In our series on preparing for marriage, we have gone over dating and some things to look for when considering marriage. Regarding those things to look for, it was a small starting point for a vast topic. You can read many books and studies about what will predict a happy marriage, and may find the information useful, but it is still very much a question where you will want some help. You can have a good idea of what a person is like now, but your Heavenly Father knows the full extent of both of your personalities, how they will combine, and what they will face in the future.
This type of guidance is amazingly valuable, and we have been told many times that we can ask in confidence. Each person is born with the Light of Christ so that they can sense good, and know when they are choosing good. As members of the Church, when we are confirmed we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost, but it is given as an action: “Receive the Holy Ghost.” God providing answers is not enough; we need to receive them.
Elder Richard G. Scott gave a wonderful address in the Saturday morning session of Conference, “To Acquire Spiritual Guidance”, and we will refer to his talk at times.
First of all, we need to be able to recognize what the Spirit feels like. It is not always the same. There may be chills, or warmth, but you can feel either of those things without it being guidance. There should be a feeling of peace, and an increase of love, and motivation to do good, but what will be most prominent to you may be different from what I notice, and we may feel different things at different times.
You can expect to feel the Spirit when you are doing and learning things that are good. You may feel the Spirit while praying, reading the scriptures, attending church or the temple, or serving others, so pay attention at those times, and develop an understanding of how spiritual promptings feel. I find that I often receive promptings as I am working on family history. I won’t have enough information, but an idea will come about how to search or where to look, and I will find what I need. You may find similar assistance in working on your calling, or thinking about your home or visiting teaching routes, or thinking about how to share the gospel. Those are all areas where you can expect to receive assistance, so frequently participating will help you build up a pattern of enjoying the Spirit.
One thing I especially appreciated about Elder Scott’s talk is that he gave two examples of receiving inspiration that involved very different circumstances. In one case, he was in a class being taught by an earnest, humble leader anxiously trying to help his class understand important principles. The love and faith of this teacher inspired Elder Scott, and he received inspiration about his own responsibilities.
In the other example, the instructor was an educated person trying to show off knowledge, and although this was not inspiring in one way, in another way it taught a lesson to Elder Scott, and again led to him receiving insight. Good speakers and teachers invite the Spirit, and may make receiving guidance easier, but the other kind cannot stop you. In each case, Elder Scott was in the place where he was supposed to be, both physically and spiritually. That “place” included a mindset of looking for inspiration.
Technology has helped us in many ways, but this is one area where it can hurt. We have devices where we can listen to exactly the music that we want, or see the movie we want to see in the palm of our hand. Information that once required weeks of research in a library can be looked up on a cell phone and then sent as a fun fact to our friends in a text message. We have the options of instant gratification and constant distraction. We should not get too used to that.
Listening for the Spirit requires study. There needs to be quiet time, where we can hear faint whisperings. We may need to pore over a passage of scripture, reading it several times, writing in our journal about it, and then reading it again.
Elder Scott relays a rather lengthy process for going over the promptings he received. First he wrote them down, then studied them to make sure he had accurately captured the information. He made changes where necessary, until he was sure he had captured them correctly. Having captured the thoughts, he then considered the information as it related to his own life, pondering the application of the revelation. Then he took the information he thought he had learned back to the Lord in prayer, asking for confirmation that he had it right. This led to additional promptings, to ask if there was more, and there was. Repeating this process, he got the information that he needed. It took work, but it resulted in great blessings, for which he expressed gratitude.
There must be a pattern of asking. We are expected to think for our selves, so we do not pray over every small thing. It would probably not be appropriate to do so. We may pray about seeking a spouse, or what school or career to choose, but make all smaller decisions on our own. This may be going too much in the other direction.
Even if we do not always have questions that ask “yes or no” or “which”, we should always have endeavors where we can pray for guidance. We should be trying to align our will with our Father’s will, and that means that we are looking for ways to improve and ways to serve. As we find these ways, we must act on them. The answers may not always be what we were hoping for, but if we trust in our Father’s superior wisdom and love for us, it would be foolish not to follow His counsel. Notice that Elder Scott’s follow up questions were to make sure that he had it right, not hope for a different answer. The Lord may let you try your own wisdom if you keep asking, but usually you will just be reminded that He is wiser (D & C 10).
We need to know that answers will not always come easily. Oliver Cowdery was admonished to study the matter out before asking if it was right (D&C 9). We may sometimes receive an answer quickly when the situation calls for it, but more often we will need pondering, and time for quiet reflection.
I am amazed and humbled that with my hectic life and undisciplined mind, I can still be given important knowledge that I need to accomplish the tasks before me. The Spirit is generous, and as we rise to the occasion that generosity will be multiplied. It is easy to ask for things and events, and there is nothing wrong with that, but there is much more available if you will seek guidance and act upon it in your daily life.
