we have is that a lot of people feel like they are ministering as they say "hello" and things like that, but the person on the receiving end is not perceiving it as ministering.

An important part of that is that there are people who feel cared for by other people; we want that!

I hope I did not shatter anyone, causing them to think that the attention that they have been getting was not sincere.

We should all be loving and caring about each other, but there is also value in having it be someone's specific job to be a resource if help is needed.

One person who said "yes" right away had just had her ministering sister arrange for meals to be brought post-surgery. Even before that, her ministering sister was regularly talking to her and knew how she was doing. I knew that she would say "yes".

Sometimes it's not so obvious that we have needs. Someone might assume you are doing fine and be wrong. That doesn't automatically mean that they don't care.

This program can't be perfect; it's full of people.

It's still something that can work wonderfully. 

The part that almost didn't fit

Most of my talk had been about situations where the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, and I was being encouraging about that.

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2025/10/empathy.html 

I am not sure that was the case with the rich young ruler.

I think about money a lot, and greed.

Maybe "greed" is not the right word, but when you have people being so judgmental about the poor, and where actions that create economic inequality and suffering are justified based on people needing to work, even though they do work... and this is among Christians!

I mean, it's a sore spot. 

Still, I had used a lot of examples of people offering to do things and being turned away, probably because they aren't ready for it.

In this case, the rich young ruler is asking what to do. He is given an easy out, but persists, then gets told to give away all of his possessions and follow Jesus.

When you think of all of those people who had made that request and been denied, it could be construed as an honor. 

That is probably the wrong way of thinking. Still, it would be saying, "You can do this." That is not the same as saying, "This will be easy for you; you are going to crush it," but it is saying that he would be capable.

He doesn't want to give away all of his possessions.

It doesn't say that he had objections to following Jesus, per se, just that "... he went away sorrowful for he had great possessions." (Matthew 19:22)

I guess that could still be an example of the spirit being willing but the flesh being weak, but it seems more like the spirit is not that willing.

I admit now that there are things I wonder about it. For example, what if he had tried to follow but kept his possessions?

I can see where it might be harder to keep having to go and preach and face rejection and maybe hunger and hard beds when you know you don't have to.

I do have some thought about asking for what you need to do, getting a firm answer, and then not doing it, but I still think it's good to search and know. You just need to be prepared and follow through.

I admit, though, that when I had to mention it in my talk it was because of that stupid wreath-making class:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2025/03/retirement-and-responsibility.html 

That I was thinking about it before didn't surprise me, but I didn't think it would make it into the talk. When I was actually up there, I had to mention it.

I said how if you had gotten the advice to give away all of your possessions, that would be very hard to follow and then people would judge you for following it. 

We put so much fear around money and not having enough, but it turns people into hoarders. Nope, it's not the piles of possessions blocking pathways and becoming fire hazards. Instead the hoard is balance sheets of numbers you may never touch or use, when it could bless people right now.

My ward covers a fairly small area, but it contains run down apartments by the railroad tracks and spacious homes on Cooper Mountain.

I know it is not my job to figure out anyone's finances or what their retirement plans should be or how large their homes should be. Hey, we just got back from vacation.

I do think everyone should ask themselves those questions.

Since the world's wisdom leans in one definite direction that is wrong, they should probably also ask God those questions.

There are a lot of people who could use help right now.  

Related posts:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/10/old-bag-with-extra-baggage.html