When Christ was teaching his disciples about the end times, one of the signs he mentioned was that “And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.” (Matthew 24:12)
There is nothing surprising about this. Look around briefly and you will see suffering caused by greed, depraved immorality, and a harshness and coarseness to modern life. Whether personally injured or merely disgusted, it is easy to want to withdraw, resulting in a cycle where cold hearts commit iniquity, leading other hearts to turn cold. We must not be a part of this cycle.
Everything that we are supposed to do in the Gospel is based in love, following our example of Jesus Christ. Desiring to be like him, we know that will mean being filled with charity. Smaller assignments and larger responsibilities should have love as their motivation. If your heart is cold, how likely are you to want to share the Gospel, or to do a good job if you try anyway?
How do we keep our hearts warm? A good start is turning to the warmth of the Spirit. Doesn’t “burning in the bosom” sound like there’s a warm heart in there? Isn’t love the first of the fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Galatians 5:22?
We know that sin chases away the Spirit, so it makes sense that it is the abundance of iniquity putting a damper on the love of many. Therefore, one of our first tasks will be repentance. What are we doing wrong? How do we need to change? Do we need the guidance of the Bishop? We all have weaknesses and shortcomings. Praying for forgiveness for our sins and for strength to leave them behind is an important part of keeping our hearts soft and loving.
The mention of prayer may make you think, “Well of course we were going to start bringing in the ‘Sunday school answers’”. Yes, that is a given, but let’s not think of them that lightly. It is completely possible to do all of them without feeling the Spirit, but that would be a sign that you are doing them wrong.
Let’s look at prayer. When we teach people to pray, we teach that they should give thanks for what they have and ask for what they need. That is reasonable, but also very simplistic. As we gain a more mature understanding, we find more things that we are grateful for, and our requests become based more in trying to learn and accept God’s will for us than asking Him to grant our will.
You may also want to consider sometimes just telling your Heavenly Father how you feel—how your testimony grew, or why you are feeling scared, or what has made you frustrated. Yes, He already knows, but that sharing and confiding, where you open yourself up completely, helps you better feel the parent-child aspect of the relationship, and this is truly something that will warm and soften your heart. You will feel yourself even more to be a child of God, and this is a powerful thing.
Scripture study also brings the Spirit, and so is important, but there is so much more to it than that. When we study, we fill our minds with good things, and lay in fortifications against hard times. We need to do that, but it is also vital to not be taking in bad things that will weaken us.
It is absolutely imperative that you avoid pornography in all of its forms. Nothing will kill love faster than subverting it to lust, and there is a flood of lustful messages out there. If you need to change what you watch or listen to, do it. Do not give in to immodest dress and become pornography. Obey the law of chastity completely, and use fasting to strengthen control over your mind and body. Romantic relationships can lead to great joy or great bitterness, and very small things can make the difference.
To have a warm heart you must be looking outside of yourself. How well do you know your coworkers? Would they feel like they could trust you to be sympathetic instead of judgmental if they needed a confidante? Would they feel like you know something about happiness? You can start small, just by making a point of smiling at people as you encounter them, but these are your brothers and sisters, and you should care about them.
This also applies to our contacts at church. We come to church to renew our baptismal covenants with the sacrament, but part of that promise is to “bear one another’s burdens”, which makes them light (Mosiah 18:8). We are reminded to do our home and visiting teaching on a regular basis, until it becomes almost a joke, but really, if you are not doing that very basic service and watchcare and fulfilling of a stewardship, you’ve missed the point of the Gospel. And that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be attending church, because maybe if you keep attending at some point it will sink in, but if you think it’s true enough to warrant showing up, isn’t it true enough to live?
As we reach out to others in the ward, and serve them, we can build cherished relationships that will strengthen us. Loneliness is another thing that can make our hearts grow cold. Often it is at least partially self-inflicted. Don’t wait for someone to reach out to you.
I know I get a lot of my strength from my sisters. Having two other people getting ready for church, and having that ride and someone to sit with, makes it easier to go. Having someone to vent to, or talk things out with, helps. We don’t all have family in the church, but we can find friends at the church who will strengthen us while we strengthen them.
This leads to another important topic. If having a supportive family can help strengthen us and warm our hearts, then it seems logical that going too long without this can lead to weakness and coldness. I have seen this many times, as friends give up on finding someone who will take them to the temple. As the anger and frustration grows it creates a wedge and they fall away.
As common as it is to hear complaints that the men do not ask out the women, I am more disturbed by the reports I hear of women who get asked out saying “no”. Here is someone trying to do something good, that is his duty, but a fairly intimidating duty, and he is only encountering negative reinforcement. That will teach them!
It can be possible to know someone well enough that you feel there is no way you can pass an enjoyable two hours together, and then it may be a kindness to say “no”. Certainly, if there are any concerns about safety, or premonitions that it should not happen, it would also be right to say “no”. However, if rejections are happening based on wanting someone else to ask you instead, or thinking that you are not likely to marry this person, you may not understand how dating is supposed to work.
If the rejection is based on something specific for that date, and not the person, please provide the addition information: “I hate Will Ferrell” or “I can’t possibly go out with anyone until my finals are over.” Otherwise, what he will probably hear is “I don’t like you,” which often really gets heard as “You are not likable.” We should not be saying that.
Ultimately we have a lot of room for improvement in this area, and as important as spirituality and prayerful seeking is, other aspects also play a role, which is why the October newsletter will be on preparing to be more attractive. Until then, work on keeping your love strong.
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen” Moroni 7:48
