Prepare Out Loud

Tuesday I attended a Red Cross presentation on earthquake preparedness. I wrote about that a little yesterday too, but I want to treat a different aspect of it.

Long time readers can not only guess that I have sat through many preparedness presentations, but may remember me presenting to them, or helping them assemble kits, or something like that. You may have also attended many other presentations. I still encourage you to check out this one.

First of all, there is always something that you don't know. The presenter gave me two new thoughts that I had never had before.

1. If you are in a car during an earthquake, I knew that you should stop, not by anything that could fall on you, and stay in the car. I had not thought about turning your head, but it is very logical that the earthquake could be interpreted as a collision, and that the air bag could break your nose on an already rough day. That made perfect sense.

2. I know about going through and checking for fires and risks for fires and explosions. I had never thought about setting the fire extinguisher outside once you have determined that you don't need it, but yes, your neighbors could. I remember being touched by people hanging out chargers after storms so people who didn't have power could charge their phones by the grace of someone who did; there are lots of ways to think about other people.

Beyond that, it doesn't always have to take learning something completely new to be inspired. I have gotten a little lax on preparedness, due to too many other things going on. That's an easy thing to have happen, but not really good. I like the containers he is using for water storage. We have stored water; I have never loved what we were using for it. I think I will switch. Also, at Costco two days later I picked up a fire extinguisher. It is an easy thing to do, and fulfills a potential need.

The fire extinguisher may have been my first acquisition because of its association with thinking of your neighbors after the presentation. I have been thinking a lot about community and interpersonal relations lately, and have been wanting to do more. Preparedness can be something that we share. A lot of Prepare Out Loud was about having conversations and showing people what you are doing to help them get over their preparedness inertia.

It is easy to want to avoid thinking about preparedness, because you are thinking about a scary thing and then having to do a lot of stuff for it, but these things are manageable. It was easy to pick up a fire extinguisher. There are things I could do very quickly that would cost money, and things that I can do for free, and it is just a matter of doing something, and then another thing, in an orderly and manageable manner.

So, I am probably going to get back to emergency preparedness here. Recently this has been much more about spiritual and mental preparedness, but things go in cycles, and it may be time to get back to physical (at least after I finish reacting to a few things).

For now, if you are in the Cascades region, and will be in the path of a quake started by the Juan de Fuca plate, check and see what the Red Cross has for you:

http://www.redcross.org/news/event/local/or/Prepare-Out-Loud

About judging other people's blogs

No, no one has said anything mean about my blog, but something else has been bothering me.

I don't think I have ever mentioned Josh Weed in this blog, but I did in the main one, several years ago:

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2012/10/why-we-need-to-love.html

The summary there is that he was an LDS man who, although he was gay, was in a loving marriage with a woman. It was a pretty well-known post among Mormons, but I will link to it if anyone is interested.

http://joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-come-closet-ten-year-anniversary/ 

And then, if you are familiar with him, you probably already know about this post, where they have decided -while still loving themselves and their children and not regretting their time together - that it leaves important needs unmet and they need to change:

http://joshweed.com/2018/01/turning-unicorn-bat-post-announce-end-marriage/

Really, both of those posts (where both Josh and Lolly write) were very good (though kind of long) so reading those could definitely be good, but I am going to focus on a reaction that I have seen. It has come from people with a Mormon background, not necessarily active, possibly leaning liberal but often in that way that seems to focus on criticizing other people. (They usually call themselves progressive because neoliberal is an insult, but that's a separate subject that I'm not getting into here.)

Anyway, they are mad at Josh and Lolly for all the damage caused by the first post, and giving gay people false hope that they could live straight, and giving homophobic people something to throw at gay people.

To be fair, Josh and Lolly both apologize for any of that, but they are apologizing for things that aren't their fault. The first post was very clear that they knew this wouldn't work for everybody. I believe one reason they wrote the post is to remind people that being gay isn't this perversion that you choose because of your deep corruption. Sure, that may sound obvious, but there are lots of people who don't agree, and maybe it would help.

One example that was given was a man who beat his (gay) son after reading the article: "If this guy could avoid being a faggot, so could you!"

Again, I really remember them stressing that it would not work for everyone. Obviously this father was not interested in that message. That he had beaten his son many times before I think confirms that there is a limit to how much you should blame anyone else's openness.

Do you know what I got from that post? Well, if you read my other blog post you did, but it was coming away with how much of it was possible because of the love and acceptance his parents offered him. When I later realized who his parents were, it made a lot of sense because they were some pretty wonderful people, and they would love and accept like that. It resonated with me because for a lot of gay kids they have so much work to do with just trying to stay alive and to safely reach adulthood with any shred of self-worth that they don't have that space to work on their relationship with God. I thought it had tremendous value because of that.

Yes, I do know one person who had some false hope because of it, but again, that's not the the first post's fault, though the second post did dash it.

Here is what I think about the second post.

On a personal level, there is something profound about deserving to be loved that way. I mean, sometimes we think of romantic love as kind of a modern conceit, and yet it is hard to give up the idea. At some point that may mean something for me, like maybe there should be more in my life than there is.

More important is that if this couple with these two people and all that they have been able to successfully do together and have together still feel a lack, I hope that is something people will take to heart. I think that could be something that brings about more understanding and change. It could do a lot of good in that way. And the second post would not have the impact that it does without the first post.

I am not pretending to know how all of this plays out in eternity or what church leaders should say. Figuring out my own life is complicated enough, for starters. Also, I am really typical in a lot of ways, pretty white and straight and cis. It would be really presumptuous to think that I should tell people with different struggles how to live their lives. I understand that there is tendency to feel like if you don't experience an issue that no one else should, but I don't think it works out logically. It's better to listen, and love.

So when two people who have been open and loving and tried to do what was right and contribute what they could are criticized for all of those good things, that bugs me, but also, I think the critics may have been missing the point, which people do. That one father completely missed the point. Probably many people missed the point, but that isn't a reason not to share the point. It's a reason to think beforehand, and consider carefully, but not a reason to hold back.

For all of you who are trying to do better and be better with human shortcomings, I support you. For those of you whose strongest shortcoming is a swiftness to think the worst of others and drag them down, I will try and love you too. I wish you didn't make it so difficult.

Rediscovering a goal

I have been participating in a study for caregivers.

The current phase reviews good health practices. None of that information is specific to caregivers, but are things that should be good for anyone. However, when you get focused so much on someone else, it is easy to forgive yourself.

Some scheduling problems caused me to miss the first week, so during the second week I had not had advance notice that we were supposed to be coming up with some longer and shorter term fitness goals, but as we were talking about it I suddenly remembered the triathlon:

http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/01/10-year-plan-update-triathlon.html

The shocking thing was how completely I had forgotten it.

I made goals when I was forty to make sure that I would feel good about the past decade when I turned fifty. They were not all fitness-related, but doing a triathlon at 50 wasn't just about working on something during my 40s, but entering my 50s as an active and vibrant person. I was pretty stoked about it, and giving myself plenty of time guaranteed that it would be possible with steady progress.

Then things just started getting harder. Money was getting tighter, even before I was laid off. Mom's memory started getting worse. Before I started working from home I remember trying to leave notes and do prep work to make her day smoother, but it was a relief to be telecommuting and know that she would not be alone. Now, I question where I could stay on top of a telecommuting job even if I could find one.

I was aware of growing stress and tiredness and financial concerns and time concerns, but I hadn't realized that I had forgotten something that had been so important. It probably happened gradually, and then was just gone.

That was a curious realization, but then it became very important that it was back, because it is still not out of reach. I have four years. I can get to where I can do a triathlon in four years.

There are supposed to be shorter-term goals too. One year - when things were starting to go bad - my sisters and I had wanted to do the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving. We did not sign up, and the way that particular Thanksgiving went it was just as well that we didn't, but that is my short term goal for now, with even shorter term goals for covering increasing distances in between.

Looking back at what I wrote back when the goal was new, I see that I was feeling good about it, and deriving enjoyment and improved health from it even in those early stages. I am sure that as I start again, it will benefit me in that way.

Beyond that, it feels good to have gotten something back, even if it was something I had not realized I'd lost. There are a lot of good things about being selfless and sacrificing - I know why it is called for - but there are good things about holding onto pieces of yourself too.


Especially the pieces that are good for you.

A short word about colds

I have not been running at full capacity lately because I have had a cold that has been going on forever. As it is almost impossible to think about anything else but the cold, perhaps this is a good time to talk about colds in general. There are some really nasty ones out there.

When I was younger it seemed like colds never lasted more than 3-5 days, but I have had colds in adulthood that lasted for a month.

Now, there are things that can make colds last longer for some individuals. For the month-long cold, I remember when it was new to me, someone told me that theirs had lasted a month, as well as some other people they knew. I hoped that was not going to be the case for me, but then it was. Of course, I picked up a secondary infection and got pneumonia, so I did worse in a way, but not for duration.

Secondary infections are a real issue. Once the original cold lowers your immune system, you are more susceptible to other things. Keep an eye out for new symptoms.

That doesn't necessarily mean the cold working its way through from sneezing, to stuffed and runny nose, to a cough, because that can be pretty normal with a cold. Do keep an eye out for new symptoms though. If you start running a fever, for example, or get something that seems to be worse than a simple congestion headache, then it might be time to see a doctor.

When I got my pneumonia, I had just been at the doctor's for the cold two days before, and was told it was just a cold. One nice thing the second doctor did - before diagnosing and treating the pneumonia - was acknowledged that a cold can be pretty miserable. When I mention keeping track of if it changes into something else, that is not to diminish your suffering when it remains a cold. That suffering is real. It's only important to keep track because the danger and treatment necessary may change. Colds don't benefit from antibiotics, but pneumonia, bronchitis, and strep do, and if it's flu you should check with a doctor, especially this year.

Having been sick for a few weeks now, writing about prevention seems like a cruel joke, but it is something to think about. For one thing, I think what happened here is that I picked up a second cold before the first one was done, and that can happen. So, don't assume hanging around with other sick people doesn't matter; it might.

We probably all remember what to do, but just in case, it is better to cough and sneeze into your elbow or shirt than your hands, with which you touch everything, including other people.

Even if you are pretty good about not spraying germs directly onto your hands, it is still good to wash them regularly. After all, you are touching other surfaces that may have been sprayed by other people.

Taking vitamin C after you catch the cold won't do much for you, but strengthening your immune system with good nutrition (including vitamin C) before might help you not catch it.

Once you have it, it's pretty much rest and fluids.

Yes, other health issues might make it take longer. People with asthma will often find that the cold triggers inflammation that is hard to shake. Those might be cases where at least checking with your regular doctor is advisable. Stress - with its deleterious effect on your immune system - might have first made you more susceptible and then delayed your healing. (I am under a lot of stress right now.) But what you need most is rest and fluids.

You may very well not feel like drinking when your throat is coated and scratchy, but you need it.

You may not think you have time to rest, but you need it.

You can exercise too, if your symptoms are above the neck. A walk might make you feel better, but then get some rest.

You need it.

Additional reading:
https://www.webmd.com/cold-and-flu/your-cold-wont-go-away#3
http://www.health.com/cold-flu-sinus/signs-more-serious-common-cold#symptoms-one-location