How abstinence-only education leads to soaking

First of all, let me say how much I resent that this is a thing I need to know about. 

For anyone who is not familiar, I am linking to one article out of several options. I am choosing this one because it is not behind a paywall and because it mentions that evangelical Christians are doing it too. If you are seeing people talk about it on the internet, they are talking about Mormons. Or, maybe that's just what I see because that's what I am.

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/mormon-soak-soaking-derfing-sex-virginity

(Actually, from the example given, that girl was more likely evangelical than LDS, unless we're doing purity rings now.)

The downside of this article is that it doesn't explain "jump humping". Suffice it to say, if the loophole is no movement, and movement is part of the satisfaction, having someone jump on the bed becomes the second loophole, making for an unholy threesome.

Perhaps they heard that it wasn't the size of the boat that counted, but the motion of the ocean. Are waterbeds popular in Provo?

When I first heard of it, I thought it had to be a joke. I know sometimes we talk about the letter and the spirit of the law, but I don't recall those conversations ever going in a direction that encouraged you to look for loopholes. 

I don't see how anyone could think that the line between virginity and not virginity, between chastity and not chastity, is whether the penis inside the vagina is moving. How does that not automatically sound so ridiculous that the train of thought screeches to a halt right there?

Of course, they are probably asking the wrong questions, but would they be able to get good answers from their available resources?

One of the big issues for the fascist school board candidates was being against comprehensive sex education. I believe their main purpose for that was making sure that no one came away respecting the rights of gay and transgender people. However, another important part of that aversion appears to be the fear of giving kids "ideas".

Ideas like soaking? 

We do have a story from President Kimball about a missionary candidate who had done many sexual things, and when asked where he got the idea to do those things, replied from his bishop.

There are bishops who don't trust the "yes/no" answers and will ask follow-up questions (which is generally unrighteous dominion). Hearing about new acts from a church leader with a forbidden air to them might give an extra weight and allure to them that they would not have in a class, where only education is being offered.

It's not a guarantee. Powered by hormones, even fairly innocuous things can lead to sexual ideas. So even in the fantasy world where you home school and only watch BYU-TV, sexual thoughts are going to happen. However, if we are teaching the value of chastity, and how that can help with spirituality, these teachings should not result in quests for loopholes.

Those searches are not new. When I was on my mission, most of my companions had gone to BYU. At the time I heard that the thing -- not that my companions did it, but that they knew other people did -- was going to Las Vegas and having a quickie wedding and divorce, with a weekend of sex in between.

I have seen commercials for a show, "Teachers", where someone having trouble waiting is advised by her priest that the butt isn't a loophole; it is just a hole. I know there are teens who say that anal and oral don't count for virginity. 

Well, they don't result in pregnancy, but they can still result in diseases and other bad experiences, and for chastity they absolutely count, so it seems worthwhile to have that conversation.

Arousal is real. It is potent. It does not mean you need to act on it every time you are aroused, or even any time before you are married. We can have honest conversations around that. In fact, those conversations are necessary.

I am currently reading Unbound by Tarana Burke, founder of #MeToo. In talking about being sexually assaulted at the ages of 7 and 9, she mentions being taught not to let anyone touch her private parts, but not being taught why. Therefore, when that was done to her, she thought she had broken the rule and she had failed. 

Sex education needs to be age-appropriate, but it also needs to be specific enough and reasoned enough that there is a sufficient level of understanding to protect oneself, and to get help when that is needed.

Laws that require schools to teach comprehensive sex education are usually inspired by cases of sexually abused children who needed tools to get help.

Technically, comprehensive sexual education does promote abstinence as the safest choice, but because it teaches about more, that becomes a real choice, and not a fear.

If you lean towards the domination of fascism, teaching mutual respect and bodily autonomy creates a less ideal environment for abuse. That may be a downside for some people, but we do not have to accept their lies about it.

Occasionally I have questions that I can't answer, so I just make a note of them in my journal. One of those is "What does chastity look like without patriarchy?|

Currently so much of sex is entrenched in patriarchy that I can't even imagine how things would change. I still believe in chastity, and I still live it, but I know that it can be better and more beautiful. The world is holding it back.

It is fitting that I address this topic on Halloween, because it was a conference talk that kept taking shots at Halloween that let me really see how we were letting evangelicals infect the church. That's still an issue. Or maybe evangelicals got soaking from us, but it is not making anyone holier.

It is also not making sex any better, which I think is worth noting.

I will also note that a young person who believes in chastity and tries but slips will be better-positioned for repentance than one who cynically tries to get around the rules while pretending that it counts as righteousness. 

We are all sinners, but there is a plan for that. We don't have to be hypocrites.

Also of interest:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comprehensive_sex_education

Listen, listen

I was without computer access for a few hours today, due to a power outage. I almost think I should write about that, but I will stick with my previously planned subject.

In writing about supply chain issues last week, I said that the most important part of your planning is listening to the Spirit. I mentioned considering other people as well.

One of my deepest core beliefs is in the importance of being able to hear the Spirit and act according to that. That can be for doing things that are good, and setting you up for good things to happen, but it can go just as well for preventing terrible mistakes and suffering.  

I have been injured when I ignored a warning. There are other warnings I listened to that may have been matters of life and death. We don't always know, but I have enough evidence to know that it matters.

Caring about others and taking them into consideration goes along with that. It is not just that the fruits of the Spirit are love, so that our spending time accompanied by the Spirit would make us feel more love, but also that our following up on hate will kill the Spirit.

There is no getting around that.

Trying to control others, looking for the bad in them because of perceived threats, shutting out any light that might show you good things about them... these are all things that are going to kill your ability to feel the Spirit. 

There's no getting around that.

It has been a source of pain for me for some time that lessons and talks seem to have gotten so much shallower and less spiritual. Given the amount of time some people have spent hating liberals and devoting themselves to Trump makes that not at all surprising.

The spreading of racism and looking for ways to justify it is a spirit killer. No, it doesn't kill the Holy Ghost, obviously; that damage is to your spirit.

Focusing so much on the sex lives and desires and body parts of others is a spirit killer. Your job isn't to control their actions; it is to control your own behavior and expand your heart.

Then, feeling like you are under attack for being a bigot, well, that's not an attack; that's criticism. Given how unfamiliar criticism is, that is a great reason to listen to people who actually have been attacked.

I realize that sometimes as you listen to other people, there may be things that are disturbing because you don't understand how it can be. There might be some stuff that is definitely sin but it is mixed in with other things that are not sin. If you are trying to sort out which is which that could be really uncomfortable, but the good thing is, that's not your job. 

Your job is to work on overcoming your own sins, with the help of the Atonement and the Spirit. The more you do that, the more full of love you will be. You will want good things for others, but you will not feel compelled to try and control them. In fact, you will recognize trying to control them as unrighteous dominion.

If I include "the" and capitalize "Spirit", that is for respect, but also clarity. There are many spirits.

The question is then who are you listening to. 

If you are filled with rage that people are taught to respect pronouns, and protect kids which includes educating them about their bodies and that they have some autonomy, and you hate that people ever admit that this country has a racist past -- which it does, built into the Constitution, amended legally in part, but with a large remaining legacy -- 

... it is going to be very hard for you to feel a good spirit.

Supply chain issues

You may have started noticing more gaps on store shelves. It's not everything, and often it is fairly specific; maybe you can get your usual brand of peanut butter, but not in the jar size you favor. However, you may be feeling some concerns.

I am thinking about food storage again. We went through a lot of our storage during my unemployment. This would seem like a good time to stock up again, as part of trying to catch up.

There may be things that I want to stock up on and can't, due to availability. It is also possible that there are some things that I should not stock up on.

My thoughts largely come from seeing a tweet asking people to not purchase WIC items if they were low. That program benefiting women, infants, and children, only allows certain food items, without substitutions. If the items they are allowed through the program are out, program participants may not have any other options.

https://twitter.com/ThornCoyle/status/1447229925002407938

WIC items have shelf labels, but it was not something I thought of until I saw the tweet. Our family used the program many years ago, but it is far enough past that it wasn't in the forefront of my mind. There are still people who need it.

Early in the pandemic we saw a lot of hoarding for certain items, where sometimes you could not find what you needed. As wise as building up a supply can be, it does not override the responsibility to love our neighbor.

At the same time, sometimes that food supply will end up being for someone else. We may find a neighbor in need, but there are also many people with needs that we don't know. Our personal stockpile may miss them.

We talk about doing things in wisdom and order; allow me to add doing them in love and awareness.

Therefore, the most important tool in this decision-making is inspiration. We must be able to hear the Spirit, while we are shopping and after we have added items to storage.

President Biden recently announced an expansion of the hours that the Port of Los Angeles will be open. That can offer some relief to these issues, but it could also come at a great cost to the workers there. Our nation has lost about 700,000 people, with many others alive but with compromised health. That affects the workforce. Burning out the people remaining would be a horrible attempt at a solution.

That doesn't mean that expanding the port hours is not the right thing to do, but we need to make our choices based on what will make lives better. That is not always what correlates most strongly with corporate profits.

To learn more about supply chain issues in general, here is a thread with links to many articles:

https://twitter.com/hockendougal/status/1438538388991266823 

However, for taking the steps that will help your household the most, and that will make you of the most benefit to those around you, the best help is going to be the Spirit.

Specialness overdose

In keeping abreast of former school board candidates, I became aware of Pioneer Heritage Academy.

Yikes.

Although, it does explain a lot.

Interestingly, I know one of the former students (not a graduate) who left a testimonial, He mentions his goal of winning a Pulitzer by 2020. He has not. 

I have seen his writing; he can keep pushing out that goal, but I doubt it will help. 

I know he thinks he is a good writer. That I don't could just be a matter of opinion; reasonable disagreement is possible. However, I have also seen that writing praised profusely.

I also know of church members who talk about how great the youth are: better than other youth not from our church without even trying.

If that only resulted in bad, poorly informed writing that is almost masturbatory in the level of masochistic fantasy, that would be one thing. It is worse than that.

For one thing, trying is always going to be important. Nitpicking every little thing isn't good either, but unadulterated praise does not lead to good results. It dampens the development of talents, increases hubris, and that sense of superiority over those who are not members does not help us as missionaries or community members or in any way.

Yes, we are all special, beloved children of God.

Yes, that is all of us, not just the church members, or the ones from nice neighborhoods, or the ones with lovely singing voices.

That shouldn't be so hard to grasp, and yet I see proof that it is, again and again.

There is a real process of discovery to be undertaken on what the heights of your life should be. 

It is something I think about frequently. I feel like the things I write in my blog are important. I also think it is largely something I do to keep my own thoughts straight so I know what I believe and act accordingly. However, there is still sometimes that question; should I be doing more? Should I attempt to reach more people? Should I choose a different media form?

Sometimes there will be an answer of "not now", and that is fine.

For about four years of my life, the main impact I had was on one woman who was losing her ability to take in or remember any of it. I could do that because I love her, but also because it was confirmed many times that it was where I needed to be.

Often, the most important things we do will be in the service of others. They will not make us famous or rich. Those are temporal rewards anyway; how much should we base our decision on that?

Perhaps the best thing to remember is how President Benson defined pride, as enmity toward God and man.

If I feel superior to you, my heart is not right. 

There may be ways in which I am better than you, and other ways in which you are better than me. I can try and appreciate your good, while also being aware of ways in which you might cause harm. That can all be very loving, and it leaves room for understanding of the ways in which we can do better.

That's my goal. 

It was also my goal in 2020, and will probably still be my goal in 2030. I hope I will be closer, but I will still not be all the way there.

That is also fine.

I feel that this post somehow relates:

https://sporkful.blogspot.com/2015/06/my-most-offensive-blog-post-ever.html

Conference Break

I have a lot of ideas swirling around, but you may have been listening to hours of talks this weekend, so we can take a break.

Take Care!

Gina