Teen sex

For Friday posts on the main blog, I generally focus on a group of books or songs or movies. Often they are part of my learning more about something, so the post is a reflection on what I have learned. 

Two recent books are going up here instead.

I have a hard time resisting challenged or banned books, and recently read about sex.

The books that came up were Blankets by Craig Thompson and Forever by Judy Blume.

I have read a lot of books by Judy Blume, but somehow Forever never came up. Maybe it wasn't in the school library. I heard about it later, when I was no longer a teen -- it's kind of notorious -- but I swear I don't remember hearing about it when I was reading all of the other books. 

I wasn't familiar with Blankets, a graphic novel, at all.

In both books, there are teens who fall hard for each other. It feels like epic, undying love, even though neither relationship outlasts the story.

Also, they have sex.

The kids in Blankets have been raised in very religious families, so there is more hesitation and concern, but they still do it.

The kids in Forever were not raised religiously. They feel great about the sex, though they still prefer there to be love involved (at least the girls). 

I do understand why the books get challenged, but I disagree with it.

First of all, if the concern is that such books will give teens ideas, in most cases their hormones will do that. 

(And if they don't and you get some asexual kids, well people challenge Alice Oseman's Loveless too.)

If the objection is that the teens don't regret their sex and get horribly punished, that can be realistic too.

I have thought about writing on chastity for a long time, but I have felt that I would not be the best source. Someone who has been married and experienced a satisfying sex life should have more to say about the blessings of it. 

Except, I do still believe in it. I am blessed for living it. 

I know other people who don't live it, and who are wonderful people.

One thing that I appreciate about Forever is that while the couple doesn't really run into any of the dangers associated with teen sex (other than emotional entanglement, which is important), one member had contracted an STD in the past, and another knows someone who gets pregnant. Those issues are not ignored, but they also don't happen to everyone.

If we try and scare people out of having sex, and then they have a good time and do not get sick or pregnant, we just make ourselves liars. 

If we try and convey that people who have sex outside of marriage are nothing more than horrible sinners, we make ourselves liars.

There is a truth that could be shared, but we have to know it ourselves. Do we?

So much of dominator culture focuses on judgment and fear that it should not surprise us that often some of the loudest voices turn out to be enormous hypocrites.

We need to be coming from a point of love and joy and goodness, which may be hard if we do not feel those ourselves.