Preparing to love

I have started writing this post a few times, and I keep stopping, thinking that I'm not ready yet, and I can't do it justice yet. Probably if I do post this, I will still not have done it justice, but I will have come sufficiently closer that I can live with it as a placeholder until next time.

In the past few months, I have ended up connected to several young people through Twitter, and learning about their lives. In many cases it is heartbreaking, and I want to be helpful, and my powers are severely limited. It is really shaping me, and I feel like that is just starting. More of that will probably come out on the main blog.

For now, though, I want to focus on it from the preparedness side. First of all, regarding provident living, the whole point of this life is to acquire charity. I almost feel like I should say to become charity. So any goals that we have that don't line up with that may need to be re-examined. Maybe there won't appear to be a direct relation, but it better not detract. Also, if the point of provident living is to be able to get through hard times, then love is essential for that too.

So love is absolutely vital, but it can be tricky too. We don't pick it up all at once. With some people it comes much more easily then others. Nonetheless, there are a couple of things that may not be obvious that I may be able to shed some light on.

One is that other people's behavior does not have as much to do with you as you might think. Yes, there are people that we like more, and are more drawn to, and we probably treat them better, or we enjoy it more when we are being nice to them, but for the most part, the way I behave is because of the person I am.

What this means is that people may treat you absolutely horribly, and it doesn't mean that you are a bad person, or that you deserve it, and it doesn't even necessarily mean that they don't love you. People can love you but be selfish, or damaged, or unskilled in interpersonal communications, and so that love does not appear to be reflected in that behavior.

This can be depressing. In fact, it is this very concept that has often tipped me over into my bouts of depression as there are just some ways in which I do deserve better and it simply doesn't matter. At the same time, it is liberating once you accept it. They are them and you are you, and so you just be a good you - a kind and loving you.

Some people will respond and some won't, but that does not affect your actions. It's not that you're not doing it for them; in a way you are. But you are not doing it to win them over. You are not doing it for popularity or thanks or what you can get out of it, you are doing it because it is right.

The other way in which that is liberating, but this one is harder, is that you are accepting your own limitations. You can't fix someone else. You can help, if they are willing to be helped, but you are one voice out of many. I can only try and be a good voice, and I am thankful that I am not the only one.

There is a lot of balance to be found, and I am still learning and I have a lot to learn, but basically, you have to take the ego out of it. It just messes everything up anyway. And then we don't even understand what ego is, and we feel guilty feeling good about ourselves, and that's not right either, so what I will tell you is that the ego is the opposite of love. I may not be able to practice humility, but I can practice love.