Resolution lab

Since last week was about adapting plans and getting guidance -- and since it is a brand new year -- maybe this is a good time to talk about resolutions.

Too late? Not for me. 

Having my birthday so close to the start of the year makes that first two and a half weeks kind of an extended goal-setting period for me. Your birthday is probably not as close, but I invite you along.

After all, if you can only set new goals once a year, that is severely limiting.

I had recently seen some conversation about positive and fun goals, like trying to eat every pasta shape over the course of the year, or when someone says "We should get together!" scheduling it then.

That was a good reminder that often when people are thinking about resolutions they are only considering fixing what is wrong with them.

I did already kind of have that in mind because I was thinking about potential Relief Society activities. I thought a resolution lab could be a good one. (My calling it a lab is definitely school-related.)

These are the questions I had come up with, and then we could work through them:

• What is something I don't know much about?
• What could I teach a class on?
• What is something that frustrates me?
• What brings me joy?
• What makes me feel guilty?
• What would help my health?
• What takes the biggest toll on my time?
• What takes the biggest toll on my moods?

It starts off with the idea that learning can be fun, so deciding to read some book or take a class could be great. 

The second question was largely a way to get ideas for even more activities and who could help with them. That being said, if you know a lot about something or have some expertise, maybe you could do something more with it that would be fun or meaningful or satisfying.

With the other questions, there may be a need for self-improvement, but there could also be realizations on how to make your life easier. Maybe this household chore piles up and becomes a big deal, but I can make a routine out of it that will reduce frustration. Or maybe we could afford to hire someone to clean, because with all of the other things I have to do that is not the best use of my time.

There can still be guilt about making a decision like that, but ideally as life does get easier that can assuage the guilt.

One thing I believe deeply is that life is hard enough.

With the Saturday travel blog, I currently have material to write about that will get me into March. I do think about that, but also, we like doing things and seeing new things, and we don't want to feel that we are wasting our weekends.

Sometimes we are just too tired. It is okay to take a week off. Plus, running errands and cleaning things is not really "off", but there are ways in which it is less impressive.

The point is that it is easy to have unreasonable expectations. We are older, and there are a lot of emotions related to our mother's condition.

Lately, I wake up feeling so tired that it almost feels like I am sick. I am calling this "profoundly" tired, because there is a depth to it that one good night's sleep or a low-key day won't fix.

That is not a moral failing. Frittering my time away on things that aren't important and thus getting to bed later than is wise does feel like a moral failing, except there are reasons for it.

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2025/09/my-thorn.html   

There are goals, but there is also some moderation and understanding for them, even understanding for me.

Yesterday I got more done than I did the day before. I could still do better, and I will.

What I will not do is spend a lot of time self-flagellating for what did not get done. In fact, Friday was quite a busy day; things that were important and refreshing did get done. That is still true even as it is true that I also spent time playing games and watching videos.

What I am working toward for this year is that I am going to go to bed early enough that I can get ten hours of sleep per night. I may end up waking up earlier, and that is perfectly fine, but I need to try and resolve this sleep deficit, which will be good for my health. 

Doing so (while continuing to give attention to school and church callings and family and friends) will require not falling into these time sinks. This week I am going to have a session of each one where I go through it, thinking about what I like about it and don't like about it. I hope that will help me not fall.

It is likely to require adjustments, but that's okay. 

Adapting plans

Last week was about gradually increasing understanding of how things go together. 

That was about a general understanding, but the way things come together -- so what order the different pieces come in and when they come and how -- is very individual.

Even more individual is that personal understanding of what you specifically need and how to do it.

More than five years ago I started a goal to read through all of the General Conference talks. It took a restart and working out a system, but I finally finished that last month.

About a year into it, I started reading Ensign issues, which has now covered 1986 through 2001. 

Those were not done sequentially as much as trying to coordinate with the area of Sunday school study for that year. (For example, this year was the Doctrine and Covenants, which meant 1989, 1994, 1998, and 2001, but there was stronger correlation in some years than others.) It did not mean reading the whole issue; I specifically looked for articles that would be good for scriptural and doctrinal understanding, but also kind of went by what sounded interesting.

I ended up having my conference talk reading Monday through Friday, then on Saturdays I would read old Ensign issues. 

Much more recently I started singing a hymn daily. I look up the scripture references and who wrote the music and lyrics and I practice leading it for at least one verse, but sing or listen to all of the verses.

On Sundays I also try and read the material for the next week's Sunday School lesson. I want to stay connected with the curriculum, even though I have my own things that I feel a need to do.

That may sound like a lot, but it took a while to take shape and became manageable. When I was looking at it from various starting points, things didn't seem so possible. Then, I would figure out what worked, and it would take on a rhythm. They have all become rewarding -- with some nuisances too -- and I have grown.

One thing I had to figure out along the way was what to do with new conferences. I am now on my third read-through of the October 2025 conference. Yes, that feels like overkill.

It was navigating that space between systems. As new conferences happened, I would read the whole session in a week, so quickly (kind of taking the place of viewing, which I have not been doing lately). Then, when I came to it in the order of the reading, I would go through it again at the normal speed, which was about half a session per day.

Now that this particular project is over, maintaining (at least for now) on upcoming conferences will be one fast read through and then one talk per day until all of the talks have been read. The way the timing worked, October 2025 is unique in getting all three ways, plus some talks will get additional review for lessons. 

I sang the last of the Christmas hymns yesterday, but I still have over a hundred hymns left. I don't know for sure what will happen next. For now, singing for Mom frequently and studying more about singing and music... that could lead somewhere interesting too. If so, it will happen in due time.

I had wanted to go through the conference talks for a while before I tried. I have also wanted to go through the institute manuals for the standard works. I thought that would happen next, and thought it was perfect that I would be starting that on the Old Testament. That is very sequentially sound.

I can't do it. Not yet.

I am sure some of that is that the Old Testament is so long; it would be a hard entry point, especially with my tradition of false starts. It took a while to work that out. 

Because I finished the conference talks in November, I had to do something for December. I had thought about starting the Old Testament early because there is so much of it, but I really wanted to focus on Christ. (Yes, much of the Old Testament is about Him too. I know.)

At first I thought I was going to read the entire New Testament before the end of the year. Reading the Gospels definitely felt right, and I wanted to read Revelation, but I wasn't sure about the epistles (or Acts). There was some thought that it was a long time before I would get to the other books as well.

That project changed to reading the four Gospels, then going to Helaman and reading from Samuel the Lamanite through to the end of Third Nephi (I am currently in Third Nephi), then reading Revelation. Okay, I have the mortal ministry from the Bible, then prophesies and destruction and the Resurrected Christ coming and teaching, followed by peace and falling away from the Book of Mormon, and then I have more apostasy and destruction but with a triumphant return back in the Bible. That sounded right for Christmas and the end of the year.

Somewhere in there, I realized what I need to do for next year is read all of the standard works. I have done that in a year before, when I was preparing for my mission. That was sequentially, but this time I am going to read them together. Each week will contain readings from the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, and Doctrine and Covenants, with the Pearl of Great Price interspersed as appropriate.

That is a big goal, but then it just felt right. This is what is supposed to come next for me. 

I believe the institute manuals will still happen, quite likely next year. It's just not time for them yet.

Also, I got to where I hated reading a single Ensign on a Sunday, even ignoring some of the articles. I thought maybe I was done with the magazines, but I think I will try and read one issue per week in 2026, following the same formula of choosing what to read, but spreading that reading out across the week. I will start in 1985 and work backwards. (I have considered going forward from 2002 and I am not ready for that yet.)

You probably don't really need to know all of that. I still really like details and knowing thought processes though, so I put them out there. It may still be an unnecessarily long journey to the point, but here we are:

We can be guided in many ways. How much of it is inspiration versus instinct versus self-knowledge gained over experience can be debated, but there are things that work better and worse. We can figure that out and we can have help in doing so.

In terms of the knowledge and understanding that I gain, as well as the inspiration and support, my scripture study is important. Getting guidance on that is appropriate and important, but that process has steps.

It was intimidating enough to think about reading all of the conference talks; if at that time I had also been thinking about church magazines and hymns, I don't know that I could have done it.

That way it has worked out has been orderly and achievable and valuable.

I believe that guidance can be available to anyone. 

That doesn't mean it will come quickly or easily, but you can learn things from the struggles too.

Related posts:

https://preparedspork.blogspot.com/2024/03/changing-things-up-scripture-study.html  

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/05/a-little-bit-more-on-music.html 

Starting to get it

Different passages will stand out to me when reading the scriptures.

On repeated reading, there will be different ones, but something in the phrasing or where you were in your life when reading or something makes it stand out. 

There are other passages that I first noticed because someone else shared them in a talk or lesson or conversation, but it meant something to them. Then the next time I happen to read there, that will stand out. There are verses that I still associate with certain people because they were so much a part of that impression.

Then there other times when people will mention how great some certain part is. They will use superlative words, and I remember that this part means a lot to them, but I'm not seeing it.

That tends to make me feel a little bit guilty, but also maybe a little bit skeptical of that guilt; is it really that great? Or are you just being a little bit too holy?

Anyway, one of those sections was Alma Chapter 5.

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/bofm/alma/5?lang=eng  

I knew there were people who found it really meaningful, but I found it long. 

Alma has been going around to different cities trying to call people who are members to repentance. He gets different responses so says different things, but the one verse that started coming back to me was 26:

And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?

There were two factors that brought it to mind.

One is that we know a lot of people from church that are no longer going. There are wide and varied reasons, but that feels like a loss.

One specifically was deeply influenced by the loss of a child. That wasn't the only reason, but she is not sure about the possibility of seeing that child again, which was pretty heartbreaking. 

The other factor was recently watching Wake Up Dead Man: A Knives Out Movie.

In it you have one priest who is building up a kind of cult-like devotion through exclusion, and as well as one who is trying to get people to focus on the sustenance of daily bread, and the love is in the Gospel. 

There are a lot of interesting ideas (and a fair amount of weirdness and maybe it could have stood some tighter editing, but that's also a trend nowadays).

Somehow, in thinking about that issue where there is sustenance in faith and love -- which I feel -- and how hate and exclusion drives that out -- which I see all around -- that's when I started thinking about verse 26.

I ask that no one focus too much on whom I might have in mind; there are so many, with different reasons and who are at different places.

(And I don't want a repeat of this situation: https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2025/12/my-facebook-post-blows-up-series.html) 

But as someone who is comforted and directed by faith (and a faith that is built in my church, despite being aware of its flaws), that loss saddens me. 

I also know that it can come back, if an opening is left.

I should note that my thought was also one verse out of sixty-two; there is a lot more in there.

I should add that the reason Alma was going around preaching was that there was starting to be wealth inequality and that the haves were looking down on and abusing the have-nots. Sound familiar? 

Those things also connect. Part of being able to feel it again is having felt it before. Relying on your riches can prevent it and envy is a problem. I liked that it said "envy" instead of "pride", because that made it more obvious that it was a barrier to relationships with other people. It was enmity.

The concepts connect, but we are assembling it one piece at a time.  

That is why I keep reading. 

Treasures in Heaven

Last week I posted a link to a brief essay by Henry Van Dyke. 

I have been thinking about the story behind that. (Not Van Dyke's; mine.)

In the April 1983 conference, President Monson referred to Van Dyke's short story, The Mansion:

https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1983/04/anonymous?lang=eng 

I don't really remember why I was thinking of it in the late '90s, but I wanted to see if I could find the whole story to read it. 

At the time I went to the Multnomah County Central Library, where I would look things up on these small and primitive terminals (but not a card catalog), write down the location with the tiny pencils and scrap paper they provided, go to the section, and almost never find what I was looking for on the shelf.

There were frustrations with that process, but I found things that I couldn't have known to look for.

The book that would have contained The Mansion was not there, but a book that contained Christmas-Giving and Christmas-Living was, and I loved it. I ended up copying a part of it and including it with my Christmas cards that year. Other people responded to it too, and it remains in a special place in my heart.

I had still never read The Mansion until today.

https://americanliterature.com/author/henry-van-dyke/short-story/the-mansion/ 

I am not sure that this posted copy has an error-free transcription, but I have the gist. 

Honestly, I think it is a little longer than it needs to be, but it is very beautiful and there was more than I expected in it.

The part that President Monson referenced is the main part: your mansions above can only be built with the materials you send. If you have your name on your good works on Earth, you have already been paid.

What becomes more clear on reading the full story is that it is not just about credit but emotion.

His son feels disconnected from life and faith; there needs to be something less careful and measured. Many of his impulses are sentimental, which his father cannot support. 

It certainly seems possible that there might be something that you received earthly credit for, but if there was love overflowing, it would flow into Heaven as well.

I also recently saw something about A Christmas Carol.

They were saying that the real point of the story is illustrated by the coal. Scrooge is in the cold office too; it's not that he is enjoying luxuries while not allowing them to others. The problem is he insists that everyone live like him.

(Trying to find the original post I am coming up with a few variations, so I don't know where it started.) 

There is a case for him being overbearing in that way, and we certainly have more misers today who are managing to enjoy luxuries, but part of Scrooge's problem was that he forgot to enjoy things. For Scrooge, going to a cold and empty house to eat gruel in the dark is a perfectly reasonable way to spend an evening. He had the means to have light, warmth, companionship, and food, but he didn't want it.

There is a problem with greedy people who can never have enough, and a problem with ascetics who look down on all earthly pleasures, and a problem with people who insist on forcing their beliefs on others. We could make a Venn diagram of that. Maybe the anti-aging people are where the first two circles overlap, but it is all awful.

This is a time of year for memories anyway. Between the loss of two parents, I am feeling more.

What I notice is that the experiences that were very painful do not carry the same sting, but that the good memories retain their warmth. 

Matthew 6: 19 - 21

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. 

John Weightman has an interesting interpretation of that scripture before the dream.

Yes, charity and service is treasure, but also love and joy and good times. Perhaps indulging in them can be charity to yourself.  

And the beautiful thing is that those things needn't be hoarded. They are not diminished by sharing. 

Christmas giving

At the activity we had many, many bags full of Hershey's kisses.

That was partly because we discovered about 150 vellum bags that had been bought for something, maybe around fourteen years ago. I think they bought around 200. There were two different sizes, so it was probably 100 of each, but then they only used around 50.

There were a couple of bags that still had some kisses and Andes mints in them, but they were very old and waxy.

While being very willing to use up the budget we have, we don't want to waste anything, 

Knowing that these envelopes were available, but also thinking about ministering and giving, we ended up filling all but seven of the bags with kisses, which were fortunately on sale.

At the activity they were something that the attendees could take for themselves, but also for the sisters they minister to, but also to anyone who could use a little boost, or even if you didn't know yet who was going to need a little boost, because there will always be people.

As I have been writing about ministering over the past few weeks, you generally can't fix people's problems; you can show love and caring and remembrance.

There are many ways that can happen.

I got to spend some time over the holidays with an old friend. Chocolate gives her migraines, so giving her one of those bags would not have been a sign of caring. However, we also talked and I had some ideas for an issue that was happening in her family. I will be helping with that.

Last night we were able to do some shopping for a friend who has a lot going on. It wasn't a gift of money, because she paid for the items. What she really needed was to not have to expend that time and energy. That was something we could give.

In a household of older people (and kind of picky ones at that), we don't make a point of buying things and wrapping them up for each other. That was a big part of our childhood, and we tried various types of exchanges as we got older, but we have settled into something different.

Still, sometimes there is a desire to do more. Then there may be baking sprees or get-togethers or something different, just to make sure that there aren't any doubts about the affection or commitment.

Then -- especially in times like these -- there can be thoughts about what to do for society or the environment, and how we want to go forward. 

Those are things that I am thinking about now, and hope to write about more.

I can give some other food for thought.

Gifts by Ralph Waldo Emerson:

https://literaturepage.com/read/emersonessays2-75.html 

Christmas-Giving and Christmas-Living by Henry Van Dyke

https://www.clausnet.com/articles/literature/christmas-giving-and-christmas-living-r100/  

The curse of Befana

That title is somewhat humorous.

La Befana was the magical old woman who brought candy and toys to my mother when she was a child growing up in Italy in the 1940s. It happened on the night of January 5th, so the gifts were there when she woke up on Epiphany.

My mother put out carrots for her donkey, but a lot of stories have her riding a broom, and of course there are stories of Saint Nicholas having a donkey. Holiday traditions come by a nonlinear path and things get switched around.

As a point of interest, there is a lot more Santa Claus in Italy now. I think part of that might be because Giulio Androtti's government canceled Epiphany as a holiday in 1977 (along with some other feasts) as a way to perk up the economy; people were spending too much celebrating.

If it were George W. Bush, he would have added some feasts.

The ban lasted until 1985, but I think Christmas was not banned. That probably changed some things. I just learned about it, so now I want to ask my cousins what they remember.

I was looking her up because of an activity we have coming up, but also about her story. 

You can find it in The Legend of Old Befana by Tomie dePaola, but I prefer the telling in Baboushka and the Three Kings by Ruth Robbins. Obviously that is the Russian name.

Again, there are many places with a winter witch, with different names and questions about whether there are pagan roots or a Christian root or if it was Christianity overlaying on something pagan, and if it was originally more about the new year or something else. As it is, there is a generally accepted story, as adapted by various authors. The Robbins version won a Caldecott medal for its illustrations by Nicolas Sidjakov.

In the generally accepted version, the old woman was known for her housekeeping. One night, the Magi came, possibly for a place to rest or to ask directions. The important thing was that they asked her to accompany them to visit the new king, and she was too busy with her housework. This is why she is often depicted with a broom. 

She declined, then regretted it. She gathered together some things for the child and ran after the kings. Not finding them or the child, she wanders the world still, leaving gifts for other children.

I was thinking of it as a story about missing an opportunity to give and always regretting it. 

Of course, she ended up giving; what she missed was an opportunity to worship and commune with God. 

As I was thinking about it, I thought about how they were putting her into kind of a Martha position. 

Martha, sister of Mary and Lazarus, was a dedicated disciple who served God and testified of Christ's divinity even while grieving her brother's death, but she gets remembered largely for being too focused on housework.

Of course they would make that the story of even a magical holiday woman, but also of course if the house doesn't get decorated or the holiday dinner gets burned, it will be a woman that gets blamed.

Patriarchy is a part of many holiday traditions.

Regardless, it is true that there are opportunities that once missed cannot be recovered. 

It is true that there are many opportunities to give, but that is not a reason to take them for granted. While many things can be done by anyone, there may be things that can only be done or given by you.

There are also so many needs that there really aren't enough people trying to fill them.

So, you have to find your way to balance those realities and choose the better part.

If part of that is teaching people that the meal doesn't need to have eleven courses or that simplicity can also be beautiful... or even that cooking is a life skill that people of all genders should have, go for it! 

Some thoughts about ministering: individuals

Some people like having drop-offs and things being a part of their ministering. My sisters are big gift-givers and always finding cute things. That is part of how their personalities and abilities come through in their ministering.

I am not as much like that anyway, but I also have one woman I minister to who will always reciprocate if I give her something. 

This does not escalate into ridiculous gift-giving and is not a huge deal, but I do think twice before giving her anything, because it puts an obligation on her. That is part of her being her.

Sometimes there is great compatibility, and those can often end up leading to lifelong friendships. That happening is one of my favorite things.

Some of us are also really different from each other. How those differences interact may not be a problem, or things can be awkward sometimes. This also happens with people not connected by ministering.

I had mentioned worrying about disillusioning some people who may not have identified some contacts as ministering, where maybe they were thinking "I thought she really loved me!"

Well, she does. 

First of all, with one person I am thinking of, she is overflowing with love and caring, of course she loves you!

She also has some responsibility toward you. So, while in the course of one Sunday she may visit with many people, and she might follow up with some of them with phone calls or cards or maybe even food, there may be times when she feels a greater sense of responsibility to you. 

She will not suddenly drop you when the route changes, though she might feel less pressure in some ways.

There are people who might drop you once you're no longer on their route. That doesn't have to be terrible.

First of all, if your new ministering sisters are on the ball, that aspect is still fine after the change.

If you have a healthy circle of friends and family and support, then that change in church responsibility should not be a big issue.

If you don't really have that circle, and had grown attached to your ministering sisters, and then the new ones are not really diligent, then that could be devastating, but it's through the combination of everything.

I was talking with one person sorting out some changes, and I remember saying "It's not a perfect system. It can't be. It's got people."

That is sadly true, but it often ends up being beautifully true as well.

As a ministering sister, maybe one good thing to do is know whether your sisters do have support, and also how far away. People who love and support you from the other side of the country are still important, but you need people nearby too.

If someone is not in a good place there, maybe part of your service will be helping them to meet other people, or to overcome some shyness or awkwardness.

One of the best things my sisters do is to feel comfortable with their weaknesses. It is possibly too comfortable, but for someone who is too aware of their imperfections, a self-righteous, self-satisfied person is not comforting.

And we all have weaknesses. That isn't going away anytime soon.

As someone being ministered too, it can require some assertiveness to express what you need and want, but perhaps your ministering sisters can be a safe place to practice. 

Do you know what would be helpful for you? Have you thought about that, or are you too busy thinking about what other people need? 

Would you love to have a long phone call or a visit? Or are texts better? Maybe your new ministering sisters will ask, and you will know. Or then something might change and your preferences change.

Life is also full of people, and those imperfections lead to many changes and differences. 

In lieu of fighting them, it might be best to embrace them.