Modesty

If I can slam "Modest is hottest" just one more time, let me say that if they had tried "Proud to be modest" instead, the problem would have been obvious.

Part of the problem is that "modest" has become code for "not too sexy". Not only does that cause "modest" to lose its own meaning, but just coding anything where we talk about sex makes that overly complicated. People can't agree on whether "modest" means not too sexy, or not sexy at all, or what is sexy, and any of those related questions because they are embarrassed to even use those words. Oddly, that mess is very revealing.

It's not where we're going right now, though, because I want to spend some time on modesty itself. It is, in fact, a very good quality, and there are ways in which it relates to dress, and we ignore those.

One definition of modest is "not too proud or confident of your abilities: not showing or feeling great or excessive pride." As the scriptures and conference talks are full of warnings about pride, this should seem like an important aspect of modesty.

Another definition is "limited in size, amount, or scope", with "unpretentious" for a synonym. These two are very related.

It would be easy to look at the first definition, and not like it, because hey, we want to feel good about ourselves, and like we are good, but the keys are "too proud" and "excessive".

This is another area where people get it wrong all the time, because there is such a stigma on being conceited that "nice" people are afraid to even know that they are capable of doing something right. That's not how it works. C. S. Lewis has written brilliantly on this subject, and if you haven't read Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters, you should; there is a lot of insight in both of them.

I am just going to say that the problem with pride in the spiritual sense is that it is competitive. I can rejoice in my gifts and yours, and that is not pride. If I think my gifts make me better than you, that is wrong. It shows a bad understanding of how God's plan works, and it makes me less loving, when love is what we all need most. If I think your gifts make you better than me, that is also destructive, and also pride, though less obviously. When we love each other, we don't set up rankings.

Freed of that need to compete, I don't need to make a show of anything. I don't need a bigger or more ornate house, just one that meets my family's needs. This is where the other definition comes up. There is that lack of excessiveness, and so that also implies an appropriateness and fitness. Modest and moderation both come from the Latin modus, to measure.

People are good at taking things the wrong way, so it can be easy to go to the other extreme, and thinking that nothing should be nice or pretty ever in the interests of modesty. Maybe it just shouldn't be excessive. That can mean a lot of different things.

There was a time when dressing for a women took a lot of time and required assistance, with lots of tiny buttons, and intricate ribbons and arrangements. There were also fashions that required a certain amount of immobility. I kind of feel like it happened because they didn't have enough to do, so it became a way of filling the time, but there are other ways to fill time, so it was not the only factor. Still, it is clearly excessive. That is not even getting into physically harmful practices like rib removal and foot binding.

We are somewhat more enlightened now, but it is nonetheless possible to spend far too much time on dress and appearance - worrying about it, earning money for it, developing eating disorders over it - this takes away from what life should be. In Isaiah 3 there is a rather long description of fine apparel being taken away, but there is nothing about them being too pretty, or showing too much of their body. The multiple lines for multiple clothing items may just emphasize that there was too much time on dress, and that they were haughty, and focused on their appearance. There is a lot about pride in the scriptures; there's not that much about clothes.

The best verse on clothing may be Alma 1:27:

And they did impart of their substance, every man according to that which he had, to the poor, and the needy, and the sick, and the afflicted; and they did not wear costly apparel, yet they were neat and comely.

Even then it is not so much about the clothing as how they treated each other, but when we are caring about each other and looking out for each other, the clothing works out. That's not saying that shopping should never be fun, and that no one can want to look good, but if we rank the factors in our life appropriately fashion is fairly low on the list, and that is better for self-esteem and for harmony and for life.

We are doing our young women and our young men a disservice by putting so much focus on dress.

Beware of Pride: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/1989/04/beware-of-pride?lang=eng
Deadly Victorian Fashions: http://www.macleans.ca/culture/arts/deadly-victorian-fashions/
Away with the humble brag: http://sporkful.blogspot.com/2013/01/away-with-humble-brag.html